Nominations are Closed
Richard G
It's been another busy month, with the standard of anagrams continuing to
rise ever higher. Keep up the good work everybody - you're a constant
inspiration.
Any corrections ASAP to me and the group, and a copy to Larry might be a
good idea as well.
AUGUST 2000 NOMINATIONS [156/95]
THE GENERAL CATEGORY [28/11]
Wayne Baisley with:
Handle with care =
What chandelier?
David Bourke with:
Genetically-modified foods =
Dodgy, if diet is clone of meal.
[gen/other]
Richard Brodie with:
August nominations =
Unanimous toasting.
Janet Burholt with:
Up for it =
UFO trip.
Janet Burholt with:
Platform sole =
Promotes fall.
Janet Burholt with:
Great minds think alike =
Hide mental risk-taking.
Janet Burholt with:
Mutton dressed as lamb =
Mama's old 'n' buttressed!
Andrew Denny with:
Middle age spread =
A dreaded glimpse.
Andrew Denny with:
What is Labour? =
Habitual rows!
Andrew Denny with:
What's my purpose in life? =
Sinful or sweet, I'm happy!
Dan Fortier with:
Asteroid hits Earth =
The hot-air disaster.
[gen/ent]
Linda Garrett with:
BLOOD TESTS HERE TUESDAY =
Stress you, bleed to death.
Richard Grantham with:
The poet's "Anonymous" =
Too many opuses, then!
Richard Grantham with:
Supremacist =
Racism setup.
Richard Grantham with:
Kalamata olives =
Make saliva a lot.
Richard Grantham with:
I wear fishnets =
A new fetish, sir?
Richard Grantham with:
Manic-depression =
Manner's episodic.
Richard Grantham with:
The cardiac arrest =
Drastic heart race.
Richard Grantham with:
If sterile, then
he isn't fertile.
Tom Myers with:
Abject poverty =
Crave petty job.
Tom Myers with:
Rate of recidivism =
Crime, it is favored.
Tom Myers with:
Years of neglect meant
a legacy of resentment.
Tom Myers with:
Asian mail order bride. =
Alien broad is married.
Tom Myers with:
The conventional wisdom =
Hot women contain devils.
Martin Rand with:
Lowest common denominator =
Comatose moron in meltdown.
Mick Tully with:
Killing two birds with one stone =
In wild, ornithologist knew best.
Mick Tully with:
Beware of the dog! =
Who bred gate foe?
Mick Tully with:
Contraception =
Canon: I protect.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY [11/7]
Chris Bradfield with:
Police, Camera Action =
Police to race maniac.
Janet Burholt with:
A celebrity =
I cry Beatle!
[ent/name]
Janet Burholt with:
A Farewell to Arms =
Realms of war tale.
Janet Burholt with:
Auguste Rodin's The Kiss =
Huge nudes: it is so stark.
Janet Burholt with:
'Stillborn': A poem by Sylvia Plath =
Labor by poet's vain; halts, limply.
Art Day with:
The Penthouse centerfold =
Unclothed "pets" often here.
Richard Grantham with:
Tim Ferguson =
Foreign smut.
Richard Grantham with:
Frequency Modulation =
Unequaled conformity.
Mike Keith with:
The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas =
Told a French story about madmen, executions.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Yes, you know, the name "Seles" is a palindrome. =
She plays loud tennis - noise awoke me. My ear!
Mick Tully with:
Kelly Brook at the premiere of 'Snatch' =
Hark! Flock to eye her ample tits? Boner!
[ent/rude]
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY [27/14]
David Bourke with:
The Leader Of The Opposition, William 'Fourteen Pints A Day' Hague =
I am a stupid lager-lout Tory slaphead, eh?
(ie: "I pee-off to the inn now!)
[L]
Chris Bradfield with:
Regulation of investigatory powers bill =
Irate? Spy on illegal furtive browsing too!
Larry Brash with:
The Russian nuclear submarine, Kursk. =
Sunk in mercurial Barents Sea. UK rush.
Richard Brodie with:
Supersonic plane's airworthiness certification is going to be revoked =
Was not choice of Dunlop tires certain to pose even bigger risks in air? Si!
[L]
Richard Brodie with:
Russia turns down British and American submarine rescue offers. =
Reds ruin it for crew: barbarous, inhuman minds refuse assistance.
[L]
Janet Burholt with:
The Blairs on holiday =
Hey! into hills, abroad.
Janet Burholt with:
Sir Alec Guinness dies at eighty-six =
I sigh: sadly, it's exit a screen genius.
Janet Burholt with:
Madonna gives birth to a son =
Oh, mention a song diva's brat.
