HOW TO SELL FAKE ART ON EBAY AND MAKE BIG MONEY
ronald
Tired of working same old job? Ready to give up that nasty commute and work
from home? Want to be your own boss? Need extra income? Well, fret no more
because now you can make big money selling fake art on eBay.
You say you know nothing about art? Not a problem. The morons who'll be
bidding on your fakes don't know anything either. But unlike you, they think
they do, which makes bilking them out of hundreds, thousands, and sometimes
tens of thousands of dollars per fake, that much easier.
But nobody's that stupid, you're thinking. Well, guess again. In the old
days, experts on stupidity used to believe that a sucker was born every
minute. That was before eBay. Now researchers into imbecilic behavior can go
onto eBay, watch real bozos get ripped off all day long, count them up, and
easily verify that far more than one sucker is born every minute. So are you
ready to ascend to the next tax bracket? Of course you are. Let's get
started!
Find Some Art
Step one is to find a piece of art. Paintings are always good, but tend to
be more expensive, harder to locate, and more difficult to doctor, so look
for drawings, watercolors, prints and other works on paper. Works of art on
paper are the easiest to manipulate, particularly prints (especially
lithographs found in books about famous artists), and are recommended for
crooks who are just starting out. Best procedure is to wait until you've got
your water wings before you tackle paintings.
You can find cheap works on paper at places like second hand stores, junk
shops, flea markets, garage sales, and rummage sales. Choose pictures that
have a little age and look important. Better quality used bookstores and
online used book databases are good places to find art books with prints or
lithographs by famous artists in them. If you decide to cut your prints out
of books, pick images that are printed on heavier paper, and make sure
they're blank on the backs with no text from the next or previous page-- you
don't want to be too obvious.
Choose Your Artist
If your art already has a famous artist's name on it, you know who it's by,
or you know what artist's art it looks like, skip this step and proceed
directly to "Fake the Signature." If your art is not signed or you don't
know who it's by, or it's by a minor artist and you want to upgrade it to a
major one, you'll have to match its style up with that of a famous artist.
You'll find loads of examples of famous art by famous artists in art books
at your local library or at large bookstores like Borders or Barnes & Noble.
You can also look online. Look at art by different artists until you find
one whose art looks like yours. Then you'll be ready to move on to the next
step and fake the signature. Hint: The more famous the artist you match your
art up with, the more money you'll be able to extract from clueless bidders,
so stick to household names like Picasso, Chagall, Miro, or Dali.
If you already know something about art or have some art education, you can
probably match your art up with little or no help. But remember-- even if
you don't know a single thing about art, all it takes is a little practice
looking at famous art by famous artists, and before you can say "Warhol ate
my homework" you'll be able to match fakes with artists in your sleep. By
the way, your art doesn't have to look that much like the artist's art that
you say it's by, but the more it does, the more birdbrains will bid on it.
Fake the Signature
After you match an artist to your art, your next step is to sign that
artist's name somewhere on the art. You can sign it on either the front or
the back, but signing on the front usually elicits more bids. The easiest
signatures to add are ones you write in pencil, pen, crayon or marker on
works on paper. If you're new at breaking the law, use pencil on a work on
paper.
Find a good clear example of your artist's signature and then practice
writing it on scratch paper until you get good at copying it. This may take
several hundred signings, but be patient. You'll soon get the hang of it and
be able to sign almost as well as the artist. By the way, you can often find
good clear examples of famous artists' signatures on eBay. Don't worry if
they're genuine or not. The doinks you'll be swindling won't know the
difference either.
Additional signature pointers:
* If your art is already signed, but the signature is part of the picture
("signed in the plate" or printed by the company that made the art), add a
signature anyway. A hand-written signature always enhances the value of a
phony work of art.
* If you have trouble faking an artist's name, fake only the artist's
initials, and then say whose initials they are in the text of your item
description (see below). This tact usually works, but don't expect the kind
of bidding you'll get when you fake the whole signature.
* If you have hand tremors or other problems copying the signature, date the
art with a year close to when the artist died. That way, you'll be able to
explain why the signature looks a bit forced, contrived, or shaky.
Write Your Description
Your eBay item description is the centerpiece of your flimflam, the hook
that reels in the live ones. Well-written descriptions mean more bids on
your ersatz art and more money in your pocket. So take some time, be
thoughtful, and be creative. All dollars aside, the entertainment value
alone of watching fools line up to get fleeced is more than worth the time
it takes to skillfully misrepresent your forgeries.
