Oh, the possibilities!
Acid Reflux
Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
you do?
I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
do..
Unknown
I, personally, would probably treat him in the exact same way I treat the
various Mormons, Witnesses and nonspecific freaks that come a-knocking every
time the sun comes out... Tell him I’m not particularly interested, and complain
that I can’t hold my room mate’s 150 lb. rottweiler back all day. (He’s
actually a big old toothless wuss, but they don’t need to know that... the dog,
not the room mate.) I also like to keep some really awful 70’s porn on the
table by the door to ‘trade’ for the Watchtower (I LOVE that combination
gasp/horror reaction as they sputter and the blood drains from their faces), but
that’s sort of off the topic at hand, I guess.
Anyway, this is a hypothetical, so I suppose I should buy this long-haired
beatnik’s story... Let’s see... I suppose it would depend on just what sort of
guy he is. I mean, are we talking about a long lost best friend, a raving used
car salesman or a frothing at the mouth evangelical preacher? I might take him
up on it, if he were, say, Gavin McLoud (aka Captain Stubing). On the other
hand, Pat Robertson would be a total turn-off... Of course, if Jesus was like
Pauly Shore ("Cause I’m the Messiaaaaaah, buuuuuudeeee!") I’d go for it just for
the novelty of the situation.
Okay, the next time I respond to a silly hypothetical after midnight, I want
someone in here to kick me. I just hate being the kind of guy who rambles
incoherently like a drunk or an 80 year old Catholic...
-- Stefan C. F.
"There is no talent so ardently supported, nor generously rewarded, as the
ability to convince parasites they are victims." - Tomas Sowell
Michael Moore
>
> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> you do?
>
> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> do..
I wouldn't be able to recognize him. I'd want him to perform
some tricks.
--
Michael Moore
Automaton #1446
Mark House
christianity.
If the hypothetical situation you described occured... jesus better
have some serious means of self-defense.
I am atheist. But actually the concept of god does not bother me.
Christianity does.
Even if christianity were 100% right, I would hate jesus and
jehovah. I try ( and it isn't easy) to hate the christianity itself
without hating its practicioners... but that is difficult enough.
Should the actual deities themselves show up on my doorstep, it would
take all their miraculous powers to get away in one piece.
And even if i couldn't kick their ass... I would volunteer for the
position of antichrist. And if I didn't qualify for that (and I believe
I would)... I would certainly rather support whoever the antichrist was,
than to bow my knee to what I consider to be the Ultimate Evil
(christianity).
Meggido-Amara (Mark House), the Meggido-Man. Fanatical Atheist
#1513, Fanatical Antichristian # 1.
ath...@home.com
You mean all it takes is some tricks?
Hell, I can do that!
Think of a number between one and three...
Don't tell me what it is....
Umm...
Two...right?
Was I right?
Was I...?
ath...@home.com
>Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
>tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
>this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
>then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
>only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
>you do?
>
Well, I don't know. What's the minimum amount of time? What goes on
there? Would I have to get up early every morning? Who else is going
to be there? Do they have access to the internet? A library? Cable
t.v? What are the alternatives? How do I know it's really Jesus and
not some whacked out coke freak who just thinks he's Jesus? I mean if
I'm going to have to cop a plea here I would like some legally
binding agreement and some sort of positive identification.
I don't know, I just don't have enough information to make a decision.
raven1
wrote:
>Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
>tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
>this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
>then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
>only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
>you do?
>
> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
>follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
>do..
Probably the same thing. If the Biblical God did exist, it would be
worthy of execration, not worship.
--
All Hail Fondle the Elephant! (Official mascot of THE KIND)
Our debut CD-Single, "Rubber Girl" is now available! (Also featuring "Undertow" and "The Road"). Look for our long-awaited full-length CD "You're Soaking In It" in March! E-mail us for details and upcoming shows!
DJ Nozem
wrote:
>Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
>tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
>this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
>then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
>only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
>you do?
Well, he wouldn't be a real saviour then, now would he.
He should offer a choice.
Accepting him as an existing being is ok, but I'd simply say that I've
got no sins he needs to solve for me.
I recognise all of the ones the roman church would give me
and I don't see any one of them as being wrong or unjust.
I would accept God's existence then, but I see no need to worship the
being that created you and grants you your afterlife.
He should have a big enough ego already, I'd say.
I don't worship my mother now do I?
Do you?
Existence is futile
DJ Nozem #1465
mike
Acid Reflux wrote:
> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> you do?
