Bring Wants And Values Into Accord

[Ilya Shambat]

Happiness becomes attainable when one’s wants and one’s values are in accord.

The area of wants without values is that of guilty, furtive pleasures. The area of values without wants is grim joyless duty and obligation. Where the two are in accord, and one lives at the point of their intersection, we see happiness.

I have heard it said that wants and values are the same thing. This is wrong. One may want, but not value, a woman to whom he is attracted but whom he does not respect. One may value, but not want, a woman whom he respects but to whom he is not attracted. In either case he become unhappy, and in most cases inflicts that unhappiness on the woman.

For happiness to be possible, wants and values must be brought into accord. Either change your wants to be in conformance with your values, or change your values to be in conformance with your wants. Then you will have a passing chance at happiness.

With beauty, we see something that people want but don’t value or respect. This leads to misery all around. Men are attracted to beautiful women, but they aren’t willing to treat them right. This is especially bad for the woman; but it is also bad for the man. He is dissatisfied with what he gets and becomes miserable. Then he becomes abusive. Then he loses all his ideals and becomes a terrible person.

I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks that that is a stupid way to live.

There are of course other situations in which such a thing can play out. A person indoctrinated into Communism might hate money, but be attracted, as most people are, to wealth. He will then get money in crooked ways, as did the Russian mafia. Whereas when one respects money he will go about obtaining it in honourable ways.

Most things that are attractive to people are attractive for a reason. Some things are just good. This is the case with beauty. Beauty is just good. This is the case with beauty in women; this is also the case with beauty in such things as nature and art. It is entirely untrue that beauty is “in the eye of the beholder.” Just about all beholders will see Sistine Chapel, Burmese stupas and Yosemite Park as beautiful. True beauty takes talent and effort to produce and deserves respect.

Respecting beauty then will bring people’s wants and values in accord. This in turn will be good both for men and women. Women will be treated well in relationships, and men will be happy. And that is a worthy outcome into which to take the world.