Dan Fortier with:
Democratic National Convention =
I am convinced - no talent or action!
[top/other]
Don P Fortier with:
"Then who is Joseph Lieberman??" =
"Oh, he's able, prominent, Jewish."
Richard Grantham with:
Gore plants his lips upon the wife's mouth =
Whim's oh so fun: Al slips Tipper the tongue.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Gore and Lieberman =
Ennobled marriage.
[top/name]
Meyran Kraus with:
Repeated Attempts To Reach Stranded Nuclear Submarine =
Russian Men Trapped, Can't Breathe; Rescue Met Total Dread.
[L]
ID Letterman with:
The George and Dick Show =
Two highs: coke and greed.
Tom Myers with:
Charlton Heston has Undergone Rehabilitation =
The no-brain NRA hero's diet - it's alcohol then a gun.
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Gerald Ford suffers small strokes while in Philadelphia for the GOP's
convention =
Dull former President, known for his falls, is in the hospital. Help save,
God of grace!
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Year Two Thousand's Presidential Election =
Two crude nasty personalities to headline.
Tom Myers with:
Being a member of the unbiased world press I cannot be taking sides in this
political debate with you. =
I hate Republicans, and I especially detest this dense-wit, baboon,
idiot-brain, fink George W. Bush.
Tom M.
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Firestone recall of its A.T.V. truck tires =
Never trust creators of, face-it, it kills!
Tom Myers with:
Evander Holyfield wins fight, takes the WBA crown. =
Fat, wrinkled sod winner of heavyweight belt, cash!
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Supersonic plane's airworthiness certification is going to be revoked =
I voice raw opinion - Concorde uses big Firestone tires that spring leaks.
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Grand jury is formed to investigate the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal. =
Candidly, a fascist jerk timed events only to hurt Al Gore's winning.
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Gore now leads. =
Real good news!
Mick Tully with:
Insider dealing =
Did nine rig sale?
Mick Tully with:
Alta Vista free Internet Service =
Line treats? Fate: server inactive!
Mick Tully with:
Anthea Turner's wedding list =
What, uninterested, darlings?
William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
Veteran Broadcaster Sir Robin Day =
Dead. Coronary erases Brit-TV brain.
THE RUDE CATEGORY [14/10]
Wayne Baisley with:
"MAYOR'S BALL IS BACK ON MENU" =
Mm... Rula Lenska's Yoni-Cabob
David Bourke with:
In your birthday suit =
Nudity (our hairy bits).
Richard Brodie with:
Grand jury is formed to investigate the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal. =
Is not Gore's line: reject smoking cunt as tawdry and filthy and evil?
[L]
Richard Grantham with:
These condoms are flavoured =
Face devours hard semen-tool.
Richard Grantham with:
Codger that does farts in bunsen endures
first and second degree burns to the anus!
Richard Grantham with:
Large breasts =
Great, braless.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Priapus was the Roman god of procreation =
Purports a paradigm of an erection. How so!
Meyran Kraus with:
Exercise can "strain your heart or injure you" =
"Sex, Eunice? Either just 'urinary' or a coronary!"
Meyran Kraus with:
Self-gratification =
It is carnal, I get off.
Tom Myers with:
The GOP Bush/Cheney ticket is now official =
Hail to these fucking inept cowboy chiefs!
[rude/top]
Tom Myers with:
This is a new device which will double your penis size -- it's guaranteed! =
Scientist: with a hard willie so big, seduce ladies whenever you unzip!
Graham Perkins with:
Short and curlies =
Older cunt's hairs.
Mick Tully with:
"MAYOR'S BALL IS BACK ON MENU" =
Bollocks? Banana's yummier...
Martin Rand with:
"MAYOR'S BALL IS BACK ON MENU" =
O, balls earn busy Mick a NOM!
THE SPAM CATEGORY [11/9]
Larry Brash with:
I APOLOGIZE TO ALL THAT RECIEVED MY COMMERCIAL POSTING YESTERDAY, I TRULY
MADE AN ERROR WITH MY POSTING SOFTWARE. IM SORRY =
Regret? O, I'm lying. I really meant to send it. I'm a low-life, depraved,
crazy spammer who scams, too. Priority? I try to get your cash.
[L]
Larry Brash with:
'Make money fast' =
Nasty fake memo.
Janet Burholt with:
Megan Alexander wrote: Make $$$ AS EASY AS ...1,2,3 =
A.A. say$, 'Wot?' $eek$ 123 lax enemas ... are danger, Ms!!
Andy Dixon with:
"learn to promote your on line bizz" =
Embezzler ran lotto. Your opinion?
Andy Dixon with:
In the mood for shopping? Great auction site! =
"Rich? Pop in for some astute negotiating.....d'oh !"
