For NaPoMo: Bird Cage / Hector de Saint-Denys Garneau

[George Dance]

The best of The Penny Blog, for National Poetry Month:
Bird Cage, by Hector de Saint-Denys Garneau

I am a bird cage
A bone cage
With a bird

The bird in my bone cage
Is death making its nest

When nothing is happening
I hear its wings ruffling

And when I've laughed a lot
If I suddenly stop

I hear it chirping
Deep down
Like a tiny alarm

It is a bird held captive
Death in my bone cage

Wouldn't it like to fly away
Is it you who makes it stay
Or is it me
I can't say

It cannot leave until
Having eaten all
My heart
The blood source
With the life inside

It will have my soul in its beak.

http://gdancesbetty.blogspot.ca/2010/03/bird-cage-hector-de-saint-denys-garneau.html

[Will Dockery]

Excellent poem, George... one that made me think of Robin Williams, which I may expound on later, after I return from band rehearsals... a busy few weeks coming up for us.

[Will Dockery]

On Thursday, April 23, 2015 at 7:13:14 PM UTC-4, Peter J Ross wrote:
> In alt.arts.poetry.comments on Thu, 23 Apr 2015 16:06:45 -0700 (PDT),
> Will Dockery wrote:
>
> <duncespamsnip>
>
> > Excellent poem, George...
>
> Translation: "SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!"

So, you didn't like the poem, Peter?

That's okay, after all:

"Art and life are subjective. Not everybody's gonna dig what I dig, but I reserve the right to dig it." -Whoopi Goldberg

And so it goes.

:D

[George Dance]

On Thursday, April 23, 2015 at 7:13:14 PM UTC-4, Peter J Ross wrote:

> anti-psychotic drugs
> may be helping.
> PJR :-)

One can only hope so.

~~
Bird Cage / Hector de Saint-Denys Garneau
http://gdancesbetty.blogspot.ca/2010/03/bird-cage-hector-de-saint-denys-garneau.html

[Will Dockery]

"George Dance" wrote in message
news:43fe4612-3956-4013...@googlegroups.com...

> On Thursday, April 23, 2015 at 7:13:14 PM UTC-4, Peter J Ross wrote:
>
>> anti-psychotic drugs
>> may be helping.
>> PJR :-)
>
> One can only hope so.

I suspect he needs his dosage increased a wee bit.

:D

[Michael Pendragon]

On Thursday, April 23, 2015 at 7:00:35 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:

I love the concept. At first I thought the bird was a metaphor for a weak heart, but by the poem's end, I realized it was something darker. Stylistically, while readable, it needs work (I'm assuming it's a poor translation from a French original). The word "cage" is repeated too many times in the opening lines, and the sudden change from free verse to triple rhyme in the 7th stanza is just plain bizarre.

[Will Dockery]

It is a good one, agreed... at least to my Non-French eyes.

:D

[Will Dockery]

Peter J Ross wrote:
>
> I know why none of you can succeed in writing a poem

Well, it might help you with your own shortcomings in that area if you apply that insight to yourself.

Just an idea.

:D

--
Check out "Chattahoochee Sunset / Dockery, Mallard & Snipe" & make plans to join the tent village at Lakeside Stage in Fort Mitchell May 2nd.
http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/11459910

[Will Dockery]

On Thursday, April 23, 2015 at 7:00:35 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:

This is how Robin Williams eventually ties in with all this... long and roundabout, but loved that guy and his humor, and Robin will not be forgotten soon.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Cage_aux_Folles_%28film%29

La Cage aux Folles is a 1978 French-Italian film adaptation of the 1973 play La Cage aux Folles by Jean Poiret. It is co-written and directed by Édouard Molinaro and stars Ugo Tognazzi and Michel Serrault. In Italian it is known as Il vizietto. La cage aux folles literally means "the cage of mad women". However folles is also a slang term for effeminate homosexuals (queens).

Like the play, the film tells the story of a gay couple - Renato Baldi (Ugo Tognazzi), the manager of a Saint-Tropez nightclub featuring drag entertainment, and Albin Mougeotte (Michel Serrault), his star attraction - and the madness that ensues when Renato's son, Laurent (Rémi Laurent), brings home his fiancée, Andrea (Luisa Maneri), and her ultra-conservative parents (Carmen Scarpitta and Michel Galabru) to meet them.

And was translated to English as...

The film was followed by two sequels: La Cage aux Folles II (1980), also directed by Édouard Molinaro, and La Cage aux folles 3 - 'Elles' se marient (1985), directed by Georges Lautner.

A 1983 Broadway musical of the same name based on the play and the film was also successful.

In 1996, an American remake titled The Birdcage, directed by Mike Nichols, was released, relocated to South Beach, Miami, and stars Robin Williams and Nathan Lane.

And so it went.

[George Dance]

On Friday, April 24, 2015 at 8:49:09 AM UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:

I appreciate the feedback. Your point about the weak heart was quite perceptive: in fact, Garneau had a weak heart, which caused him to drop out of university a few years before he wrote this, and which killed him seven years later -- which was undoubtedly the poem's genesis.

