T H E /-/ A ( /< E R 'S M A N S / O N 1-803-785-5080

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Green Ghost

unread,
Sep 30, 1994, 4:09:08 AM9/30/94
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Looking for.....
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|| | \ \_ /._._/ \_| |_/ | \ / |_ \ /_/ _\\ \__\// / /\

|| | / / \| ,\ / _/ _ \_ \ \ // \ ,\/ \ \ / / / /

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??
Well, are you?
(all The /-/acker's /\/\ansion( 1 803 785 5080 )14.4 Supra/27 Hours Per Day

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Amiga rules!!!! If you are an Amiga fanantic then you probably don't fit
the definition of an Elitist but if you have an IBM or you just are not
sure then maybe you should read the following.....

Definition of a Elitist
-----------------------

o Elitists love DOWNLOADING. Uploading is for simpletons who can't tell
whether they are coming or going. If Elitists designed modems, we'd all
have one which downloads at 18.2 K-Baud, and uploads at 300 baud. If
Elitists wrote protocols, the smallest block they could receive would be

10 megs.

o Elitists can't READ or COUNT. This is evidenced by their total inability
to
comprehend System Rules, or Upload/Download Ratio's. But, for some
strange reason, they can still use a computer.

Because of this handicap, most Elitists are unemployed. It is a miracle
that
most of them haven't been retained by the State to pick up trash on the
expressways. They'd gladly volunteer for it, if it could be done with a
modem and they were called "0-DAY Trash Couriers".

o Elitists feel that the proper way to leave a board is to drop the
carrier.
They do this because they don't want to waste their valuable time
exiting
via the "Goodbye" command, when they could spend that time calling
another
board.

o Elitists NEVER leave messages, unless it is rude, crude, or socially
unacceptable. If an exception to this exists, it will probably be a
creative one-liner such as "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Elitists rarely reply to messages. Unless they enter a one-liner such as
the one above.

o Elitists NEVER communicate with SysOps, unless it is to ask WHY such and

such file is unavailable, demand access to the "Private Area's", or
gripe
about something. Mail from the SysOp is considered to be the electronic
equivalent of "Junk-Mail", and should be ignored. In fact, there should
be
some form of law to stop it from being written.

o Elitists NEED multiple user names and logon passwords on each board they

call. This is the measure of their Elitist-dom, and reflects their true
status in the Elitist-community. A Elitist with only ONE user name and
logon password per board is a FAILURE, & faces censure and possible
expulsion from their peer group.
(It is no wonder that Elitists exhibit schizo-tendancies).

o Elitists know EVERYTHING. Just ask them. But, it'd take a crow-bar and
dynamite to get any useful information out of them. These self-professed

"experts" will RARELY stoop so low as to assist someone who may
genuinely
need some help. After all, a REAL "hacker" never needs or asks for
help.

o Elitists ADORE Sprint, MCI, and other long-distance credit card numbers,
IF
they belong to someone else. This also applies to COMPUSERV, SOURCE,
etc.
Their motto is: "If you can't steal it, it can't be much fun".

o A Elitist is a "BBS Connoisseur". They KNOW which BBS software is BEST
and
how your system SHOULD look and run. They will not hesitate to inform
you
if it fails to meet their demanding and rigid expectations. (They
consider
this a "Public Service") However, they would NEVER trouble themselves
to
run their OWN bbs. That might take valuable time away from their duties
as
"Remotes" on the boards they spend all their waking moments calling.

o Elitists LOVE to page the SysOp, often just for the sheer hell of it. It
is
a good way for them to explain the infallable logic as to why they
should
be given Remote-SysOp access to your system. Their second most favored
reason for wanting to chat is "Just checking to see if you were THERE!"

o Elitists cannot comprehend WHY the Amiga program they just downloaded
won't
run on their IBM 486DX. After all, programs are programs, right? And,
any
fool knows that a IBM 486DX is the best computer you can get.

o Elitists can't TOLERATE seeing a command that they can't use. Their
motto is
"try, try again". If it didn't work the first time, it HAS to work on
the
second, third, fourth, etc. No self-respecting SysOp would intentionally
offer them anything less than TOTAL ACCESS.

o Elitists are FASCINATED by DOS. Their quest for it rivals the search for
the
legendary "Holy-Grail". They MUST reach it, through their modem, or all
is
lost. What they would do with it if they reached it, is probably a lot
like
what a dog who chases cars would would do with one if he managed to
catch
it.

o Elitists are totally ENGROSSED by hardware. They can conceive of the
most
unborthodox, outrageous, and potentially lethal contraptions known on
Earth. Occasionally, these "time-bombs" actually work. Any difficulties
they experience with their computers will fall under the heading of
"Miscegenation", or "Poetic Justice".

