Where is she now???
Shelayla
I don't go by Shelayla anywhere on the net now, but I thought I should
stick to it here in case any oldies but goodies from the past come
waltzing by here.
Well, my daughter Katrina is 10 years old now. She's in 4th grade. Her
favorite color is purple and she used to hate Math but now she says she
likes it. My ex and I get along now. My ex lives with his girlfriend
and they have 3 girls of their own. I meet with my ex so that he can
visit with Katrina and then she can visit with her little sisters. If
you know my history, nothing has changed with the visits. There is much
less anonymosity between myself and the ex though, so it's more like
family getting together and rarely awkward.
We have been living in a condo for 2 years, which I own. Well, I guess
technically I "own" a mortgage, right? I have a new job that I started
at in October. It's for a financial institution. I don't work at a bank
branch or do anything with customers. I assist bankers over the phone
with any questions or problems they run in to. I don't have any
significant others, nothing has been happening in that department.
Sometimes I'm sad about that, sometimes I'm grateful to be single. The
grass is always greener, right?
As far as recovery goes, I'd say I'm as recovered as anyone possibly
could be. I used to think that I could work towards someday having the
abuse not affect me at all. Some 20 plus years later I realize that if I
totally "got over it" I don't know that that would be so good of a
thing. It doesn't rule my life anymore though. I don't wake up and think
about it everyday. It's a fleeting thing in my memory, but always will
be with me. It used to be that my whole identity was based on the fact
that I was an abuse survivor. These days I like to think there is more
to me than that. I think that is good.
I "googled" some of my old posts last night and didn't recognize myself.
I saw several of my own posts where I got in heated arguments and I
couldn't believe the things I had written. Who is this person??? I was
so angry. I guess here it seemed safe to spout off and bite back at
anything that I thought was trying to hurt me because I was too afraid
to stick up for myself in real life. Things roll off my back so much
more easily now. I don't take things so personally. I didn't like myself
then and that must be why I struggled so much. I felt so insecure and
would take things personally, even in chat if people didn't talk to me
as much as I thought they should. I was a fast typer with no one to talk
to and feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not trying to sound like I'm being hard on myself. It's just really
interesting to look back and see how different things were, but of
course some things remain the same. I am sad to see that perhaps many of
my good friends are not here. Hopefully sometime they will wonder and
come by and see this. I was gone for a long time too, and perhaps some
just drifted away like I did.
I can't tell all of you what it did for me to have a place to come to
when there seemed to be no one else to turn to. I think we were very
lucky to have this newsgroup to be able to connect, where generations of
abuse survivors before us didn't have this kind of resource and would
suffer alone..not knowing there were others out there just like them.
In any case, if anyone recognizes my nickname, hello. I am fine, better
than I ever was. Katrina is happy and safe.
-Shelayla
azure
"Shelayla" <bluhe...@nospamjuno.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9A1345AD302Ab...@209.210.176.62...
> Hey there, Shelayla here.
>
> I don't go by Shelayla anywhere on the net now, but I thought
> I should stick to it here in case any oldies but goodies from the
> past come waltzing by here.
It's the fox trot, but i'm about as past as they come. I remember writing a
story in which you were one of the characters, and your bodacious butt was
another character.
> Well, my daughter Katrina is 10 years old now.
wow.
> She's in 4th grade. Her favorite color is purple and she used to
> hate Math but now she says she likes it.
good career move.
> My ex and I get along now. My ex lives with his girlfriend
> and they have 3 girls of their own. I meet with my ex so that he can
> visit with Katrina and then she can visit with her little sisters. If
> you know my history, nothing has changed with the visits. There
> is much less anonymosity between myself and the ex though, so
> it's more like family getting together and rarely awkward.
ahh, that's good.
> We have been living in a condo for 2 years, which I own.
awesome.
> I have a new job that I started at in October. It's for a financial
> institution. I don't work at a bank branch or do anything with
> customers. I assist bankers over the phone with any questions
> or problems they run in to.
i'm impressed.
> As far as recovery goes, I'd say I'm as recovered as anyone
> possibly could be. I used to think that I could work towards
> someday having the abuse not affect me at all. Some 20 plus
> years later I realize that if I totally "got over it" I don't know
> that that would be so good of a thing. It doesn't rule my life
> anymore though. I don't wake up and think about it everyday.
> It's a fleeting thing in my memory, but always will be with me.
> It used to be that my whole identity was based on the fact
> that I was an abuse survivor. These days I like to think there
> is more to me than that. I think that is good.
i think it's ... very good. more than good.
