Whaer is FAQ for alt5?
zap...@my-dejanews.com
Is there a FAQ?
What should I say?
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ThE CoW GoD
<zap...@my-dejanews.com> wrote in message
news:7fqerm$bni$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com...
ThE CoW GoD
Demi Monde
> Hello, this is my first post to alt.alt.alt.alt.alt.
> Is there a FAQ?
> What should I say?
Funny you should ask. I had just realised after redesigning the page
that I have been forgetting to post the thing here on some sort of
regular basis. (whapself on forehead)
So here it is!
alt.alt.alt.alt.alt FAQ version 1.0 gamma
ALT.ALT.ALT.ALT.ALT faq VERSION 1.0 GAMMA
YES! finally it is here, the gamma version of the alt5 FAQ! (we have no
plans to change the version number, just the greek character. at least,
that is, if i find a listing of the greek alphabet, because i don't
remember the ones after "epsilon." However, since this FAQ is now being
maintained by Monde, this should be no problem as Deekoo L. can easily
be consulted on the matter...and this guy walks around and recites the
greek alphabet in his sleep.)
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Section One -- What the fuck?
1.1. What is this newsgroup?
1.2. Who's in charge of this newsgroup?
1.3. Who formed this newsgroup?
Section Two -- Spam Is God
2.1. Is spam allowed on alt5?
2.2. Ok, then, why is there so much spam?
3.3. Can you please cut the crap and tell me whether or not it is OK to
post an ad for my opportunity?
Section Three -- Posting Proceedure
3.1. Are FUCKING STUPID RACIST MORONS allowed?
3.2. Is it okay to post SENSELESS, RAMBLING DRIVEL?
3.3. How about posting the same word over and over again for whole
pages?
3.4. Well, what about images and other large binaries?
Section Four -- Interferences, Outerferences, Etceterata
4.1. What's with all the trolls?
4.2. Who are the "meowers" and what the hell are they doing here?
4.3 I'm new to the group. I just want to have fun here with the rest of
you, but some people seem to be really leery of me and aren't being
too friendly. Why is that?
4.4. Is there something that can I do about it?
Section Five -- Webthings
5.1. Is there a website for alt5?
5.2. Isn't it terribly out of date?
5.3. What about the webring?
Section Six -- Ms. Ulaneous
6.1. What in God's Green Earth are "shromps"?
6.2. You're kidding, right?
6.3. Where the hell is Shuberd?
6.4. But I heard everyone who's ever left alt5 comes back!
What's the deal with him?
Section Seven -- FAQ?
7.1. Whence this FAQ?
7.2. How can I help?
7.3. Addenda? Any addenda?
SECTION ONE
1.1. What is this newsgroup?
Quite simply, the best group on usenet. but to go into more detail, alt5
is a testament to the power of the individual will to overcome corporate
greed. once filled with merely make money fast scams, pyramid schemes
and the occasional ad for pornography, it is now a haven of (somewhat)
intelligent discussion and wonderful silliness, the kind of
usenet group about which some may merely fantasize. Post here, love
here, become here in a buddhist fashion, etc.
1.2. Who's in charge of this newsgroup?
SwiftRain. Nuf said. (of course, if you post your own FAQ you may
disagree ...but I bet you won't put in the time to make it as cool as
mine. you're just a lazy bum and I SHOULD be in charge, so there.)
1.3. Isn't Monde in charge of this newsgroup?
Not really, although a lot of people seem to think she is, for some
reason. She sort of assumed certain administrivial duties during
the long hiatus of SwiftRain. But no one's actually "in charge of" alt5.
Either that, or EVERYONE is in charge of it, depending on how you want
to look at things.
1.4 What about Deekoo L.?
He's in charge of Monde... so if she were in charge of this newsgroup,
Deekoo L. would actually be the individual in charge, by default.
1.5. Who formed this newsgroup?
EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA, the most stunning revelation of the brief (yet
exciting) history of alt.alt.alt.alt.alt, the original newgroup was by
(oh my god the suspense): Powdered Toast Man * <toas...@armory.com> *
IRC: ToastMan (as identified in his own sig.) i have never heard of this
person, personally, unless he is in fact the ren and stimpy character.
