My First Post

[Galiganinda Dulin]

I have never posted here before, and I am nervous. I don't know how much
to tell, whether anyone will listen, whether I will be flamed, all sorts
of things. But my cat is next to me and he is giving me support, and
the Others who talk to me sometimes tell me that posting here will be a
good thing in my recovery.

I was a lucky child, born to two parents who loved me and rarely did
anything to hurt me in any way. I grew up believing that everyone, no
matter what they did, was nice underneath and deserved my love. Even if
that is true, that was my downfall in three instances. First, I was
sexually abused by one of my brothers for a few years (I am still fuzzy on
the dates). I will not go into detail, suffice to say that for a time, no
matter what he did for me, I thought that if I just waited his good side
would come out. I was also sexually abused by my grandfather in one
instance, but he actually asked me if I was uncomfortable with what he was
doing, and I told him yes, so he stopped. Then, when I was thirteen, I
started dating a boy I met at a summer programme. I was attracted to him
because he basically did what he wanted, not listening to anyone. It
turned out that he wouldn't even listen to his girlfriend. He never
compromised. Either he agreed or he didn't, and there was no middle
ground. I guess I should have realised then that I was dating someone
dangerous, but I didn't. We went to the same college the next year, and
I was excited at living close to him. That was when the physical abuse
started. I don't remember most of it, but many of my friends have told
me what he did. Once I realised what had happened, which was when I was
no longer in school due to psychiatric admissions, I broke up with him.
I still have flashbacks of his abuse, and what he told me, most noteably
that I am crazy and need to be locked up. Well guess what, that has
happened. Sometimes I wonder if he is right. I've been diagnosed with
more things than I can count. But the Others tell me that I don't need
to be crazy anymore. I believe them. It's time to move on, past this
stage of my life and give myself a brighter future.

--
-- | "My God!--it's full of stars!"
Amanda Baggs | (Dave Bowman)
nigh...@netcom.com | (Arthur C. Clarke's _2001_)

[(crisisgal)]

In <nightsngE...@netcom.com> nigh...@netcom.com (Galiganinda
Dulin) writes:

Welcome Amanda, it sounds like you have good reasons to be here, I'm
sorry about that, its a lot of pain to drag around. But I am glad to
see you post here, we like new people it brings a fresh breeze into the
newsgroup.

Hope to hear more.

Take care,

Crisis

[Sally Levinson]

Once I realised what had happened, which was when I was
>no longer in school due to psychiatric admissions, I broke up with him.

>I still have flashbacks of his abuse, and what he told me, most noteably

>that I am crazy and need to be locked up. Well guess what, that has
>happened. Sometimes I wonder if he is right. I've been diagnosed with

>more things than I can count. But the Others tell me that I don't need

>to be crazy anymore. I believe them. It's time to move on, past this
>stage of my life and give myself a brighter future.
>
>
>
>--
>-- | "My God!--it's full of stars!"
>Amanda Baggs | (Dave Bowman)
>nigh...@netcom.com | (Arthur C. Clarke's _2001

Amanda,

Sometimes people come to believe what they hear. Women who hear everyday
from their abusers that they are stupid and ugly come to believe that
they are stupid and ugly. So you came to believe what he said to you.
Now you can start telling yourself that you are healthy and moving on.
If you tell yourself enough you will believe that too.

Good luck posting here. Some people will be helpful. Some will blame
you for all your problems. Some will take his side. And some will use
you to vent. But perhaps the good will outweigh the bad.

Sally

[Swenson]

On 13 Apr 1997 11:46:30 GMT, MYT...@prodigy.com (Sally Levinson)
wrote:

>Once I realised what had happened, which was when I was
>>no longer in school due to psychiatric admissions, I broke up with him.
>
>>I still have flashbacks of his abuse, and what he told me, most noteably
>
>>that I am crazy and need to be locked up. Well guess what, that has
>>happened. Sometimes I wonder if he is right. I've been diagnosed with
>
>>more things than I can count. But the Others tell me that I don't need
>
>>to be crazy anymore. I believe them. It's time to move on, past this
>>stage of my life and give myself a brighter future.
>>
>>
>>
>>--
>>-- | "My God!--it's full of stars!"
>>Amanda Baggs | (Dave Bowman)
>>nigh...@netcom.com | (Arthur C. Clarke's _2001
>
>Amanda,
>
>
>Sometimes people come to believe what they hear. Women who hear everyday
>from their abusers that they are stupid and ugly come to believe that
>they are stupid and ugly. So you came to believe what he said to you.

These things are very true, Sally. When things are beaten into you,
literally and figuratively, something in you starts to die. I guess
it's like the breaking of the spirit. You dully start swallowing the
lines.

>Now you can start telling yourself that you are healthy and moving on.
>If you tell yourself enough you will believe that too.

This is true, too. And it helps when others tell you these things,
when others believe in you. It's not always easy, but you can teach
yourself new belief about yourself.
>
Okay, now on to the stuff that rubs me the wrong way:

>Good luck posting here.

Ummm, good luck? Or a warning?

> Some people will be helpful.

Most people would be helpful concerning the abuse that Amanda wrote
about.

> Some will blame you for all your problems.

Hmmm. I give the people here more credit than that. I see little
basis for believing that people here would take Amanda's story and
turn it against her. I have almost never seen anyone blame anyone for
their own problems regarding their own abuse.

> Some will take his side.

*Sigh.* This is ridiculous. I have NEVER seen anyone here take the
side of someone who did the things he did. You're going to scare
Amanda away from here, and that would be a shame, Sally.

> And some will use you to vent.

People do vent, but I don't know that they USE others to do it; they
just react to things people say that they don't agree with. A lot of
times it's not against the person, it's against what they said.

> But perhaps the good will outweigh the bad.
>
>Sally
>

I sure hope so, Sally. But thinking negatively isn't conducive to
that, now, is it?

I don't want you to perceive this stuff as me picking on you, because
that's not what it is. I'm pointing out that your dire warnings are
negative and based on your own experiences in this newsgroup, which
involved baiting people (intentionally or unintentionally) into
bitching at you for some of the things you said back then.

I don't want to go too far out on a limb here, but could it be
possible that you have a martyr complex? I have seen you post stuff
like this again and again (not much lately) and you have to know that
people are going to take offense to it, because you're out-and-out
insulting them with the things you said about how they would
potentially treat Amanda.

I have ALWAYS been treated well here. Always. I've received very few
replies that have offended me. I've received some I didn't _agree_
with, but that's not the same thing.

You know, Sally, all you ever had to do to have it like that for you
was to open your heart and share what's inside. In almost every post
I've seen you write, there is a sense of bitterness and distrust. It's
like you're _waiting_ for someone to knock you. And in some ways, you
make it easy.

Try just being you, just once. Try dropping the bitterness in here. It
isn't necessary. This is one place where people respect honest, open,
personal feelings. Bitterness and antagonism isn't so respected.

Laurie, gently reaching out to try to flick the chip off Sally's
shoulder