CASE RACE!!(Not for lightweights)
Matthew....@nd.edu
CASE RACE
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WARNING: This is the ultimate in drinking contests and it is not
to be attempted by amateurs.
Case Race is one of our favorite activities here at Notre Dame. It
is the perfect activity for those dreary saturday afternoons/evenings when
there is nothing at all going on. The contest is amazingly difficult yet
suprisingly simple. Forget about Century club, this is the real shit!
The rules are easy. Sit down with 6-8 of your favorite beer
swilling buddies. Everyone should have a case (that's 24 beers for you
foreign fucks) all to their own. No light beer either, you pussies!!
Everyone cracks open a brew and starts drinking at a predetermined time. We
find that 3:00pm is the ideal starting time. The first one to finish the
case wins, it's that simple.
However, this is where the fun starts. Inevitably, before the
case is finished, some lightweight will vomit and/or pass out. Not only
does this mean that they are out of the competition, but they must be
punished for their drinking ineptitude. If someone vomits he/she must
shotgun or funnel one beer for every productive heave. He/she then gets a
large shotgun drawn across his/her chest with a permanent marker and then
must sit barechested(great fun when co-ed!!) watching his superiors drink
for the rest of the competition. Those who pass out will be punished by
having PIG-KILLER written across their chests(watch Mad Max Beyond
Thunderdome) in permanent marker. All contestants surviving until this
point can then draw on every available inch of his/her body(artistic
expression at it's finest) The contest continues until someone
finishes the case. He/she is then given the case race trophy of
honor by being branded with a coat hanger or paper clips fashioned into a 24
on the body part of their choice(don't worry, after 24 beers, you won't feel
a thing). He or she is then to be revered, lauded and accolladed by the
other contestants until he/she is dethroned in a subsequent race. It is
simple, but to the experienced racer, there is a great deal of strategy
involved.
Additional suggestions and guidelines:
1) There are no prizes for second place, however it is a matter of honor to
finish your case no matter what.
2) It is essential to hang on to your tabs or caps in order to keep
track of how many you have had. It is also not a bad idea to have a
member of the opposite sex do this for you, as counting past three
becomes a formidable challenge after 18 or so.
3) Have a sober-fuck on hand to keep track of what beer everyone is
on and to guard against cheaters.
4) Use mind games and psychological warfare to your advantage.
Trick people into drinking at a pace they cannot handle. Administer the
patented Heimlich-Boot maneuver to those ahead of you to gain the lead. In
short, do anything you can to gain the advantage.
5)Hide a funnel somewhere in the room. Many a race has been won by a
Dark Horse funnelling the final five beers!
6)We recommend using cheaper beer for this endeavor. Beast, Bud, or MGD
are all good choices. No light beers allowed. To truly test your
intestinal fortitude, use beers of slightly higher alcohol content (i.e.
imports, ice beer, malt liquor, etc.)
Grading Scale:
4 hours or less- Superhuman!!
5 hours- True master imbiber
6 hours- Respectable
7 hours- Journeyman
8 hours- Apprentice
More than 8 hours- Definite lightweight
Try the Case Race your next lackadasical saturday. Start a tradition.
Get fucking swacked and test your mettle with that of the Irish!!!!
Dr. Moze
Matthew....@nd.edu writes:
>
> CASE RACE
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> WARNING: This is the ultimate in drinking contests and it is not
> to be attempted by amateurs.
Sounds fun! We had a relatively minor activity called the Freebird.
Basically, you have to drink a full 6-pack during one playing of Lynyrd
Skynyrd's 'Freebird' (live version), which runs about 13+ minutes. No
prize for first place, etc., nor elimination for booting. Everyone who
drinks 6 in 1 Freebird wins!
-- Dr. Moze <Steve Marsh> ma...@anvil.nrl.navy.mil