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THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet PART ONE
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Coco DeSockmonkey
Feb 21, 2024, 11:40:30 PMFeb 21
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THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet PART ONE
"Thanks for the nod on my rod, General Zod.
Watch my rod nod at the sight of your bod.
I'll shoot my wad if you'll call me your God.
So thanks for the nod on my rod, General Zod.
"You know I love all the sweet things you say,
Look at my rod, it gets bigger every day!
And my ass is as large as a Chevrolet!
So thanks, General Wank, and keep slurping away.
"Thanks for the slurp on my sphinc, General Stink,
Slurp while I burp, play the perp to my twink.
Call me your blubber-butt, cuddly and pink.
And thanks for the slurp on my sphinc, General Stink.
"You know I'm grateful that you do me for free,
You even stand watch when I take a wee-wee.
Our lust is pure love, none can say it's smutty.
Heh thanks, General Scruff, you're a fluff Ph.D.
"Thanks for the lube on my moob, General Pube.
Open my shirt and we'll star on YouTube.
My gut expands like a truck inner tube.
I'm thankful a rube loves my moob, General Pube.
"You know I adore when you dip on my dork.
You transform my fat bacon to hog-bottom pork.
We could take our act to East Coast New York.
Stand by, I thank, General Z, pop my cork.
"Thanks for the yank on my wank, General Stank
I'll be your Bubba and you'll be my skank
Pull down my tent pants and give me a spank
And thanks for the yank on my wank, General Stank.
"I love when you sodom my bod, General Zod
We're snuggled together like peas in a pod
Mind if I call you Todd, General Zod?
I can do what I want to because I'm your god.
"Merci for the head in the shed, General Zed.
You couldn't hurt Dave when you bashed in his head.
I know and forgive since we all are inbred.
Oui oui, for the head in the shed, General Zed.
"We need to try keeping this on the down low.
I'm hiding your boots underneath my faux 'fro.
You've influenced me more than PopEye and Ed Poe.
Gracias, General Ho, do you think Coco knows?
"Thanks for the pull on my pid, General Did
I'll flip my lid when you find where it's hid
Under my fat like a flat katydid
So thanks for the pull on my pid, General Did.
"Note that I whoosh when you smooch on my cooch.
You always are nearby as my service pooch.
Remember playing Navy in the waves of the Hooch?
You're a dandelion Summer's Eve, General Douche.
"Thanks for the lick on my stick, General Prick
I'll flick my Bic if you'll fondle my dick
Just watch out for dick cheese, we don't want you sick
And thanks for the lick on my stick, General Prick.
"We know that your paintings are all photo fakes
But maybe they'll buy us three Rochester steaks?
We're living the life of no give and all takes.
Let's post 'til he wakes, take no breaks, General Shakes.
"Thanks for the toot on my flute, General Poot
Your tongue is a gerbil that scoots up my chute
I'll let out a "Hoot!" as we watch my splooge shoot
So thanks for the toot on my flute, General Poot.
"Adventure calls when you spelunk in my junk.
The Navy taught you not to recoil from funk.
To your nose, I'm perfumed, a Guano Cave Hunk.
So drive in your pitons, I'm sunk, General Skunk.
"Thanks for the hump on my rump, General Shlump.
Watch my rump jump with each thump-thump-thump-thump!
You paint like a chimp but you know how to pump
So thanks for the hump on my rump, General Shlump.
"You tidy the thatch when you tooth-rake my snatch
And don't hesitate when the new weevils hatch.
They latch on my bod and have learned to play catch.
No spray is your match, don't detach, General Scratch.
"Thanks for the smack on my crack, General Whack.
I'll spread my butt-cheeks and give you a snack.
Friends come and go, but you've sure got my back.
So thanks for the smack on my crack, General Whack.
"You know I love when you chew on my waffle.
You look at my balls like a pita falafel.
We pledged our love, even though it's unlawful.
A jail term's not awful, or offal, General Brothel.
"Thank you for the hickey on my dickie, General Sticky
I don't mean to be picky, but you're smelling kind of icky.
Roll me over, Chickie Baby, and you'll earn yourself a quickie,
And thank you for the hickey on my dickie, General Sticky.
"I love your work on my dork, Zod ol' chap.
Your face in my waist, your head in my lap.
I don't want to sound like a sap,
But you're great when I don't want to fap.
"Thanks for the blow on my toe, General Schmo.
So glad you know how to go nice and slow.
Sandy is handy, but yo is my ho.
So thanks for the blow on my toe, General Schmo.
"It's always a treat when you kiss both my feet.
You say they smell sweet though you can't help but bleat.
Please say you won't cheat, I'm your meat on the street.
You're a seat athlete, come and eat, General Teat.
"Thanks for the lay yesterday, General Gay.
My legs will splay if you'll come in and play.
Clay's gone away, so you're welcome to stay.
And thanks for the lay yesterday, General Gay.
"Please know that I love when you slop on my mop.
You can't bear to stop unless popped by a cop.
We could live out our days at the Sweet Gum Head-shop.
Bop, bop, bop, plop, plop, plop, wanna swap, General Flop?
"Thanks for ingesting my shit, General Zit.
I'll sit on your face, but I cain't do no split.
A twit and a git make a wonderful fit,
So thanks for ingesting my shit, General Zit.”
"I love when you cook up that rat-a-tat-tooey.
The meal is so tender and not at all chewy.
I lost all my teeth so I like my food poo-y.
I'll misuse a French word for you, General Ennui.
"Thanks for ingesting my crap, General Sap.
Snap my jockstrap and I'll give you the clap.
Squeeze my flap of fat and pretend it's a pap,
And thanks for ingesting my crap, General Sap.
"Feel free to feed off my back and reply.
Did you notice we posted 100 old lies?
Will my body heat help your beard to drip dry?
Shoe polish is great, you look young, General Fly.
"Thanks for the drool on my tool, General Fool.
I'm just a mule, but you think I'm so cool.
Too bad you smell like a rancid cesspool.
But thanks for the drool on my tool, General Fool.
"I love how you rub on my nub, General Bub.
I'm big as a tub, but my nub's just a stub.
Lift up my chub and give it a good scrub,
I'm your tub of blubber, you're my General Bub.
"Thanks for the wank on my crank, Zod.
Your stank on my flank makes me feel like a god.
The rank stank on my flank
Means I don't have to wank
Thanks for visiting my bod.
"Sit on my face any time and place
Your old dharma bum has an odious taste
I may have to replace you with Isaac L. Chase
His jordy's a shorty, but you're a disgrace.
"Thanks for the nod on my rod, Zod!
You're a god to my rod, Zod.
I'm no clod, I know my bod,
The nod to my rod is sod to my bod.
"I love how you twiddle my twig, General Pig,
Fadiddling my piddle may make it grow big.
Just twirl it about like your own whirligig.
When I splooge in your mouth you can take a big swig.
"Thanks for the nod on my rod, Zod ol' boy.
Your nod on my rod brings me plenty of joy.
For honesty's sake, let's not be coy.
I really like you as a boy toy.
"I love when you slime me with cum, General Scum,
You gum on my balls till my pecker gets numb.
You're dumber than dumb, but you suck on my bum
Then stick in your thumb as you search for a plum.
"Thanks for tangling with my dangling, Zod.
I love it when your toothless gums massage my bod.
You never lag on the sag of my wag.
Let's get together, you old fag.
"I love when you positively scrutinize my scrotum.
You say it smells fruity when you douse it with rum.
Although my balls look like two wads of chewed gum,
You skim off my pond scum, thank you, General Dumb.
"Thanks for the whack on my arm, General Dharma.
The bone didn't crack, so there's really no harm;
Though I'm sad to relate, Brother Dave bought the farm…
But thanks for the whack on my arm, General Dharma
"Your reading and comments really are great.
You never say bad things about my gross weight.
The germs on my body date, mate and mutate.
I'm glad we're not straight but inmates, General Sate.
"Thanks for the nail in my tail, General Fail.
Your kiss tastes like poop and you smell a bit stale,
Let's bang Nephew Jordy and make that bitch wail!
And keep nailing this whale in the tail, General Fail.
"Keep your damn hands off my kid, General Zid.
Diddle his dunghole, but don't pull his pid.
You want Clay, you pay! -- and you've nothing to bid.
So keep your damn hands off my kid, General Zid.
"Thanks for the meal on Jim's dime, General Slime.