Dan Fortier with:
Llamando todos los españoles altavoces =
"Save and eat all cold loose stools. No SPAM!"
Jon Gearhart with:
YOU WILL HAVE YOUR MASTERCARD IN 29 DAYS =
SAID HE'LL REAM YOUR ROUND CAVITY 92 WAYS
Richard Grantham with:
THE REALITY OF FAT LOSS =
Eat shitty offal, loser.
Meyran Kraus with:
THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SAVED MY LIFE!!!!!
I KNOW THAT THIS SOUNDS RIDICULOUS BUT IT IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!
=
YOU ARE THE SADDEST, MOST HIDEOUS STUPID LITTLE SHIT-FACE EVER FOUND!!!
I KNOW THIS IS AN INSULT BUT BET IT'S THE TRUTH!!
[L]
Tom Myers with:
IF NOT interested at (sic) Adult Toys, DO NOT OPEN !! =
Attention: do not post your files - it's decadent.
Brad Williams with:
Dreamcast Games For $7.50! Backups and Boot Discs! =
Mod Pirate's Sega CDs 7 for 50 Bucks! Not a Bad Scam!
THE LONG SPAM CATEGORY [7/7]
David Bourke with:
AMAZING PENIS ENLARGEMENT BREAKTHROUGH!
Finally, an all-natural way to lengthen and strengthen your cock.
Penis Pros has created the ultimate penis enlargement program. Rare herbs
cultivated high in the Andes of Peru provides sexual power that has been
untapped until we brought them to the masses worldwide. We guarantee these
pills will make you the stud you deserve to be.
ALL NATURAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT - 100% SAFE!
http://www.herbalo.com
=
AMAZING PENIS ENLARGEMENT BREATHROUGH?
Men! Do women laugh at your stupid, naff, pale little two-inch (at best)
tadger? Ha ha ha! Tough cheese, then, you sad tosser! But you'll never have
sex without a proper pork-sword, so best get used to it, you pathetic
stump-ended prick! And get a life, eh! See, all the Alt.Anagrams men have
real hard, thrusting purple helmets! Ner ner ner ner ner!
ALL NATURAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT? - PANTS! BE 100% BALLS!
www.weewilliewinky.com
Larry Brash with:
There's a great new auction site that everyone should see. They sell
everything! You can get great deals because they rarely have a starting bid.
There will be both a live and an email auction Friday Aug. 11 from 12:00 pm
to 4:00 pm pacific time. Check it out at Bucktv.com.
=
All 111,200,400 of us in alt.anagrams hate spam. Cute? We think it is
irritating, abusive and really evil. Spammers are the lowest life form on
Earth. They're annoying, big-mouthed, vague, ugly, coercive, etc., etc.
Cue everybody! Obey! Attack! Death! Cut the bitch to death!........ Peace!
Richard Grantham with:
Guys, does the size of your penis concern you?
Maybe you would be happier with an extra inch or two?
Would your partner be happier if you were bigger and thicker?
Are there always too many reasons not to make love any more?
Penis enlargement need not be an expensive or painful operation.
To learn more about our natural system, and read what other happy (and now
more well endowed) clients have to say.
Follow this link now!!!
http://www.savecash.i12.com/penis-enlargement.htm
(this is not a vacuum system!)
Cheers
Richard Brooks
=
Women, do you worry about your clitoris?
Perhaps a larger one would please you more?
Now you can have the clitoris that you always dreamed about! Penis envy's a
thing of the past after our revolutionary new program, which extends a clit
by 1, 2, even a dozen or more inches!
No more excuses from inept men that are unable to find yours properly. No
more wet hands when wanking. Visit today - be packing a watermelon in your
pants in mere weeks! (Some talc on the knees and hips helps here.)
www.hermaphrodites.net/anabolic-tablets
Meyran Kraus with:
Management Software
I'd like to introduce to you the company rules and regulation system that a
company need and has been proved very useful in China as follows (this
company rules and regulation system is one of the items that presented above
I can provide the company management consulting to you).
These items covers all the factors in a company management that you can make
a broad choice from them and I'd like meet you in your office to fulfill
these items in detail for you.
The management software is based on the whole factors in the process of
management.The parts of it interact each other, make up a integrity , a
system .It is not only based on strengthful theory, but also based on
abundant applicability. It is proved to be practicable and
efficient.According to the management software ,you can exactly advance the
management standard, and it help you realize your company strategy and your
company goal.
