short poem (picture of shadows)

Peter Heslop

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Jul 11, 2001, 7:53:59 AM7/11/01

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In my hand, I hold the shadows of the past.
I stare and wonder if life can ever be the same.
This question echoes inside of me with burning pain.
The pictures in my mind begin to fade, but one picture still remains.
My tears begin to disappear, while a smile starts to emerge.
This picture is always in my heart.
The past no longer haunts my dreams.
For the picture is of you and me.

(it's probably full of cliché's but i will reply to every reply to this
and revise if you's comment on it)

--
HTH

¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·-> Peter© <-·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯
ICQ : 121171998
Usenet take's no prisoners,
It just shoots them on the spot!

Kenny Chaffin

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Jul 11, 2001, 5:04:33 PM7/11/01

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In article <r7X27.35949$aE6.3...@news1.cableinet.net>,
p.he...@cableinet.co.uk says...

Bzzt, sappy. Sorry. It's very cliched. I'd suggest scrapping it, focusing
on a specific person, item, etc. and try to invoke what you are saying
here with description, images, etc.

Best,
KAC
--
Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Custom/Contract Programming, Graphics, Design
Poetry Page: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/

Peter Heslop

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Jul 11, 2001, 5:37:37 PM7/11/01

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ok done and done. Back the the drawing board

--
HTH

¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·-> Peter© <-·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯
ICQ : 121171998
Usenet take's no prisoners,
It just shoots them on the spot!

"Kenny Chaffin" <ke...@kacweb.com> wrote in message
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William_Trenholm

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Jul 11, 2001, 7:45:44 PM7/11/01

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In article <r7X27.35949$aE6.3...@news1.cableinet.net>, Peter Heslop

<URL:mailto:p.he...@cableinet.co.uk> wrote:
> In my hand, I hold the shadows of the past.
> I stare and wonder if life can ever be the same.
> This question echoes inside of me with burning pain.
> The pictures in my mind begin to fade, but one picture still remains.
> My tears begin to disappear, while a smile starts to emerge.
> This picture is always in my heart.
> The past no longer haunts my dreams.
> For the picture is of you and me.
>
> (it's probably full of cliché's but i will reply to every reply to this
> and revise if you's comment on it)
>

Probably. but that's another thread, isn't it?
Thought you could alter this by removing some of
the 'I's' and 'me's'. The last line makes it clear
who the speaker is.
Stuff I've posted usually has shorter lines, pleasing
some, not others. I would be tempted to shorten a little
and vary some the more hackneyed phrases.
Example? How about :

'Held, the crumbled stone(s) of past,
in wonder at this life to be,
a question sounded through the flame,
of icons gone, yet one remains.'

Hardly classic, but a suggestion.
Take or leave as much of this as you want.

By the way, did you and your Dad confess
to being northerners, a while back, as a
defence.
I bet my shoebox on the M1 was smaller than
yours:-)

Bill Trenholm
'These were the woods the river and sea
Where a boy
In the listening
Summertime of the dead whispered the truth of his joy
To the trees and the stones and the fish in the tide.
And the mystery
Sang alive
Still in the water and singingbirds.'

from 'Poem In October' by Dylan Thomas

Paul Heslop

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Jul 11, 2001, 9:57:25 PM7/11/01

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This is weird. I normally say the same thing to other people, about the
I and me thing, and here you are saying it to my son. I don't get enough
time to read all his stuff! :O)
--
Paul
--------------------------------------------------------------
"Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come" C.Sandburg
--------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.geocities.com/dreamst8me/
---------------------------------------------------------------

Chuck Lysaght

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Jul 12, 2001, 10:57:27 AM7/12/01

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Cliches? Yeah. But the message is cool. She must have been quite a
woman. Or still is?

"Peter Heslop" <p.he...@cableinet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<r7X27.35949$aE6.3...@news1.cableinet.net>...

Peter Heslop

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Jul 12, 2001, 11:00:58 AM7/12/01

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she still is, and a fellow poet :) (she doesn't frequent this place
though coz she has sense lol) :)

--
HTH

"Chuck Lysaght" <skyw...@iopener.net> wrote in message
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