A scam that rewarding was well worth our time.
I pity the fools who insist it's a crime.
And thanks for the meal on Jim's dime, General Slime.
"Feel free to ogle Sarah's bountiful tits.
Those suckers are big as my hairy arm pits.
You'll see more if you buy a fishing permit,
So buy and she'll fill up your mitts, General Twit.
"Thank you for buying my book, General Schnook
You can squeeze Sarah's boobs, but give my moobs a look.
Folks tell me my poems are gobbledygook,
But thank you for buying my book, General Schnook.
"I love what you've smeared in my beard, General Weird,
though you had to climb up on my gut (triple tiered).
I cheered when you called me your tuna, flap-eared.
(And I'm not pregnant yet, as we both had first feared.)
"Thank you for slurping my load, General Toad.
I've heard that it tastes like a backed up commode.
I splooged up your beard as I crowed 'Thar she blowed!'
So thank you for slurping my load, General Toad.
"Oh, Zod! You sycophant!
You're exactly what I want!
Let's not talk
About the lock you've got on my cock
Just make sure you're carrying a sock.
"Thanks for rereading my words, General Turd.
You take coprophagia to heights quite absurd.
When folks call them 'garbage,' you flip them the bird,
So thanks for rereading my words, General Turd.
"I love how you diddle my twat, General Snot.
Your tongue in my dunghole always makes me hot.
I know that you'd rather be raping a tot.
Ass is legal – so take what you've got.
"Thanks for the tug on my jug, Zod
Your holds on my folds are like God.
I'm glad you've got no teeth to bite,
Teeth marks there would be quite a sight.
"Forget old Loretta, she's just a skank ho.
She's banged every tramp in the camp and what's mo,
I banged her myself, though it cost me some dough.
Though she'll take skunk or crack, horse, hash, blue dolls or blow.
"Thanks for inspiring this Ode, General Blowed.
You're not without charm, for a squat, smarmy toad.
I'll give you a kiss if you'll swallow my load.
And thanks for inspiring this Ode, General Blowed.
"You slurp all my posts and you never complain.
You'd tell me to FOAD if you had half a brain.
I hope my old tarp keeps you safe from the rain.
Now shut up and diddle my piddle again!
"Thanks for being so keen on my bean, Zod.
Your attention is always welcome on my rod.
I'll write another poem and we'll trod to your pod,
Where you can nod on my bod in the sod.
"I'll hold you and squeeze you like you was a bunny
And if that doesn't please you, I'll give you some money;
I've got fourteen cents, so our future looks sunny…
Now whip out that tongue 'cause my bunghole is runny.
"Thanks for the roll in the hay, General Gay.
You're not much on foreplay, but better than Clay.
If I close my eyes, you could be Lady K.
So suck up and slobber away, General Gay.
"You're such a sphinc for my dink, General Stink.
I'm glad that you finally got out of the clink.
Clay may be my son, but you're my favorite twink.
You gurgle all night like the drain in my sink.
"Thanks for the dance on my pants, Zod.
You really know how to work on my bod!
Your pat on my back
Is even greater on my sac
Now let's see what you can do on my rod.
"Try not to drool on my fat, General Gnat.
I know what you're thinking, but I'll squash you flat.
So put down that knife and go hunt down a rat.
And keep your old drool off my fat, General Gnat.
"Thank you for chugging my train, General Stain.
You tug and you chug and you drive me insane.
Call me 'Out-damn-standing!' then slurp me again!
And thank you for chugging my train, General Stain.
"Oh, Zod! You wonderful man!
Kiss my ass? Sure you can!
If you'll massage my groin,
I'll give you a coin.
You're my greatest fan!
"Thanks for the shake of my jake, Zod.
Your take on my jake is no fake.
Let's make a break for the lake,
Where you can make more shake on my jake.
"Don't shoot your scum on my bum, General Dumb.
I need my protein and should swallow some.
One-Drum Derundo's ho gives a great hum-
Job and won't let you go till you cum.
"Thanks for the sore on my tool, General Whore.
I've had scabs, clap and crabs, but not herpes before.
You'd best not have AIDS or I'll show you the door…
But thanks for the sore on my tool, General Whore.
"I love when you smooch on my cooch, General Pooch.
My balls are so small they're the size of a brooch.
I'll give you some smokes so you won't have to mooch.
You can wash down my splooge with a bootle of hooch.
"Thanks for the pat on the back, Jordy!
Your flat pat on my back was close to my sac!
How about you and I go walk down to Zod,
Where you and he can admire my bod?
"I love how you handle my D, General Z.
Ol' Sandy's got nothing on you, I can see.
Roll it and pat it and slurp down my pee,
Here comes the payload, I'm going to squee!
"Thanks for the flick of my prick, Zod.
You're just right for my 'bod.
Perhaps we could meet under your tent,
After all--you don't pay rent.
Then see how you nod on my rod.
"I love how you bounce on my butt, General Mutt.
I'm sixteen times fatter than Jabba the Hutt.
You suck my left nut like a toothless old slut.
Be careful you don't get squashed under my gut.
"Thank you for munching my poo, General Doo.
No one chews doo-doo as gaily as you.
You're always ready to second my spew,
You look like a chimp, and you smell like one too.
"I love how you gum on my scabs, General Crabs.
You never make fun of my beer barrel abs.
You suck on my buttcheeks like two bacon slabs
And wipe up my jism with delicate dabs.
"Thanks for the thrill, Will.
Your posts give me a chill.
Let's say hello and good day,
In our own moronic way,
Then celebrate by doing more still.
"Let's all say 'Good day' to our friend Isaac, too.
He's gayer than gay and he slurps up our spew.
But much as I love him, you still are my boo.
So bend over, General, and give me a screw.
"Thanks for the nip on my hip, Zod.
Your grip on my hip gives me quite a zip.
Let's run to the river, where we'll shiver,
And go together for a dip.
"The Chattahoochee's full of shit,
But it's such fun to skinny dip
With my lil' buddy, General Zit
That it's always worth the trip.
"Thanks for the slap to my lap, Zod.
You always know how to polish my rod.
When I see you heading my way,
I feel amazingly gay,
Now let's go roll in the hay.
"I love when you nuzzle my fuzz, General Guzzle.
Ol' Did really does and he does love to snuzzle.
Folks say when he's gets buzzed that old bitch needs a muzzle.
But push come to shove, that old putz sure can guzzle.
"Thank you for spanking my donkey, General Monkey.
Now wipe of that chin cause it's gotten quite spunky.
You let me ride 'cowgirl' though I'm a bit chunky.
And thank you for spanking my donkey, General Monkey.
"I love when you splooge on my cheek, General Pipsqueak,
Then lick it all off before I can speak.
Next you yank down my pants, give my wanker a tweak
Then gum it till I'm limp and weak.
"Thanks for the walk to my cock, Zod.
Your wiggles make me giggle.
Let's do it again,
Heck, it's not a sin.
Why not stop for a wiggle on Wednesday?
"I love how you lap up my splooge, General Stooge.
You couldn't be sweeter if you was my cooze.
My willie is small, and my moobs are quite huge
But you gulp down my jizz just like booze.
"Thank you for slurping my slop, General Slob.
You squee when I squirt a big glob in your gob.
You smile with glee when your head starts to bob.
Please don't burp when you're slurping my slop, General Slob.
"I love how your butthole's so tight, General Shite.
The band's are tight too, but yours fits me just right.
Now Screechy can suck me long into the night,
But you've got no teeth, so there's no chance you'll bite.
"Thank you for straddling my pole, General Hole.
You get me so hot that I lose all control.
I feel something furry... are you felching a mole?
But thank you for straddling my pole, General Hole.
"Lordy, jordy!
Your hellos and good-days
Always attract my gaze.
Let's you and I
Off for some pizza pie,
And giggle over our trollish ways.
"Thank you for nibbling my nub, General Zub.
You slurp up my gibbering and give me a rub.
You swallow my splooge with a glub-glub-glub-glub.
So I thank you for nibbling my nub, Gerneral Zub.
"I love your nod on my rod, Zod!
We're like two peas in a pod.
Your touch of my wang
Gives me a bang
Now touch faster! Oh God!
"Thank you for slobbering my head, General Slop.
You slurp it and gulp it and don't want to stop.
But keep your zid hid or I'll call for a cop.
Still I thank you for slobbering my head, General Slop.
"I love how you tongue my bunghole, General Mole.
