Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss

Did God create the Universe in a Big Orgasm?

2 views
Skip to first unread message

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 10:38:19 AM4/9/09
to
Deep, deep stuff. Hey, this is NOT what they teach in science class or
Sunday preaching, this is THE ULTIMATE TRUTH, beyond which you simply
go crazy.

Anyway, Science proposes the Big Bang theory and Religion teaches you
Creation, so the combination of the two is Big Orgasm!

But there's further proof of that: When lovers reach the point of
climax, they often say, "Oh, my God!" while others claim to reach
Eternity...

Now, there are several implications of this:

a) You don't have to go to church to see God
b) The church better drop its regulation of sex, including
masturbation
c) You can practice "missionary position" with your partner
d) You too can be a scientist!

So I leave you here with this theory which --like all theories--
stands true until proven otherwise.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Monkeys of the World, Unite! You've got nothing to lose but your
cages"

http://webspawner.com/users/bananarevolution

lapMAHheinie

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 3:15:04 PM4/9/09
to
Please, no sex talk ... we're Christian!

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 3:36:44 PM4/9/09
to
On Apr 9, 3:15 pm, lapMAHheinie <slipuva...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Please, no sex talk ... we're Christian!

This is not mundane sex, but celestial copulation, of which we are the
result.

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 3:42:19 PM4/9/09
to

CORRECTION: It must have been celestial MASTURBATION!

Kevrob

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 4:05:45 PM4/9/09
to

Only if you take a strictly monotheitic view, or, perhaps, a radically
panentheist one.

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 4:13:32 PM4/9/09
to
On Apr 9, 4:05 pm, Kevrob <kev...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> Only if you take a strictly monotheitic view, or, perhaps, a radically
> panentheist one.

I'll put it in perspective (for the regular people who goes to church
on Sunday)...

'in pantheism, "God is in the whole"; in panentheism, "The whole is in
God." This means that the Universe in the first formulation is
practically the Whole itself, but in the second the universe and God
are not ontologically equivalent. In panentheism, God is not exactly
viewed as the creator or demiurge, but the eternal animating force
behind the universe, with the universe as nothing more than the
manifest part of God. The cosmos exists within God, who in turn
"pervades" or is "in" the cosmos. While pantheism asserts that God and
the universe are coextensive, panentheism claims that God is greater
than the universe and that the universe is contained within God.'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panentheism

Otherwise, they'd be utterly confused.

MarkA

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 5:18:54 PM4/9/09
to

Don't let Mrs. God hear you say that!

--
MarkA
Keeper of Things Put There Only Just The Night Before
About eight o'clock

Nuns Fart

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 7:26:38 PM4/9/09
to
"MarkA" <to...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:pan.2009.04.09....@nowhere.com...

In simple terms, he had a good fuck.


Smiler

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 7:45:23 PM4/9/09
to

"MarkA" <to...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:pan.2009.04.09....@nowhere.com...
> On Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:42:19 -0700, ComandanteBanana wrote:
>
>> On Apr 9, 3:36 pm, ComandanteBanana <nolionnoprob...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>>> On Apr 9, 3:15 pm, lapMAHheinie <slipuva...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> > Please, no sex talk ... we're Christian!
>>>
>>> This is not mundane sex, but celestial copulation, of which we are the
>>> result.
>>
>> CORRECTION: It must have been celestial MASTURBATION!
>
> Don't let Mrs. God hear you say that!
>

God is a lesbian?
She never told me that!

Smiler,
The godless one
a.a.# 2279


ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 8:27:25 PM4/9/09
to

Why, I thought females were more inclined to...

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 8:30:06 PM4/9/09
to
On Apr 9, 7:26 pm, "Nuns Fart" <nunsf...@holysmoke.com> wrote:
> "MarkA" <t...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
> In simple terms, he had a good fuck.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Not sure. It looks like it was a very lonely affair. :(

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 9, 2009, 8:31:38 PM4/9/09
to
On Apr 9, 7:45 pm, "Smiler" <Smi...@Joe.King.com> wrote:
> "MarkA" <t...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

I think "it" may be bisexual.

Uncle Vic

unread,
Apr 10, 2009, 1:26:56 AM4/10/09
to
One fine day in alt.atheism, ComandanteBanana <nolionn...@yahoo.com>
wrote:

> a) You don't have to go to church to see God

...or push a shopping cart down main street.

--
Uncle Vic
aa Atheist #2011
Separator of Church and Reason.
Convicted by Earthquack.
Looking forward to May 21, 2012 or is it 2011? Or is it sometime in
December? These idiots can't even agree...

Uncle Vic

unread,
Apr 10, 2009, 1:29:17 AM4/10/09
to
One fine day in alt.atheism, ComandanteBanana
<nolionn...@yahoo.com> wrote:

Nah, God had a roommate.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/54634/family-guy-evolution-vs-creation

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 10, 2009, 9:44:20 AM4/10/09
to
On Apr 10, 1:26 am, Uncle Vic <addr...@withheld.com> wrote:
> One fine day in alt.atheism, ComandanteBanana <nolionnoprob...@yahoo.com>

> wrote:
>
> > a) You don't have to go to church to see God
>
> ...or push a shopping cart down main street.
>
> --
> Uncle Vic
> aa Atheist #2011
> Separator of Church and Reason.
> Convicted by Earthquack.
> Looking forward to May 21, 2012 or is it 2011? Or is it sometime in
> December?  These idiots can't even agree...

I sometimes feel like God... One fine day, near climax peak, the lady
looked at me and screamed, "Oh, my God!"

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 10, 2009, 9:45:12 AM4/10/09
to
On Apr 10, 1:29 am, Uncle Vic <addr...@withheld.com> wrote:
> One fine day in alt.atheism, ComandanteBanana
>
>
>
>
>
> December?  These idiots can't even agree...- Hide quoted text -

>
> - Show quoted text -

Isn't that a very bANAL analogy? ;)

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 10, 2009, 9:45:38 AM4/10/09
to
On Apr 10, 7:40 am, iggy...@yahoo.com wrote:
> did the almighty remember to practice the rythm method??? the same

He took seven days... We have every reason to believe He was into
Tantra.

ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 12, 2009, 11:25:21 AM4/12/09
to
It just crossed my mind that Big Orgasm may be offensive to some
religious Puritans (they are one and the same, right?) thus I'm
adopting a new name for such a novel theory...

"THE BIG O"

So an actual conversation with the new name may go more or less like
this: "I decided to see god last night, so I went for the Big O"... ;)


ComandanteBanana

unread,
Apr 13, 2009, 9:22:58 AM4/13/09
to
(most clever answers from other forums, bike forums... I answer below)

Originally Posted by Panthers007
"Why do people always assume it's some beautiful thing that was behind
everything. Like those who believe in reincarnation - they always were
kings or queens. Never a cockroach or a fox being chased by rich
people's hounds.

Instead of a cosmic-orgasm creating the universe, maybe God just took
a dump."

***


That would actually makes sense too. No wonder this world is such a
piece of sh*t.

I would put that theory in the ranking #2... ;)

0 new messages