You're also correct that this is a translation from the French original (the original is on the blog, together with the translation). I bristled a bit at "poor translation", since I'm the translator, but in retrospect I welcome it, considering the allegations of "slurping" that have been levelled at both of us from one particular source. And, in fact, your criticisms are well taken, so much that I'd like to comment on them.

There are many translations of "Bird Cage" on the web. All of them have "I am a bird cage" as L1, but none have that L2; the most popular is "A cage of bone". I went with my version, because it reminded me so strongly of Eliot's beginning to "The Hollow Men": "We are the hollow men / We are the stuffed men".

I wanted the Eliot allusion because (even though I have no indication that Garneau read Eliot, or any English-language poetry) Garneau's free verse is very much like Eliot's early free verse: full of meter and end-rhyme, but scattered throughout in no particular order, like a melody in a symphony rather than a song. I didn't want to emphasize that, as in translations that do, like John Glassco's, it comes off as rather sing-songy - for example, he translates S2 as

The bird inside my cage of bone
This is death who makes his nest

- but I did want to draw attention to it. So I tried to regularize the meter within some stanzas (just not the same meter throughout). Similarly, while I used perfect endrhyme only once -- the triple rhyme you remark on -- I tried to note his other rhymes with other pairings, from assonance (lot / stop) and consonance (until / all) to repetition (cage / cage).

So it's not a perfect translation (begging the question of whether such a thing is possible). But I considered it more representative of what Garneau was doing than the others I've read.

As always, thanks for reading and commenting.

[George Dance]

Thanks for the comment, Will. "Cage d'Oiseau" is indeed an excellent poem, which has become a touchstone of modern poetry in Quebec. My translation is not so excellent, but it's the best I could do in English, and in my admittedly biased view it's the best English translation available.

[H H]

On Saturday, April 25, 2015 at 12:12:30 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:

>
> There are many translations of "Bird Cage" on the web. All of them have "I am a bird cage" as L1, but none have that L2; the most popular is "A cage of bone". I went with my version, because it reminded me so strongly of Eliot's beginning to "The Hollow Men": "We are the hollow men / We are the stuffed men".
>

Yes, no one else ever would have thought of that.


https://translate.google.com/#auto/en/Je%20suis%20une%20cage%20d%E2%80%99oiseau%20%0AUne%20cage%20d%E2%80%99os%20%0AAvec%20un%20oiseau

[George Dance]

I'm not sure I'd agree that Google Translate, being an app, "thought" of Eliot. However, given the accusations of 'plagiarism' from HH et al, I think it's instructive to compare the translations in full:

https://translate.google.com/#auto/en/Je%20suis%20une%20cage%20d%E2%80%99oiseau%20%0AUne%20cage%20d%E2%80%99os%20%0AAvec%20un%20oiseau%20%0A%0AL%E2%80%99oiseau%20dans%20ma%20cage%20d%E2%80%99os%20%0AC%E2%80%99est%20la%20mort%20qui%20fait%20son%20nid%20%0A%0ALorsque%20rien%20n%E2%80%99arrive%20%0AOn%20entend%20froisser%20ses%20ailes%20%0A%0AEt%20quand%20on%20a%20ri%20beaucoup%20%0ASi%20l%E2%80%99on%20cesse%20tout%20%C3%A0%20coup%20%0A%0AOn%20l%E2%80%99entend%20qui%20recoule%20%0AAu%20fond%20%0AComme%20un%20grelot%20%0A%0AC%E2%80%99est%20un%20oiseau%20tenu%20captif%20%0ALa%20mort%20dans%20ma%20cage%20d%E2%80%99os%20%0A%0AVoudrait-il%20pas%20s%E2%80%99envoler%20%0AEst-ce%20vous%20qui%20le%20retiendrez%20%0AEst-ce%20moi%20%0AQu%E2%80%99est-ce%20que%20c%E2%80%99est%20%0A%0AIl%20ne%20pourra%20s%E2%80%99en%20aller%20%0AQu%E2%80%99apr%C3%A9s%20avoir%20tout%20mang%C3%A9%20%0AMon%20coeur%20%0ALa%20source%20du%20sang%20%0AAvec%20la%20vie%20dedans%20%0A%0AIl%20aura%20mon%20%C3%A2me%20au%20bec.

Interestingly, back when I wrote my article on Garneau for English Wikipedia, the article featured a link to Google translations as an example of his work, which at least one of the "regulars" here had no problem with

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Hector_de_Saint-Denys_Garneau&diff=417056080&oldid=416467743

I later removed that link; one of the acts that got me banned from the site for "vandalism", BTW).

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Hector_de_Saint-Denys_Garneau&diff=430939935&oldid=430933361

[Will Dockery]

Well, at least we can say you wake up the congregation with your firey sermons, George.