Make up a convoluted story about your art's ownership history. Just about
anything will do. Some eBay theorists believe that the more convoluted a
story is, the more pinheads will believe it. Whatever tall tale you tell,
keep it vague and unverifiable.
For example, say something like "We present this important Vincent Picasso
drawing to the open market for the first time ever. According to the current
owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, a wealthy art collector bought the
drawing at a major European art gallery sometime in the early 1960's.
Several years later, the collector gave it to his contractor in partial
payment for a kitchen remodel. In the mid-1980's the contractor joined an
obscure religious order, renounced all of his worldly posessions, and gave
the drawing to his son. Several years ago, the son, a cross-dresser,
rear-ended the current owner (actually, the current owner's car) while
applying lipstick during the morning rush hour. The drawing was given to the
current owner as part of an out-of-court settlement for damages resulting
from the accident."
Stories like this make the art sound pretty good, but you can make it sound
even better. No matter how worthless your art is, exaggerate its importance
with a few well-placed art words. For example, describe a mass-edition
reproduction print by the process used to print it-- a heliotype, an offset
lithograph, a photogravure, or whatever. Cortically challenged bidders will
have no idea what you're talking about, but will believe that those words
make the art more valuable. Hint: If you're worried that a few bidders might
actually know what an offset lithograph is, drop the "offset" and use just
the word "lithograph." Point of information: Telling the truth here and
there is unlikely to compromise the overall integrity of your fraud.
The art word "provenance" is especially good to use in your descriptions.
Provenance in the art business refers to chain of ownership, and is
important when it speaks directly to the authenticity of a work of art.
Never mind that; use the word any way you want. For instance, at the end of
the Vincent Picasso drawing description above, say something like "A copy of
this provenance will be provided to the winning bidder along with the art."
Additional ways to trump up your fake's believability:
* Call your art "museum quality" and pepper your description with
superlatives. Don't worry; they'll believe it.
* Write an effusive verbose excessive rambling treatise about the artist,
his life, and his career (include the artist's birth weight only if you're
offering a very early work). You can cut and paste artist biographies and
career information right off the Internet and into your description (don't
worry about copyright infringement). Note: Long detailed descriptions are
excellent for hiding disclaimers (see "Skirting Fraud Laws" below).
* Go on and on about the highest prices that the artist's art has ever sold
for at auction. Even though you're only offering a magazine illustration
worth a quarter, talk about paintings that have sold for millions.
* If the art's been recently framed, refer to the framing with phrases like
"framed to museum standards," "archival materials," and "UV protection." The
dundernoggins you'll be duping believe that if the framing is good, that
means the art is good too.
* Claim to have names of previous owners, certificates of authenticity, or
other forms of proof that authenticate the art, but say in your description
that you'll only provide those to the winning loser AFTER the sale is
complete. Then send them photocopies of letters or documents that you found
in books or library archives. You can also use copies of documents you find
on the web. These documents should mention the artist's name and/or discuss
art similar to the art you sold, but never specifically mention your art.
Note: Your documents should always be photocopied; photocopies are much
easier to manipulate than originals. Don't worry-- the infinitesimal
intellects who buy your art won't think to question your documents, and
won't ask to see the originals.
* Block out or falsify addresses, phone numbers, or other specific contact
information on any of your copied documents if you think they can be easily
traced. Say that you're doing this to protect previous owners' identities.
You can also replace real names or addresses with nonexistent ones.
* Conning cretins with copies works well, but with experience, you'll be
able to produce your own falsified documents including appraisals, ownership
records, and certificates of authenticity. That will save you the trouble of
having to locate and falsify documents belonging to others.
* When you make up names, put initials after them like "Appraised by Dr.
Brantley Snerker, S.C.M." We all know that people who have initials after
their names are right far more often than people who have no initials after
their names.
* When fabricating names of businesses, use non-specific ones like "American
Fine Art Appraisal Partners," "Appraisals International," or "Quality Art
Investments, Inc." Locate them in big cities like New York, Miami, or Los
Angeles, but don't provide any addresses or other contact information.
* Documents should be dated before 1980, preferably in the 1960's or 1970's,
because then they're difficult to trace. You can say you tried to contact
the experts or the companies that authored them, but couldn't find them.
