a brief candle waxed in black / a poem about apples / by rachel

[Rachel]

a brief candle waxed in black


in gan eden, from above
she twisted at the gates
until still in naked sleep
stonily she did wait
destiny in her hair
fire now bound in truth
a lingering in the orchard air
green and red as sweet vermouth
from god’s veranda they did knock
calling for his holy dove
running to you, through the fields
‘neath the apple tree, i aroused your love
into the sun, we become one
no one had to beg
with the juice of the root
of forbidden fruit
running down your leg
fade to black........
happy new year, mr. dylan
you mad junkie whore!!
i love you forever.
eternally, ewe


“i wrote it in uh....uh....about ten minutes....”
9/18/2017 rosh hashanah

[Michael Pendragon]

Poems about, alluding to, or addressed to BD are forbidden by the FAQs. If you cannot comply, you will have to leave this group.

[Rachel]

WHAT IF I SAID YOU COULDN'T WRITE ABOUT FLATULENCE ANYMORE?!?!?!?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO!??!?!??!

YOU'D BE COMPLETELY LOST!!!!!!!

so just leave me alone , krispy kreme !!!!!

[Rachel]

what are you , the poetry police or something ?

[Michael Pendragon]

I'm Mike, not Corey.

I've only written one poem about flatulence (a.k.a., "divine afflatus"), "God's Bounty."

But, be that as it may. Fart poems are allowable under the FAQs: BD poems are not.

[Michael Pendragon]

Yes.

[Rachel]

i'm sure if david bowie came in here, and posted his song for bob dylan, you wouldn't say anything, you just think you can boss me around because i'm not a big superstar like will or a marine like corey.

[Michael Pendragon]

David Bowie's dead. If he came in here, I'd run.

[Rachel]

if syd barrett came in here and started posting bob dylan poems, you wouldn't say anything.

you're just taking advantage of me because i'm nobody. you think it's all just one big fat joke, ha ha ha ha ha.

[Rachel]

okay , well apparently, he's dead , too.

well , you get my point .

[Will Dockery]

Maybe that Counting Crow's singer who sang about Bob Dylan in his "Mr. Jones" song?

[Richard Oakley]

That’s a good one, but Long December really gets captured and portrayed by his voice.

r.

[Michael Pendragon]

The FAQs are for everybody -- including Syd (whoever he is) Barrett.

[Michael Pendragon]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 3:13:42 AM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:

Don't encourage her, Will.

[Michael Pendragon]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 8:40:57 AM UTC-4, drive-by wrote:

> Syd is long dead..founding member of Pink Floyd.

Thanks, Jim. That explains my lack of familiarity with him.

Here's a list of the songs I listened to this morning on my a.m. commute:


Till I Waltz Again With You - Teresa Brewer
(I'm) In Love Again - Peggy Lee
Feleena - Marty Robbins
La La (Hey Baby) - The Cobras
The Old Music Master - Johnny Mercer
Be an Angel - Dean Martin
The Very Thought of You - Jerry Vale
From a Jack to a King - Elvis Presley
Someday (You'll Want Me to Want You) - The Ames Brothers
Shine - Frankie Laine
Two Faces in the Dark - The Four Aces
Hey, Good Lookin' - Anita Bryant
The Caisson Song - U.S. Army Chorus
So in Love - Shirley Bassey
You Don't Owe Me a Thing - Johnnie Ray
I'd Do Anything - Lena Horne
MacArthur Park - Percy Faith's Orch.
A Gente Merece Ser Feliz - Jane Monheit
One Broken Heart for Sale - Elvis Presley
Red Sails in the Sunset - Connie Francis
Here Comes Heaven Again - Perry Como
Earl's Breakdown - Brian Setzer's Orch.
Regent's Park - Connie Francis
My Cup Runneth Over - Anita Bryant
I Am Loved - Judy Garland
I'd Climb the Highest Mountain - Eileen Rodgers
Begin the Beguine - Vic Damone
Baby, What Else Can I Do? - Ethel Waters
One Paddle, Two Paddle - Ray Conniff's Orch.
Just Squeeze Me - Jo Stafford
'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Bert Parks, Mitch Miller's Orch.
I Thought It was Over - Jaye P. Morgan
I Miss You So - Nat "King" Cole
Title Credits/Overture from "Singin' in the Rain" - Debbie Reynolds, Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor
You Came a Long Way from St. Louis - Connie Haines
Snuggled on Your Shoulder - Julie London
Don't Tell Me That Story - Judy Garland
Tennessee Flat Top Box - Johnny Cash

[Michael Pendragon]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 9:05:28 AM UTC-4, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
> That's a long commute. You have my sympathies.
> I can totally relate. I used to commute to Washington
> DC. An eight hour work day took fourteen hours, door
> to door, and traffic has only gotten worse since then.

Sorry, I wasn't quite accurate in saying my "commute." That should be my commute, stopping at Starbucks for coffee, a local bodega for breakfast, walking a block to work, arriving 40 min. early and relaxing with this group while eating breakfast. The actual commute (traffic depending) takes about an hour.

[Michael Pendragon]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 9:09:15 AM UTC-4, drive-by wrote:

> Your list seems a comfortable commute...Mine will be the noise of rap coming out of the car next door, where the windows seem to want to shatter...ugh.
>

My bus ride can be comfortable -- or a living Hell -- or anything in-between. Today's was okay. The driver had the AC on full blast: fortunately, I came prepared with a scarf and gloves.

[Will Dockery]

I've had the old classic "Little Green Apples" in my head off and on for a week, now... seems like that one would fit well n your list.

[Michael Pendragon]

It does. I've got two versions of it by Frankie Laine.

[Richard Oakley]

Your commute sucks, at least the music’s okay.
I do hope you mix it up a little bit, some older and
some newer? I find myself being dependent on
my older children to keep up with any new music
that might hold merit: remembering that each
decade has only a fraction of timeless music
each year. So, I’m always on the lookout for
this years gem, hopefully, gems.

r.

[Will Dockery]

Without looking it up, trying to remember the singer who had such a big hit with "Little Green Apples" when I was a kid, 1967, 68 or so... seems like a big name star of the time, Jimmy Dean or Ernie Ford..?

[Michael Pendragon]

I've got approx. 25,500 tracks on my ipod -- set it to "shuffle play" and let it go. "Some older and some newer" is relative. For me, "some older" stretches back to the WWI era, while "some newer" refers to today's traditional standards singers: Tony Bennett, Jane Monheit, Michael Buble, Brian Setzer, Meschiya Lake, Seth MacFarlane, et al.

The bulk of my tunes are from the 40s, 50s, and 60s.

[Michael Pendragon]

Roger Miller, Patti Page and O.C. Smith (don't know him) had hits with it.

[Will Dockery]

It must be Roger Miller I'm thinking of... and now that you name him, I can hear his vocal inflections creeping into my memory of the song.

[George Dance]

I never heard that one before. Is it retroactive?

[George Dance]

I was thinking of Karla's Dylan poem, "Catholics."

[Michael Pendragon]

It's a new rule that was necessitated by Rachel's constant use of this group to post make-believe personal messages to "bob."

In any other case, discussing *the poetry*/song lyrics of a musician would be perfectly acceptable. And, once Rachel goes away, BD discussions will be allowable as well.

