How does one open a can of corned beef when the key is missing?

[Christopher A. Lee]

No, I didn't buy it - I always check.

It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.

I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.

A normal can opener won't go round the corners,

[L.Roberts]

stick a pointed (and somewhat stout)knife into the line the lid is meant to be torn at and pry up, working your way around till you can get a good purchase on it (being careful of course) and rip it the rest of the way off

[L.Roberts]

right after posting I remembered a cool trick I learned just a bit ago of opening a can by grinding the top down just a bit, all the way around (with sandpaper, a grindstone, rock, piece of cement, etc.) to release it, similar to using a safety can opener except you cut the top of the seal instead of the side

[walksalone]

Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net> wrote in
news:40isabpmj59bop57b...@4ax.com:

Manly men just rip it open. For us that not so manly:
<http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_4/180-8624461-8312019?url=search-
alias%3Daps&field-keywords=p-38+can+opener&sprefix=p-38%2Caps%2C217>

HTH.

walksalone who has the first one he ever saw, & still uses it.

Take time to come home to yourself everyday.
Robin Casarjean

[Christopher A. Lee]

Have you tried them on the almost square corners of corned beef cans?

Eventually I used a regular opener on the flat sides and ends, managed
to break the top at one of the corners and lever it up, and scooped
out the pseudo-meat.

Luckily it crumbles and is spreadable so I could make a sandwich .

[rantingri...@gmail.com]

On Sunday, January 31, 2016 at 12:06:38 PM UTC-6, L.Roberts wrote:
> right after posting I remembered a cool trick I learned
> just a bit ago of opening a can by grinding the top down
> just a bit, all the way around (with sandpaper, a
> grindstone, rock, piece of cement, etc.) to release it,
> similar to using a safety can opener except you cut the
> top of the seal instead of the side

That method poses a high risk of contamination! Not only from
infectious agents, but even more scary, from tiny flakes of
metal, stone, or abrasive that will enter the container.
Which can cause internal bleeding. Can't take a pill to fix that!

[walksalone]

Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net> wrote in

news:1mksab5ahpaj1raqr...@4ax.com:

snip

>>> A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>>>
>>
>>Manly men just rip it open. For us that not so manly:
>><http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_4/180-8624461-8312019?url=sea
>>rch-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=p-38+can+opener&sprefix=p-38%2Caps%2C217
>>>
>>
>>HTH.
>>
>>walksalone who has the first one he ever saw, & still uses it.
>
> Have you tried them on the almost square corners of corned beef cans?

Haven't had a can refuse, yet. As to corned beef cans, Hormel[tm] does
it in round cans. Spam, OTOH, is weird shaped.

snip

walksalone who likes meat, but reads labels prior to purchase. Haven't
had a processed meat product in years. & don't miss them.


Never attribute to Devil-worshipping conspiracies what opportunism,
emotional instability, and religious bigotry are sufficient to explain.
Shawn Carlson, Ph.D.

[bil...@m.nu]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbxKbI9Ik4o

[John Locke]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee
<c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:

...pry the tab up and then use a par of needle nose pliers as if it
were the key. A little clumsy but it works.

[Christopher A. Lee]

I've done that before, but the tab was missing as well as the key.

I've also seen this before. Itt often breaks off when the key is
dislodged.

But when I buy it myself, I check. This is one of the things I learned
the hard way a long time ago, just like checking that none of the eggs
in the box are cracked.

[Don Martin]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee
<c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:

Long nosed pliers can catch and wind up the metal strip.
--
aa #2278 Never mind "proof." Where is your evidence?
BAAWA Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief Heckler
Fidei defensor (Hon. Antipodean)
Je pense, donc je suis Charlie.

[Christopher A. Lee]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 14:58:29 -0500, Don Martin
<drdon...@comcast.net> wrote:

>On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee
><c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:
>
>>No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>>
>>It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>>
>>I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>>meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>>
>>A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>
>Long nosed pliers can catch and wind up the metal strip.

If that didn't break off when the key was dislodged.

[viva padrepio]

A bench vise and a Sawzall.

[L.Roberts]

I haven't tried it, I'd consider it safe after proper clearing of the debris 'before breaking the seal' but would probably only ever use it as a last resort

[L.Roberts]

what? and the reason asking it be done in the Late J.C's name results in your turning to such a brutal method?

[fuckwit]

On 1/31/2016 9:47 AM, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.

Don't eat that shit. It's not even really food.

[Christopher A. Lee]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 19:02:20 -0800, fuckwit <gunne...@gmail.com>
wrote:

>On 1/31/2016 9:47 AM, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
>> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>
>Don't eat that shit. It's not even really food.

I said I keep a couple of cans in the cupboard for when I haven't been
able to get to the supermarket. I don't particularly like the stuff.

[fuckwit]

You shouldn't eat that shit even then. It won't hurt you not to eat for
the evening.

