Vatican Humor
Pastor Dave
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into
the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices
the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness'. says the driver. 'Would you
please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth', says the Pope, 'they never let
me drive at the Vatican when I was a Cardinal and I'd really
like to drive today'.
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that.
I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?',
protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work
that morning.
'Who's going to tell?', says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope
climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets
his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff
floors it, accelerating the limo to 130 mph (remember,
the Pope is German).
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!', pleads the worried driver.
But the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license and my job!',
moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop
approaches. But the cop takes one look at him and goes
back to his motorcycle and gets on the radio and calls in.
'I need to talk to the Chief.', he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that
he's stopped a limo going 130 mph.
'So bust him!', says the Chief.
'I really don't think we want to do that! He's really
important!', said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed; 'All the more reason!'.
'No, I mean really, really important!', said the cop
with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked... 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'Well who is it then?!'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is now even more puzzled and curious!
'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
--
Pastor Dave
The following is part of my auto-rotating
sig file and not part of the message body.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that
genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
bob young
priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat
pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
"Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
Cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
Sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned, "
Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
Apologized "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long Have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Dakota
wandered down a long hallway, he opened each door in hopes of
reconnecting with the group. Upon opening one door, he encountered the
Pope himself sitting on a toilet "pleasuring himself." Being a confused
tourist, the man did the natural thing which was to snap a photo with
the camera that hung from a strap around his neck. He apologized and
promptly closed the door. The Pope scrambled to make himself presentable
and went off in search of the tourist. Finding him, the Pope remarked, "
That's a mighty fine camera you have there. Would you consider selling
it?" This caused the tourist to recognize that his camera might well
have considerable value indeed. "I'll sell it to you for $10,000," he
replied. The pope had no choice but to have the money paid and the
camera delivered to him.
Later the pope was walking around the vatican grounds snapping photos
with his new camera. A cardinal passing by made a comment. "That's a
nice camera Your Holiness. Do you mind telling me what you paid for it?"
The pope's innate honesty prompted him to reply truthfully that he had
paid $10,000.
The cardinal then said, "Somebody must have seen you coming."
Randy ®
Pastor Dave <ananias917_@_gmail.com> wrote:
....*crickets chirping*
--
Have you heard Christ died for our sins, and God raised Him
from the dead? Did you know God saves you from hell and
gives you eternal life through faith in this finished work alone,
not your merits (Jn. 3:16; 1 Cor. 15:1-3; Eph. 2:8-10; 2 Thess.
1:8-9)? This is so man cannot boast, and God alone gets the
glory (Eph. 2:8-9).
______________________________________________
www.faithguard.org
www.twitter.com/faithguard
www.facebook.com/faithguard
______________________________________________
bob young
Randy ° wrote:
Man leaning over a bridge over a stream listening to the crickets,
right next to a chapel where the choir are practicing hymns.
A priest comes out and walks over to him, stands there for a few
minutes and says . . . . .
"Beautiful singing"
And the fella replies . . . .
"Yes and do you know what,
they do it by rubbing their back legs together"