[Will Dockery]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 5:00:51 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:
>
> I was thinking of Karla's Dylan poem, "Catholics."

I remember liking that poem, but can't remember anything about why I liked it.

[George Dance]

She used a bunch of Dylan titles: more skillfully than a lot of poems that do that. That's all I remember. That, and that she reposted it in a discussion on Dylan's alleged plagiarism of Henry Timrod.

[Will Dockery]

I may be combining that one with the excellent one Karla wrote about "Saints"... love her or hate her, the lady put out some good poetry.

[Will Dockery]

I liked "Catholics" enough to write a critique of it, and am remembering it better now, it tied in with my fascination with Catholic Saints once being Pagan Gods:

===============================================================

https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/n8l1BfUfMxg/9mT_dumW5xgJ

From: Will Dockery (shamank...@hotmail.com)
Subject: Re: Karla / Catholic

View this article only
Newsgroups: rec.arts.poems, soc.culture.cuba, alt.arts.poetry.comments,
alt.religion.wicca, alt.mythology
Date: 2005-04-10 23:56:23 PST

Karla wrote:
> Catholic
>
> The saints are dying now.

> And here I thought they were by definition already dead.
>
> Interesting. I'm sure most people's take on it, after a cursory
glance, would
> be the same. The intended use is more along the lines of Webster's
second
> usage - "a virtuous person". It might interest you to know that
there are
> three classifications of saints in the Roman Catholic Church: the
Church
> Triumphant (in heaven), the Church Suffering (in purgatory) and the
Church
> Militant (on earth). The word "saint" has meant "holy" or "set
apart". The
> early disciples were considered saints as they preached the good
news. I
> suppose it's this picture of people on a mission spreading a "gospel"
of sorts
> that I'm referring to. I'm sure by now you've stopped reading but
there you
> have it!

The Catholics also converted many Roman Gods into Saints.

> Their words
> hang upon the willows sleeping

A reference to the making of wands? Willow branches make the best wands
for magical events, such as "bringing down the moon" to make
Moon-water.

> and their guitars are blowing in the wind.

Nice Bob Dylan Homage:

> Their words
> hang upon the willows sleeping
> and their guitars are blowing in the wind.

A "Dylan plays for the Pope" reference. Nice.

> The everything door swings
> on unoiled hinges.

Great line, wish I'd written it, reminds me of my grandfather's door in
his den that creeeeeeked rusty.

I *do* have a poem about that door, buried in the archives. An old
mahogany door, with a nice keyhole, though the key was long lost by
the 1960s when I'd hang out there and watch television Westerns with
him, on the carpet under the clouds of pipe smoke that hoovered.

I'll pull that poem out eventually, I appreciate the reminder. If
nothing else, this line makes the poem worth reading.

> The saints are dying now.

The Saints being in many cases transposed Gods, not only Greek, Roman,
Egyptian and Babylonian, but African and Irish as well, this gives me a
nice Wagnerian image of Gotterdammerung, Ragnarok, that sort of event.

> No longer
> more popular than God, Peter, Paul
> and Mary weep by the rivers
> of Babylon. They tear their vestments,
> decline the host, saying

Beautiful line. Beautiful and filmic image.

> The saints are dying now. The state
> buries them with black armbands and
> rubber soul,

First verse Dylan, now, of course, Beatles. Black may signify the
demise of vinyl, but that *may* be pushing it.

I like this first part best, I see some pretty good stuff about runes
and other stuff be that's the best part, for me, for now, above.

Now a post from the archives explaining more about how Gods became
Saints to Catholics:

=========================================================

From: Nick O. Jones (Nick O. Jones)
Subject: Re: Questions on la Virgen del Cobre (long post)
View: Complete Thread (3 articles)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.cuba
Date: 1998/01/16

Larry, we may have dumped a lot more information (not to mention
having side-stepped your original question) regarding
Afro-Catholicism. I don't know if this is what you had in mind, but
here is a little clarification. By the way, I'm still curious about
the significance of the image of Och n you found. Perhaps you can tell
us a bit more about it.

The official name of the religion is Santer a, and is also known as
"La Regla Locum ."

One thing you should know is that the reason African deities are
associated with Catholic saints is due to the fact that during the
17th and 18th century, religions other than Catholic were forbidden.

The African slaves came up with an ingenious solution; Adopt the many
Catholic saints, but give them African gods counterparts. After being
taught by the Catholic church about the life of a particular saint,
they would then try to relate it with one of theirs. This way, they
could still worship their original gods while not breaking the law.

This is how the religion came to be known as "Santer a" (devotion to
saints.)

For example, Saint Barbara suffered at the hands of her own father for
her Catholic faith, even loosing her life rather than deny it. She is
depicted with a sword in her hand. Since she was one of the most
head-strong, agressive divinities, black slaves related her to Chang ,
who is the god of thunder and rain.

Each African deity takes on various attributes depending on which
African tribe the devout originated. Chang can also be the god of
war, and of volcanos. He is generally attributed to fire.

It is interesting to note that Catholic saints have gender, since they
were human beings before being cannonized by the church, while Orishas
can be of either sex, or no sex at all. Chang is generally accepted
as male, but associated with a female Catholic saint.

Complicating things further, is the fact Cribbean islands were
colonized by various countries, including France, England, etc. Each
of these would bring slaves from different parts of Africa, who
adopted different Catholic saints for each of their gods.

Maferef n gbogbo orisha!!! Aik Ti
(Praised be all orishas!! Health to you)

=============================================================

Looks like from the archived thread Karla must have deleted the "Catholic" poem from the archives, as the thread begins in progress, not starting with her poem:

https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/n8l1BfUfMxg/9mT_dumW5xgJ

--
"Sure, I pray. What the Hell have I got to lose?" -Sean Connery

[Will Dockery]

No, Pendragon's just having a little fun at Rachel's expense. Everyone is of course free to post here, whatever they want... much to our annoyance sometimes, but this is Usenet, we all live with it.

Back to Karla's "Catholic" poem, what little of the thread that remains archived at least has her response to me about my critique, where she gives some back story on the poem:

==============================================================

http://soc.culture.cuba.narkive.com/jRf7pqvy/karla-catholic

Discussion:
Karla / Catholic
(too old to reply)

Karla 12 years ago wrote:

Thank you for your kind words.

This was first posted under one of the National Poetry Day topics (Cusp) about
the death of the Pope and Robert Creeley. The word "saints" is already fairly
loaded so I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm referring to Catholic saints.
I'm not. I'd hoped that there were enough pointers in the poem itself to
highlight a bygone era, some old faces, some old causes. Alas.

Of course, the beginning of the poem steals from Psalm 137:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20137%20;&version=49;

And throughout the poem, I borrowed from old lyrics or song titles. The poem
didn't end up exactly where I want it to. It relies a bit too much on
cultural references and not enough on fresh images. I will revisit it.

Karla
...
=======================================================

And so it went...

[Will Dockery]

He must be joking, Rachel is nowhere near the worst we have here.

Hell, this very thread contains a pretty good poem by Rachel.

We have malicious trolls here that don't even write poetry... if Pendragon wants to play moderator I say he should start with them.

Just my opinion, but one I'm convinced of.