o Elitists CRAVE the LATEST version of "Doom", or "Ultima IX". To
reward the SysOp for access to such mega-byte gems, they will upload
VALUABLE and USEFUL programs in return. Such as "Weasel-Stompers" for
the
IBM, providing it is less than 10K in size.

o A Elitist NEVER uses applications programs, and NEVER writes programs.
(Programs are what Elitists DOWNLOAD, and most can just BARELY write or
spell)
Their motto: "If you don't need a joystick to play it, it isn't worth
having".

o A real Elitist will FLATLY REFUSE to use ANY compression method on files

they intend to upload. After all, SysOps sit and twiddle their thumbs
waiting on something to do, and should be GRATEFUL that they get ANY
uploads, EVER! They also refuse to upload documentation. (It is crutch
for weak minds and the hallmark of the lamer)

o Elitists SUFFER if there are no "NEW" files on the system. There may be
a
correlation between "NEW" files and Elitists, much as there is one which
exists between dog-excrement and flies. The only difference is that
flies
usually leave after eating their fill. Elitists don't.

o Elitists desperately NEED to become Remote-Sysops. They KNOW that
EVERYONE
else on the system has SysOp capabilities, and don't want to be excluded
from all the fun!

o Elitists think that the "Caps Lock" key must be activated in order to
properly leave a message on a board. They think that their message is
of such great importance that it must be screamed at everyone. Of
course,
they will post it in 40 column format.

o Occasionally an above average Elitist who discovers that modeming can be
a
two way street will attempt to get around upload\download ratios by
renaming
the same program fifteen or twenty times and using it to fill the
sysop's
hard disk with redundant programs.

o If an Elitists ever does run his own system (he still will be co-sysop
on
at least a dozen other systems) he will 'screen' all his callers and
ask questions like 'What are your three latest warez?' and 'Name some
other people who can recommend you'.

o An Elitist is incapable of debate and when anything they say is
challenged
they will most likely respond by not responding. They think that by
ignoring anyone who disagrees with them that they are proving how
superior they are.

o An Elitist always watches for any messages that they feel are
'off-topic'
or 'inapropriate' and will send arrogant mail informing the poster of
their feelings. The phrases most likely to be used include 'consider
this a warning', 'bandwidth', and 'I'm going to report you...'. Usually
they can't even articulate an objection to your post but will take the
time to send a response quoting your original message. Another clever
thing they like to do is send you a form complaint informing you of
your travesty.

If any of the above applies to you the best thing you could do for the
world is to take a gun and blow your brains out!

If you want to avoid these people, and other brain-dead people, you should
call The /-/acker's /\/\ansion 1 - 8 0 3 - 7 8 5 - 5 0 8 0 Supra 14.4
27 Hours Per Day

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


-- Via DLG Pro v1.0

* When privacy is outlawed, **(all The /-/acker's /\/\ansion BBS *
* only outlaws will have privacy!** 1-803-785-5080 14.4 Supra *
*************************************E-mail: Green...@neonate.atl.ga.us*

James McParlane

unread,
Oct 3, 1994, 8:24:21 PM10/3/94
to
I agree with you, but you loose all points for plagiarism from the Twit file.

.........................
: o Elitists can't READ or COUNT. This is evidenced by their total inability


: to
: comprehend System Rules, or Upload/Download Ratio's. But, for some
: strange reason, they can still use a computer.

: Because of this handicap, most Elitists are unemployed. It is a miracle
: that
: most of them haven't been retained by the State to pick up trash on the
: expressways. They'd gladly volunteer for it, if it could be done with a
: modem and they were called "0-DAY Trash Couriers".

: o If an Elitists ever does run his own system (he still will be co-sysop


: on
: at least a dozen other systems) he will 'screen' all his callers and
: ask questions like 'What are your three latest warez?' and 'Name some
: other people who can recommend you'.

: o An Elitist is incapable of debate and when anything they say is
: challenged
: they will most likely respond by not responding. They think that by
: ignoring anyone who disagrees with them that they are proving how
: superior they are.

: If you want to avoid these people, and other brain-dead people, you should


: call The /-/acker's /\/\ansion 1 - 8 0 3 - 7 8 5 - 5 0 8 0 Supra 14.4
: 27 Hours Per Day

: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


--
James Mc Parlane ( ) God/Emperor- Minimum Safe Distance ( ) Graphics/Video
james@nanotech X Voice +(61-2)692-0340; fax 552-6655 X C/C++ source
nanoTECHno ( ) Data +(61-2)552-6670 to 14.4k 24hrs ( ) PC/AMIGA/NEWTON

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