Tell Jesus him and his Christians are fuck-ups, and if you repent to me for
causing this world to be fucked up by them, I won't pin you to the cross a
second time.
Michael Moore
>
> On Sun, 21 Mar 1999 08:42:01 GMT, Michael Moore
> <m.m...@NOSPAMutoronto.ca> wrote:
>
> >>
> >> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
> >>
> >> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> >> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> >> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> >> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> >> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> >> you do?
> >>
> >> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> >> do..
> >
> >some tricks.
> >
> You mean all it takes is some tricks?
>
> Hell, I can do that!
>
> Think of a number between one and three...
>
> Don't tell me what it is....
>
> Umm...
>
> Two...right?
>
> Was I right?
>
> Was I...?
You were right, Jesus. Have you any other tricks?
John Popelish
>
> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> you do?
>
> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> do..
Assuming that this person was able to perform such amazing miracles
before my eyes that my mind was unable to question His truthfulness, I
would tell Him that my life and afterlife were of trivial importance to
me, compared to His defense of His past behavior. I would want an
explanation of why anyone would *want* to follow Him, except for selfish
survival reasons. If I were required to honor all His past actions to
get into heaven, I would request that He just end my existance instead.
If He refused, I would take hell as my second choice.
But I'm not holding my breath.
John Popelish
Matt Miller
> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> you do?
>
> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> do..
>
>
He'd certainly have to answer a lot of questions.
Even if I wanted to save my ass I couldn't sincerely worship him.
--
--
Matt Miller | http:\\pw2.netcom.com\~matmillr | a.a# 357
EAC Spokesmodel
Michelle Malkin
>Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
>tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
>this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
>then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
>only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
>you do?
I'd ask him which Christians, there are so many different kinds of them.
Then, I'd ask him for proof of who he is. Then, I'd want to know why his
Christians (of nearly all kinds) are so anti-human, degrading,
anti-knowledge and downright nasty sons and daughters of dogs and bitches.
I'd ask him why there is a need for such ridiculous places as heaven, hell,
purgatory, lakes of fire, etc. I'd ask if he's trying to take his father's
place or is he just a hunk (avatar) of the Big Cheese. I'd ask him, why, if
he's a perfect god, does he even need worshippers. Why isn't just being
alone to contemplate his/her/its own navel enough? And, I'd tell it that if
it zapped me for being a smart mouth, it isn't really very much of a god at
all. And, I'd tell it that having to spend all eternity in 'heaven' doing
nothing but tell such a horror as itself how wonderful it is would be my
idea of hell. I'd finish by informing it that the creator of hell should
have been the first being to be sent to it - and not as the boss (and I'm
not referring to Lucifer here. He didn't create hell. The so-called Creator
did.)
>
> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
>follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
>do..
I'd tell him/it to go away. Humanity has outgrown the need for such
nonsense. Maybe he/it should go back to his/ its own planet and bother the
people there.
Michelle Malkin (Mickey)
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
alt.atheism atheist/agnostic list #1 ULC minister #3
High Priestess Bastet of the Non-Church Temple of Si & Am
EAC Bible Thumper Thumper BAAWA Knight Who Says SPONG!
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
-Nemo-
wrote:
> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> you do?
>
> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> do..
Personally, in such an unlikely event, assuming the big JC came up with
acceptable credentials, I expect I'd have a few questions to ask. They'd
all revolve around the same theme:
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU *THINKING* MAN?!?
I don't think we'd get to the question of my acceptance of his idiot
religion for quite a while.
Nemo - EAC Commissioner for Bible Belt Underwater Operations.
Atheist #1331 (the Palindrome of doom!)
http://home.att.net/~jehdjh
**************************************************
The unexamined life is not worth living.
- Socrates
Nothing works like prayer!
Corallary:
Prayer works like nothing! Exactly like it!
- me
**************************************************
-Nemo-
<m.m...@NOSPAMutoronto.ca> wrote:
> Acid Reflux wrote:
> >
> > Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
> >
> > Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> > tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> > this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> > then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> > only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> > you do?
> >
> > I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> > follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> > do..
>
> I wouldn't be able to recognize him. I'd want him to perform
> some tricks.
>
>
> --
> Michael Moore
> Automaton #1446
I guess you gotta expect him to show up as the standard malnourished white
hippy with a beard. You'd recognize that, yes? But I agree. He' have to do
some pretty good parlor tricks.
-Nemo-
> On Sun, 21 Mar 1999 08:42:01 GMT, Michael Moore
> <m.m...@NOSPAMutoronto.ca> wrote:
>
> >Acid Reflux wrote:
> >>
> >> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
> >>
> >> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> >> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> >> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> >> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> >> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> >> you do?