[John Locke]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 13:48:57 -0600, Christopher A. Lee

<c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:

>On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:36:28 -0800, John Locke
><johnnyd...@demonmail.com> wrote:
>
>>On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee
>><c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:
>>
>>>No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>>>
>>>It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>>>
>>>I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>>>meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>>>
>>>A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>>>
>>...pry the tab up and then use a par of needle nose pliers as if it
>>were the key. A little clumsy but it works.
>
>I've done that before, but the tab was missing as well as the key.
>
>I've also seen this before. Itt often breaks off when the key is
>dislodged.
>
>But when I buy it myself, I check. This is one of the things I learned
>the hard way a long time ago, just like checking that none of the eggs
>in the box are cracked.
>

...OK. How about this: A swift blow, dead center with a
Samurai sword leaving the can in two, nice clean halves.
Make sure to ventalate the can with a knife point and make sure
your sword is razor sharp befor proceeding !!! And no, I've never
tries this ! Good luck CHris !

[Christopher A. Lee]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 19:49:58 -0800, fuckwit <gunne...@gmail.com>

wrote:

>On 1/31/2016 7:10 PM, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
>> On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 19:02:20 -0800, fuckwit <gunne...@gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> On 1/31/2016 9:47 AM, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
>>>> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>>>
>>> Don't eat that shit. It's not even really food.
>>
>> I said I keep a couple of cans in the cupboard for when I haven't been
>> able to get to the supermarket. I don't particularly like the stuff.
>
>You shouldn't eat that shit even then. It won't hurt you not to eat for
>the evening.

Yes, it will. I need to eat little and often.

[Jeanne Douglas]

In article <40isabpmj59bop57b...@4ax.com>,

Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:

I just asked the expert on the best (and safest) can opener on the
planet about your rectangular can. With luck he'll answer his Facebook
soon.

--

JD

I've officially given up trying to find the bottom
of the barrel that is Republican depravity.--Jidyom
Rosario, Addicting Info

[viva padrepio]

With a variable speed Sawzall it could be more like a surgical procedure.

Better than what Curly of The Three Stooges did, whacking at it with an axe. :-)

[Robert Carnegie]

It may be easiest to exchange the tin at the shop for
a tin with its key. Of for a refund which you then
can spend on your next can at your discretion.

Also, you could hold a key back after use, so that
you've got a spare. If you can think of a place
to keep that, and a way to remember that you have it.
Right where you keep the tin, that should be a good
place.

[Jeanne Douglas]

In article <hlwdjsd2-643FC7...@news.giganews.com>,

Jeanne Douglas <hlwd...@NOSPAMgmail.com> wrote:

> In article <40isabpmj59bop57b...@4ax.com>,
> Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:
>
> > No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
> >
> > It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
> >
> > I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
> > meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
> >
> > A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>
>
> I just asked the expert on the best (and safest) can opener on the
> planet about your rectangular can. With luck he'll answer his Facebook
> soon.

I got a response but it's not very helpful:

"hmm i cant say i know the answer to that one- i have never tried a Key
open can with my KR can opener its not the shape it all depends on how
thick the rim is because thats what the KR can opener is opening so if
the lip is very thick then i know it wont work-- its worth a try .. let
me know what happens"


But I recommend this:

<http://www.qvc.com/Kuhn-Rikon-Ultimate-Can-Opener-with-Auto-Attach-Featu
re.product.K18779.html?sc=K18779-User&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-4-_-K18779&cat
entryImage=http://images.qvc.com/is/image/k/79/k18779.001?$uslarge$>

or

<http://qvc.co/1nzOZ8j>

for everyone. Instead of putting metal shavings and whatever dirt and
germs that are on the top of the can into your food (metal shavings,
yumm), this opener (and they also sell it in polka dots under a
different item number) basically reverses the process of putting the lid
on the can and removes the whole top. Oh, yeah, and no sharp edge that
you can use as a knife. And no more of the filthy can opener cutter part
that goes into your food and cross-contaminates whatever is next unless
you do a massively thorough cleaning every single time.

But just watch the video demonstration on that page to see how it works,
including the other functions it has--bottle opener, pull tab opener.

[Christopher A. Lee]

On Mon, 01 Feb 2016 08:08:06 -0800, Jeanne Douglas

<hlwd...@NOSPAMgmail.com> wrote:

>In article <hlwdjsd2-643FC7...@news.giganews.com>,
> Jeanne Douglas <hlwd...@NOSPAMgmail.com> wrote:
>
>> In article <40isabpmj59bop57b...@4ax.com>,
>> Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net> wrote:
>>
>> > No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>> >
>> > It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>> >
>> > I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>> > meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>> >
>> > A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>>
>>
>> I just asked the expert on the best (and safest) can opener on the
>> planet about your rectangular can. With luck he'll answer his Facebook
>> soon.
>
>I got a response but it's not very helpful:
>
>"hmm i cant say i know the answer to that one- i have never tried a Key
>open can with my KR can opener its not the shape it all depends on how
>thick the rim is because thats what the KR can opener is opening so if
>the lip is very thick then i know it wont work-- its worth a try .. let
>me know what happens"

Thanks for trying.

