Sarah Palin Comedy
Damaeus
In news:internal.ml.discussion.skeptic, Jack Kolb <ko...@ucla.edu>
posted on Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:07:36 -0700:
> September 6, 2008
> Op-Ed Columnist
> Let’s Talk About Sex
> By CHARLES M. BLOW
>
> Sarah Palin has a pregnant teenager. And, she’s not alone.
As if Sarah is *mad* her daughter isn't out wandering the streets
being raped by homeless lunatics. Either this article is going to be
very revealing of the psychology of this writer, or Sarah Palin is one
twisted mamma.
> In fact, a 2001 Unicef report said that the United States teenage
> birthrate was higher than any other member of the Organization
> for Economic Cooperation and Development.
Well it should come as no surprise that a teenaged birthrate would be
higher than some intangible outfit in cyberspace. What do you think
we are, a bunch of nitwits?
> The U.S. tied Hungary for the most abortions.
What, as if the U.S. sent rapists into Hungary to somehow raise their
abortion rate to satisfy our need to feel inferior?
> This was in spite of the fact that girls in the U.S. were not the
> most sexually active.
Well of course they weren't. You had them all locked up in bars and
chains, doing your laundry and washing your dishes. You should be
ashamed of yourselves expecting your own children to do your chores
for you. Children are meant to be played with, not molested *AND*
forced to work for *you*.
> Denmark held that title. But, its teenage birthrate was
> one-sixth of ours, and its teenage abortion rate was half of
> ours.
And here we have a country that freely allows sex, as far as I know,
and they're just luvin' it, I suppose. I've never actually been
there. Not that I would have wanted to show anybody what this
disgusting excuse for a body looks like, anyway. The only reason I
never had sex is because I think I look like something shit out the
ass of an ugly man. And the only thing *I* ever wanted was to get
*my* ass raped at *your* house! I just wanted to be a horny little
boy slut while I was at it.
> If there is a shame here, it’s a national shame — a failure of
> our puritanical society to accept and deal with the facts.
> Teenagers have sex.
The only shame is all these claims of teenagers having sex, and I
haven't seen any of it! Where is it at???
> How often and how safely depends on how much knowledge and
> support they have.
Obviously not very much. In *this* example, everybody would be better
off with a mother like that other slut had. At least then you'd have
delusional parents who stay home and trip out while you go out and get
your fudge packed.
> Crossing our fingers that they won’t cross the line is not an
> intelligent strategy.
That's like admitting that what you're doing is stupid. It's like
standing before a line with your fingers crossed and hoping to be
fucked over by whoever might wander by and happen to want to cross it
for you.
> To wit, our ridiculous experiment in abstinence-only education
> seems to be winding down with a study finding that it didn’t
> work.
Ironic, isn't it? How it's somehow "witty" that some bizarre
experiment in chastity fell into a nightmare. The good part is that
at least the people who ran the study are still arrogant enough to
admit they're all fags! They just wanted get all into planned
parenthood to try to make up some scheme to control the ratio of boys
to girls!
> States are opting out of it. Parents don’t like it either.
Well, I imagine it probably would make sense to drop out of a study
that's been discontinued because of utter failure. As to the fact
that the parents don't like it...who gives a shit?
> According to a 2004 survey sponsored by NPR, the Kaiser Family
> Foundation and Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, 65 percent
> of parents of high school students said that federal money
> “should be used to fund more comprehensive sex education programs
> that include information on how to obtain and use condoms and
> other contraceptives.”
You're telling me that there are going to be actual schools here on
this planet, in which actual children are going to be physically
taught how to not only obtain, but *use* condoms??? Hmmm... I don't
rightly know how I might feel about that...
> We need to take some bold steps beyond the borders of our
> moralizing and discomfort and create a sex education
> infrastructure that actually acknowledges reality and protects
> our children from unwanted pregnancies, or worse.
Sex education infrastructure? What are they planning to do, turn us
all into zombie dolls for their... "impertinent pleasures"!?
> Britain is already taking these steps.
Great. The first country in the world who will probably release cute
British school boys and I'm stuck in Texas.
> London’s Daily Telegraph reported last month on a June study that
> found that “one in three secondary schools in England now has a
> sexual health clinic to give condoms, pregnancy tests and even
> morning-after pills to children as young as 11.”
Lucky for them. Hell, all *I* ever dreamed about when *I* was a kid
was that somebody would at least least *happen* to wander by and...do
something! But nobody would. So there I was, left some fat ass in
Texas, (I know cuz some guy called me one through the drive-thru at
Pizza Hut), so damned shaming to be naked I couldn't even take a
shower without feeling like I was on stage at the Olympics. Hell, I
see people on TV taking showers, and they look like they're enjoying
their bodies as if they're gifts from God...no matter what they looked
like. So I just assumed that since I didn't want to rip my clothes of
and to the Truffle Shuffle™, I must be some kind of weirdo.
> Furthermore, a bipartisan group from the British Parliament is
> seeking to make sex education compulsory for “children as young
> as four years old.”
Compulsory? That makes me wonder what they mean! After an experiment
of utter failure, what they suddenly decide to yank us all the other
way and suddenly take children from their homes and force them into
orphanages where they're easily controlled and manipulated?
> In a letter to the paper, the group laid out its case:
> “International evidence suggests that high-quality sex and
> relationship education that puts sex in its proper context, that
> starts early enough to make a difference and that gives
> youngsters the confidence and ability to make well-informed
> decisions helps young people delay their first sexual experience
> and leads to lower teenage pregnancy levels.”
Well first of all, how do you write a letter to a paper? What kind of
paper was in receipt of their "letter"? Was it a stack of memo pads
or a french fry box? Maybe it was some kind of fancy stationery that
was on sale at Wal-Mart. If you want to get creative, you might even
say you could write a letter to a cup or a even an ice cream cone, for
crying out loud.
And then what about this "group laid out its case". What the fuck is
*that* 'sposed to mean?! I know I've said it before, a group is just
a pile of horse apples, but sheesh... to give them the ability to
manipulate ideas?! I'm too much of a skeptic to believe something
like that.
Concerning all this international evidence, I'm starting to think
maybe the longer it takes to describe something, the more *skittish*
one might be at the idea of such information getting out. The story
appears to suggest that combining relationship development and sex in
one course will result in a more "enlightened" society. I wonder what
they really mean by that.
> That may be extreme, but many Americans can’t even talk about sex
> without giggling, squirming or blushing. Let’s start there.
> Talk to your kids about sex tonight, with confidence and a
> straight face. “I’d prefer you waited to have sex. That said,
> whenever you choose to do it, make sure you use one of these
> condoms.” It works.
Well, how can they possibly know that with such certainty as to just
state it outright as if some cosmic force beamed all universal
knowledge into their minds and informed them of all the mysteries of
the universe in one fell swoop. That's ridiculous! They'd have to
round up all the kids in the world and ask them one by one what their
preferences are, either that or just tell them what they want and
don't give a shit whether they like it or not. Besides. They need
hard evidence that this actually works to whatever purpose.
Damaeus