[...]
> I can't tell all of you what it did for me to have a place to come
> to when there seemed to be no one else to turn to. I think we
> were very lucky to have this newsgroup to be able to connect,
yes. it was a good thing.
> where generations of abuse survivors before us didn't have
> this kind of resource and would suffer alone..not knowing
> there were others out there just like them.
>
> In any case, if anyone recognizes my nickname, hello. I am fine,
> better than I ever was. Katrina is happy and safe.
I'm so glad to hear this.
I have two grandbabies, boys. One is almost 3, the other is just over 1
year old. They put light in my Christmas. My son has been working steadily
and has become very responsible. My father is still around, at 88. I found
a seasonal job retouching portraits, and have been working there for two
years.
azure
Baba Yaga
>Hey there, Shelayla here.
>
>I don't go by Shelayla anywhere on the net now, but I thought I should
>stick to it here in case any oldies but goodies from the past come
>waltzing by here.
>
>Well, my daughter Katrina is 10 years old now. She's in 4th grade. Her
>favorite color is purple and she used to hate Math but now she says she
>likes it. My ex and I get along now. My ex lives with his girlfriend
>and they have 3 girls of their own. I meet with my ex so that he can
>visit with Katrina and then she can visit with her little sisters. If
>you know my history, nothing has changed with the visits. There is much
>less anonymosity between myself and the ex though, so it's more like
>family getting together and rarely awkward.
Sounds like mutual growth.
>We have been living in a condo for 2 years, which I own. Well, I guess
>technically I "own" a mortgage, right? I have a new job that I started
>at in October. It's for a financial institution. I don't work at a bank
>branch or do anything with customers. I assist bankers over the phone
>with any questions or problems they run in to. I don't have any
>significant others, nothing has been happening in that department.
>Sometimes I'm sad about that, sometimes I'm grateful to be single. The
How familiar that is!
>grass is always greener, right?
>
>As far as recovery goes, I'd say I'm as recovered as anyone possibly
>could be. I used to think that I could work towards someday having the
>abuse not affect me at all. Some 20 plus years later I realize that if I
>totally "got over it" I don't know that that would be so good of a
>thing. It doesn't rule my life anymore though. I don't wake up and think
>about it everyday. It's a fleeting thing in my memory, but always will
>be with me. It used to be that my whole identity was based on the fact
>that I was an abuse survivor. These days I like to think there is more
>to me than that. I think that is good.
Very.
>I "googled" some of my old posts last night and didn't recognize myself.
>I saw several of my own posts where I got in heated arguments and I
>couldn't believe the things I had written. Who is this person??? I was
>so angry. I guess here it seemed safe to spout off and bite back at
>anything that I thought was trying to hurt me because I was too afraid
>to stick up for myself in real life. Things roll off my back so much
>more easily now. I don't take things so personally. I didn't like myself
>then and that must be why I struggled so much. I felt so insecure and
>would take things personally, even in chat if people didn't talk to me
>as much as I thought they should. I was a fast typer with no one to talk
>to and feeling sorry for myself.
>
>I'm not trying to sound like I'm being hard on myself. It's just really
>interesting to look back and see how different things were, but of
>course some things remain the same. I am sad to see that perhaps many of
>my good friends are not here. Hopefully sometime they will wonder and
>come by and see this. I was gone for a long time too, and perhaps some
>just drifted away like I did.
>
>I can't tell all of you what it did for me to have a place to come to
>when there seemed to be no one else to turn to. I think we were very
>lucky to have this newsgroup to be able to connect, where generations of
Yes!
>abuse survivors before us didn't have this kind of resource and would
>suffer alone..not knowing there were others out there just like them.
>
>In any case, if anyone recognizes my nickname, hello. I am fine, better
>than I ever was. Katrina is happy and safe.
8-) Vvery good to read. Thanks for the update.
Baba Yaga
--
People say "use it or lose it", but that doesn't mean anything unless
you define 'use' and 'it'.
- Torkel Klingberg
kcinkali
I'm catching up on the last 9 or 10 months posts and I hope you're still
"checking in". It's so great to see that you are doing so well. And that
Katrina is doing well =)
Good that you and the ex are on better terms and that Katrina has 3
sisters!! yayaya!!!
I'm happy for you S. and think of you often. If you ever want to email me,
post and I'll send you my email addy. I made another post bringing anyone
that's interested up to date on my life.
Take care,
Casey
"Shelayla" <bluhe...@nospamjuno.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9A1345AD302Ab...@209.210.176.62...