😀

[Brooke]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 12:26:30 AM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:
> On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 9:18:39 PM UTC-7, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> > On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 11:59:31 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:

> > > > Poems about, alluding to, or addressed to BD are forbidden by the FAQs. If you cannot comply, you will have to leave this group.
> > >
> > > WHAT IF I SAID YOU COULDN'T WRITE ABOUT FLATULENCE ANYMORE?!?!?!?
> > >
> > > WHAT WOULD YOU DO!??!?!??!
> > >
> > > YOU'D BE COMPLETELY LOST!!!!!!!
> > >
> > > so just leave me alone , krispy kreme !!!!!
> >
> > I'm Mike, not Corey.
> >
> > I've only written one poem about flatulence (a.k.a., "divine afflatus"), "God's Bounty."
> >
> > But, be that as it may. Fart poems are allowable under the FAQs: BD poems are not.
>
> i'm sure if david bowie came in here, and posted his song for bob dylan, you wouldn't say anything, you just think you can boss me around because i'm not a big superstar like will or a marine like corey.

Will Dockery a superstar? You must have low standards. He writes at a 3RD grade level, has a collection of word soup he likes to call "poems" and has to beg to get spots at poorly attended open mic nights. When he does play a rare gig, he isn't paid and the audience scatters.
Only in his mind is he a star. The truth is he is laughable.

[Rachel]

that's what i think tom petty thinks about himself and it's just not true a little birdie told me

man , do you know how often they play him on the radio , it's like every time i'm with paul they play tom petty , all the kids must hear it , unless i guess they don't listen to those stations . i'm not exactly sure what they are but like jack fm etc...

kids usually look up to adults i think i guess it depends

then again i talked to some young adults at physical therapy and we were talking about music and they had no idea who those people were even neil young , etc... :-( they had never heard of anybody from the 60s . :-( (i don't think tom petty came up , wait , i think one person was like his dad liked him , when it came up . :-) )

oh well. :-( (about neal young :-( )

[Michael Pendragon]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 11:27:42 PM UTC-4, drive-by wrote:

> You know my opinion of Rachel...her above Dylan fuck fantasy, gets pretty tired...she's a one trick pony...your friend Stephan knows it and calls her out...as I've said, you defend her here, not there.
>

You're welcome and encouraged to join me in ignoring her, Jim.

She seems to require an audience for her fuck fantasies. I'm done reading anything by her. If enough of us follow suit, she may actually leave.

[Will Dockery]

As you know, that's how it works... and I don't blame you at all for ignoring Rachel, if she offends you.

Exactly what you wrote me over two years ago applies here, and I can testify it does work if you have the patience and will power to stick with it:

================================================================

http://alt.arts.poetry.comments.narkive.com/Ka2R4ywc/faq-welcome-to-alt-arts-poetry-comments-read-this-first

Look Will, you're basically the heart and soul of this group and are largely responsible for holding what's left of it together ... If you were to leave, George, Corey and I would probably only drop in occasionally for a while, until the inactivity and increase of spam would turn the whole thing into a wasteland.
I'm asking you to try it my way for a while, and see if things don't improve. There are only 2 things you've got to do:

1) Stop replying to Pete, Kevin, Dink, Gary and Aratzio. I don't care if you think you've got a terrific comeback or not. File it away for future use. Make a pretend killfile, stick them all in it, and stop reading (and, especially, responding to) their posts. The number one rule of the internet is DON'T FEED THE TROLLS. Learn it. Live it. Become it.

2) Stop dredging up past incidents that have been beaten into the ground. We all know that you've been clean and sober for the past 8 years. We all know that Michael Cook made a video of Karma Bombs without your permission and without (initially) crediting you. We all know that Karla took a dead poet to court. And we all know that Pete never chastised Fred for posting "Howl".

That's all. Two little things. So simple a caveman could do it.

==========================================================

I did try it, and two years later none of the trolls listed above bother me at all... in fact have pretty much left the group.

Amazing.

:)

[Rachel]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 3:38:07 AM UTC-7, drive-by wrote:

> Rachel has been on my shit list since arriving...at times sending me away, to re-group. I find her beyond repulsive..I find her contributing nothing to society, but in fact, sucking off society, parents, included.....I do not respond to her here any longer, as she taints everything with her psycho babble...Rachel will never leave, she needs us to become valid but I'll never speak a word to her again, no matter how difficult that is at times, wanting to give her a good verbal beating.
>
> I've often asked her to get help but I do recognize a lost cause when I see one.
>
> Jim

Well, i'm sure bob (dylan) loved my poem, so i really don't care what YOU think, Drive-By!

[Will Dockery]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 5:50:58 AM UTC-4, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
>
> I'm not about ignoring particular people,
> but I think I'm like you in that I only have
> so much time during the day for reading
> and writing, so I read what interests me,
> and respond to comments that make me
> think. Nothing personal against her at all,
> but I'm just not interested in reading that
> type writing. I don't do jigsaw puzzles for
> much the same reason. I'm not interested.

Well put, and I mostly agree.

[Rachel]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 2:50:58 AM UTC-7, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
> I'm not about ignoring particular people,
> but I think I'm like you in that I only have
> so much time during the day for reading
> and writing, so I read what interests me,
> and respond to comments that make me
> think. Nothing personal against her at all,
> but I'm just not interested in reading that
> type writing. I don't do jigsaw puzzles for
> much the same reason. I'm not interested.

everybody

please

send

100 piece

jigsaw

puzzles

to

hi

(corey)

.

for

the

vets

.

[Will Dockery]

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 11:27:42 PM UTC-4, drive-by wrote:
> On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 10:55:06 PM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:

> You know my opinion of Rachel...her above Dylan fuck fantasy, gets pretty tired...she's a one trick pony...your friend Stephan knows it and calls her out...

Stephan Pickering has some long, involved theories about Rachel that, really don't follow what I know of her. I see her as an extreme fan/groupie of Bob Dylan, who often gets carried away in her zeal for him.

> as I've said, you defend her here, not there.

I've been on the Dylan group over 15 years now, and Rachel was already there when I arrived.

Unless you've read 15 years of archives I doubt you know much of my history there, I have written many thinks on dozens of topics, just as I have here.

[Will Dockery]

That may be the place to look for a complete posting of the poem...

I have noticed just now that Karla went back and deleted quite a lot of her writings here, possibly after the Tom Bishop event, in which he used one of her poems without her permission or credit to her, perhaps Karla began to feel that her poetry wasn't safe posted here.

I'll try "Catholic" + "Timrod" and see what appears.

[Michael Pendragon]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 2:38:56 PM UTC-4, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
> Rachel has simply created her own
> Dylan-centric epistemological paradigm.

... as a crutch for avoiding the real problems in her life.

[Rachel]

Wretch-ed Fewl

[Michael Pendragon]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 3:27:22 PM UTC-4, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
> I don't know Rachel, so I don't know how she deals
> with the real problems in her life. I don't think we are
> privy to those details.

Unfortunately, we are.

[Michael Pendragon]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 3:58:18 PM UTC-4, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
> You flatter yourself if you think you're a real problem in her life,
> which isn't unusual because you flatter yourself about everything.

Where did you get that one from?

I was referring to her bulimia, drug addiction (prescription and otherwise), strained relationship with mother and stepfather, broken marriage, estranged son, etc. (assuming that her non-bob rants are true).