Temporary managing client(temporary general manager£(c)¡¢company management
software (e.g.company rules and regulation system)¡¢company management
consulting service and other services are my company business
items.Especilly the company management software (e.g. company rules and
regulation system), which I would like to introduce to you, is the primary
consulting service.The company management software has been proved to be
applicable and efficient according to being used in China.It can work in
short time, and our company's first tenet is serving you£the charge is
reasonable and acceptable. We promise in the honor of our company. We ensure
the quality of the service. Welcome to contact me in any time whenever you
need me. This is my honor to serve you here in Beijing China.
Looking forward to receiving your message.
=
Mr. Boring Bill, bugging spammer,
My reasonably good temper and my tragic heart condition convinced me to
spare you from a more eagerly tense reply to a cocky, crappy, inane,
vacantly tacky BS e-mail you sent me. Instead, please accept some funny
anecdotes your (remaining) clients mentioned about yo groggy, very crummy,
big-tummy, piggy, blubbery, provocative pervert, ugly anomaly of a mama:
client One: "Yo mama is so fat, she had dinner at McDonald's once, and
contributed nine more digits to the 'Burgers Served' counter."
client Two: "Yo mama is so fat, I wanted to dip my cock in her the other
night, so I rolled her in flour to see where her cunt is."
client Three: "Yo mama is so fat, NASA declared her as a second moon."
client Four: "Yo mama is so fat, you were born with a dent in your head,
cause your horny papa didn't know she was pregnant."
client Five: "Yo mama is so fat, your papa jumped on her once... they had to
scrape him off the ceiling."
client Six: "Yo mama is so fat, she considers a wheel-o-cheese as a health
food."
client Seven: "Yo mama is so fat, she gave your puppy a hug once, and it was
never found again."
client Eight: "Yo mama is so fat, you pay another mortgage for her butt."
client Nine: "Yo mama is so fat, nineteen randy campers could use her
panties as a tent."
client Ten: "Yo mama is so fat, an elephant gave *her* peanuts once."
client Eleven: "Yo mama is so fat, I've been in her cunt one time and
realized I can't scream..."
client Twelve: "Yo mama is so fat, she won a 'Springer Beauty Queen' title."
client Thirteen: "Yo mama is so fat, she can pick up a cent using her tits."
client Fourteen: "Yo mama is so fat, she once went to the top of the leaning
tower of Pisa, and the constructors cancelled their cement plan."
More are at:
http://www.kgb.gvr/comp/Online-Entertainment/GiantCuntClan/topten.cgi
Get bent, you dumb mugger.
Mey K.
Tom Myers with:
We have all software!!!
Visual Studio 6
Auto CAD 2000
Architectural Desktop 2
Mechanical Desktop 4
3D Studio 3.1
Adobe PhotoShop 5.5
Corel Draw 9
File Maker 5
Delphi 5
Borland C++ Bulder 5
Pro/Engeneer 2000
Lightwave
Norton SystemWorks 2000
Windows 2000
Windows Milenium
.. and many many more!!!
Price $ 60 - $ 120!!!
We have everything - just name it!
=
We have individual / wholesale:
heavy whore w/ clap
pin worms
herpes sore
bat testicle
huge easy homo
lark's vomit
circumcision penile remnant (limp)
wet jockstrap odor candle (whew!)
dog doo-doo
rotten aardvark
cum stained blue dress
my fat daughter-in-law
tiny limp dead aborted unknown fetus
$0.69 - $1,222,222,334,555,550,000,000,000,006.01
Martin Rand with:
$15.00 WAITING TO BE CLAIMED
I found this site that really has it all!!! I have learned how to stop
paying for my groceries - legally! I now receive Free Kodak Film whenever I
want and I have made good old U.S. Cash with a couple of sites that this
site links to! This site is really cool!
http://oe-pages.com/FAMILY/Homepages2/wproducts
Richie
=
12,500 SPAMMERS READY TO BE ANAGRAMMED
Here's this group that is the dingo's danglies!!! You post it a load of
trivial hogwash, and forty devilish clever weirdos turn it into something
lewd that will kill you! Why, this chic coterie takes the cookie!
So if I feel low, I pen a swift, cheesy spam.
Lolita "Angelface" Lovealot.
(I'm a cheap piece...)
Brad Williams with:
WWW.Writerscape.com is the Premier Written Works Exchange for Writers,
Publishers, Script Buyers and Agents. Revolutionizing the writing world.
=
www.www.worstgerm.cwm is the best recreational drug trip sight for Needles,
Heroin, Crackpipes, Burners, or Peruvian White. Try sterilizing toxins.
THE LONG CATEGORY [12/9]
David Bourke with:
[The alternative Sgt. Pepper]
1. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
2. With A Little Help From My Friends
3. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
4. Getting Better
5. Fixing A Hole
6. She's Leaving Home
7. Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite
8. Within You Without You
9. When I'm Sixty-Four
10. Lovely Rita
11. Good Morning Good Morning
12. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)
13. A Day In The Life
=
1. Yoko? Oh No! I'd Vomit!
2. Apple Fiddle-Folly
3. Often High - The Maharishi Mystery Trip
4. Brian Epstein The Little Poof
5. MBE? We'd Refuse It!
6. The Dog With Wings
7. Druggy McCartney Bust Mix-Up
8. Lennon Gets Shot In N.Y.C. (Next Life - God)
9. "I Love Thomas The Tank-Engine" (by Ringo Starr)
10. `Mull'? Piffle!
11. Wilbury Woe
12. `Sir' Paul
13. George Harrison Stabbed In Henley
David Bourke with:
Queen - Greatest Hits I/II
Bohemian Rhapsody
Another One Bites The Dust
Killer Queen
Fat Bottomed Girls
Bicycle Race
You're My Best Friend
Don't Stop Me Now
Save Me
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Somebody To Love
Now I'm Here
Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy
Play The Game
Flash
Seven Seas Of Rhye
We Will Rock You
We Are The Champions
A Kind Of Magic
Under Pressure
Radio Ga Ga
I Want It All
I Want To Break Free
Innuendo
It's A Hard Life
Breakthru
Who Wants To Live Forever
Headlong
The Miracle
I'm Going Slightly Mad
The Invisible Man
Hammer To Fall
Friends Will Be Friends
The Show Must Go On
One Vision
=
Queen - Greatest Hits I/II
Real He-Man Rhapsodomy
Another One Tight Old Chuff
Under, Precious!
Now I'm Queer
Some Bender To Love
Feel Bottoms, Girls!
I Want To Break Wind (live)
Male-Bike Rave
You're My Best Boyfriend
What's This Little Thing Called, Love?
Don't Glop Me Now
I'm Going Slightly Hard, I See
It's A Hard-On!
Fash
Chase Me
I Want You All
On The Game
Doing Head
The Mirror Ball
We Will Suck You (Five)
We Are The Camp Irons
In Yer End? Oh!
All Y-Fronts To Fall
The Condom Must Go On
I Feel Seven Inches Of Bri
A Kind Of Mad Dick
Who Wants To Bleed Vile Perverts' Arses Forever?
I See The Insatiable Man
Radio Ga-Gayboyz
Larry Brash with:
The quality of mercy is not strained,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven,
Upon the place beneath.
=
The quote from The Bard's "The Merchant of Venice".
Portia's entreating:
"Hey! Listen up, I appeal; end thy loan".
Richard Brodie with: [Deuteronomy 15:1,2]
At the end of every seven years thou shalt make a release. And this is the
manner of the release: Every creditor that lendeth ought unto his neighbour
shall release it; he shall not exact it of his neighbour, or of his brother;
because it is called the LORD'S release.
=
Here are the reasons underlying the financial cleansing called elimination
of debt. Here too are the remedies for all the vexing vultures, the
harassers that seek to thrive by usury. Oh! the ratholes! So, to the foolish
deadbeat's health! Here his troubles cease.
Richard Brodie with:
I should have known better than to eat seafood so far from the coast... =
Haste not inland to devour soft, sweet meat of shark; Oh! ache, barf too.
John Fidler with:
[Albums released by The Smiths.]
The Smiths
Hatful of Hollow
Meat Is Murder
The Queen Is Dead
The World Won't Listen
Strangeways Here We Come
Rank
=
Glum Fellow With Them
Two-Hole Fedora
The Mutton Crime
Windsor's End
Earless Earth
What Queerness Ahead?
Stinky
Richard Grantham with:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
=
Obviously old Will never got any farther south than Croydon, or else his
real esteem of summer might have been rather less immoderate. Here in
Australia, for instance, summer lasts for approximately eight and a half
months and is bloody hot. It's often bad enough to melt corrugated iron, old
shoes and sometimes shoelaces. And the threat of *eternal* summer down here
is enough to make you move to the Scottish Highlands... well, almost.
Nothing's this strong.
So I feel his summer reference is a bit odd, unless of course his dedicatee
was a heated raving nymphomaniac on ten men a day. And let's hope he wasn't.
Husband and Wife with:
Ayn Rand - Novelist and Philosopher
Anthem
The Fountainhead
Atlas Shrugged
For The New Intellectual
The Virtue of Selfishness
The God of the Machine
It Is Earlier Than You Think
What Is Capitalism?
The National Interest, C'est Moi.
We, the Living
Bootleg Romanticism
The Nature of Government
=
Ayn Rand "Nashville's one-third poop!"
The Path to Failure
The Conglomerate Shit List
Reinventing the Boomerang
Seven Fun Wealth Hints for Cunts
Annihilate the Idiot
You Can Cut Men's Hair!
Egghead's Einstein
I Fuck 'em!
It's Wartime for Hot Wet Hemmoroids
It Shall Have to Eat Flesh
Genital Talent
Husband and Wife with:
[Books by American author John Irving.]
The World According to Garp
The Cider House Rules
A Son of the Circus
Trying to Save Piggy Snead
A Prayer for Owen Meany
The Hotel New Hampshire
Setting Free the Bears
The Water-Method Man
The 158 Pound Marriage
=
Horrid Mother Shags a Pilot
An Orphan Gets a Woody
We're Puny Carnival Midgets
Fatso Fury
The U.S. Wheelchair Correspondent
The Concierge Guy
Sweet-tempered Grandmother
The Ménage-à-Trois Beat
Fahrenheit 851
Meyran Kraus with:
The script by author Raymond chandler of an insurance salesman plotting with
a vile wife to murder the husband. =
Billy Wilder's narrative 'Double Indemnity' features top-notch acting, a
harsh atmosphere and no warmth... Such fun!
ID Letterman with:
Master sleuth tracks down poison mail all the way down under.....to Chile,
S.A. =
William Tunstall Pedoe unmasks the Coris. Hard core as hotly wanted now.
Tom Myers with:
Scientist: there is water on Jupiter Moon Europa =
Sure it's there! Now join me in a trip to outerspace!
THE PEOPLE'S NAME CATEGORY [16/7]
David Bourke with:
Ian Hunter, Mick Ralphs, Terry 'Verden' Allen, Peter Overend Watts and Dale
'Buffin' Griffin. =
The first (and best) Mott LP line-up - real fine, wild, free, hard, dark,
even raving funny, ace R'n'R.
[L]
David Bourke with:
Sonia Gandhi? =
Indians go "Ah!"
David Bourke with:
'Countdown' co-presenter Carol Vorderman =
"Vowel, or consonant card?" procured me rent.
David Bourke with:
Michael Stock, Matthew Aitken and Peter Waterman =
Team met, made a packet. (Rich wankers with no talent!)
[L]
David Bourke with:
Stanley Laurel and Oliver Hardy =
Hell, a very silly duo, and near-art!
Janet Burholt with:
Monsieur David Ginola =
Mon dieu! a lad is roving!
[name/ent]
Janet Burholt with:
Dylan Douglas =
An old guy's lad.
Janet Burholt with:
Baby Rocco Ritchie =
Ah, crib: bet I cry, coo!
[name/top]
Janet Burholt with:
Dame Daphne Du Maurier =
Ah, I dreamed up a rum end.
Janet Burholt with:
Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson =
Cue fine new film drama starring Potter lad.
[name/ent]
Dan Fortier with:
Michael Swango =
No laws cage him.
Richard Grantham with:
Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy =
O, it's a lovely thick novel!
[name/ent]
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Actor Charlton Heston =
Cornstarch to ethanol.
Tom Myers with:
Former President Gerald Ford =
Fit Mr. for large "Depends" order.
Tom Myers with:
Craig Steven Fothergill =
Love act - fingers the girl.
Mick Tully with:
Rubens Barrichello =
Races Hill on rubber.
THE OTHER NAME CATEGORY [10/7]
David Bourke with:
Stella Artois - Reassuringly expensive. =
A very strong ale, I see. All six pints? Sure!
David Bourke with:
The International Olympic Committee =
Theoretically, I'm incompetent, am I not?
Janet Burholt with:
The new Citroen Xsara Picasso =
Ha! So now I expect car artiness.
Richard Grantham with:
Villefranche-sur-Saône =
French sure love a snail!
Meyran Kraus with:
Kansas' Neighbor =
Nebraska - so nigh!
Tom Myers with:
The Military's secret base, Area Fifty-one, in West Nevada. =
I see many artifacts, beware of the testy alien invaders.
[L]
Tom Myers with:
Firestone radial tires =
Inferior -- disaster tale!
Graham Perkins with: [Tesco slogan]
Every Little Helps =
They sell pet-liver.
Mick Tully with:
Tesco Online Shopping =
Isn't English Co-op open?
Mick Tully with:
Winston tastes good like a cigarette should =
The end glows, idiot. Attacks lungs easier, too.
THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY [13/7]
David Bourke with:
Ernesto Rafael Guiraldes =
Nastier dago fella? Er, sure!
A less rude Alt.A. foreigner.
David Bourke with:
President Slobodan Milosevic =
Serb despot icon is evil old man.
Do I plot Serb violence 'n' sadism?
No Serb policies solved, damn it!
Richard Brodie with:
Why does life have purpose and existence meaning? =
Metaphysics - ah genius, now expand on "feel", "die", "ever".
Politics - hey, we examine "need", "safe", and push "govern".
Ethics - we see "good", "evil", "serene", "unhappy", and fix man.
Dan Fortier with:
Orenthal Simpson =
She spit on - normal.
Months plain sore.
Oh mental prisons.
Honor -plans smite.
Oh, plan is monster.
No, not rip slash me!
Stomp on her - slain!
Nor splash it on me.
This person on lam.
Richard Grantham with:
Kalamata olives =
Make saliva a lot.
A vomit lake, alas.
Richard Grantham with:
And with a blend of these four indivisible elements -
EARTH, both divine and life-fill'd, to imbue newnesses;
AIR's blow, undefined, not visible, that enmeshed life;
WATER, seem'd libation behind the fund of liveliness;
Blessed FIRE of the divine, now bated, still inhumane -
He made this oft-unbelievable world's infinite ends.
Janet Muggeridge with:
vanity publishing=
vain by pushing lit.
pay, inviting blush
push vain, lying bit
hint: buy, signal VIP
Janet Muggeridge with:
I do like eating corn-on-the-cob - it's mouthwatering. =
Cook it. Ah, so adore chewing on it in melting butter.
Boo, I go clean teeth, to rid grain stuck on/within 'em.
Tom Myers with:
The FBI's Carnivore =
Observer if in chat,
if vice's abhorrent!
Tom Myers with:
Even the devil can quote scripture for his own purposes. =
Win lovers. Prophets serve up a technique for seduction.
Tip: We use harps - proven technique for lover's seduction.
Tom Myers with:
The Russian submarine crew is presumed perished. =
Sub ruined, ass-head prime minister screws up here!
Sure bashed-in! Prime minister has sure screwed up.
Mick Tully with:
Singapore Airlines =
Is aeroplane rising?
Oil passenger in air.
One large piss in air.
Ignore Asian perils.
Pioneer slags in air.
Ogle, sir? (pain in arse.)
One gin, ripe air-lass?
Mick Tully with: [The US Army slogan]
"Be all that you can be." =
Obey, launch a battle.
A bullet to any beach.
Lethal bayonet, Cuba.
Tally-ho! Cuba beaten.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY [7/7]
David Bourke with:
Golden Brown - The Stranglers
Golden brown, texture like sun,
Lays me down, with my mind she runs.
Throughout the night,
No need to fight.
Never a frown with golden brown.
Every time just like the last,
On her ship, tied to the mast.
To distant lands,
Takes both my hands.
Never a frown with golden brown.
Golden brown, finer temptress,
Through the ages she's heading west.
From far away,
Stays for a day.
Never a frown with golden brown.
Never a...never a...
Never a frown with golden, with golden brown.
=
Gordon Brown - The Strangler
Gordon Brown, tax me, go on!
Take my money - almost all gone!
With New Labour in,
We'll just never win.
Ever a frown, with Gordon Brown.
Every new budget hurts like the last.
Mortgage relief ends very fast.
Fate? That's one in The Eye,
Flush? I'm sunk...high and dry.
Interest rates never down, with Gordon Brown.
Gordon Brown found a temptress,
Wed at last, she in a naff dress.
Shhhhhh! The damned tight-fisted git,
Even spent nowt on it.
Why, he'll never go down, with Sarah Brown.
Jon Gearhart with:
"Hey and away we go
through the grass, cross the snow
big brown beasty, big brown face
I'd rather be with you than fly through space..."
=
"we get big hits of this bong
rose up, baby, where we drift along
scorch a roach on a sunny day
brought her what stash grew, by the way..."
Richard Grantham with:
[Genesis 1:1 - 2:3]
<snip>
Richard Grantham with:
[A poem by Sylvia Plath.]
STILLBORN
These poems do not live: it's a sad diagnosis.
They grew their toes and fingers well enough,
Their little foreheads bulged with concentration.
If they missed out on walking about like people
It wasn't for any lack of mother-love.
O I cannot explain what happened to them!
They are proper in shape and number and every part.
They sit so nicely in the pickling fluid!
They smile and smile and smile at me.
And still the lungs won't fill and the heart won't start.
They are not pigs, they are not even fish,
Though they have a piggy and a fishy air -
It would be better if they were alive, and that's what they were.
But they are dead, and their mother near dead with distraction,
And they stupidly stare and do not speak of her.
=
MISCARRIAGE
My opuses have perished: it's an ominous truth.
Though their limbs were already in place and intact,
And their tiny brains developing properly.
