The search for Mary Boyle
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The search for Mary Boyle
By Stephanie Foster/ sfo...@cnc.com
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Elizabeth Bache lost her mother not once but twice. Four days after
Bache was born, she was taken from her mother's arms and put up for
adoption. Years later, Bache searched for her but it was too late. Her
birth mother, Provincetown artist Mary Boyle, had died. Bache continues
to look for insights into the life of the mother she never knew.
Boyle left a collection of impressive work behind, but had never
had a show. Bache plans to remedy that with a tribute to Mary Boyle on
Saturday, March 5, at Napi's in Provincetown. An exhibition of more
than a dozen works of art will be on display along with a portfolio of
photos of other paintings and drawings. Guests are invited to share
their thoughts and memories.
"There is a painting of a small girl holding a ball of light that
I've always been interested in. There are stairs behind that lead to a
dark opening. I am hoping someone will know who it is or why she
painted it," says Bache, who will be coming from Minneapolis for the
show. She can't help but wonder if the little girl is her.
Mary Boyle was born Mary Majka on Dec. 8, 1948, an adopted child
herself. A talented artist from a young age, she lived in a small,
industrial town in Ohio and later attended Dayton University on an art
scholarship. In her second year, the young Catholic discovered she was
pregnant. She went to live with an aunt and uncle in St. Paul and her
only child, Elizabeth, was born Dec. 4, 1969. Four days later, on
Boyle's 21st birthday, she put her baby up for adoption with Catholic
Charities.
Elizabeth Bache grew up knowing she was adopted. She remembers a
teacher telling her that adopted children were very special because
they were chosen by their parents. When Bache went home, she asked her
mother why she had chosen her. Her mother answered, "You were the only
one there."
But it wasn't a thoughtless remark that made Bache want to find
her mother. "There was no question. I felt half of me was missing," she
says. "I had a real strong need to find her. I knew I would. I wanted
to learn my heritage, to learn how I was like my parent. I was very
different from my adoptive parents. Our interests were different."
When Bache was 18, she approached Catholic Charities to find out
about her birth mother. Unfortunately, because of her age, she needed
permission from her adoptive parents. Bache didn't want to hurt their
feelings. "The relationship was strained enough. If I went to find my
mother, she would feel I was replacing her."
Four years of college followed and Bache graduated in 1992. That
summer, Mary Boyle was diagnosed with cancer. She celebrated her 44th
birthday in December and died in January 1993.
In 2000, a newly married Bache returned to Catholic Charities. She
needed permission from her birth mother before they would give her any
information. "Everything was confidential. Very closed," she remembers.
Since her mother had married and changed her name, it took twice as
long for the agency to find her. She was no longer Mary Majka, but the
ex-wife of Dennis Boyle.
"It was tough. They found a death record for Mary Boyle that
seemed to fit. A person by the name of Lee Robinson was mentioned in
the obituary. When they called him, he said, 'Yes. It was her.'"
Bache was devastated at the news. "I would have done anything to
find her if I had known. I was too busy in college. I blew my chance.
It's really unfortunate how it turned out. I tried to prepare for every
scenario. But I couldn't prepare for her being deceased."
The event sent Bache on a quest to learn more about her mother.
The case worker had told her to write a letter to Mary Boyle while she
was waiting to hear. Instead, she sent it to Boyle's adoptive parents
in Florida. Finally they met. "They reminisced about Mary the child. I
learned about her growing up." But Bache also wanted to know the woman
her mother had become. "I read her obituary and it was everything I
like to do. Sewing, drawing, photography, writing, gardening, knitting.
And nothing my adoptive mother does."
Fate presented an opportunity to learn more. Bache was planning to
visit a friend in Boston in the fall of 2000, when she got the news
about her mother. She decided to visit Provincetown as well and walk
the same streets her mother had.
Bache wanted to take the ferry from Boston but it was canceled due
to high winds. "We rented a car, which turned out to be a good thing
because I came home with 100 pounds of Mary's belongings. I felt like
she was there, saying no, you can't take the ferry. There are a lot of
things like that. I feel her presence."
She called Lee Robinson. "He had a lot of my mother's artwork and
offered it to me. He was so generous." Robinson also put Bache in touch
with other friends of her mother's. They welcomed her warmly and
brought her personal mementos, photographs and works of art including a
nude painting one had done of her mother.
"They accepted me into their circle as one of their own. I feel
honored and indebted. 'You've given me my mother,' I told them. They
are so close to my heart. I have a great sense of gratitude. If it
weren't for them, I wouldn't know her," Bache reflects. "I now feel
like I do. I have a taste of what a day in Mary's life was like. I've
found out I'm incredibly similar to her. I sound like her and have
mannerisms like her. The whole experience has been soul clenching."
The idea for a tribute art show came from her mother's hair
dresser, Dougie Freeman, owner of the West End Salon. When she visited
again in July 2003, a friend suggested she talk to Freeman. Bache sat
with him for an hour downloading his observations into her heart and
soul.
"He told stories as if they were just yesterday. He said I was
just like her. I reminded him of her. I wanted to know that. One of the
greatest things I learned about my mother was that she was tormented
that she gave me up. She was young and didn't know what else she could
do. Dougie felt she thought about me every day of her life. He was the
one who suggested an art show as a tribute."
Bache lives in Minneapolis and has a 7-month-old son, along with a
3-year-old daughter, and is in the midst of getting her master's degree
in horticulture. Her dance card was pretty full. But she decided to go
ahead with the art show to honor her birth mother.
"I want to do something to make her proud and happy. She led a
hard life. But she was a free spirit, an intense, deep person and
selfless. She felt close ties to the Native American culture and went
to South Dakota and lived in a teepee. She did some incredible
paintings there. Some of her best work. One will be in the show. I feel
lucky to have it. If she had lived, they would have sold," she says of
Boyle's works. "She was very talented but never got it together. She
was always focused on paying the rent, or buying food. She led a
chaotic life. Being adopted, half of her life was missing. And half of
her was missing too when she had to give me away."
Bache hopes to meet more friends at the tribute. "I have to do it
now," she says. "Part of my drive is to find someone she confided in
about me. She would have had to, not keep it bottled up." Meanwhile,
the healing has already begun. "I filled a hole I've had my entire
life."
If you go...
"A Tribute to the Life and Work of Mary Boyle" will be held
Saturday, March 5, from noon to 5 p.m. upstairs at Napi's, 7 Freeman
St., Provincetown. Her works will be on display and her daughter,
son-in-law and grandchildren invite her friends to come and celebrate
her life. The family is interested in looking at any memorabilia and
hopes people will sign a guest book and share stories with them.
Nurs...@gmail.com
adoptee in this story is a friend of mine. Her bmother Mary was a very
talented artist. I know she must be smiling down from heaven at her
daughter and beautiful grandchildren. My grandson and I plan this
summer on our annual road trip to visit the Native American woman Mary
stayed with in South Dakota.
Nell