>But I recommend this:
>
><http://www.qvc.com/Kuhn-Rikon-Ultimate-Can-Opener-with-Auto-Attach-Featu
>re.product.K18779.html?sc=K18779-User&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-4-_-K18779&cat
>entryImage=http://images.qvc.com/is/image/k/79/k18779.001?$uslarge$>
>
>or
>
><http://qvc.co/1nzOZ8j>
>

>for everyone. Instead of putting metal shavings and whatever dirt and r

>germs that are on the top of the can into your food (metal shavings,
>yumm), this opener (and they also sell it in polka dots under a
>different item number) basically reverses the process of putting the lid
>on the can and removes the whole top. Oh, yeah, and no sharp edge that
>you can use as a knife. And no more of the filthy can opener cutter part
>that goes into your food and cross-contaminates whatever is next unless
>you do a massively thorough cleaning every single time.
>
>But just watch the video demonstration on that page to see how it works,
>including the other functions it has--bottle opener, pull tab opener.

I've got one that works a bit like that - but it has the same problem
- the wheel which moves the can round, stalls at the corner.

[MarkA]

You need Zombie Survival Tip #20! (I don't know what 1 - 19 are):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oH2NahLjx-Y

--
MarkA

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one
half so bad as a lot of ignorance. -- Terry Pratchett

[Stephen Furley]

Try a pair of pliers, or buy another can and keep the key from that one for re-use. take care unwinding the metal strip from the key; the edges can be sharp.

[L.Roberts]

better yet, use a variable heat blow torch on WOW and the shit'll be hot when you get it open

[Alex W.]

On 31/01/2016 17:47, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>
> It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>
> I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
> meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>
> A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>

Angle grinder?

[Alex W.]

On 01/02/2016 14:11, Robert Carnegie wrote:
> On Sunday, 31 January 2016 17:47:33 UTC, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
>> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>>
>> It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>>
>> I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>> meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>>
>> A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>
> It may be easiest to exchange the tin at the shop for
> a tin with its key. Of for a refund which you then
> can spend on your next can at your discretion.

Or simply detach a key from a tin on the shelf and take it...

[duke]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net>

wrote:

>No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>
>It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>
>I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>
>A normal can opener won't go round the corners,

Do you know what a church key is?

the dukester, American-American

*****
"The Mass is the most perfect form of Prayer."
Pope Paul VI
*****

[duke]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net>
wrote:

>No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>
>It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>
>I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>
>A normal can opener won't go round the corners,

I absolutely can't believe the answers you atheists came up with. A church key
is a salvation.

Heeheehee.

[Smiler]

That's probably how his can became separated from its key.

--
Smiler, The godless one.
aa #2279
Gods are all tailored to order. They are made
to exactly fit the prejudices of the believer.

[L.Roberts]

but, but, that's theft!

[Alex W.]

On 04/02/2016 00:49, Smiler wrote:
> On Wed, 03 Feb 2016 11:54:48 +0000, Alex W. wrote:
>
>> On 01/02/2016 14:11, Robert Carnegie wrote:
>>> On Sunday, 31 January 2016 17:47:33 UTC, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
>>>> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>>>>
>>>> It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>>>>
>>>> I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>>>> meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>>>>
>>>> A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>>>
>>> It may be easiest to exchange the tin at the shop for a tin with its
>>> key. Of for a refund which you then can spend on your next can at your
>>> discretion.
>>
>> Or simply detach a key from a tin on the shelf and take it...
>
> That's probably how his can became separated from its key.
>

Nature raw in tooth and claw!
The law of the jungle!
As was done to him, so should he do to others!
If you can steal a key like the blasted blighter before you, then you're
a man, my son!

[Alex W.]

Only if you are caught.

[duke]

On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net>

wrote:

>No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>
>It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>
>I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
>meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>
>A normal can opener won't go round the corners,

You clowns don't even know what a church key is, do you?

[Smiler]

Both infinite progression and (almost) infinite regression in one example.
There must have been _one_ can, in the dim and distant past, that lost its
key through natural causes.

[L.Roberts]

Really? Well excuse me or don't for saying so but, that sounds, so, so, xian of you. I grew up with the bastards, I know what they're like.

I hope they throw the book at you if ever do you do get caught because it can sometimes end up becoming such a perplexing problem for some peeps that they have to go without, figure it out, and or, as in the present instance, seek outside assistance.

Shame on you! Shame! Shame on you!

[Robert Carnegie]

On Thursday, 4 February 2016 22:37:20 UTC, duke wrote:
> On Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:47:26 -0600, Christopher A. Lee <c....@fairpoint.net>
> wrote:
>
> >No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
> >
> >It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
> >
> >I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
> >meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
> >
> >A normal can opener won't go round the corners,
>
> You clowns don't even know what a church key is, do you?
>
> the dukester, American-American

It's a means to lock the doors of the church, during services,
so that crazy people, alcoholics and general public nuisances
don't come wandering out.

[more...@gmail.com]

On Sunday, January 31, 2016 at 9:47:33 AM UTC-8, Christopher A. Lee wrote:
> No, I didn't buy it - I always check.
>
> It was in a bag of shopping my sister got for me.
>
> I know it's horrible stuff, but I keep a can in case I run out of real
> meat in the fridge and can't get to the shop.
>
> A normal can opener won't go round the corners,

A regular can opener works.