crappy ass mood
Fook of The FOO
> I'm in a crappy ass mood.
What is it about misc.creativity that draws the therapy seekers? Ok,
ok, Dr. Fook's here.
> I don't know why.
[said in a 'Dr. Phil-like' voice:] "Do you hear what you're saying...
you don't know why? Now does that sound right to you?" Oprah nods her
abnormally large head in agreement.
> I just am.
Ok, Mr. Descartes, I'm giving you a C+ but I think you're capable of
doing much better. Try and put more thought into it next time.
> My fiance is asleep next to me. My kitty
> asleep at my feet.
Good lord, she must be really tall. Oops, sorry (whispering: maybe
he's a short person).
> I don't want to work or read or watch tv or call
> anyone.
D'you know what that leaves? Masturbation, a writer's best friend!
> I don't expect this post to help.
I'm afraid I still have to charge you for the whole hour.
> Nor do I expect to reach anyone.
This sounds serious, maybe you should rouse the 'kitty' <wink, wink>.
Actually, you'll reach more people than you think. I'm crossposting
this to a couple of writer's groups, crab buckets I like to call 'em.
A place where you are almost certain to find: paranoid, bitter writers
who will teach you cynicism, and identify some random evil that can be
impugned for your mood. Reading some of their petty invectives always
makes me feel good about myself. I often insert spelling errors and
watch them swarm like angry nuns in a British Catholic school. Rest
assured, the use of aliases alone has condemned us to the far reaches
of writer newsgroup hell. Odd, considering the whole pen-name
concept. Anyway. Hey, watch this: "RUSH LIMBAUGH!!!" tee hee, it's
like peeing on an ant hill. A small thrill to know you can command
such attention, no? (I don't often use troll power, but if it'll cheer
up a friend, why not?)
> I'm just in a crappy ass mood.
Ok, I think we covered this UA. Get out of bed and fix your fiance a
nice, uh, lunch. Hey, don't you two have jobs? Besides it's "ass'd"
mood, 'crappy ass'd mood', you idiot! Oh. Oh my, I'm sorry... it's
just this place. The dark side, always beckoning.
> I don't know why.
Well, it's fairly obvious to the rest of us that you're in a funk, and
not a good funk either. Maybe this will help:
I complained I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. I
said, hey, you're not using them shoes, mind if I use 'em? "Sure", he
said, "No point in me carrying them around, I don't have any feet."
You do have a point, 2 in fact.(he nods) Damn, I said, how'd that
happen? "I was part of a cloning program, and they ran out of money."
Must be tough, I said. "No, I just strap a big pencil to my leg and I
work as a human compass at the Draft-o-Rama over in the mall.
Although, I admit anything with a radius of over 3 feet tends to give
me a groin pull." Bummer.
Hey, are you participating in Wavy G.'s Halloween party? Your all
envited!
Now go worship the newly ordained Usenet gods
Sneelock & Capt Meat their temporary shrines are throbbing and
undulating as we spit.
Goto http://www.oddhobby.com/FOO/TOC.htm and seek wisdom.
The FOO agree with me
(Oddhobby FOO, not some other FOO)
finally an artistically distressing page at
http://www.oddhobby.com/FOO/FookleyurMain.htm
Join the FOO at http://oddhobby.com/foo
...."You're all invited!" Gotcha! bwaaahahahahahaha