For a scrawny old redneck, you do it with soul.
But it's best when you twist your whole fist in my hole
And when I'm dead and gone, you can still bone my skull.
"Thanks for the rub on my nub, Zod.
Your cheers and my spittle
Puts us in the middle
Of something quite odd.
Let's write, not fight,
Then troll into the night
If you want, you can call me a God.
"I love how you wiggle my shrimp, General Chimp.
You jiggle, I giggle, too bad my shrimp's limp.
If you'll be my pig, I'll be your Goodyear blimp.
I'll peel my banana for you, General Chimp.
"Thank you for tickling me dick, General Prick.
You're better than 'Retta at turning a trick.
A quarter a quickie, or ten cents a lick.
I got fitty cent, but don't know 'rithmetick.
"Can this get any more silly?
What's wrong with Will's little Willy?
Just because Zod gives it a tug,
While I personally prefer just a hug,
Doesn't mean it has to be silly, really.
"Half a line, half a line,
half a line authored,
All in the valley of Columbeth
Wrote the sick drunkard.
"Half a barf, half a barf
Half a barf, whole barf.
Into the mouth of the Donkey
Barfed the sick drunkard.
"One son to the right of him,
One son to the left of him,
Pissbum underneath him,
Dundered and blundered
Known by their snot and smell;
Coldly they flowed and dwelled
on the shores of the Chattahoochee,
toads, donkey and drunkard be.
"Theirs is not to work or try,
Theirs is not to verbify,
Theirs is but to whine and lie:
Into the Alley of Columbeth
Ho'd, the hick drunkard.
"Thanks for the tug on my plug, General Slug.
Please scratch my ass 'cause you gave me a bug.
I'm gay as Clay and your my own butt-plug.
So thanks for the tug on my plug, General Slug.
"By the shores of Chattahoochee
Where the pissbums pitch their teepee
LoHo dances hoochie coochie
While the stinkbums wank their peepee,
There a hillbilly named Willie
Gathered mice to make some chili
And he sang his little ditties
About Sarah and her titties
But his verses weren't witty
No his verses weren't witty
And he smelled a little shitty
From the poopoo and the peepee
That were crusted on bum clothes
Twixt his toes and in his hair;
But his buddy, Stinky Georgie
Who camped on the Chattahoochee
Had filth clogging up his big nose
So he never seemed to care –
Thus, they made the perfect pair.
"I'm sick of helping zip up Zod's fly;
despair rages, old ages, incensed:
Brew, odes emerged from backwoods, yet I—
I got my GED in blowing guys
And I still don't have a lick of sense.
"I love your method for tendrizin' meat:
your salty stream, a cup of DEET.
You pound and pull and use your feet.
No Mrs. Dash matches your heat, General Eat.
"Thanks for stroking my ego, amigo.
Now let's stroke something more.
We'll go to your tent,
Where all your dignity went,
And stay up until four.
"Wow, Zod! Your post is the most!
These pats on my back
Are like a wedding toast!
You've really got class.
Your words are endearing,
Though I'm not quite hearing
Since my head is lodged up my ass.
"You, for me, are enough, General Muff--
Your hair, your beard and your way with handcuffs.
I love your paintings of me in the buff;
You'll always be my blue-tarped wine cream puff.
"I thank you and beg that you'll soon marry me.
We could live our bum lives in gummy sodomy.
I'm through with all women, you're just too yummy,
So please reply, 'Yes,' bawdily, Zod-Ami.
"Willy just had to stoke his kingly ego.
spur all the murderin' words and maniacin'.
From the mud he must arise again, laid low!
It shoulda been obvious--
it was the wrong captive audience!
"And alas, George... OH NO!
Had to be a bad ass in a glass house!
That mini Willy ego
shoulda used safety glass-
now look at his sorry ass!
"Thanks for the roll in my bed, General Zed.
Off to Waffle House, where this Donkey gets fed.
Last night on the crapper, I pooped out your head.
So thanks for the roll in my bed, General Zed.
"Oh boy! The joy!
Dearest Zod, your posts are just great!
They give me something for when I masturbate!
You may have heard my ego is bold,
But do not believe all the stories you are told.
For when you troll with me and say I am good,
It just means that no one else understood
That when you and I online together,
There's no criticism that we can't weather.
For when my boner reaches the max,
It pushes and tightens in my slacks.
But hark! Fear not! This is why YOU are here!
Let's get together, and have a beer!
No tent, no tarp, can cover our personal space.
I adore it when you cheer me to my face.
Now having read your post I've gotten wood,
Let's gather together, as good couples should.
You can massage my weenis any time,
What the hell--we're in Georgia, it's not a crime.
I've made other posts that you can read.
Hurry! Adore me! My wonderful homeless steed.
"Thanks for the endorse!
You can kiss my ass, of course!
Let's you and I away
For another day
Of trolling, spamming and discourse.
"Thank you, Mighty Benders,
I am now yers,
Trolled by masters,
No defenders,
Tit in blender,
Truth pretender,
I'm a liar.
"Thanks for the shine, ol' pal of mine!
Your words kiss my ass, they're priceless like brass.
Now read more of me, and kiss faster!
You're the dog and I am the master.
I command you to sit, stay and play dead,
But only after my words have been read.
Post more! Post often! Post here and post there!
It doesn't matter when or where.
Just feed my ego and join me in my safe space---
Hurry now, respond and make haste!
For we two are a couple of guys,
Who ignore the truth and live in the lies.
It's no secret that you and I troll,
Staying up all night and writing what's droll.
But forget all the haters, poo-poo to the truth!
It's our little love nest, now let's scram and vamoose.
"Jordy keeps posting a million hellos.
Is he really that friendly, or mentally slow?
I wonder if he's saying that he'd blow a hobo?
Maybe he'll go for a Deep South combo?
"I made a Facebook screen shot.
But real? You know it's not.
I lie and cheat a lot,
and always will get caught,
but that's what I was taught."
"Check out my words, they're simply quite rad!
Your comments are some of the best that I've ever had!
How about this--I'll write some more
While you keep at it like a cheap whore.
There's nothing to stop us, we'll keep on slurping!
All of our trolling seems to be working!
Less is more, more or less,
It's all good--no need to stress.
I'll write a line and you can applaud,
Thanks again for the nod, Zod.
"I'll recommend you since you recommend me,
Though I'll 'hi' that doof Isaac when good mornings be.
Our three-love will stand up to harsh scrutiny,
And that's something on which we all can agree.
"Thanks for reading my crap!
I'd hate to seem like a sap!
My words are all droll,
Because I'm a troll,
Now if you'll excuse me,
I need a nap.
"There was an old Dreckster who stank,
and whose boyfriend was utterly rank.
He sat by a river
destroying his liver
while giving the Plodster a wank.
"Zod, I confused you with a beanie hat--
you're not Penny's Hat but a scruffy rat,
or a beat-up, mangy street tom cat,
but you've made my head your habitat,
and your body heat's my thermostat.
"That Jordy is my kinda boy
Although he may be Isaac's toy
Old Isaac will share him
So he'll join my harem
For Dave, Stink and me to enjoy.
"Thanks for petting my ego,
You're a great lackey wherever we go.
I may be a troll--well, at least that's my goal,
But you? Nah. Not you, amigo.
"I appreciate your feedback, Jack!
Ain't it awesome how well I can yack?
My words, my poems, my lines are all the most!
There is simply no need for me to boast.
But, I'll do it anyway! Sure! Why not?
Just look at all of the that praise I have got!
From you! From jordy! From...um...all of my friends!
I'll keep on posting; the praise never ends!
My ego doth bow to you, my good man,
Now praise me some more; you know that you can!
"There was a jackass called Will,
Whose words were worse still.
His ego was big,
While he acted like a pig,
So of course everything he wrote was swill.
"Thanks for the endorse, of course!
Your words of encouragement are like peppermint!
So sweet and so pretty,
Not rough or gritty.
Keep writing more for me!
Give me praise for each line!
I don't know what's better--your words or mine.
Let's foray into the newsgroup, and troll it like mad!
There are opportunities for thanks and good mornings to be had!
Who cares what they say; they are nothing but trolls!"
They're all but obsessed; you and I know our roles!
I write something, then you say good job!
I'll throw words but it's compliments that YOU lob!
You and I are like birds of a feather;
Here's an idea: Let's get drunk together.
Just because my writings are crazy,
Doesn't mean that we have to be lazy.
