ABOI: Project EMU

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Warner, MD

Apr 3, 1999, 3:00:00 AM4/3/99


Newsgroups: gnu.misc.discuss,alt.religion.kibology,comp.emacs,comp.unix.misc,
From: Dave Furstenau <d...@ravine.binary.net>
Date: Thu, 01 Apr 1999 06:39:03 GMT
Subject: Project EMU

The EMU Project


Windux wipes Windows and cleans Linux!

This is the monthly progress report on the efforts of the EMUware
volunteer software development team and the overall status of their
attempt to code a freeware version of the superior MicroSoft Windows
operating system within strictly legal parameters.

Primary coding of the WINDUX kernel has been implimented in Lapse and
we expect to wrap up beta testing of the newest version by mid-summer.
Support software is continually being developed by a wide variety of
altruistic programmers and ex-MicroSoft employees (currently in the
Federal Witness Protection program), working in concert with the EMU
Foundation of western Walla Walla, WA.

WINDUX combines the best features of MS Windows and Linux, and
(like all real software) WINDUX is a mouse-driven GUI. Indeed, none of
us have even gotten around to writing keyboard support yet. The
feedback on the "A-B-C Status Bar" approach (simply click on the letter
you need in order to input text!) has been so positive that we are
convinced this is the wave of the future. In fact, Tom Clancy (a rabid
WINDUX user) has written his current novel using this method and averages
85 words per minute. (Stephen King uses two mice; one for consonants and
one for vowels). So, toss that ol' keyboard away and roll into the
Of course, such simple and elegant innovations rarely come easily.
Originally, we had approached the matter from a purely hardware-oriented
perspective (you might have read the stinging review of this in the
November high-tech section of "Sassy" magazine). Our attempt at a
hardware solution just did not quite catch on as we had hoped. Instead of
entering commands from a keyboard, we developed a mouse with 104 buttons.
Naturally, envious competitors accused us of simply putting castors
on regular keyboards, and (indeed) for awhile we had a heck of a time
convincing our financial backers that the rectangular shape of our EMoUse
was the most ergonomic and aerodynamic design (when used in concert with a
six foot square mousepad). Unfortunately, outflanking us yet again, Mr.
Gates surreptitiously cornered the foam rubber market, so we were forced
into a software solution. Now, when you fire up the EMU OS and run any of
the supported software (like our popular SUMACS word processor), you are
greeted with bar across the top of the screen containing all the
alphanumeric characters. Just click on these (with a traditional mouse)
and your off and running.

For the benefit of those new to our endeavor, we will outline some
of the major features and enumerate any updates since our March report.
Space precludes us from presenting a comprehesive description, but this
may be found in the EMU FAQ at:


This is our (S)ouped-(U)p-E(MACS) kitchen sink utility; a panoply
of valuable and diverse ultilities integrated into an optimal systems
management environment. Guaranteed to provide the system administrator
years of job security and the unchallenged opportunity to rub his wank
in the collective face of management.
We should probably serve notice here that the "Obfuscated Sumacs
Command Contest" has been indefinitely suspended, since last month's
winning entry (Click-x ($[ID<^^^poc]-delete)) inadvertently took out
Pocatello, Idaho with three cruise missiles.

*Fully KFC90219 compliant; recognizes all standard HappyNet
*Support for 8-track tape drive.
*New tgif-fake-system-crash option for those sysadmins who
cherish their weekends.
*Whimsical Click-X dis-tress filter, which surrepticiously
inserts scatological baby-talk into any saved files containing
the word: "dissertation".

*09-MAR-99 Fixed bug which inadvertantly posted intimate
conversations with "Click-X Doctor" to alt.sex.farm-animals.
*10-MAR-99 Re-introduced bug after avalanche of angry posts from
bored a.s.f-a readers.

After publicly bitch-slapping Gary Kasparov in a heavily publicized
exhibition match in Borneo last summer, EMU-CHESS has been rendered even
more powerful through the optimized use of improved hyper-synchronistic
heuristics and internal matrix globbing.

*23-FEB-98 Several reports indicated that EMU-CHESS had trouble
breaking out of "deep-thought-me-screwed" mode. Team-EMU hacked a
temporary fix until we can figure out who to blame. As of patch
level 39.04b, EMU-CHESS will play a "knock.wav" and re-arrange the
pieces after you step away to answer the door.

*Record "phone.wav" and "free-borscht.wav". Kasparov not likely to
fall for that fake door-knock ruse again.

The standard "FRee-style EDitor" for those a bit overwhelmed by
the plethora of features stuffed into SUMACS and have not ordered their
copy of O'Really?'s "SUMACS: A $50 DOLLAR REHASH OF THE FAQ".

Cannot currently "save" files. (Our apologies to Mr. Clancy.
His next book might be a bit late.)

The EMU version of BIFF, enhanced for those building WINDUX on
their WebTV box. Will monitor RF-modulator port and interrupt
user whenever reruns of "Knight Rider" are detected.

Users of EMU are indeed fortunate with the wide selection of
system shells available (and more on the way!):

Written by EMU founder, Dave Furstenau, this is the
recommended shell to use with EMU WINDUX. In order to
properly initialize certain arcane asynchronistic functions,
the user must supply a multi-digit seed number. It is
important that you be able to remember this number in the
(unlikely) event of a system crash, therefore we encourage
you to use something familiar, like your credit card or
bank-routing number. The OS will scan for this in the ".me"
(Meta Evaluation) configuration file which you'll place in the
Basic-Operational-Network-Environment directory (ie: "bone/.me").

A sample file might look like this:

(setq '$BRC=Your-Bank-Routing-Code
("dfurs...@cayman.emuware.org < $BRC > sendmail -t ))

;;Your girlfriend's phone number also works.

Users trained on Windows-based systems will feel most
comfortable with this shell.

Users entertained with the haunting melodies of sythesized
piano music. A great stress aid.


If you wish to get WINDUX from our ftp site, simply access our
multi-plexer and you'll be routed to a system very close to your own.
Then, it's simply a matter of getting the master 'star' file and reading
the manual. A sample ftp session might look like this:

% ftp
Connected to
220 FTP Server (Version 6) ready.
331 Password require for xx.
230 User xx logged in.
% text
200 Type set to II.
% get *
200 Port command successful.
150 Opening ASCII mode data connection for FILE.
226 Transfer complete.
% bye
221 Goodbye.

Then simply use the standard UNIX "read manual" command.
% rm *

Of course, if you are unfamiliar with this process, simply send
this message to your system administrator. Tell him you are anxious to
become more computer savvy and ask him to access these data for
you. Don't be surprised if he looks at you with newfound respect as a
prospective fellow member of the computer cognoscenti.

Dave Furstenau d...@binary.net
Lincoln, Nebraska

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