Skirting Fraud Laws
Extracting a pea-brain's money is one thing; keeping it is another. Judicial
use of disclaimers is essential to assure that the pathetic boneheads who
will be financing your flamboyant new lifestyle have no recourse to get
their money back in the unlikely event that they ever figure out they've
been reamed.
* Include a quiet unobtrusive statement in your description like "Sale is
finalized upon receipt of payment."
* State somewhere else in your description, preferably hidden in the middle
of a really boring part where you're running on and on about nothing that's
even remotely related to your art, that though all evidence points to the
fact that your art is genuine, you are selling it as "attributed to the
artist" rather than by the artist.
* Place the bulk of your disclaimers elsewhere on eBay, on a totally
different page from your for-sale listing, and casually suggest that bidders
click over to that page and read it before they bid. If they don't, and most
won't, they'll have no idea how royally screwed they'll be if they buy your
art. "But how the frig can I do that?" you ask in disbelief. Simple. eBay
offers an amenity called a "me" page where you can type disclaimers until
your hands cramp up. Have a section where you discuss and define terms used
in your listings like "attributed to," "in the manner of," "in our opinion,"
or "in the style of." Then clearly state that no refunds will be given on
any art that is described using any of those terms. You can also use your
"me" page to blather on about how honest you are, how much you love art,
that your second cousin was an Eagle Scout, and how long you've been in
business.
* Guarantee that the buyer will be entitled to a full refund if the art has
not been properly represented as an original watercolor, drawing,
lithograph, print or whatever else it actually is. Say something like "We
guarantee that this is a genuine pencil sketch on paper." Only guarantee the
medium, though; never guarantee that it's by the artist whose signature
you've added.
* Offer a full refund within ten days if the muttonhead who buys it snaps
out of his IQ coma and provides a recognized expert's opinion saying the art
is not by the artist whose signature it bears. Don't worry-- you'll never
have to refund any money. First of all, finding a recognized expert is not
easy. Second, paying for that expert's opinion is expensive-- usually
costing hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars. Third, getting an
expert's opinion within ten days is almost impossible because they have to
see the art in person, meaning that you have to ship it to them. Fourth, if
the buyer says he's found an expert, tell him you don't recognize that
person as an expert.
Other helpful hints:
* Use "private" auctions to hide bidders' identities (see eBay for
instructions). Private auctions prevent people who see you're committing
larceny from emailing the clever victims who can't wait to get rich at your
expense.
* Only accept checks, money orders, cashiers checks, wire transfers,
certified checks, or other forms of cash. That way, the dorks you nail will
have a really tough time trying to get their money back. The good news is
that if they're stupid enough to buy your bogus baloney in the first place
(and they will be), they're unlikely to ask for refunds later.
* If, by some extraordinary stretch of the imagination you have to refund a
bidder's money, go ahead and do it. As soon as you get the art back, put it
up for sale on eBay again. It'll sell just as easily as it did the first
time.
SCAM Buster
>http://www.artbusiness.com/faketutorial.html
>
And your point is, ronnie?
SCAM Buster
Eric
Eric
"SCAM Buster" <scamb...@rogers.com> wrote in message
news:v952d11jl698ua2dh...@4ax.com...
ronald
>http://www.artbusiness.com/faketutorial.html
>
And your point is, ronnie?
SCAM Buster <---- asshole... the point is that eBay is scammer haven
Try to understand what you read you stupid moron.
ron
SCAM Buster
If there were not so many idiot buyers, there would be no scam sellers
on eBay or anywhere else for that matter, as there would be no one for
them to sell to.
SCAM Buster
RTC
you remind me of the urban legend assholes
When the stuff is listed on Ebay, more people who will recognize a fake are
likely to see it
and report it
"ronald" <ron...@msn.com> wrote in message
news:N98Ae.36$6e3....@news20.bellglobal.com...
bl...@adelphia.com
>http://www.artbusiness.com/faketutorial.html
>
>Tired of working same old job? Ready to give up that nasty commute and work
>from home? Want to be your own boss? Need extra income? Well, fret no more
>because now you can make big money selling fake art on eBay.
>
Terriffic! Makes me want to start right now!
Got any more tips? How about faking other stuff, first editions,
antique crap etc.