Perhaps we can post and agree at sunrise;
Pardon me, please, I must go write more lies.
"Intermezzo:
Isaac
Iseck
Isick
Isock
Isuck
"Sleigh bells ring and I'll have a listen
Music is posted and I'll have a listen
Videos are mentioned and I'll have a listen
I post that I will, but I never listen.
"I can't understand what I hear or I read
I doubt that some schoolin' would help with this need.
George Dance says I'm great, but he too's a hayseed.
I hoped jeers would stop when I got GED'd.
"I think I'll send gift cards if folks visit my blog.
The only person there has been you, General Clog.
Can I steal cards at Sarah's bait shop in the bog?
I could also send pictures of Ma with that dog.
"Hey, my name is Will D.
and I'll get the last word.
Man, did you ever see
an unflushable turd?
When you do, think of me.
"My names at the bottom
of every post you read.
It's like it's late Autumn,
and I'm the dead leaves creed.
Those dead leaves bought 'em:
"but not me, not Will D.
Watch, I'll get the last word.
The unflushable turd.
Watch, I'll get the last word.
"I float on the stage like the Goodyear balloon.
My stance is as if I will use the bathroom.
The audience pelts me with rotten legumes,
Still you worship me faithfully, General Poltroon.
"Thanks for the rub of my stub, Zod!
Your remarks are like larks!
How about this?
I'll write some crap
While you sit on my lap,
In one of the public parks.
"I have posted this song a thousand times, gee,
but I never will tire of my yeee, weee, loooooogie.
If LeGents would hold the cross-dress shows for free,
I'd rock Nelly's blue gown that shows off my knees.
"The red-butted stranger walked into my shed.
He didn't have clothes on but had great bedhead.
I asked him to lie down and then I manspread.
Zod, do you know a cop named Right-Said-Red-Butted Fred?
"Thanks for the endorse!
You're always welcome, of course!
The way that you applaud
Makes me feel like a god
No one would question the source.
"I've fastened neon lights to the sides of my butt
so you can clearly see it when you are in rut.
White lights lead to red lights—that's your shortcut.
No emergency exits for you, Captain General Smut.
"General Zod, I fear my pants are too tight;
when they split, my butt gets massive frostbite.
Silent, deadly farts spontaneously ignite,
and organic bat signals alert your campsite.
"My name is Will and I'm a donkey
My friend, George Sulzbach's name is 'Skunky'
Although we both smell pretty funky
Excuse me while George spanks my monkey.
"My name is Will and I'm a donkey
I'm told my breath smells rather spunky
I scarf down waffles till I'm chunky
And dance all day just like a monkey.
"Zod, you'll want a drumstick from road turkey on Thursday.
The other's for Derundo to help him to play
on his one drum he beats with a tuneless melee,
but the Conleys don't care since they've hit the highway.
"Zod, the Thanksgiving menu is spit-on-a-rat--
we'll have hundreds to grill, with thanks to our cats.
They have dark, diseased meat but minimum fat.
For dessert we'll have ant pie with toppings of gnats.
"Thanks for the pat on my back, Jack!
How about you make a whack on my sac?
Let's post all night while the time is right,
You're the ego that I lack.
"Thanks for the yanks on my wank and for giving
Head in the shed where I work for a living,
Sponging off Brother Dave's SSI checks,
Singing karaoke to local rednecks.
"Thanks for the words, Zod.
Your words are great; you're no clod.
Keep saying good job and great,
For your words I can not wait,
Don't forget to nod on my rod, Zod.
"Thank you for plucking my Thanksgiving carcass,
I love that you pull, push, and huff on my hip truss.
My white meat, my dark meat, even the green pus,
You're sailing my gravy boat now, General Short Bus.
"Zod, let me know where the close dumpsters are.
I now have to walk, since I totaled Dave's car.
Is the rottenest food still behind LeGents Bar?
Or in back of the Sizzler, do you give it 5 Stars?
"You nailed turkey wings to your back and your limbs.
You said that they helped you when out stealing rims
or if caught, fly the coop without pseudonyms.
General Zod, can I stuff you [crude synonym]?
"Thanks for your read in the reeds, General Weed.
Dirty Mike says that you and his dog often breed.
The offspring are half mutt and half millipede.
The runt looks like Clay, so should I help moobfeed?
"Thanks for the tug on my pug, General Bug.
I'll be your booty and you, my butt plug.
We'll be as snug as two slugs in a jug,
So thanks for the tug on my pug, General Bug.
"General Zod -- dumb, slow Jordy is ripe for the picking;
invite him to come to your camp for a licking.
He'll think that means action without even tricking,
or tell him the Commies are there politicking.
"Thanks for the plug, my man!
I'll write crap whenever I can!
Don't worry about me, I don't get upset!
I'll post and troll from sunrise to sunset!
Now if you don't mind, I've got to compose more shit.
No need to worry -- I'll be back in a bit!
"How do you feel about showering with Jordy?
I know that he's old for you, way over 40.
Age is a number, and soap on the floor, gee,
when he bends you can be his mentor, see?
"Dickery, Dockery, mockery
Oh so epic the ass hattery,
so tumultuous his bobbery,
one has to join the mockery.
Come all, join the drollery
of the foolery and gaudery.
Dickery, Dockery, mockery.
"Zod, I don't think that we'll both go to Heaven.
You have only 'till April, according to Pen.
I am the chosen, and you are a has-been.
God will agree you're a 1 to my 10.
"Did you hear about robots made from frog guts?
I know you eat toads and savor their butts.
You may be a droid but enjoy mud cold cuts.
Your tadpoles draw flies as do you, General Putz.
"Zod, can I sell your liver just after you croak?
Pen says you have until April, no joke.
I know it's infused with an alcohol soak, and
the carp in the river would eat it and choke.
"Thanks for listening, friend!
My crap will never end!
I'll troll and I'll post
Until I'm a ghost,
Then time in Hell I will spend.
"Zod, your butt smoke-detector kept beeping all night.
It bothered me much as I tried hard to write
one spam post a minute on all subjects trite,
but Dave needs his fags, even at your camp site.
"I think I need a new pair of glasses--
I gaze in the mirror and see two big asses.
I'm tall and slim and my beauty outclasses
everyone else, Zod, in the great unwashed masses.
"Zod, I now think my children are genetically cursed
by their moms' DNA, which is just liverwurst
to my caviar breeding and cordon bleu verse,
and the moms didn't cede that I always come first.
"Thanks for the grip on my lip, friend!
Our back-and-forth circle jerk will never end!
I'll write something stupid,
While you'll be my Cupid,
Oh, the trolling times that we'll spend!
"Zod, I know that Tina pines for me still.
You must admit, no one does it like Will.
I kicked her out twice and then sent her a bill.
As girlfriends go, though, she was run-of-the-mill.
"Zod, you know I'm on top and that's where I'll stay.
You must keep my posts bumped—they can't go away.
I'll take morn and night and you have late day.
The rest of the time, stay below my beltway.
"I spam and I troll and I troll and I spam,
Inspired by Popeye, I yam what I yam.
I'm fat as a hog, but I'm really a ham
So I spam and I troll and I troll and I spam.
"General Zod, you've recruited my tender white soul.
Can it be that we'll live our whole lives in this hole?
You know that for Christmas, you'll get some lump coal,
unless you can find some more hobos to roll.
"Thanks for the roll in the hay, Captain Clay.
I bless the day that my son came out gay.
I told your old lady to give you away,
But now I look forward to each time we play.
"You're my little pony, I'll bone you so fine,
You'll think I'm a brony, sweet child of mine.
I'll pull out your butt-plug, and screw your behind
Then we'll watch that film where you dressed like a swine.
"I'll bend my boy over, say 'Squeal like a pig.'
You'll yeeow like a sow, though my dick's not so big.
I'll sing 'Karma Bombs' and we'll both dance a jig,
Then we'll dress up in panties, a bra and a wig.
"Dearest George, ol' boy, Merry Christmas to you!
I'm in love with myself, and you, too!
It may be December,
But let's make it a month to remember,
So we'll stick together like glue.
"Thanks for the rub to my nub, Zod!
You're the best at knowing my bod.
Let's go to the trees
With me on my knees
As you call me your God.
"Kathy was a teenage skank
Gave Will Donkey's wank a yank.
Willie thanked her with a hug,
'Just another hole to plug.'