[Michael Pendragon]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 4:15:33 PM UTC-4, hierony...@gmail.com wrote:
> I have to confess, I read her stuff as utter bullshit years ago,
> and stopped paying close attention to the details. She may
> be looney tunes, I don't know, but she's certainly not stupid.
> I just don't find her prose or poetry very interesting reading.

You're not alone.

[Will Dockery]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 5:07:05 PM UTC-4, drive-by wrote:
>
> Not sure you answered why you defend her here, not there after Stephan berates her...but Michael is right, she's in the kill bin for me.

I don't see myself "defending" Rachel, just giving my perspective and opinion on the situation.

With Stephan... his theories are ones that I can't disprove, so I won't argue them.

And I have never portrayed Rachel as innocent, either here or there... I know she picks her share of fights and writes things she knows will irritate you.

[Rachel]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 3:53:50 PM UTC-7, drive-by wrote:

> I'm not sure what you're talking about, Rachel adds much to this group, as you can see................
>
>
> Rachel
>
> 6:33 PM (15 minutes ago)
>
>
> - show quoted text -
> i'm sorry , i'm having a little fit , i tried the bike , i'm procrastinating my back ... that would probably help , too
>
> oh right , i forgot . more coffee ! (caffeine/your monthly/supposed to help)... even though it's really almost over ... i think i didn't even plug it up again based on the last one . :-/// i'm not sure ... omg ... well , i'll have to check next time ... i think i'm empty ...
>
> once i forgot it was in there , and used a dildo . it wasn't until the next time i went to the bathroom , and sat down ... and then i was like wait ... omg ... wait ... omg , i had one in there ... and it all hit me pretty quick ... i had to go to the hospital ER !!!! so they could fish it out ...
>
> i felt so stupid ...
>
> but the pretty young nurse there was so very very very nice ... :-D and they called me sweetie (not patronizingly) and everything .
>
> she even told me (!!!) it happened to her once , too !!! i don't know if it was sex or a dildo or what , but something like this ...
>
> okay , fine you stupid assholes. you want to know my disgusting secret . fine , i'll tell you , fuck you all .
>
> so once at the end of my period , within the last couple years i can't remember , somehow i forgot the last one ...
>
> it's so disgusting , i hope you all eat shit and die . fuck you .
>
> anyway , i found it after a few days , it's so awful , it's so gross , omg , i wish you all were dead .
>
> well , anyway , that's one of my totally fucking disgusting secrets .
>
> see , i even devised this way to remember , in the bathroom . i NEVER had a problem , until i started getting older ... same with (oh fuck off) occasional skid marks . if you had told me about this (well , if it happened to me) before i got old , i would have killed myself . i know it never happened to me until i was way way way into my thirties . in fact , the very first time it happened , i sent it to bob . so he knows when , if he looks at his fan mail . and it's happened a few times (maybe 3) . just so people know , it starts to happen when you get older , i think .... i know it seems so crazy ... how could it happen ... what's changed ... but i guess you change inside somehow ... in your brain ...
>
> anyway, back to the tampons ... so i started putting them out in the bathroom , to help me remember , in a little stand , that has two sides ... so i can see them . and so if i sit down , and see one there , it's to remind me , you have one in, you have to change it (morning or night). one side is for morning , one side is for night . it works sort of okay . it's so WEIRD , that you NEVER EVER EVER *EVER* forget when you are young , but then you get older , and you start forgetting . :-((((((((
>
> i am so glad i got my bob dylan story all down, every single little detail , every single little time i ever thought about him or anything , before i forgot !!!!!!!!!!!! i mean , sure , some things you'll NEVER forget , although i was under SO MUCH PRESSURE ONLINE , trying to talk in front of mr. dylan (bob) , i messed up some things , but then later see and know, oh fuck , that's not quite right !!!! i know what it was !!!! damn !!!! but i'm not going back and fixing things , i mean , if bob never comes back , and i have nothing to do .... sigh ....
>
> i hope he makes my dream come true ...
>
> he's so silly ...
>
> to be so shy ...
>
> it's crazy ...
>
> like i'm not embarrassed to spend time (visiting for a month or so ... iow , living with) my mom . she sees me . she sees who i am . the whole thing . and i'm not embarrassed . i know she knows i'm not stupid , or at least not COMPLETELY crazy , i don't know if she knows what to think about how far this bob things goes , and i don't care . i don't need her validation . but anyway , the point is ... i mean , she SEES me ... doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally , just walking around , pacing around , with no thoughts in my head , or possibly just musing about things ... then coming to sit down , scanning the computer , finding nothing , just sitting here , walking around , literally , DOING NOTHING.
>
> well , obviously , i'm not STUPID . i'm just not quite like other people !!!! so what is bob so AFRAID of ??? what am i going to see , or not see , that he's so SHY about ???? it's CRAZY !!!!!!! just like he thinks he's so special and so different , if his thought-dreams could be seen , he's SO AWFUL , everybody would want to chop off his head . he has the world's BIGGEST ego , to think that . and it's not even TRUE . he likes thinking his thoughts . not ALL of them , but he KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG AND HE'S A GOOD PERSON. just like me . it happened to me , too . i think because of speed ? i'm guessing ? it's like it opens up your mind , and ideas and thoughts come to you . but a LOT OF THEM , are like tests . they aren't even YOU . it's up to YOU to be the judge . to be like , yes , or no . like , no way , this is wrong , this is NOT me. you can even get a sense of it from say , movies ... like dustin hoffman in wag the dog . they come to him for his ideas . so they start coming to him ... and he's spilling them out ... and some are good , and some of them aren't , and he KNOWS , he realizes, he spits out an idea , and then is like , no no no, that's not good , forget that !
>
> this is weird, is this kind of like evolution ? like god , making his creations , and then changing his mind and sh*t ?
>
> well, i don't want to think about that, or talk about god , or anything , other than bob.
>
> it's just WRONG.
>
> he's SO self-conscious , but he doesn't NEED to be , at least , in front of ME .
>
> am i that different ? am i special or something ?
>
> well , hell , compared to NORMAL people , omg, , i guess i AM a freak , too .
>
> i mean , crystal meth . omg .
>
> for example , my cousin , he was talking about renting this really CUTTING EDGE OUT THERE tv show from cable .
>
> it was nurse jackie .
>
> i couldn't believe it .
>
> i was like , i must be SO DIFFERENT . i must be SO OUT THERE . i must be SUCH A F*CK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because to ME , it was NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> well, okay .
>
> so about bob . bob , hello ? are you there ? :-) (that makes me smile so bad... !!!!!!) (i f*ckin' LOVE YOU , MAN.)
>
> i just understand and accept. okay , i just thought of paul . it's not really because of what he's doing , it's because , I DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A RESENTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean , if i were lying on the bed with bob , and we were looking at each other (paul had a queen bed in his room at his parent's house and a tv where i would watch beverly hills 90210 for relief/to escape) and bob said to me, "boo!" i would think it was ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's just so hard to handle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being with someone else!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love everything ABOUT bob dylan . i mean , a lot of his shows ... okay fine , but one , he's all messed up , and it must excruciating , having to sing the same songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over i mean who cares anymore , and he's drunk and/or on drugs , and he just doesn't care . or also , he loses his perspective !!!! like the way one might abhor something at first , then get used to it , and then learn to start actually enjoying it . so maybe he's singing all fucked up , but he's on drugs or drunk and doesn't care , then gets used to it , or even likes it (from his fucked up perspective) and then starts singing that way and gets used to it and it's natural . but i seriously don't CARE about his singing or concerts!!!!!!!!! i don't want to WATCH THEM or LISTEN TO THEM, i want to be with him, not have him entertain me like that!!!!!!!!! i don't find it entertaining. i am DYING to be RELATING to other people. i really really really have a good time when i am with people. even paul. he says so many things that make me think. (like an angel.) but see, i don't want to use him. it's not nice to (wow, like bob even sings of this i just remembered while trying to think of how to describe what i am trying to say) look (or listen) to one person , and be thinking of something (or someone) else!!!!!!!!!!!! but so many things he says....it's so hard....cuz it happens a lot....that's why i can't be around him so much....plus he's busy anyway....but it's like this magic thing....all these things he says....i'll give you an example. i got in the car , wearing my favorite colored shirt that fits , because it was clean , and my gray one i would have preferred to wear , i mean , this is sort of like my best t-shirt , say , perhaps , to wear to dr. reuben or a doctor , anyway , when i was gone yesterday late afternoon for a bite to eat with them (paul and nat) , anyway, i get in the car , and he says my shirt is "interesting."
>
> see , the thing was , when i said about the titles to BIABH/H61R that they were interesting...i actually edited that . initially , i wrote the "best , most intelligent" as if it were true ... but then i wasn't sure ... that wasn't quite it ... not that it wasn't true ... i wasn't sure how to capture their essence ... to describe them ... what they were ... ha ha ... like dylan is not rock n' roll , i always thought he was in a category ALL BY HIMSELF , although after tons of drugs , and listening to more rocking stuff , i sort of saw that it could be "rock" too. anyway, that was weird. calling my best shirt, "interesting."
>
> or like , and this is sort of personal , but paul said it was okay , as long as he didn't have to read it , he said he didn't mind , anyway, he used to say to excuse himself from the table that he was going to "the little boy's room." i thought that was awesome. i thought it was so respectful. (not that he was always respectful AT_ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but that was.) i always thought to say, to the restroom...anyway, NOW, you know what he's saying. it's so funny. it's so cool. i can't believe it. this is not to be taken the wrong way that i am attracted to him or anything or would EVER consider having SEX with him , i will NEVER do that again , after what happened with bob . when i go out with them now , i PAY FOR MYSELF . i do NOT want a repeat of the first time 'round , when i felt SO GUILTY , that i ended up jacking him off (after much begging and begging, well, never mind, i could say that over and over, including btw, and i add this in because in the end i didn't mind it at all , but getting naked and hanging out at his pool , where he was living with his parents , and swimming , etc....) anyway, where was i hold on. oh, okay , that was it .
>
> oh wait. no. :-( i was gonna say what he says now. i don't want to ruin it by saying how great it is, like that happened to me with silence of the lambs, everybody was saying it was the very very best, and so in the end, i was a little disappointed.
>
> well, anyway, it just tickles my funny bone. he excuses himself, and says he has to go to the sandbox.
>
> isn't that hilarious?
>
> makes me think of bob, at first. that valentine i wrote, about playing in the sandbox, and then it reminded me of "your darling pet , fascist rainbow ." bob , was that you !?!?!??!? or was that really tim ?!?!?!?!?!?!? it makes me sad , like that person (and maybe you , too , or maybe it was you , not that a lot of your fans aren't like this , too) but he was so fast , and so smart , like he was always DOING something , online , so he wouldn't get bored . and i mean , like learning new languages , etc... ("i speak french now" , etc...) lots of interests....maybe i would bore you . :-((( marc wasn't bored . maybe marc got bored the second time around...in the board and care....when i wasn't happy and excited and turned on , and i wanted something , and couldn't say , and was beating around the bush , and trying to start conversations about other things , like who are all the tribes in the bible, i have no idea (don't remember at all , all of them , no way , i barely read it !!!!!) and he didn't want to tell me ? he wanted me to entertain him like before ? i don't know. :-(((
>
> it's so sad to me that you think about children .
>
> although i guess i was exactly the same way in the beginning. get you , at huntington gardens , and then you come live with me , and you'd be there , on my couch , and i was so busy running around , and going to learn kabbalah , be there , and go to services , etc.... , participate fully . and i'd have bob dylan , too.
>
> then i ate the grape-nuts , after not eating for several or more days , pretending that i was , like it was an illusion , and i didn't need it , but then i got so hungry ... and i was in the clothes store , trying on dresses for the kabbalah centre (services) , and my stomach was bulging out , and i tucked the dress under my boobs , and looked in the mirror , and saw what it would be like to be pregnant . i don't remember my thinking TOO WELL , but it was something like definitely , being important . i didn't think YOU were important . you know , like you are now (well , gee , i really don't think your songs are that smart ... i mean , unless i analyze them myself ... i guess it's just because 1. you are REALLY rich , and this is in the sense of , i didn't know , you are POWERFUL . you have THOUSANDS of people working under you , for you , this is so hard to grasp , i know i heard it (read it) years ago , it's just so hard to UNDERSTAND , to picture, like what are they doing !?!??!?! i was picturing like , they read your mail for you or something , i don't know. ) but anyway, why else are you important . rich = you are completely taken care of . you have thousands of people under you . but , do you have everything you want and need ? can you find anything and everything you want ? like a good trainer , etc...? how come your jacket doesn't fit ? that doesn't make sense to me . how come you can't find someone or someones to make you stop smoking ?!?!?!??!?!?!? i don't get that . what about your haircuts ? do you really think they are so attractive ? i don't get that EITHER!!!!!!!!! i mean , i would think , after one like that , you'd look in the mirror , and find somebody else , and keep changing , until you found someone to do it right . including say , finding pictures , or with your resources , have someone draw a picture of what you want it to look like . or even former pictures of yourself from before , and say , please, could you make it like that ? i don't GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you HIDING!?!??!?!? do you do it on PURPOSE?!?!?!?!??!?!?!? i can understand the clothes. i get that. i just do , and i won't even bother going into it. but the hair ? i don't understand . and the colors...well ... maybe you do that on purpose , too . even like magazine covers . i get that , too. maybe you are trying to connect with the average joe , and it's like a solidarity thing , taking the haircut you get , and living with it , just like everybody else has to , and there's nothing they can do . but you know what , bob ? EVERYBODY ELSE I SEE HAS FINE HAIRCUTS!!!!!!!!!!!! it's only you (AND BY THE WAY, ME TOO A LOT) and i just don't get it.
>
> btw, PLEASE don't feel bad about unattractive haircuts. it's just a haircut. i mean , it's not the end of the world , and it's not even PERMANENT!!!!! it's not THAT big a deal , but it would be nice if they were more attractive. i guess i'm thinking ... your hair has always been at its best (nicest) (most attractive) when it has grown out . i can't think of i a time i saw it where it was OBVIOUSLY just cut , and it looked really good . i'm not sure . maybe that's really hard or something. but i don't get it . NOBODY else has this problem !!!! (EXCEPT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) well , anyway , it's just hair , so let's drop this and move on. where were we ?
>
> ok , are you important or not ? so i was just thinking ... horsham director said your concert wasn't "important" and wouldn't let me out of the psych. hospital (where they put me senior year (high school) for depression and cutting my wrists, suicidality) to go (my very first concert). but they let another boy go to his anthrax concert.
>
> so you're rich. whoopdee doo. okay , let's go back to the grape-nuts. being pregnant. never thought about it before. i thought i looked important. i am carrying a baby. i am going to be somebody's mother.
>
> that's when it changed.
>
> we can't have children in this apartment .
>
> there is one bedroom . there is no room.
>
> (so far , all i knew , is instead of sitting on your couch in malibu , you'd be sitting on my yet-to-be purchased black leather couch in the most beautiful place in the world , my apartment with all my things .)
>
> suddenly i knew . you have a big house with multiple bedrooms. and you can give them everything i had , obviously . i didn't even have a big house with lots of bedrooms. you can afford to send them to the best schools , and the educational vacations , etc... just like i had . obviously you can give them this .
>
> i don't remember how it all went.
>
> i was going crazy.
>
> i can't even remember if this was before or after the knocking.
>
> all i remember is at one point i thought your house was falling apart.
>
> then later i thought i knew you were rich and we were getting married and having children.
>
> in san francisco, i was thinking about your three houses, how we would enjoy the seasons in their turns, with the children. like ice skating and playing in the snow and all that in minnesota. and new york in the fall. etc...just a nice life.
>
> wait, what about the house husband? that was in pasadena, we'd get married, and you had a nice house, and rabbi berg was going to teach me kabbalah, and i would save the world. (oh shut up. :-( )
>
> after san francisco, up there out on the roof, i came back down, and i was on curson, and i imagined being pregnant again. i was freaking out. because i had seen you, i knew you were bob fucking dylan. i'm sure i didn't think you were bob fucking dylan in the balcony. how could i know? how could i think this? because of the lighter. or maybe i did know, but i also knew you were depressed. i mean, did i think you were my lucky wilbury, or bfd? i think i thought you were bfd, depressed and lonely, and all that, but i wasn't picturing your looks in my head. although i think when i was playing with the root beer stick i knew you were cool, and educated, and respectable, etc...cuz you were telling me to go home and clean up my mess. at this point, it was just all about you and your depression (and loneliness).
>
> on curson...being pregnant...having THE bob dylan's baby...it was just too much. that probably makes you depressed, bob. before they close the door. i thought i knew what you meant.
>
> why do we think that way?
>
> what about two people being together and sharing?
>
> if i had to take care of children....that's a full-time job.
>
> it's so stupid. two people fall in love, they celebrate, make love, and then, boom, it's all over. screaming babies, poopy diapers, constant supervision, cooking, cleaning (okay, i guess not at bob dylan's house) well...it's just so much work....isn't it ?
>
> we never even had TIME. to meet. to get to know each other. to talk. to relate. to share. to go out together. to fall in love, to see if we wanted to share physical intimacy...to meet each other's families (i have problems with that all alone i am so ashamed i have nothing to share, no job, no husband, no children, nothing. :-( )
>
> i guess i wanted to have you...and then i guess i didn't want to get to know you...
>
> because i knew deep down it would be all bad.
>
> i think that's what i thought/just knew.
>
> all your pain.
>
> all alone, isolated, a loner...
>
> in san francisco i was thinking about it...(berkeley i mean, i always mean berkeley, except at first at steve f.'s condo where i stole his shirt, omg, what the hell was wrong with me i'm so sorry :-((( ) anyway, thinking about how it was all everybody else's fault. that you did nothing wrong, you didn't deserve any of it, everybody ended up hurting you.
>
> i never thought about sitting down and talking with you and listening to your feelings.
>
> all i knew, to think about, for lucky wilbury, was just to love him. physically. to show him i loved him. to kiss him. a lot. lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of kissing. (which produced orgasmic like reactions whatever :-( )
>
> and for bob dylan...THE bob dylan...i wasn't good enough. they slammed the door. the whole thing didn't make sense. i made a mistake. he didn't knock for me. he didn't call me. he didn't want me.
>
> WHAT IS MY POINT!?!?!??! WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!??!?!?!??!?
>
> babies/children/vs. a couple with no kids.
>
> deep breath...
>
> I HAVEN'T EVEN MET YOU YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> I BARELY KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> I HAVEN'T SPENT ANY TIME WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> YOU'VE BARELY SAID TWO WORDS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> YOU WRITE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF ARTICLES AND POST LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF YOUTUBE VIDEOS, NONE OF WHICH INTEREST ME IN THE SLIGHTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> i'm thinking....if it took this long to get to know ME, then how long will it take to get to know BOB, and by the time i finally DO, we will be so old, it will be TOO LATE to adopt any kids.
>
> otoh, when we sit here at the computer ALL DAY without ANY KIND OF BREAKS, it is kind of excruciating.
>
> you're supposed to have balance, and moderation, and all that. it's just kids are...omg.
>
> it's the most important thing in the whole world.
>
> i just don't think i'm good enough.
>
> and on top of that, i don't even think i WANT it, i want to ... i hesitate to say this ... get to know bob ... FROM BOB HIMSELF. i do not want to spend my life all by myself alone reading books trying to FIGURE HIM OUT . not that that wouldn't possibly be "interesting" like some kind of QUEST of something , but it's just not the same as the very very very VERY real thing! that's like....the ULTIMATE.
>
> but it's so private and personal. it was never any of my BUSINESS. and i never wanted it to BE my business!!!!!!!! i guess the whole baby thing messed me up, like a DISTRACTION from the real thing. even the real thing... i didn't picture TALKING to him , like tell me all your secrets , omg , i just was so crazy i thought he was just there , depressed , he'll come live with me , in the happiest place on earth , and he'll be happy .
>
