How to mike a turkey
arnold ziffle
It was thanksgiving week at the local church.
The paster decided to put on a thanksgiving program to give thanks
to God and for good will to the congregation.
During preparations for the thanksgiving pageant, it was decided to have
a real turkey in the program for seasonal realizim. The turkey would be
with the Indians who would give the turkey to the pilgrims.
During this meeting, ever thinking Arny stood up and said " i know just
how to do this, leave it all to me!"
First, Arny thought that if there was a turkey, it needed to be heard in
the sound system. So Arny set out to put a microphone on a turkey. Arny
thought to himself, a turkey has a deep sound and not very loud. In Arny
logic, this means a small lavalier type microphone was out. A large
diaphram condenser mike must be used! Arny went out and rented a Neumann
U47 because his logic was an expensive mike would make anything sound
better. Even a Turkey!.
So Arny spent the day making a harness to put the Neumann on the turkey.
He made a little period outfit for the turkey and mounted the U47 to its
back. He then had 5 nine volt batteries put together in series to
Phantom power the mike. He then put this conglomeration into a spare
radio shack wireless mike he had previously donated to the church.
Arny thought for realizm, the turkey must fly! so Arny, a rigging
expert, hung a long guy wire from the back of the church to the front so
the turkey could slide down the long wire onto the pageant stage. Arny
did all this on the sly, so the congregation would be surprised
at the imaginative work he did. The turkey would FLY!
The day of the pageant, Arny rigged up the guy wire and got the turkey
mounted up high in the rear choir loft. He put the turkey in a burlap
bag so to hide the gag until Arny could spring it on them.
The pageant started, the Indians and the pilgrims were up on stage. Arny
then hit his cell phone controlled trigger to release the turkey from he
bag and slide down the guy wire. He hit the go keys on his phone, and
unmuted his wireless turkey mike full on, on his mighty digital console.
Something went wrong, the turkey did not release from its high perch in
the heavens. So Arny hit the cell trigger key again. This time, the
turkey started sliding in its harness down the guy wire. But there was a
problem, the burlap bag did not release from the turkey! The turkey was
now a wildly clucking burlap missile heading down to the stage.
As the Indian and pilgrim actors looked in amazement, this turkey
missile was heading right at them at warp speed. Arny was frozen in
thought as the turkey missile was about to hit the stage.
Then it happened, cluck, boom, thud. The expensive Neumann microphone
was impaled on the platform in a pile of feathers. After a large boom in
the sound system, the Neumann was dead, still mounted on a dead turkey
with a broken neck.
After the initial shock, everyone looked back to Arny wondering WTF?
Arny sheepishly slinked off to the amplifier room to find a "problem".
Morel of the story, don't let a turkey mike a turkey.
George's Pro Sound Co.
"arnold ziffle" <green...@farm.com> wrote in message
news:hekp7q$5mj$1...@aioe.org...
look foolish
George
this is a classic please keep this for reposting each thanksgiving
Michael Dobony
gee, what a surprise when I plonked the source and applied it globally.
George's Pro Sound Co.
"Michael Dobony" <sur...@stopassaultnow.net> wrote in message
news:730g3kqadhcb.5bfcw90uwn9m$.dlg@40tude.net...
Mike it should not really be to hard to understand when one comes here and
acts the fool, other will go along for the ride
maybe we have a easter(ester to those who care about the origin of
celebrations) story in the wings for you
Phildo
"Michael Dobony" <sur...@stopassaultnow.net> wrote in message
news:730g3kqadhcb.5bfcw90uwn9m$.dlg@40tude.net...
False xtians do so love to ignore the truth when it doesn't suit them.
Phildo
Denny Strauser
-Denny
Arny Krueger
news:helc46$oj7$1...@news.eternal-september.org
They wonder why "real pro sound guys" have so much time on their hands that
they have nothing better to do but troll mere church volunteers. ;-)
George's Pro Sound Co.
"Arny Krueger" <ar...@hotpop.com> wrote in message
news:6O-dnYR_q4oSJZPW...@giganews.com...
work is not a 9-5 endevor
I earn in a weekend what a electrician makes in a month of 8 hour days
I feel no need to earn beyond what I choose to fit my life, and have plenty
of free time
bTW I am also a church voulenteer, just not strictlyfor my favorite church
I freely donate as a sound guy, and as a performing musician to a multitude
of churches and religions
my group is doing a benifit concert for the building fund of a small local
community christian church in a month , we expect to raise about 5000$ to
help them get thier new sanctuary a CO
George
George's Pro Sound Co.
"George's Pro Sound Co." <bm...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:8bidnfMFdvGxXJPW...@earthlink.com...