"Thanks for the nod on my rod, General Zod.
Watch my rod nod at the sight of your bod.
I'll shoot my wad if you'll call me your God.
So thanks for the nod on my rod, General Zod.
"You know I love all the sweet things you say,
Look at my rod, it gets bigger every day!
And my ass is as large as a Chevrolet!
So thanks, General Wank, and keep slurping away.
"Thanks for the slurp on my sphinc, General Stink,
Slurp while I burp, play the perp to my twink.
Call me your blubber-butt, cuddly and pink.
And thanks for the slurp on my sphinc, General Stink.
"You know I'm grateful that you do me for free,
You even stand watch when I take a wee-wee.
Our lust is pure love, none can say it's smutty.
Heh thanks, General Scruff, you're a fluff Ph.D.
"Thanks for the lube on my moob, General Pube.
Open my shirt and we'll star on YouTube.
My gut expands like a truck inner tube.
I'm thankful a rube loves my moob, General Pube.
"You know I adore when you dip on my dork.
You transform my fat bacon to hog-bottom pork.
We could take our act to East Coast New York.
Stand by, I thank, General Z, pop my cork.
"Thanks for the yank on my wank, General Stank
I'll be your Bubba and you'll be my skank
Pull down my tent pants and give me a spank
And thanks for the yank on my wank, General Stank.
"I love when you sodom my bod, General Zod
We're snuggled together like peas in a pod
Mind if I call you Todd, General Zod?
I can do what I want to because I'm your god.
"Merci for the head in the shed, General Zed.
You couldn't hurt Dave when you bashed in his head.
I know and forgive since we all are inbred.
Oui oui, for the head in the shed, General Zed.
"We need to try keeping this on the down low.
I'm hiding your boots underneath my faux 'fro.
You've influenced me more than PopEye and Ed Poe.
Gracias, General Ho, do you think Coco knows?
"Thanks for the pull on my pid, General Did
I'll flip my lid when you find where it's hid
Under my fat like a flat katydid
So thanks for the pull on my pid, General Did.
"Note that I whoosh when you smooch on my cooch.
You always are nearby as my service pooch.
Remember playing Navy in the waves of the Hooch?
You're a dandelion Summer's Eve, General Douche.
"Thanks for the lick on my stick, General Prick
I'll flick my Bic if you'll fondle my dick
Just watch out for dick cheese, we don't want you sick
And thanks for the lick on my stick, General Prick.
"We know that your paintings are all photo fakes
But maybe they'll buy us three Rochester steaks?
We're living the life of no give and all takes.
Let's post 'til he wakes, take no breaks, General Shakes.
"Thanks for the toot on my flute, General Poot
Your tongue is a gerbil that scoots up my chute
I'll let out a "Hoot!" as we watch my splooge shoot
So thanks for the toot on my flute, General Poot.
"Adventure calls when you spelunk in my junk.
The Navy taught you not to recoil from funk.
To your nose, I'm perfumed, a Guano Cave Hunk.
So drive in your pitons, I'm sunk, General Skunk.
"Thanks for the hump on my rump, General Shlump.
Watch my rump jump with each thump-thump-thump-thump!
You paint like a chimp but you know how to pump
So thanks for the hump on my rump, General Shlump.
"You tidy the thatch when you tooth-rake my snatch
And don't hesitate when the new weevils hatch.
They latch on my bod and have learned to play catch.
No spray is your match, don't detach, General Scratch.
"Thanks for the smack on my crack, General Whack.
I'll spread my butt-cheeks and give you a snack.
Friends come and go, but you've sure got my back.
So thanks for the smack on my crack, General Whack.
"You know I love when you chew on my waffle.
You look at my balls like a pita falafel.
We pledged our love, even though it's unlawful.
A jail term's not awful, or offal, General Brothel.
"Thank you for the hickey on my dickie, General Sticky
I don't mean to be picky, but you're smelling kind of icky.
Roll me over, Chickie Baby, and you'll earn yourself a quickie,
And thank you for the hickey on my dickie, General Sticky.
"I love your work on my dork, Zod ol' chap.
Your face in my waist, your head in my lap.
I don't want to sound like a sap,
But you're great when I don't want to fap.
"Thanks for the blow on my toe, General Schmo.
So glad you know how to go nice and slow.
Sandy is handy, but yo is my ho.
So thanks for the blow on my toe, General Schmo.
"It's always a treat when you kiss both my feet.
You say they smell sweet though you can't help but bleat.
Please say you won't cheat, I'm your meat on the street.
You're a seat athlete, come and eat, General Teat.
"Thanks for the lay yesterday, General Gay.
My legs will splay if you'll come in and play.
Clay's gone away, so you're welcome to stay.
And thanks for the lay yesterday, General Gay.
"Please know that I love when you slop on my mop.
You can't bear to stop unless popped by a cop.
We could live out our days at the Sweet Gum Head-shop.
Bop, bop, bop, plop, plop, plop, wanna swap, General Flop?
"Thanks for ingesting my shit, General Zit.
I'll sit on your face, but I cain't do no split.
A twit and a git make a wonderful fit,
So thanks for ingesting my shit, General Zit.”
"I love when you cook up that rat-a-tat-tooey.
The meal is so tender and not at all chewy.
I lost all my teeth so I like my food poo-y.
I'll misuse a French word for you, General Ennui.
"Thanks for ingesting my crap, General Sap.
Snap my jockstrap and I'll give you the clap.
Squeeze my flap of fat and pretend it's a pap,
And thanks for ingesting my crap, General Sap.
"Feel free to feed off my back and reply.
Did you notice we posted 100 old lies?
Will my body heat help your beard to drip dry?
Shoe polish is great, you look young, General Fly.
"Thanks for the drool on my tool, General Fool.
I'm just a mule, but you think I'm so cool.
Too bad you smell like a rancid cesspool.
But thanks for the drool on my tool, General Fool.
"I love how you rub on my nub, General Bub.
I'm big as a tub, but my nub's just a stub.
Lift up my chub and give it a good scrub,
I'm your tub of blubber, you're my General Bub.
"Thanks for the wank on my crank, Zod.
Your stank on my flank makes me feel like a god.
The rank stank on my flank
Means I don't have to wank
Thanks for visiting my bod.
"Sit on my face any time and place
Your old dharma bum has an odious taste
I may have to replace you with Isaac L. Chase
His jordy's a shorty, but you're a disgrace.
"Thanks for the nod on my rod, Zod!
You're a god to my rod, Zod.
I'm no clod, I know my bod,
The nod to my rod is sod to my bod.
"I love how you twiddle my twig, General Pig,
Fadiddling my piddle may make it grow big.
Just twirl it about like your own whirligig.
When I splooge in your mouth you can take a big swig.
"Thanks for the nod on my rod, Zod ol' boy.
Your nod on my rod brings me plenty of joy.
For honesty's sake, let's not be coy.
I really like you as a boy toy.
"I love when you slime me with cum, General Scum,
You gum on my balls till my pecker gets numb.
You're dumber than dumb, but you suck on my bum
Then stick in your thumb as you search for a plum.
"Thanks for tangling with my dangling, Zod.
I love it when your toothless gums massage my bod.
You never lag on the sag of my wag.
Let's get together, you old fag.
"I love when you positively scrutinize my scrotum.
You say it smells fruity when you douse it with rum.
Although my balls look like two wads of chewed gum,
You skim off my pond scum, thank you, General Dumb.
"Thanks for the whack on my arm, General Dharma.
The bone didn't crack, so there's really no harm;
Though I'm sad to relate, Brother Dave bought the farm…
But thanks for the whack on my arm, General Dharma
"Your reading and comments really are great.
You never say bad things about my gross weight.
The germs on my body date, mate and mutate.
I'm glad we're not straight but inmates, General Sate.
"Thanks for the nail in my tail, General Fail.
Your kiss tastes like poop and you smell a bit stale,
Let's bang Nephew Jordy and make that bitch wail!
And keep nailing this whale in the tail, General Fail.
"Keep your damn hands off my kid, General Zid.
Diddle his dunghole, but don't pull his pid.
You want Clay, you pay! -- and you've nothing to bid.
So keep your damn hands off my kid, General Zid.
"Thanks for the meal on Jim's dime, General Slime.
A scam that rewarding was well worth our time.
I pity the fools who insist it's a crime.
And thanks for the meal on Jim's dime, General Slime.
"Feel free to ogle Sarah's bountiful tits.