If they failed to stand on their own two feet,
Then that wasn't due to any parental neglect.
Oh, I will never know how it finished thus!
For they are tidy and whole and complete,
Yet now float neatly in the formaldehyde.
Their radiant visages might gawp and gawp non-stop,
But they lack the vital breath and soft beat.
They are not hogs, and nor are they trout,
Despite the inhuman hoglike or troutlike feel -
Once they lived, and it was sweeter like that.
But tonight they died, and their old father is beside himself,
As they mindlessly gape, expressionless and pale.
Mike Keith with:
[The basis of this anagram is a sonnet by a medieval poet of which James B.
Cabell was enamored (and so made translations of several of his poems into
English). The anagram was a gift to my daughter, whose name can be found in
the initial letters of the lines in the second sonnet.]
SONNET
by Nicolas de Caen
We are as harsh time molds us, lacking all
To change our humble fortunes, or contend
With grimly subtle Fates, who may not mend
The useless business of things temporal.
Thus stitch to shape the fabric, or let fall
A single line therein until, in fine,
This life bemuses, faith is overcast,
And utter darkness quickly swallows mine.
They once ordained much time to rhyme and sing
Of joys and kisses, days' remembered thrills,
To honor her with memoirs by the lake,
With ready love that paid tears o'er the hills.
Life hurries now, and leaves them shuffling
Beside the embers of a burned-out fire.
=
REFLECTIONS
by M. Keith
Dust into dust, and so shall be his name,
Impermanent and fleeting as the wind;
All finished with the fifteen minutes' fame,
No issue from the ramblings of his mind.
And yet, should he but think to try and tease
Just one small solace from the mournful chimes,
Elect would he for certain memories,
And two or three new readers for his rhymes.
'Neath this inverted bowl we call the sky,
Kings, sultans, princes, Omars - even I -
Establish tributes as they quickly pass,
Inscribe small legacies their whole life through.
Through all, dear reader, no one else but you
Has voice to say if they be gold or brass.
Meyran Kraus with:
[This is a poem in which all lines (including the title) are anagrams of
eachother.]
Mey K.
English Ode of a Vampire and Subtle Seductions
Air-scape of one village; sunset bound, dimmed the sky;
Mute, Transylvanian dusk of homes besieged, policed.
A full moon, grey tease, snuck behind a deep void's mist;
Scouting for human notes, vile dead- like me- passed by.
Calm, as I seeked night-rubes, I found my past loved one;
I moved close ("Astounding!"), but she feared my pale skin.
Moments stole by, I spoke guile and fraud; she caved in.
Could she save me, spoiling my dark fate, bites undone?
...But miss a feed? My ears took heed: pounding veins call!
Poor contained mind- she gave me a kiss, fueled by lust,
As her divine neck's pleading me: "Blood feast! You must!"...
Spike-fangs came out; I then drained my beloved's soul.
Tom Myers with:
YOGI BERRA QUOTES
Is this deja vu all over again?
It ain't over 'till it's over.
If I didn't wake up, I would still be sleeping.
You better cut the pizza in 4 pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat 6.
Baseball is 90% mental and the other half physical.
The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
You can't think and hit at the same time.
Nice Guys Finish Last.
Tom Seaver: Hey, Yogi, what time is it? Yogi Berra: You mean now?
Nobody eats there anymore, it's too crowded.
It gets late early out here.
If you don't have a goal, any road will get you there.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because
you might not get there.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
You give 100% in the first half of the game and if that isn't enough, in the
second half you give what's left.
Never let the truth interfere with a good story.
I really didn't say everything I said.
If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.
If you don't go to other people's funerals, then they won't go to yours.
=
When in Rome - locate the orgy.
If in S.F., CA - be sure your tiny tittied beauty girlie doesn't have an
Adam's apple.
When in Greece - are you really going to bend over to pick up a coin?
If a lady in DC, do not intern for Bill Clinton.
When you are angry - count up to ten - methods to slay the total idiot.
If in Afghanistan - DON'T!!!
When in the course of human events - I tested out at a D-.
If push comes to shove - get the other guy by a balcony.
When the going gets tough - it is time - go to a urologist.
If I were you - I'd do me.
When you wish upon a star - they bust you as a stalker.
If you treat others as you'd like to be treated - they arrest you - as a
flasher.
When hell freezes over - boy oh boy - I'll have a very lot of very pretty,
big titty, delectable girls!
If you give a man a fish - he'll claim HE caught it!
When I get boozed-up I tell a queer joke.
If you think that too vulgar....
When are you eighteen Julie?
If it feels right - do it again.
When a boy meets a girl - do arty coital TV.
If I want some love - it's handy.
When is it ever too much titty?
Tom Myers