>
> "Arny Krueger" <ar...@hotpop.com> wrote in message
> news:6O-dnYR_q4oSJZPW...@giganews.com...
>> "Denny Strauser" <dsdenn...@gmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:helc46$oj7$1...@news.eternal-september.org
>>> Phildo wrote:
>>>> "Michael Dobony" <sur...@stopassaultnow.net> wrote in
>>>> message news:730g3kqadhcb.5bfcw90uwn9m$.dlg@40tude.net...
>>>>> gee, what a surprise when I plonked the source and
>>>>> applied it globally.
>>>>
>>>> False xtians do so love to ignore the truth when it
>>>> doesn't suit them. Phildo
>>>>
>>>>
>>> What about honest xtians?
>>
>> They wonder why "real pro sound guys" have so much time on their hands
>> that they have nothing better to do but troll mere church volunteers. ;-)
and we wonder wtf church voulteers are doing trying to tell real pro live
sound engineers the ins and outs of our profession, when they fail even the
basic knowledge of where Front of house is, finding the prefade level on
desks or the invesrse square law, in fact one church voulenteer argued
endlessly that his electronic drum module was a mono unit dspite the clearly
marked left/right outrputs and its internal panning capabilities
George
bob urz
number of years. May your family enjoy peace and good will for the day
bob
Sean Conolly
"bob urz" <so...@inetnebr.com> wrote in message
news:hemfnv$u57$1...@aioe.org...
Indeed - Happy Thankgiving to all you Turkeys - may you all enjoy getting
stuffed :-)
Sean
Phildo
Arny is just pissed that he is considered nothing more than a bad joke on
this newsgroup.
Phildo
Phildo
They are the ones who realise that a lot of the bible storys are actually
metaphors. They accept that the universe is not 5000 years old and wasn't
created just for us. They're not so bigoted and pig-headed as Bonehead or
Arny and actually live good lives, not just say they do and then do the
exact opposite a la Arny.
Did you read about the Catholic church admitting the 30 year cover-up of
child sex abuse by priests in Ireland last week?
Phildo
Bo...@nothere.com
>
>Did you read about the Catholic church admitting the 30 year cover-up of
>child sex abuse by priests in Ireland last week?
>
>Phildo
>
That's because they aren't allowed to marry, which is stupid. Imagine if no
Christians got married? No more people!!!
They think sex is a crime or dirty somehow... that's why Mary was a virgin, she
wasn't a dirty bitch like your mother or wife or whatever...
Cath-o-lics believe that she was ALWAYS a virgin, they still refer to her as
virgin, they don't believe in Jesus' brothers, like Jude and whomever... They
don't want to think of Jesus mother as a common dirty bitch.
Kind of proof it's all a lie, don't you think!?
The funny part, is that the Christian proof that Jesus is the redeemer is that
they trace the blood line, in the bible, from Adam to Saul to David to who knows
who, all the way down to Joseph...
Think about that...
THINK!!!
Get it???
Christians don't seem to know what a virgin is... it means that Jesus is not the
son of Joseph...
he doesn't have the blood line...
Therefore he is NOTHING!!! the BIBLE PROOVES it!!!
Christians are sooooo stupid!!
(Fact is they came up with the virgin birth story to compete with the Romans who
claimed their Caesar was from virgin birth. They had to yell "me too me too" but
forgot a few things...)
I asked a few Christians that I know, not just street Christians, but industrial
strength, bible-punching CHRISTERS!
Most had no answer, they just turned their backs and walked away. (Standard
practice when you are CAUGHT in a LIE...)
Their little brains crash like Vista on a Pentium 2...
The blue screen of Christ...
But one came back and told me the authorized answer to this dilemma, MARY had
the blood line!!! I was told...
BUT...
If Mary had the blood, and we know Joseph had the blood - well...
think about it
THINK!!!!
( Christians can't think)
They WOULDN"T be ALLOWED to MARRY!!
That's a FACT, JACK!!!
unlike the bible...
the holy bible...
the full-of-holes bible, that is!
Remember kids, religion is the root of all evil.
Bobby
former divinity student
Phildo
<Bo...@nothere.com> wrote in message
news:lko2h5pdlniaegn8q...@4ax.com...<snip>
Well said.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzbNkyXO50
Phildo
Krooburg Science
How to mic a turkey: have George shove a RE20 up Phildo's ass
sideways.
K.
Phildo
"Krooburg Science" <kroo...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:935dcc42-bca1-4d95...@e27g2000yqd.googlegroups.com...
<snip>
Oh dear Arny, you are so predictable. Too much of a coward to take any
responsibility for your actions even up to not posting a (rather pathetic)
comeback under your own name.
Phildo