> >>
> >> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> >> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> >> do..
> >
> >I wouldn't be able to recognize him. I'd want him to perform
> >some tricks.
> >
> You mean all it takes is some tricks?
>
> Hell, I can do that!
>
> Think of a number between one and three...
>
> Don't tell me what it is....
>
> Umm...
>
> Two...right?
>
> Was I right?
>
> Was I...?
>
> ath...@home.com :)
>
> >
> >--
> >Michael Moore
> >Automaton #1446
You can predict the weather, too, you know. Tomorrow, the high will be
between zero and 600 Kelvin!
Aaron
> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>
> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> you do?
Very simple. I live on a _very_ steep hill (26% grade) in a "San
Francisco Style" rowhouse.
I'd push the whacko down the front stairs and then roll him down the
hill. Then I'd call call the cops to come pick up the body.
--
|Aaron I. Spielman|aa...@rockethouse.net|My opinions are my own|fnord!|
|Atheist #1467| Official Lunatic Biker of the EAC |www.rockethouse.net|
| "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, |
| hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats" ---H.L. Mencken |
ath...@home.com
(-Nemo-) wrote:
>In article <36f4c73b.437969275@news-server>, ath...@home.com wrote:
>
>> On Sun, 21 Mar 1999 08:42:01 GMT, Michael Moore
>> <m.m...@NOSPAMutoronto.ca> wrote:
>>
>> >Acid Reflux wrote:
>> >>
>> >> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>> >>
>> >> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
>> >> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
>> >> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
>> >> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
>> >> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
>> >> you do?
>> >>
>> >> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
>> >> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
>> >> do..
>> >
>> >I wouldn't be able to recognize him. I'd want him to perform
>> >some tricks.
>> >
>> You mean all it takes is some tricks?
>>
>> Hell, I can do that!
>>
>> Think of a number between one and three...
>>
>> Don't tell me what it is....
>>
>> Umm...
>>
>> Two...right?
>>
>> Was I right?
>>
>> Was I...?
>>
>> ath...@home.com :)
>>
>> >
>> >--
>> >Michael Moore
>> >Automaton #1446
>
>You can predict the weather, too, you know. Tomorrow, the high will be
>between zero and 600 Kelvin!
>
587 kelvin :)
ath...@home.com
(-Nemo-) wrote:
>In article <36F4CF94...@glblnet.com>, Acid Reflux <Ac...@glblnet.com>
>wrote:
>
>> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
>>
>> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
>> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
>> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
>> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
>> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
>> you do?
>>
>> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
>> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
>> do..
>
>Personally, in such an unlikely event, assuming the big JC came up with
>acceptable credentials, I expect I'd have a few questions to ask. They'd
>all revolve around the same theme:
>
>WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU *THINKING* MAN?!?
>
ROTFL!!
That should be good enough for a bolt or two.
>I don't think we'd get to the question of my acceptance of his idiot
>religion for quite a while.
>
who?
>I don't worship my mother now do I?
>Do you?
I don't even know your mother...
Tukla
> On Sun, 21 Mar 1999 08:42:01 GMT, Michael Moore
> <m.m...@NOSPAMutoronto.ca> wrote:
>
> >Acid Reflux wrote:
> >>
> >> Hi-Hi. So I have an absolutely hypothetical question for all of you..
> >>
> >> Lets say that Jesus Christ shows up at your door step tomorrow, and
> >> tells you that the Christians have been right all along.. (okay, I know
> >> this is really far fetched now, but it's a good question! and anyway..)
> >> then says that if you accept him as your savior and repent now, you'll
> >> only have to spend the minimum amount of time in purgatory. So.. what do
> >> you do?
> >>
> >> I thought about it and decided that I'd rather rot in hell than
> >> follow such silly principles.. but I'm curious about what others would
> >> do..
> >
> >I wouldn't be able to recognize him. I'd want him to perform
> >some tricks.
> >
> You mean all it takes is some tricks?
>
> Hell, I can do that!
>
> Think of a number between one and three...
>
> Don't tell me what it is....
>
> Umm...
>
> Two...right?
>
> Was I right?
No, it was 1.11277834.
Was I supposed to choose an integer?
> Was I...?
>
> ath...@home.com :)
>
> >
> >--
> >Michael Moore
> >Automaton #1446
>
-- Tukla
atheist #1347
Director, EAC Animoid Shocktroop Division (a.k.a. the Rat Patrol)