Those suckers are big as my hairy arm pits.
You'll see more if you buy a fishing permit,
So buy and she'll fill up your mitts, General Twit.
"Thank you for buying my book, General Schnook
You can squeeze Sarah's boobs, but give my moobs a look.
Folks tell me my poems are gobbledygook,
But thank you for buying my book, General Schnook.
"I love what you've smeared in my beard, General Weird,
though you had to climb up on my gut (triple tiered).
I cheered when you called me your tuna, flap-eared.
(And I'm not pregnant yet, as we both had first feared.)
"Thank you for slurping my load, General Toad.
I've heard that it tastes like a backed up commode.
I splooged up your beard as I crowed 'Thar she blowed!'
So thank you for slurping my load, General Toad.
"Oh, Zod! You sycophant!
You're exactly what I want!
Let's not talk
About the lock you've got on my cock
Just make sure you're carrying a sock.
"Thanks for rereading my words, General Turd.
You take coprophagia to heights quite absurd.
When folks call them 'garbage,' you flip them the bird,
So thanks for rereading my words, General Turd.
"I love how you diddle my twat, General Snot.
Your tongue in my dunghole always makes me hot.
I know that you'd rather be raping a tot.
Ass is legal – so take what you've got.
"Thanks for the tug on my jug, Zod
Your holds on my folds are like God.
I'm glad you've got no teeth to bite,
Teeth marks there would be quite a sight.
"Forget old Loretta, she's just a skank ho.
She's banged every tramp in the camp and what's mo,
I banged her myself, though it cost me some dough.
Though she'll take skunk or crack, horse, hash, blue dolls or blow.
"Thanks for inspiring this Ode, General Blowed.
You're not without charm, for a squat, smarmy toad.
I'll give you a kiss if you'll swallow my load.
And thanks for inspiring this Ode, General Blowed.
"You slurp all my posts and you never complain.
You'd tell me to FOAD if you had half a brain.
I hope my old tarp keeps you safe from the rain.
Now shut up and diddle my piddle again!
"Thanks for being so keen on my bean, Zod.
Your attention is always welcome on my rod.
I'll write another poem and we'll trod to your pod,
Where you can nod on my bod in the sod.
"I'll hold you and squeeze you like you was a bunny
And if that doesn't please you, I'll give you some money;
I've got fourteen cents, so our future looks sunny…
Now whip out that tongue 'cause my bunghole is runny.
"Thanks for the roll in the hay, General Gay.
You're not much on foreplay, but better than Clay.
If I close my eyes, you could be Lady K.
So suck up and slobber away, General Gay.
"You're such a sphinc for my dink, General Stink.
I'm glad that you finally got out of the clink.
Clay may be my son, but you're my favorite twink.
You gurgle all night like the drain in my sink.
"Thanks for the dance on my pants, Zod.
You really know how to work on my bod!
Your pat on my back
Is even greater on my sac
Now let's see what you can do on my rod.
"Try not to drool on my fat, General Gnat.
I know what you're thinking, but I'll squash you flat.
So put down that knife and go hunt down a rat.
And keep your old drool off my fat, General Gnat.
"Thank you for chugging my train, General Stain.
You tug and you chug and you drive me insane.
Call me 'Out-damn-standing!' then slurp me again!
And thank you for chugging my train, General Stain.
"Oh, Zod! You wonderful man!
Kiss my ass? Sure you can!
If you'll massage my groin,
I'll give you a coin.
You're my greatest fan!
"Thanks for the shake of my jake, Zod.
Your take on my jake is no fake.
Let's make a break for the lake,
Where you can make more shake on my jake.
"Don't shoot your scum on my bum, General Dumb.
I need my protein and should swallow some.
One-Drum Derundo's ho gives a great hum-
Job and won't let you go till you cum.
"Thanks for the sore on my tool, General Whore.
I've had scabs, clap and crabs, but not herpes before.
You'd best not have AIDS or I'll show you the door…
But thanks for the sore on my tool, General Whore.
"I love when you smooch on my cooch, General Pooch.
My balls are so small they're the size of a brooch.
I'll give you some smokes so you won't have to mooch.
You can wash down my splooge with a bootle of hooch.
"Thanks for the pat on the back, Jordy!
Your flat pat on my back was close to my sac!
How about you and I go walk down to Zod,
Where you and he can admire my bod?
"I love how you handle my D, General Z.
Ol' Sandy's got nothing on you, I can see.
Roll it and pat it and slurp down my pee,
Here comes the payload, I'm going to squee!
"Thanks for the flick of my prick, Zod.
You're just right for my 'bod.
Perhaps we could meet under your tent,
After all--you don't pay rent.
Then see how you nod on my rod.
"I love how you bounce on my butt, General Mutt.
I'm sixteen times fatter than Jabba the Hutt.
You suck my left nut like a toothless old slut.
Be careful you don't get squashed under my gut.
"Thank you for munching my poo, General Doo.
No one chews doo-doo as gaily as you.
You're always ready to second my spew,
You look like a chimp, and you smell like one too.
"I love how you gum on my scabs, General Crabs.
You never make fun of my beer barrel abs.
You suck on my buttcheeks like two bacon slabs
And wipe up my jism with delicate dabs.
"Thanks for the thrill, Will.
Your posts give me a chill.
Let's say hello and good day,
In our own moronic way,
Then celebrate by doing more still.
"Let's all say 'Good day' to our friend Isaac, too.
He's gayer than gay and he slurps up our spew.
But much as I love him, you still are my boo.
So bend over, General, and give me a screw.
"Thanks for the nip on my hip, Zod.
Your grip on my hip gives me quite a zip.
Let's run to the river, where we'll shiver,
And go together for a dip.
"The Chattahoochee's full of shit,
But it's such fun to skinny dip
With my lil' buddy, General Zit
That it's always worth the trip.
"Thanks for the slap to my lap, Zod.
You always know how to polish my rod.
When I see you heading my way,
I feel amazingly gay,
Now let's go roll in the hay.
"I love when you nuzzle my fuzz, General Guzzle.
Ol' Did really does and he does love to snuzzle.
Folks say when he's gets buzzed that old bitch needs a muzzle.
But push come to shove, that old putz sure can guzzle.
"Thank you for spanking my donkey, General Monkey.
Now wipe of that chin cause it's gotten quite spunky.
You let me ride 'cowgirl' though I'm a bit chunky.
And thank you for spanking my donkey, General Monkey.
"I love when you splooge on my cheek, General Pipsqueak,
Then lick it all off before I can speak.
Next you yank down my pants, give my wanker a tweak
Then gum it till I'm limp and weak.
"Thanks for the walk to my cock, Zod.
Your wiggles make me giggle.
Let's do it again,
Heck, it's not a sin.
Why not stop for a wiggle on Wednesday?
"I love how you lap up my splooge, General Stooge.
You couldn't be sweeter if you was my cooze.
My willie is small, and my moobs are quite huge
But you gulp down my jizz just like booze.
"Thank you for slurping my slop, General Slob.
You squee when I squirt a big glob in your gob.
You smile with glee when your head starts to bob.
Please don't burp when you're slurping my slop, General Slob.
"I love how your butthole's so tight, General Shite.
The band's are tight too, but yours fits me just right.
Now Screechy can suck me long into the night,
But you've got no teeth, so there's no chance you'll bite.
"Thank you for straddling my pole, General Hole.
You get me so hot that I lose all control.
I feel something furry... are you felching a mole?
But thank you for straddling my pole, General Hole.
"Lordy, jordy!
Your hellos and good-days
Always attract my gaze.
Let's you and I
Off for some pizza pie,
And giggle over our trollish ways.
"Thank you for nibbling my nub, General Zub.
You slurp up my gibbering and give me a rub.
You swallow my splooge with a glub-glub-glub-glub.
So I thank you for nibbling my nub, Gerneral Zub.
"I love your nod on my rod, Zod!
We're like two peas in a pod.
Your touch of my wang
Gives me a bang
Now touch faster! Oh God!
"Thank you for slobbering my head, General Slop.
You slurp it and gulp it and don't want to stop.
But keep your zid hid or I'll call for a cop.
Still I thank you for slobbering my head, General Slop.
"I love how you tongue my bunghole, General Mole.
For a scrawny old redneck, you do it with soul.
But it's best when you twist your whole fist in my hole
And when I'm dead and gone, you can still bone my skull.