1.6. How long has this group been active?
The first posts by SwiftRain were made around late summer of 1996.
Junkman and VenomX, and also Monde appeared in the winter of 1996.
Everyone else sort of conglommed afterwards over the next few years.
SECTION TWO
2.1. Is spam allowed on alt5?
ABSOLUTELY. in fact we ENCOURAGE it. of course, since we have to pay for
the equipment to store and process their spam, as well as our own
(highly valuable) time, there is a charge for the use of alt5 for any
commercial purpose. the fee is: $10,000 (TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS) PER
UNSOLICITED MAILING, PAYABLE TO SWIFTRAIN, WHO MAY BE REACHED AT
SWIF...@GEOCITIES.COM FOR BILLING INFORMATION. SwiftRain will probably
divide the money up between the members of alt5, or else devote it to
alt5 related causes.
2.2. Ok, then, why is there so much spam?
i would suppose that the spammers, realizing what a wonderful market the
readers of alt5 are, feel priviledged to pay a mere $10k to advertise to
such a specialized and distinctive market. i am expecting the checks to
start rolling in any day now.
2.3. Hahaha. That's cute, ten thousand dollars... Even though my
fabulous money-making opportunity has made me rich beyond my wildest
dreams, I don't think I can afford that. So please cut the crap...can I
advertise my opportunity here or not?
Well, it's like this: alt5 is an anarchistically disorganised discussion
group. since no one actually controls anything, we can't exactly MAKE
you not spam here. But that does not mean that some of us won't TRY.
alt5's rulelessness simply does not equate to it being your personal
billboard. If you post advertisements here, you're going to get yelled
at. ESPECIALLY if you post that "Make Money Fast" horseshit. MMFers who
post their pyramid scam schemes on alt5 will have to contend with Monde
in her "Verminator" persona. She can sizzle MMFers' eyes out just by
looking at them. You really don't want to have to deal with that, do
you?
2.4. So not even one itty bitty little ad?
No. Take this refuse somewhere else. Or better yet, just stop posting
your robot-generated crap completely, and realise that no one wants to
read it! Please just accept that simple truth of life, and also accept
the fact that you've been hoodwinked by whoever it was that sold you on
that Miracle "Stuff Your Mattress Full Of Money While-U-Sleep!"
Exploding Downline Wealth-Generating Program...even though it might be
hard to do this since you'll feel like such a fool. Don't worry.
Everyone makes mistakes; the jerks are the ones who repeat the same ones
over and over again. Just drag your spamming software to the trash or
the recycle bin or whatever it's called on your machine, and try
actually hanging out and having fun on newsgroups instead of trying to
make money off of them. You'll find it a lot more fulfilling. Especially
since NO ONE makes money from MLM. All you can make with MLM is a lot of
enemies. Isn't it more fun to make friends instead?
SECTION THREE
3.1. Are FUCKING STUPID RACIST MORONS allowed?
NO, absolutely not. unless they post merely to condemn themselves for
being stupid and racist.
3.2. Is it okay to post SENSELESS, RAMBLING DRIVEL?
OF COURSE! what did you expect me to say? drivel away!
3.3. How about posting the same word over and over again for whole
pages?
Perfectly fine! in fact, we appreciate it, as it will make alt5 show up
as number one on dejanews searches (and hotbot et al, i'd assume)! It's
called a "screen puke". Go right ahead! but try to think of cool words
that nobody's done before.
3.4. Well, what about images and other large binaries?
Nobody seems to mind, so go for it. Stupid or boring things are
discouraged though, in general.
SECTION FOUR
4.1. What's with all the trolls?
They're there. They're annoying. They're funny sometimes. They're
easily dealt with by judicious killfile usage. Many Fivers decide it's
more fun to just harrass them back; they behave a lot like monkeys in
cages that make frantic cheeping noises when you tease them. They're
harmless, really. I don't mind it even when they cut loose with a
steady stream of fat jokes, which sort of tells you something.
