Water Walking Christian Drowns in Bathtub

0 views
Skip to first unread message

Elroy Willis

unread,
Dec 12, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/12/98
to

LOS ANGELES (AP) - The leader of a group of Christians who practice
water walking drown yesterday in his bathtub after apparently slipping on
a bar of soap.

James Franklin of Los Angeles was found dead in the bathtub by his
wife Betty when she returned home from a trip to the grocery store.

"My husband had a bump on his head which was still bleeding when
I found him," said Mrs. Franklin. "I called 911 but it was too
late for my husband."

Franklin says that her husband had organized a small group of fellow
Christians who were attempting to learn how to walk on water, and
that he spent many hours in their bathroom practicing, but had not
yet mastered the ability.

"My husband loved Jesus, and wanted to be more like him, so he
was trying to walk on water just like Jesus did. He even organized
a group of friends who he hoped would help him learn how to perform
this miracle."

"It was simply God's will that my husband died," said the widow Franklin.
"I don't know what else to think except that my husband is probably
talking to Jesus right now."

"This was a very unfortunate accident, but I'm sure James is in heaven
now," said Leroy Allbright, a member of the group that Franklin had
organized. "I intend to keep practicing until I can actually walk on
water. I just need more faith," he said.

--
Elroy
BAAWA Undercover News Division
http://www.cyberramp.net/~elo/news

dave haas

unread,
Dec 12, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/12/98
to
In article <3685de17....@news.cyberramp.net>, e...@cyberramp.net
says...
Moral.......

Never try to show up God. Unless you are an excellent magician!

D. Haas

Michelle Malkin

unread,
Dec 13, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/13/98
to

Plus, the wound wouldn't have still been bleeding after he was dead.
But, go right ahead and show up His Unexistedness all you want.

Mickey (Michelle Malkin) BAAWA Knight who says SPONG!
High Priestess Bastet of the Non-Church Temple of Si & Am
EAC (which doesn't exist) Train Station Bible Thumper Thumper
send e-mail to:moc.gnirpsdnim@7bniklam
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
In the year 1628 B.C., a Minoan city was crushed beneath nearly two hundred feet of
volcanic ash on the isle of Thera. Discovered by Spyridon Marinatos in A.D. 1967,
its multistoried apartment dwellings (of which only the lower floors have survived)
would not have looked out of place on a modern street, and were eqipped with such
"modern" conveniences as bathtubs, flush toilets, and, apparently, central heating.
A broken quartz lens hints that these people were inventing telescopes; and it
becomes possible to believe that if not for volcanic upheaval, there might have
been moon landings and television by the time of Christ.
-- Charles Pellegrino, "Return To Sodom and Gomororrah
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

Elroy Willis

unread,
Dec 13, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/13/98
to
Michelle Malkin wrote:

Ooops, I see a little rewrite is in order here.

>But, go right ahead and show up His Unexistedness all you want.

--

stoney

unread,
Dec 14, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/14/98
to
On Sun, 13 Dec 1998 05:55:29 GMT, e...@cyberramp.net (Elroy Willis) wrote:

There are very few *writers* [who can get it done in one shot] and many
*rewriters*.... :)
Stoney

Alf Salte

unread,
Dec 14, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/14/98
to
Elroy Willis wrote:
>
> LOS ANGELES (AP) - The leader of a group of Christians who practice
> water walking drown yesterday in his bathtub after apparently slipping on
> a bar of soap.
>
> James Franklin of Los Angeles was found dead in the bathtub by his
> wife Betty when she returned home from a trip to the grocery store.
>
> "My husband had a bump on his head which was still bleeding when
> I found him," said Mrs. Franklin. "I called 911 but it was too
> late for my husband."
>
> Franklin says that her husband had organized a small group of fellow
> Christians who were attempting to learn how to walk on water, and
> that he spent many hours in their bathroom practicing, but had not
> yet mastered the ability.
>
> "My husband loved Jesus, and wanted to be more like him, so he
> was trying to walk on water just like Jesus did. He even organized
> a group of friends who he hoped would help him learn how to perform
> this miracle."
>
> "It was simply God's will that my husband died," said the widow Franklin.
> "I don't know what else to think except that my husband is probably
> talking to Jesus right now."
>
> "This was a very unfortunate accident, but I'm sure James is in heaven
> now," said Leroy Allbright, a member of the group that Franklin had
> organized. "I intend to keep practicing until I can actually walk on
> water. I just need more faith," he said.
>
> --
> Elroy
> BAAWA Undercover News Division
> http://www.cyberramp.net/~elo/news

wow, I strongly urge ALL christians to attempt the same thing as Mr.
Franklin did here or alternatively drop the bible and stop believing in
idiocy and stupidifying fiary-tales.

Alf

B-10

unread,
Dec 14, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/14/98
to
> >>
> >>"My husband had a bump on his head which was still bleeding when
> >>I found him," said Mrs. Franklin. "I called 911 but it was too
> >>late for my husband."
> >>
> >Moral.......
> >
> >Never try to show up God. Unless you are an excellent magician!
> >
> >D. Haas
>
> Plus, the wound wouldn't have still been bleeding after he was dead.
> But, go right ahead and show up His Unexistedness all you want.
>
why? 1. doesn't say he was dead when she found him. 2. open wound will
leak blood even ef the heart isn't pumping it out in mass quantities.


Gully Foyle

unread,
Dec 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/16/98
to
On Sun, 13 Dec 1998 00:22:29 GMT, derek....@btinternet.com
(Alt.Atheism Twit List Member #96 (aka Derek Potter)) wrote:

>Also spracht Elroy Willis :
>
>+
>+LOS ANGELES (AP) - The leader of a group of Christians who practice
>+water walking drown yesterday in his bathtub after apparently slipping on
>+a bar of soap.
>+
>+James Franklin of Los Angeles was found dead in the bathtub by his
>+wife Betty when she returned home from a trip to the grocery store.
>+
>+"My husband had a bump on his head which was still bleeding when
>+I found him," said Mrs. Franklin. "I called 911 but it was too
>+late for my husband."
>+
>+Franklin says that her husband had organized a small group of fellow
>+Christians who were attempting to learn how to walk on water, and
>+that he spent many hours in their bathroom practicing, but had not
>+yet mastered the ability.
>+
>+"My husband loved Jesus, and wanted to be more like him, so he
>+was trying to walk on water just like Jesus did. He even organized
>+a group of friends who he hoped would help him learn how to perform
>+this miracle."
>+
>+"It was simply God's will that my husband died," said the widow Franklin.
>+"I don't know what else to think except that my husband is probably
>+talking to Jesus right now."
>+
>+"This was a very unfortunate accident, but I'm sure James is in heaven
>+now," said Leroy Allbright, a member of the group that Franklin had
>+organized. "I intend to keep practicing until I can actually walk on
>+water. I just need more faith," he said.
>
>ROTFL!
>
><checks date, not April 1st... >
>
>Makes me glad to be a British Theist :)
>

Although the Brits can, at times, outshine the Yanks in nuttiness at
Derek.


XXIII
_________________________________________________________________

To email me remove the Z after the @ in my email address.
_________________________________________________________________

IDIOT, n.
A member of a large and powerful tribe whose
influence in human affairs has always been dominant
and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to
any special field of thought or action, but "pervades
and regulates the whole." He has the last word in
everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the
fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations
of speech and circumscribes conduct with a
dead-line.

Ambrose Bierce
_________________________________________________________________

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages