Poetry
beloved49
Sweet Dreams My Love
Can a man bare his soul
even if it meets not rhyme nor reason
Can he love, though it cost him all
Can one man love with a love dared not spoken
And in the end find true peace.
=z=
yes
can a women bare her soul
even if it meets not rhyme nor reason
can she love, though it cost her all
can one woman love with a love dared, not spoken...
"and in the end...the love we take
is equal to the love...we make"
George Dance
I'd argue that, if it is poetry, it isn't very good poetry. Why?
Because you haven't worked at it. You have some good
phrases and images in there, but the problem is that they're not your
phrases and images. You've just grabbed onto some that have been used
over and over again.
A phrase that's been used over and over again is called a 'cliche.'
For most people a cliche is something that they've heard so many times
that it means nothing to them. If it's a metaphor like "bare his
soul," it's a dead metaphor; a reader doesn't imagine a person
becoming naked (like someone reading, say, "strip down to the soul"
might, though that's not much better) -- he won't imagine, won't
visualize, anything. So he won't get anything out of the phrase.
A good poem has to give a reader something unique -- something they
wouldn't get anywhere else -- which is a good reason to be wary of
cliches. I won't tell you never to use one: sometimes a cliche can be
used to good effect (usually, though, to humorous effect). However,
you should always be aware of when you're using a cliche, and on no
account should you ever offer a reader nothing but cliches. (Even if
you're using a good literary device -- which a cliche isn't) -- you
shouldn't offer a poem that's only that one trick and nothing more.)
So: How do you tell if some phrase is a cliche? Use google; its search
engine (or any search engine, FTM) makes an excellent Cliche Meter. A
search engine will tell you how many times a phrase is used on the
web, which will give you an idea how many times it's used in normal
conversation.
Searching google, I found:
about 1,250,000 results for "bare his soul"
about 2,390,000 for "rhyme nor reason"
about 3,310,000 for "though it cost him all"
about 2,490,000 for "cost him all"
about 113,000 for "love dared not" + speak OR spoken
about 233,000,000 for "and in the end"
about 234,000 for "find true peace"
A good rule of thumb: if a phrase has been used more than 10,000
times, it's getting into cliche territory. If it's been used more than
100,000, it's solidly there.
A few imaginative or empathetic readers may still 'get' your poem
anyway; by using their own imaginations to fill in all the details you
failed to give them to imagine a situation -- a Romeo and Juliet type
of romance? a homosexual union? -- with which they can identify. But
if any do, that's no credit to you: those readers will have done all
of your work for you.
I'd say: go back and rewrite. Imagine a man (or a woman) forced by
circumstances to ask him- or herself those questions: and write a poem
about him (or her).