4.2. What are meowers? What are they doing here, anyway?
They're a bunch of "Usenet Performance Artists" that somehow have gotten
it in their heads that they'll be able to take over newsgroups. it's
pretty much an impossible feat here due to alt5's unique nature in
Usenetdom. It is believed by some that they've possibly been lurking
here for the past year or two, and may or may not be responsible for
some of the unpleasanter form of chaos which happens here from time to
time. For more on the Meowers, and and other trolls, see this URL:
http://digital.net/~gandalf/trollfaq.html.
(Some people - Meowers themselves, all - have declared this FAQ a
"fake". Whether fake or real, it is certainly out of date: the
perpetrators tend to hang out on alt.fan.karl-malden.nose these days
instead of alt.bigfoot.)
Basically, these guys are the ones responsible for those deliberately
inflammatory crosspost-based flame wars that you see popping up
everywhere. You see something posted to several groups, each group
being one that would have people who would probably disagree severely
with people from one or more of the other groups, and would thus be
likely to keep flame wars heated up toastily, that's them. These sorts
of trolls can be a pain in the back end sometimes...but there are worse.
This variety can be easily screened out, and do not literally cause the
group to become unreadable.
4.3. Hello. I'm new to the group. I just wanna have fun here with the
rest of you, but some people here seem to be really leery of me and
they're not being too friendly to me. Why is that?
In the past, there've been some problems on alt5 with certain people who
have instigated lengthly and elabourate deceptions, with the intent of
gaining sympathy and personal attention from the people who hang out on
the group. This has resulted in some of the regulars who've been here
for a while becoming cautious about what they will believe people
saying, as a defense against this kind of emotional blackmail.
However, not everyone on the group has expressed concern about this sort
of thing. There are those who just don't care about it, or who hold the
belief that things that happen on the internet are by their very nature
"unreal", and so they don't find lies and deceptions here to be as
obnoxious as they would be in other situations. A lot of the people on
the group seem inclined towards getting along better with people who are
who they say they are, who do not "speak with a forked keyboard"... or -
if the ARE playing some sort of character - don't get too personal with
that identity. Those who proclaim they don't care are sometimes
defending an unpopular opinion just because it's unpopular; since alt5
tends to attract the "weirder" sorts of people, they feel that any
opinion held by "the majority" must be, by default, suspect...and thus,
when someone screws around with the group and pisses a lot of people
off, there's always some who "root for the underdog", no matter what.
Some Fivers just don't express opinions on this sort of thing one way or
another.
Overall, the newsgroup has a fairly amazing propensity to "bounce back"
from whatever it encounters in the way of bad experiences, though. Like
life itself, it ebbs and flows. Riding out the storms usually proves to
be worth it.
4.4. What can I do about this sort of thing?
If you're new here, and are a bit flummoxed by those who are
automatically cautious about being friendly to new people, the best
thing to do is probably to just be be un-serious, silly, goofy and as
ridiculous as possible. Sooner than you think, you'll become a fixture
if you hang around a little while, and people will begin to get to know
you. Patience goes a long way. Even in "Real Life" friendships tend to
happen where there is patience, and not tend to happen when there isn't
any patience. Odds are, if you give it a little time, and proffer some
modicum of respect for the regulars in the group, you'll do just fine.
SECTION FIVE
5.1. Is there a website for alt5?
If you are reading thisonthe web, You're Soaking In It already. If
you're reading this on Usenet: the NEW URL for the Alt5 Web Pages is:
http://thraam.com/alt5.html.
5.2. Isn't it terribly out of date?
Incredibly so. But I'm trying to do something about that right now! You
can help: send in your Bios if you haven't already done so. And thanks
to those who already have. You are inherently special.