"Thanks for the rub on my nub, Zod.
Your cheers and my spittle
Puts us in the middle
Of something quite odd.
Let's write, not fight,
Then troll into the night
If you want, you can call me a God.
"I love how you wiggle my shrimp, General Chimp.
You jiggle, I giggle, too bad my shrimp's limp.
If you'll be my pig, I'll be your Goodyear blimp.
I'll peel my banana for you, General Chimp.
"Thank you for tickling me dick, General Prick.
You're better than 'Retta at turning a trick.
A quarter a quickie, or ten cents a lick.
I got fitty cent, but don't know 'rithmetick.
"Can this get any more silly?
What's wrong with Will's little Willy?
Just because Zod gives it a tug,
While I personally prefer just a hug,
Doesn't mean it has to be silly, really.
"Half a line, half a line,
half a line authored,
All in the valley of Columbeth
Wrote the sick drunkard.
"Half a barf, half a barf
Half a barf, whole barf.
Into the mouth of the Donkey
Barfed the sick drunkard.
"One son to the right of him,
One son to the left of him,
Pissbum underneath him,
Dundered and blundered
Known by their snot and smell;
Coldly they flowed and dwelled
on the shores of the Chattahoochee,
toads, donkey and drunkard be.
"Theirs is not to work or try,
Theirs is not to verbify,
Theirs is but to whine and lie:
Into the Alley of Columbeth
Ho'd, the hick drunkard.
"Thanks for the tug on my plug, General Slug.
Please scratch my ass 'cause you gave me a bug.
I'm gay as Clay and your my own butt-plug.
So thanks for the tug on my plug, General Slug.
"By the shores of Chattahoochee
Where the pissbums pitch their teepee
LoHo dances hoochie coochie
While the stinkbums wank their peepee,
There a hillbilly named Willie
Gathered mice to make some chili
And he sang his little ditties
About Sarah and her titties
But his verses weren't witty
No his verses weren't witty
And he smelled a little shitty
From the poopoo and the peepee
That were crusted on bum clothes
Twixt his toes and in his hair;
But his buddy, Stinky Georgie
Who camped on the Chattahoochee
Had filth clogging up his big nose
So he never seemed to care –
Thus, they made the perfect pair.
"I'm sick of helping zip up Zod's fly;
despair rages, old ages, incensed:
Brew, odes emerged from backwoods, yet I—
I got my GED in blowing guys
And I still don't have a lick of sense.
"I love your method for tendrizin' meat:
your salty stream, a cup of DEET.
You pound and pull and use your feet.
No Mrs. Dash matches your heat, General Eat.
"Thanks for stroking my ego, amigo.
Now let's stroke something more.
We'll go to your tent,
Where all your dignity went,
And stay up until four.
"Wow, Zod! Your post is the most!
These pats on my back
Are like a wedding toast!
You've really got class.
Your words are endearing,
Though I'm not quite hearing
Since my head is lodged up my ass.
"You, for me, are enough, General Muff--
Your hair, your beard and your way with handcuffs.
I love your paintings of me in the buff;
You'll always be my blue-tarped wine cream puff.
"I thank you and beg that you'll soon marry me.
We could live our bum lives in gummy sodomy.
I'm through with all women, you're just too yummy,
So please reply, 'Yes,' bawdily, Zod-Ami.
"Willy just had to stoke his kingly ego.
spur all the murderin' words and maniacin'.
From the mud he must arise again, laid low!
It shoulda been obvious--
it was the wrong captive audience!
"And alas, George... OH NO!
Had to be a bad ass in a glass house!
That mini Willy ego
shoulda used safety glass-
now look at his sorry ass!
"Thanks for the roll in my bed, General Zed.
Off to Waffle House, where this Donkey gets fed.
Last night on the crapper, I pooped out your head.
So thanks for the roll in my bed, General Zed.
"Oh boy! The joy!
Dearest Zod, your posts are just great!
They give me something for when I masturbate!
You may have heard my ego is bold,
But do not believe all the stories you are told.
For when you troll with me and say I am good,
It just means that no one else understood
That when you and I online together,
There's no criticism that we can't weather.
For when my boner reaches the max,
It pushes and tightens in my slacks.
But hark! Fear not! This is why YOU are here!
Let's get together, and have a beer!
No tent, no tarp, can cover our personal space.
I adore it when you cheer me to my face.
Now having read your post I've gotten wood,
Let's gather together, as good couples should.
You can massage my weenis any time,
What the hell--we're in Georgia, it's not a crime.
I've made other posts that you can read.
Hurry! Adore me! My wonderful homeless steed.
"Thanks for the endorse!
You can kiss my ass, of course!
Let's you and I away
For another day
Of trolling, spamming and discourse.
"Thank you, Mighty Benders,
I am now yers,
Trolled by masters,
No defenders,
Tit in blender,
Truth pretender,
I'm a liar.
"Thanks for the shine, ol' pal of mine!
Your words kiss my ass, they're priceless like brass.
Now read more of me, and kiss faster!
You're the dog and I am the master.
I command you to sit, stay and play dead,
But only after my words have been read.
Post more! Post often! Post here and post there!
It doesn't matter when or where.
Just feed my ego and join me in my safe space---
Hurry now, respond and make haste!
For we two are a couple of guys,
Who ignore the truth and live in the lies.
It's no secret that you and I troll,
Staying up all night and writing what's droll.
But forget all the haters, poo-poo to the truth!
It's our little love nest, now let's scram and vamoose.
"Jordy keeps posting a million hellos.
Is he really that friendly, or mentally slow?
I wonder if he's saying that he'd blow a hobo?
Maybe he'll go for a Deep South combo?
"I made a Facebook screen shot.
But real? You know it's not.
I lie and cheat a lot,
and always will get caught,
but that's what I was taught."
"Check out my words, they're simply quite rad!
Your comments are some of the best that I've ever had!
How about this--I'll write some more
While you keep at it like a cheap whore.
There's nothing to stop us, we'll keep on slurping!
All of our trolling seems to be working!
Less is more, more or less,
It's all good--no need to stress.
I'll write a line and you can applaud,
Thanks again for the nod, Zod.
"I'll recommend you since you recommend me,
Though I'll 'hi' that doof Isaac when good mornings be.
Our three-love will stand up to harsh scrutiny,
And that's something on which we all can agree.
"Thanks for reading my crap!
I'd hate to seem like a sap!
My words are all droll,
Because I'm a troll,
Now if you'll excuse me,
I need a nap.
"There was an old Dreckster who stank,
and whose boyfriend was utterly rank.
He sat by a river
destroying his liver
while giving the Plodster a wank.
"Zod, I confused you with a beanie hat--
you're not Penny's Hat but a scruffy rat,
or a beat-up, mangy street tom cat,
but you've made my head your habitat,
and your body heat's my thermostat.
"That Jordy is my kinda boy
Although he may be Isaac's toy
Old Isaac will share him
So he'll join my harem
For Dave, Stink and me to enjoy.
"Thanks for petting my ego,
You're a great lackey wherever we go.
I may be a troll--well, at least that's my goal,
But you? Nah. Not you, amigo.
"I appreciate your feedback, Jack!
Ain't it awesome how well I can yack?
My words, my poems, my lines are all the most!
There is simply no need for me to boast.
But, I'll do it anyway! Sure! Why not?
Just look at all of the that praise I have got!
From you! From jordy! From...um...all of my friends!
I'll keep on posting; the praise never ends!
My ego doth bow to you, my good man,
Now praise me some more; you know that you can!
"There was a jackass called Will,
Whose words were worse still.
His ego was big,
While he acted like a pig,
So of course everything he wrote was swill.
"Thanks for the endorse, of course!
Your words of encouragement are like peppermint!
So sweet and so pretty,
Not rough or gritty.
Keep writing more for me!
Give me praise for each line!
I don't know what's better--your words or mine.
Let's foray into the newsgroup, and troll it like mad!
There are opportunities for thanks and good mornings to be had!
Who cares what they say; they are nothing but trolls!"
They're all but obsessed; you and I know our roles!
I write something, then you say good job!
I'll throw words but it's compliments that YOU lob!
You and I are like birds of a feather;
Here's an idea: Let's get drunk together.
Just because my writings are crazy,
Doesn't mean that we have to be lazy.
Perhaps we can post and agree at sunrise;
Pardon me, please, I must go write more lies.