> and one point , i was thinking of it a little , but i knew he was the HARDEST most PARANOID GUARDED person on earth . i just wanted him to trust me , and all i knew was he was saying the world has gone wrong , and i just wanted to say , you can't blame the world , your depression is your own responsibility . i don't know. i thought so many things. then like , he was there depressed , just be nice to him , and invite him to huntington gardens , and then gently take his hand ... and then he would be happy , because this nice girl LIKES him . and he could come live with me , and be happy . then it was like (and i forget how the babies or house husband or falling down house fits in) he knew me , and that's why he was depressed and lonely , because he was waiting for me to remember , and he just wanted to be with me . i thought he was calling me... out there....to come find him...to hurry...and there were times he was very angry...with what i was doing....making me throw things out....like new clothes i bought, or my bob dylan drawing....like you care about these things , and like them , what about me ?!?!?! i need you...etc....i thought he wanted to marry me, dress me, and have me be his wife . i even thought he was telling me to get fat . so i did . frantically .
>
> well , whatever .
>
> it was a big surprise . (wasn't it?)
>
> you didn't know i was coming , you had no idea , marc said nothing (?!?!?!?) about me (?!?!?!?) i don't know , i have no idea, nobody will tell me anything , barely.
>
> i spend practically every day , bob , every day of my miserable life , trying to help you , telling you who i am, telling you the story , telling you the truth , of who i am, and how this happened , and trying to prove to you that i am real , and i exist , and i am not part of some illusion of a real world which is so sickeningly painful that you can't handle it .
>
> i almost can't handle it , either .
>
> but then i think , it is so immoral , to deny it .
>
> it's not fair to the people who lived through it .
>
> i don't know .
>
> it's so confusing .
>
> i've done everything i know how and can to try and get you back , without being too inappropriate .
>
> i don't think going to your house is appropriate .
>
> what do you think ?
>
> don't forget adoption ...
>
> that's what you said ...
>
> well , you know me .... SORT OF ... but i don't know you at ALL , hardly .
>
> you have never been with me in person .
>
> you have NO IDEA how i am going to act , or treat you , or respond to you , or what kinds of things i will say , and how , or anything.
>
> and you're already talking about adopting children.
>
> supertiny: i have to get to know you first. :-//////// i'm sorry. :-(((((((( i know. i hate talking about my pain, too. i just want to forget it. :-(((((((( like getting date raped while i was drunk in a hammock when i was 14. or again once when i was passed out on a carpet, never mind by whom. (a sort of distant relative on my father's side).
>
> oh g-d, i don't want to DO this. i don't want to TALK about this.
>
> but i guess i MIGHT *POSSIBLY* be interested in doing it... if it were with you...my lucky wilbury...my beautiful baby bob dylan...poor bob dylan... all alone....and hurt....and hurting...i would share my pain with you...for you...for us...so maybe...we could get close...and connect...
>
> because that's all i ever wanted...to be alone with you...but i thought you were too cool for me...and too hard....and there was nothing to share.
>
> and it's almost like...sharing with kids...is just so fake . it's like being a liar ... playing with them .... being happy ... like it's all fun and games ... when hell is just over the borderline ... as madonna put it ... although i don't remember the rest of the words ...
>
> you want to adopt . you want to be happy . you want to have kids ... i think ?
>
> what about me ?
>
> can i make you happy ?
>
> do you like me?
>
> would you like to share (what's left) of your life with me ? ???
>
> maybe after we spend time together , and get to know each other ....
>
> but i don't know.
>
> i almost just can't even picture it , bob.
>
> i think between the two of us ... we must be so interesting ... and then all the people out there we'd like to know/visit/see/meet/spend some time with ...
>
> i just don't get it .
>
> it doesn't even make sense to me .
>
> who are you ?!?!?!??!??!?!??!?
>
> why do you want to adopt children with me !?!?!?!??!?!??!
>
> it sounds crazy .
>
> i don't even know if you like me .
>
> we've spent 10 minutes together or slt .
>
> and i don't really know who you are , either .
>
> and i don't want to be famous .
>
> i do not want to get to know you on a computer in front of all your fans .
>
> this is so unfair to me .
>
> it's the most special thing in the whole wide world and this cheapens it .
>
> I WANT TO MEET YOU.
>
> YOU'RE ALREADY 76 YEARS OLD AND WE NEVER KNOW.
>
> IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE TO HAVE CHILDREN.
>
> MAYBE WE COULD ADOPT, I KNOW THAT SOUNDS INSANE, BUT I KNOW HOW TO BE ALMOST NORMAL.
>
> BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.
>
> and quite frankly , i ' m a little hurt that you are already moving on to children , before you've even really met me and spent time with me. okay , i guess you really have a good sense of my personality (but there is a HUGE part that is missing , real life is SO different from the computer , but I HAVEN'T EVEN MET YOU. please , have a little consideration for ME! you know a lot about me , i don't know much about YOU! i know it sounds really scary , but if that's what you want , then PLEASE , invite me over , or come pay me a visit , and let me get to know you , so i can SEE , if i think this will work. i had NO IDEA who you were really , when i ran to you . how INCREDIBLY sensitive and unique and special you are. not that i could have handled it . but NOW i want to get to know you first... i want to spend time with you... i want you to share yourself with me...as you feel comfortable...so i can get to know bob dylan...and only THEN...EVENTUALLY...MAYBE...i can see...this is great...we would make good....well....i should say....foster parents (???)... like , we work well together... we function well... we have a lot to offer... maybe we can take in a kid or two or something...
>
> it's just so hard to fathom , to contemplate .
>
> i have no idea how you are , bob .
>
> i have NO_IDEA.
>
> can i meet you ?
>
> hello ?
>
> hello ?
>
> there is no way on earth i can know if i want to have children with you until i get to know you.
>
> i was crazy before. i was young , and innocent , i had NO IDEA how bad it could get , or how far it go , or how deep you could go in ... omg ...
>
> i thought you were fairly normal ... like me ...
>
> but you are not. you are way more , and way more complex , and i think i know this , based on what changes i have undergone in the years since our encounter , and what i have seen so far online .
>
> and it's NOT that i have this great desire... wow...i want to know the real bob dylan...as deep as it goes..."that would be so cool..." that's sick. (or interesting, or a satisfying challenge, or anything sick and egotistical like that)
>
> but you are infinitely more important to me than anybody else. and i have to SEE. i have to FIND OUT. what's going on. does this person need me, or can we move on, and share with children?
>
> well, i think that's the crux of it. i'm not even going to bother to re-read this crap. i'll re-read it after i post in a while or whatever.
>
> i think that was the main point. i think i figured out the main point. what i was trying to say. two paragraphs above this one.
>
> is that okay? :)? :-////////
>
> i hope you can handle that and are not insulted.
>
> remember, i blew my professors and other professionals away. apparently, i'm "brilliant." i think it's stupid, but maybe it would work for you. and your knowledge is EXTREMELY attractive to me, too. so saying you have nothing for me is just...retarded.
>
> btw, that blue house also...looks very comforting and nice , too. maybe you do know the kinds of things i like.
>
> but what i guess you can't understand , is that i love you.
>
> i 'd like to help you come to know that . (alright , i will read it over . sigh . wish you were here . :-(((((((( )
>
> no , forget it . i don 't care right now . all that work , to figure out i wanted to tell you , i need to see if YOU need me first , before i can decide if i want to help other people (some children) with you .
>
> this is embarrassing . oh well . :-( (talking about kids.)