5.3. What about the webring?
Yes, there's an alt5 Webring. For details, see
http://chat.carleton.ca/~shuntley/ring.html
That is, if this page is still up. Last time I looked, it wasn't. Scott
Huntley was in charge of this thing, i.e. he's the one who is supposed
to be adding new people, updating broken links, etc. and he seems to
have vanished into thin air, probably as a result of his graduation from
school. Until I or someone else on alt5 can manage to find him and get
the webring maintenance password, the alt5 Webring is sort of frozen
into stasis.
I am currently looking for someone who would like to start another one.
If this interests you, contact me at mo...@thraam.com for details.
It's easy, and fun, and will help your site get lots of hits.
SECTION SIX
6.1. What in God's Green Earth are "shromps"?
"Shromps" are the Coin of the Realm of alt5. We're not sure but this is
probably not the exact correct spelling of this word, as it was typed by
Junkman, who has a delightful way of misspelling things. Monde's first
post to alt5 in 1996 was a response to one of his posts about the metal
trade business at which he prospers, which earned him the handle "Last
of the 49ers @ the Au Mine". In that post, he said something like "ought
to be worth at least forty shromps..." I replied, saying that everyone
knew it took FIFTY shromps to make a Zoodle. Or something silly like
that. This must have been really weird for Junkman and VenomX, and our
long-lost proto-alt5 friend Shuberd (who the original Junkman post was
addressed to) for someone to come in out of the blue and start talking
about shromps.
Since then, shromps have been used to pay for many things - especially
the virtual drugs that are used for pleasure here by some. Just about
every friendly bet on alt5 has shromps for stakes.
6.2. You're kidding, right?
We are, about nearly everything. But here's a PICTURE of an ACTUAL
ten-shromp note! Thanks, Fallingstar...
http://thraam.com/images/shromp.jpg
6.3. Where the hell is Shuberd?
That's what *we* would like to know. If you hear from him, or if you
are him, please let someone on the group know.
6.4. But I heard everyone who's ever left alt5 will come back if you
just recite their names three times. Is that true? If so, why hasn't it
worked with Shuberd?
It is rumoured that any Fiver who has gone on hiatus will return if you
recite his/her/its name three times. And about 92% of Fivers who leave
(for whatever reason) do show up again later on down the line. Quite
simply, there's no place like home. But Shuberd has never come back.
He was one of the original people here...he was here before Monde, and
may have even been here before SwiftRain. That's centuries ago, in alt5
time. Whatever called him away must have had an incredible pulling force
which could not be resisted by the magical mysterious alt5 powers...for
at that time, these magical mysterious powers had not swelled up to
their maximum efficacity (is that a word? well, it is now...)
SECTION SEVEN
7.1. Whence this FAQ?
Originally SwiftRain just wrote it because he felt like it, but this
latest version has developed because people were actually ASKING for it,
if you'll believe that. And also because a lot of new questions had to
be answered.
After a couple of years went by, Monde felt that perhaps doing an update
would be a good idea, if only for the sake of doing an update. And also,
since the group has grown phenomenally since 1996, with all the news
servers including Dejanews and Talkway now carrying it, she felt that
certain questions called to be answered in a more straightforward way
(read: spammers tend to be so stupid that they can't distinguish
hyperbolic humour from reality.) and most of all, she just felt like
doing it, and absolutely nothing stops a Monde who feels like doing
something from doing it. That is, when she finally gets off her ass and
quits procrastinating.
7.2. How can I help?
Point out what we've forgotten to add, pay the appropriate fees for any
commercial usage, post senseless drivel and mindless ramblings galore,
discuss various hard drugs, live on the edge of madness, POWER TO THE
PEOPLE AND BAN THE FUCKING BOMB.
7.3. Addenda? Any addenda?
Welcome to the place even evil trolls and disgusting spammers can get
no satisfaction from their machinations, because they are powerless,
and cannot even begin to comprehend the forces they have encountered!
yep, alt5, a real virtual place-n-space, in a sea of unreality/fraud...
END FAQ
-- 30 --
--
all labels are just conveniences and anybody who
takes them too seriously is a fool. but the compulsive
need to jettison a label might just be one aspect
of taking it too seriously. - r.u. sirius