"Intermezzo:
Isaac
Iseck
Isick
Isock
Isuck
"Sleigh bells ring and I'll have a listen
Music is posted and I'll have a listen
Videos are mentioned and I'll have a listen
I post that I will, but I never listen.
"I can't understand what I hear or I read
I doubt that some schoolin' would help with this need.
George Dance says I'm great, but he too's a hayseed.
I hoped jeers would stop when I got GED'd.
"I think I'll send gift cards if folks visit my blog.
The only person there has been you, General Clog.
Can I steal cards at Sarah's bait shop in the bog?
I could also send pictures of Ma with that dog.
"Hey, my name is Will D.
and I'll get the last word.
Man, did you ever see
an unflushable turd?
When you do, think of me.
"My names at the bottom
of every post you read.
It's like it's late Autumn,
and I'm the dead leaves creed.
Those dead leaves bought 'em:
"but not me, not Will D.
Watch, I'll get the last word.
The unflushable turd.
Watch, I'll get the last word.
"I float on the stage like the Goodyear balloon.
My stance is as if I will use the bathroom.
The audience pelts me with rotten legumes,
Still you worship me faithfully, General Poltroon.
"Thanks for the rub of my stub, Zod!
Your remarks are like larks!
How about this?
I'll write some crap
While you sit on my lap,
In one of the public parks.
"I have posted this song a thousand times, gee,
but I never will tire of my yeee, weee, loooooogie.
If LeGents would hold the cross-dress shows for free,
I'd rock Nelly's blue gown that shows off my knees.
"The red-butted stranger walked into my shed.
He didn't have clothes on but had great bedhead.
I asked him to lie down and then I manspread.
Zod, do you know a cop named Right-Said-Red-Butted Fred?
"Thanks for the endorse!
You're always welcome, of course!
The way that you applaud
Makes me feel like a god
No one would question the source.
"I've fastened neon lights to the sides of my butt
so you can clearly see it when you are in rut.
White lights lead to red lights—that's your shortcut.
No emergency exits for you, Captain General Smut.
"General Zod, I fear my pants are too tight;
when they split, my butt gets massive frostbite.
Silent, deadly farts spontaneously ignite,
and organic bat signals alert your campsite.
"My name is Will and I'm a donkey
My friend, George Sulzbach's name is 'Skunky'
Although we both smell pretty funky
Excuse me while George spanks my monkey.
"My name is Will and I'm a donkey
I'm told my breath smells rather spunky
I scarf down waffles till I'm chunky
And dance all day just like a monkey.
"Zod, you'll want a drumstick from road turkey on Thursday.
The other's for Derundo to help him to play
on his one drum he beats with a tuneless melee,
but the Conleys don't care since they've hit the highway.
"Zod, the Thanksgiving menu is spit-on-a-rat--
we'll have hundreds to grill, with thanks to our cats.
They have dark, diseased meat but minimum fat.
For dessert we'll have ant pie with toppings of gnats.
"Thanks for the pat on my back, Jack!
How about you make a whack on my sac?
Let's post all night while the time is right,
You're the ego that I lack.
"Thanks for the yanks on my wank and for giving
Head in the shed where I work for a living,
Sponging off Brother Dave's SSI checks,
Singing karaoke to local rednecks.
"Thanks for the words, Zod.
Your words are great; you're no clod.
Keep saying good job and great,
For your words I can not wait,
Don't forget to nod on my rod, Zod.
"Thank you for plucking my Thanksgiving carcass,
I love that you pull, push, and huff on my hip truss.
My white meat, my dark meat, even the green pus,
You're sailing my gravy boat now, General Short Bus.
"Zod, let me know where the close dumpsters are.
I now have to walk, since I totaled Dave's car.
Is the rottenest food still behind LeGents Bar?
Or in back of the Sizzler, do you give it 5 Stars?
"You nailed turkey wings to your back and your limbs.
You said that they helped you when out stealing rims
or if caught, fly the coop without pseudonyms.
General Zod, can I stuff you [crude synonym]?
"Thanks for your read in the reeds, General Weed.
Dirty Mike says that you and his dog often breed.
The offspring are half mutt and half millipede.
The runt looks like Clay, so should I help moobfeed?
"Thanks for the tug on my pug, General Bug.
I'll be your booty and you, my butt plug.
We'll be as snug as two slugs in a jug,
So thanks for the tug on my pug, General Bug.
"General Zod -- dumb, slow Jordy is ripe for the picking;
invite him to come to your camp for a licking.
He'll think that means action without even tricking,
or tell him the Commies are there politicking.
"Thanks for the plug, my man!
I'll write crap whenever I can!
Don't worry about me, I don't get upset!
I'll post and troll from sunrise to sunset!
Now if you don't mind, I've got to compose more shit.
No need to worry -- I'll be back in a bit!
"How do you feel about showering with Jordy?
I know that he's old for you, way over 40.
Age is a number, and soap on the floor, gee,
when he bends you can be his mentor, see?
"Dickery, Dockery, mockery
Oh so epic the ass hattery,
so tumultuous his bobbery,
one has to join the mockery.
Come all, join the drollery
of the foolery and gaudery.
Dickery, Dockery, mockery.
"Zod, I don't think that we'll both go to Heaven.
You have only 'till April, according to Pen.
I am the chosen, and you are a has-been.
God will agree you're a 1 to my 10.
"Did you hear about robots made from frog guts?
I know you eat toads and savor their butts.
You may be a droid but enjoy mud cold cuts.
Your tadpoles draw flies as do you, General Putz.
"Zod, can I sell your liver just after you croak?
Pen says you have until April, no joke.
I know it's infused with an alcohol soak, and
the carp in the river would eat it and choke.
"Thanks for listening, friend!
My crap will never end!
I'll troll and I'll post
Until I'm a ghost,
Then time in Hell I will spend.
"Zod, your butt smoke-detector kept beeping all night.
It bothered me much as I tried hard to write
one spam post a minute on all subjects trite,
but Dave needs his fags, even at your camp site.
"I think I need a new pair of glasses--
I gaze in the mirror and see two big asses.
I'm tall and slim and my beauty outclasses
everyone else, Zod, in the great unwashed masses.
"Zod, I now think my children are genetically cursed
by their moms' DNA, which is just liverwurst
to my caviar breeding and cordon bleu verse,
and the moms didn't cede that I always come first.
"Thanks for the grip on my lip, friend!
Our back-and-forth circle jerk will never end!
I'll write something stupid,
While you'll be my Cupid,
Oh, the trolling times that we'll spend!
"Zod, I know that Tina pines for me still.
You must admit, no one does it like Will.
I kicked her out twice and then sent her a bill.
As girlfriends go, though, she was run-of-the-mill.
"Zod, you know I'm on top and that's where I'll stay.
You must keep my posts bumped—they can't go away.
I'll take morn and night and you have late day.
The rest of the time, stay below my beltway.
"I spam and I troll and I troll and I spam,
Inspired by Popeye, I yam what I yam.
I'm fat as a hog, but I'm really a ham
So I spam and I troll and I troll and I spam.
"General Zod, you've recruited my tender white soul.
Can it be that we'll live our whole lives in this hole?
You know that for Christmas, you'll get some lump coal,
unless you can find some more hobos to roll.
"Thanks for the roll in the hay, Captain Clay.
I bless the day that my son came out gay.
I told your old lady to give you away,
But now I look forward to each time we play.
"You're my little pony, I'll bone you so fine,
You'll think I'm a brony, sweet child of mine.
I'll pull out your butt-plug, and screw your behind
Then we'll watch that film where you dressed like a swine.
"I'll bend my boy over, say 'Squeal like a pig.'
You'll yeeow like a sow, though my dick's not so big.
I'll sing 'Karma Bombs' and we'll both dance a jig,
Then we'll dress up in panties, a bra and a wig.
"Dearest George, ol' boy, Merry Christmas to you!
I'm in love with myself, and you, too!
It may be December,
But let's make it a month to remember,
So we'll stick together like glue.
"Thanks for the rub to my nub, Zod!
You're the best at knowing my bod.
Let's go to the trees
With me on my knees
As you call me your God.
"Kathy was a teenage skank
Gave Will Donkey's wank a yank.
Willie thanked her with a hug,
'Just another hole to plug.'
NancyGene Andjayme
Feb 21, 2024, 11:57:25 PMFeb 21
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Michael Pendragon
Feb 22, 2024, 8:43:50 AMFeb 22
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