couldn't handle it (typo)

just like me = just like i am (oops)

reminds me of that book black like me. what was that about hold on...right i thought so!!! a white person changes his skin color to try and see what it's like being black.

can't imagine...

i got stopped once with a black guy i was hanging out with , asked for IDs and everything , in chicago ...

all because he was black , i'm guessing , because that never happened to me before as a (semi) white person (jew).

wow , huh ?

[Will Dockery]

On Tuesday, September 26, 2017 at 6:53:50 PM UTC-4, drive-by wrote:

> I'm not sure what you're talking about, Rachel adds much to this group, as you can see................

Yes, I usually always skip most of that kind of writing.

The poem this thread starts with isn't that bad, in my opinion, though:

:)

[Will Dockery]

On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 11:00:02 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:
>

Just read this one, pretty decent "Modern Style" poetry, Rachel.

[Rachel]

i can't imagine how it must read to someone (educated) (or even not?) who doesn't know the story behind it, including bd's lyrics.

probably like the way i hear jwh or something. :-////////

[Will Dockery]

It is somewhat easy to follow on a superficial level.

[Will Dockery]

Pendragon, I thought of your commuter playlist last night at the nightclub when Henry Conley and the band broke into the Johnny Cash tune "Tennessee Flat Top Box" out of the blue, which is of course on your list.

Made me wonder if Henry isn't one of the lurkers here.

😀

[Will Dockery]

"Rachel" wrote in message
news:0c0fef1c-2048-4e39...@googlegroups.com...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Well, now, looks like a reassessment is in order for our dear Rachel.

This is some outstanding modern poetry, I says.

:)

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

There go your poetry creds ... running down your leg like Mr. Dylan's splooge.

[George J. Dance]

Oh, my: so now Pedodragon has put Dylan the Jew on his sploogelist: to join Ginsberg the Jew, Cohen the Jew, Rachel the Jew, Pickering the Jew, and perhaps whole lot more Jews we haven't encountered yet.

[Will Dockery]

Hey, Pendragon, we have different tastes in poetry, we haven't always known and acknowledged that.

Rachel's poetry roots are Beatniks, so it is no stretch to see Bob Dylan mentioned in her poems, as Dylan was a protégé of Ginsberg, Guthrie and other Beat era artists.

Really, she is truly a "modern poet".

😀

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

I refer you to lines 17 and 19 of Rachel's poem (quoted above). Please do something about your lack of reading comprehension skills, Dunce. Your inability to understand ... anything ... is becoming most tiresome.

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

No need to insult the lady, Will.

[Will Dockery]

True, no insult is intended, Michael.

:)

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

Look up!

[Will Dockery]

"Michael Pendragon" wrote in message
news:0998d3aa-fa9d-4d30...@googlegroups.com...
> On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 8:59:31 PM UTC-7, Rachel wrote:
> > On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 8:30:26 PM UTC-7, Michael Pendragon

> > wrote:
> > > On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 11:00:02 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:

> > > Poems about, alluding to, or addressed to BD are forbidden by the
> > > FAQs. If you cannot comply, you will have to leave this group.
> >
> > WHAT IF I SAID YOU COULDN'T WRITE ABOUT FLATULENCE ANYMORE?!?!?!?
> >
> > WHAT WOULD YOU DO!??!?!??!
> >
> > YOU'D BE COMPLETELY LOST!!!!!!!
> >
> > so just leave me alone , krispy kreme !!!!!
>
> what are you , the poetry police or something ?

Yes.

-------------------------------------------------------

Remember... no Bob Dylan allowed, ever...

[Will Dockery]

"George Dance" wrote in message
news:8ae92742-e0c2-43c3...@googlegroups.com...

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 3:13:42 AM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:
> Rachel wrote:

> > On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 9:35:56 PM UTC-7, Michael Pendragon
> > wrote:

> > > > > > I'm Mike, not Corey.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I've only written one poem about flatulence (a.k.a., "divine
> > > > > > afflatus"), "God's Bounty."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > But, be that as it may. Fart poems are allowable under the
> > > > > > FAQs: BD poems are not.
> > > > >
> > > > > i'm sure if david bowie came in here, and posted his song for bob
> > > > > dylan, you wouldn't say anything, you just think you can boss me
> > > > > around because i'm not a big superstar like will or a marine like
> > > > > corey.
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > > David Bowie's dead. If he came in here, I'd run.
> > >
> > > if syd barrett came in here and started posting bob dylan poems, you
> > > wouldn't say anything.
> > >
> > > you're just taking advantage of me because i'm nobody. you think it's
> > > all just one big fat joke, ha ha ha ha ha.
> >
> > okay , well apparently, he's dead , too.
> >
> > well , you get my point .
>
> Maybe that Counting Crow's singer who sang about Bob Dylan in his "Mr.
> Jones" song?

I was thinking of Karla's Dylan poem, "Catholics."

------------------------------------------------------------

I think that one was actually called "Saints"...

But I will need to check again.

[Will Dockery]

"George Dance" wrote in message

news:6cceb5a1-8cdd-4d38...@googlegroups.com...

On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 6:17:45 PM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:

> On Monday, September 25, 2017 at 5:00:51 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:
> >
> > I was thinking of Karla's Dylan poem, "Catholics."
>

> I remember liking that poem, but can't remember anything about why I liked
> it.

She used a bunch of Dylan titles: more skillfully than a lot of poems that
do that. That's all I remember. That, and that she reposted it in a
discussion on Dylan's alleged plagiarism of Henry Timrod.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I get back on Google Groups and off this here Eternal September
newsreader, I will find it again.

[Will Dockery]

Corey wrote in message
news:ae22f5ae-fa0b-445a...@googlegroups.com...

So, you listen to music while you relax with us?
I do that sometimes too. Sometimes you all keep
me focused on the big picture while I'm bogged
down with the day to day minutia of caregiving,
which is a polite way of saying that reading your
posts keeps me occupied so I don't beat the crap
out of crippled old demented men with my iPad.

------------------------------------------------

Jerry Lewis lost his MDA telethon because he used the word "cripples".

[Will Dockery]

Corey wrote in message
news:c9b5812f-530b-4d0a...@googlegroups.com...

That's a long commute. You have my sympathies.
I can totally relate. I used to commute to Washington
DC. An eight hour work day took fourteen hours, door
to door, and traffic has only gotten worse since then.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Take it to email."

[Will Dockery]

"Rachel" wrote in message
news:0c0fef1c-2048-4e39...@googlegroups.com...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rediscovered here in the archives... damned good poem...

[Brother Dave]

> Rediscovered here in the archives... damned stupid poem...

Yep

[Will Dockery]

"Michael Pendragon" wrote in message

news:78ef5372-4241-4548...@googlegroups.com...
>
> The bulk of my tunes are from the 40s, 50s, and 60s.

Yes, we figured that part out...

[Will Dockery]

Thanks for displaying your poor taste in poetry, take BD.

[General Zod]

On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 11:00:02 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:

Very nice poem to read once more............

[Will Dockery]

Good poem, Rachel...

[Will Dockery]

But was it a well-spoken black candle?

[General Zod]

On Friday, February 1, 2019 at 2:34:15 PM UTC-5, Will Dockery wrote:
> Good poem, Rachel...

I agree...........

[Will Dockery]

"Rachel" wrote in message
news:0c0fef1c-2048-4e39...@googlegroups.com...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Stopped by for another read, enjoyed.

[Brainiac Five]

On Sunday, September 24, 2017 at 11:00:02 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:
>

One of my favorite Rachel poems.....

Hello out there Rachel.........

[High Number]

Lovely poem Rachel....

Bumped for new members V.C. and Jordy.....

[Vinyl Cat]

Thank you!! I'm loving them all!!

[Art for Sale]

On Monday, September 9, 2019 at 3:39:38 AM UTC-4, Vinyl Cat wrote:
>
> Thank you!! I'm loving them all!!

I will bump more Rachel poems for you....

I am a big Rachel fan....

[Vinyl Cat]

Well, looks like you've already read my mind!!! Thank you, kind sir!!

[High Number]

On Monday, September 9, 2019 at 5:24:12 AM UTC-4, Vinyl Cat wrote:
>
> Well, looks like you've already read my mind!!! Thank you, kind sir!!

I will type until daylight........

Then I must secure the tent and head up to the coffee......

Until that moment I shall bump as much of the desired poetry up as I can find, and related items.....