:D

[Michael Pendragon]

Well, there's the answer: I'm decidedly *not* a T.S.E. fan.

> I wanted the Eliot allusion because (even though I have no indication that Garneau read Eliot, or any English-language poetry) Garneau's free verse is very much like Eliot's early free verse: full of meter and end-rhyme, but scattered throughout in no particular order, like a melody in a symphony rather than a song. I didn't want to emphasize that, as in translations that do, like John Glassco's, it comes off as rather sing-songy - for example, he translates S2 as
>
> The bird inside my cage of bone
> This is death who makes his nest
>
> - but I did want to draw attention to it. So I tried to regularize the meter within some stanzas (just not the same meter throughout). Similarly, while I used perfect endrhyme only once -- the triple rhyme you remark on -- I tried to note his other rhymes with other pairings, from assonance (lot / stop) and consonance (until / all) to repetition (cage / cage).
>

I guess I was giving the original the benefit of the doubt and assuming it had originally been rhymed. I never understood why a poet would jump btw rhyme and free verse within a poem: and always conclude that he'd *intended* to write a rhymed/metered piece, but didn't have the skill to bring it off.

> So it's not a perfect translation (begging the question of whether such a thing is possible). But I considered it more representative of what Garneau was doing than the others I've read.
>

And an excellent question it is! I officially disown any translations of my poems (should I ever become famous enough to warrant such). For me, the poem is as much the sound of the words as the meaning. Each word is akin to a musical note: a long "O" has a different tone than a long "E", and there are different nuances of meaning attached to vowel-consonant combinations ("or" has a mournful, forlorn quality). Then there are the various connotations attached to speech: the use of a 10-cent word, for instance, can be used to show that the speaker is being pretentious.

IMO, there can never be a translation that accurately captures the original. By translating a poem, an author transforms it into his own, separate work. Fitzgerald's "Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam" is a masterpiece, but it's Fitzgerald's work, not Khayyam's that I'm responding to.

***
I just read the original version at TPB (I don't know all the words, but have studied enough French to make an educated guess at the pronunciation). The rhyme/non-rhyme transitions are even more annoying than in the translation.

[Will Dockery]

Well... everybody here reads French but me.

:D

[Will Dockery]

Peter J Ross wrote:
>
> <plagiarised

Oh, is the copyright abusing poetry thief Michael D. Cook back again?

I hadn't noticed.

:D

[Will Dockery]

Okay, so I think it is indeed Hector who got the translations.

"Hector de Saint-Denys Garneau (1912-1943) is considered the first modernist poet in Quebec. His poetry feeds on landscapes of his country in order to connect the poet to the universal themes of the unknown and death. The poems show the duality of the man through the look that the child-poet takes on distressing images: birds that escape, forest fires, images exacerbated by the opaque transparency of poetic language..."

https://www.poetryinvoice.com/node/2050

[Will Dockery]

===================================================

I had mostly forgotten this one...

[Gener...@none.i2p]

Will Dockery wrote on Sun, 08 September 2019 19:59

Good find, Doc.....

[W.Dockery]

Another basically obscure poet, given a chance for a new audience, thanks again, George.

🙂

[Zod]

Quite fascinating poetry, I thank....

[W-Dockery]

This poem continues to make me think of Robin Williams, an actor I still miss.

[Michael Pendragon]

WILL DONKEY: Duh... this poem has the same title as a Robin Williams movie, so it reminds me of Robin Williams... duh.

[W-Dockery]

>> > connect the poet to the universal themes of the unknown awhiknd death. The poems

>> > show the duality of the man through the look that the child-poet takes on
>> > distressing images: birds that escape, forest fires, images exacerbated by
>> > the opaque transparency of poetic language..."
>>
>> > https://www.poetryinvoice.com/node/2050
>>
>> > ===================================================
>> This poem continues to make me think of Robin Williams, an actor I still miss.
>>

> WILL DONKEY: Duh... this poem has the same title as a Robin Williams movie, so it reminds me of Robin Williams... duh.

While the only thing you've managed to think about is trolling me.

🙂

[Michael Pendragon]

Don't post idiotic comments and you won't get trolled.

Deal?

[W.Dockery]

Too bad you don't take your own advice, Pendragon.

🙂

[General-Zod]

Shut up, dip shit....

[W.Dockery]

You can read more about the poet on the thread at rec.arts.poems.

[W-Dockery]

If only.

🙂

[Victor H.]

It was one of his better movies...:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO0kWTR_7tQ

[George J. Dance]

It's something we've run into before, the last time with Jim Senetto's
cento of Pink Floyd titles - the danger of a reference overwhelming the
poem. In this case the reference is purely accidental; it's a literal
translation of Garneau's title (exactly the one Google Translate gives),
and he chose that title and conceit back in the '30s. I can't change it.

[W.Dockery]

Yes, I know, while the title of the 1996 Robin Williams film is a translation of the title of the 1973 French play his film was based on, "La Cage aux Folles":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Cage_aux_Folles_(film)