Wry Quips And A FairyTale
David Of Bedlam
[I'm seldom this witty; I've had coffee since.]
Me: As minor adjunct, I'll stay in my place.
Her: You really don't ask for much, do you?
Me: I ask for what experience has shown is just a bit too much to ask for.
Her: You have low self-esteem.
Me: I have a sense of realism. (Or: I'm in touch with reality.)
Her: I don't treat my friends that badly.
Me: Where have you been all my life?
[Heh. Read 'em and weep.]
No, I really don't expect too much, hardly anything at all. Take this
particularly difficult Object Lesson:
A FAIRY TALE By Davey
Long, long ago, in a country far, far away, there lived
lovely Lesbian princess who was coupled. One day we met
(which didn't happen often then) and fell in love, and
the moon rose through the sycamores. Then she decided
she couldn't live without the Something Extra she got
from me and so we reached an understanding: she'd stay
coupled but she'd see me when she can, while I'd do my
business here since she wouldn't be MY Lesbian princess.
And for a few months all was well in DaveyLand.
Time passed. I was her friend, here when she needed me,
yet she remained a coupled Lesbian princess in country
far away. As her friend I told her once something very
obvious -- she told me to shut up, and then she forgave
me. Then more time passed.
Then I met an uncoupled lady who wasn't a Lesbian princess,
who could be here for me as my True Love would not do. For
some weeks the DaveyTrain ran smoothly, except my Lesbian
princess who was coupled became jealous and sent me nasty
letters. I endeavored to remind her that it was she who had
decided to stay coupled far away, that I was making do with
the lot in life she gave me, so she grew calmer for a month
and more time passed.
During this time, while I was happy making do with my non-
Lesbian who wasn't coupled, my Lesbian princess decided she
wasn't happy being coupled and moved her throne to a palace
kept for her by a friend, a palace close to her and still so
far away from me. And as princesses often do she got jealous
once again, writing furiously about that lady who was then
still here for me: I said 'Then I shall come to you, My Love,
or you may venture here' -- but my Lesbian princess answered
"Oh no, that will not do!" So I reminded her that facts were
facts, and more time passed again.
Then they lady who was here became enchanted by a dragon, who
convinced her not to want me or to see me ever again. 'Oh well,'
I thought, 'that could be fine, I'm now free for my True Love.'
So I wrote the news to my Lesbian princess, and this was her
reply: "But I don't want you anymore, as you disgraced me with
with that lady."
So I wept and wailed and lamented, and reminded her of facts:
'But O my princess,' I reminded her, 'you were for so long so
coupled that you were not here for me.' To which she answered,
like a princess. "That doesn't matter, I'm a princess! Cease
begging me for pity!" So I lamented a while longer until my
heart did break, and then I gave up hope -- because my Lesbian
princess would stay so far away.
More time has passed and I have no word from my True Love far
away, because *I* was mean to HER as she says so princessly.
Now all is not well in DaveyLand, and the DaveyTrain won't go.
I live unhappily ever after.
*The End*
[clap goddamn you clap]
So, well, IS IT ANY FUCKING WONDER I DON'T EXPECT MUCH????? Huh?
Angstfully,
TheDavid(TM)
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