Date With Japanese Guy

[Vangele Ioannidis]

thirddate rule2008/1/23 16:05 I heard that the third date is "special" in japan. It's the date where people look like couples?

America is quite different... where the "rule" is having sex on the third date (which i would never abide by). But I was wondering about this third date rule in Japan.

Also, there's the word D. I know what it means. But the way it gets translated in dramas and anime is always "love".

In English "to like" is only "to like" as in friends and crushes and "love" is a different field. Is there no distinction in D? Even though D exists, I rarely hear it used in dramas. And even more rare is Ă. So I guess I'm wondering why do they use D to say "I love you" not "I like you"?by Miyuki

is there???2008/1/23 17:48 I didnt no there was a 3rd date rule.. i went on a 3rd date last monday with a japanese friend i met, but i didnt know how to explain things to her as such as we both clicked...

but i never talk about it on here as i dont find Japanese women being much diff from women from my country tbh..by murraymintrate this post as useful

FAQ of the millennium2008/1/23 18:04 Miyuki,

Also, there's the word D. I know what it means. But the way it gets translated in dramas and anime is always "love".

In English "to like" is only "to like" as in friends and crushes and "love" is a different field. Is there no distinction in D? Even though D exists, I rarely hear it used in dramas. And even more rare is Ă. So I guess I'm wondering why do they use D to say "I love you" not "I like you"?

Already answered a million times here and elsewhere in all the "Aishiteru/I love you" threads.

by Dave in Saitamarate this post as useful

me neither2008/1/23 23:29 I've never heard of the 3rd date rule (theory?) either. On the contrary, I keep seeing posts on the Japanese internet about men and women who'd go out together dozens of times but never consider themselves as "couples", just because they haven't done their kokuhaku (confess their love).by Ucorate this post as useful

confession?2008/1/24 00:54 Uco, there's a confession??

I don't mean to generalize the Japanese... especially since I'm living in Tokyo now, which might as well be a culture of it's own. I'm just interested in these kinds of things.by miyukirate this post as useful

Well...2008/1/24 14:47 I'm a Japanese female, and I have never heard of the theory.

I'm sure it depends on people, but having sex at the 3rd time date sounds bit too rush.

As a woman, I would like to know at least he is serious about the relationship

and hear that he loves me, before sex.

I have heard that we can see if he is interested in being more than friends at 3rd date,

so probably your friend meant that, not only about having sex.

More than 3dates, and she is not sure if he likes her or not makes her feel uneasy -

but I think it is only for women over late 20's who don't want to waste time to find a "right" guy.

(And of course it depends on indivisuals)

Probably that is enough to show that you are interested in her as more than just a friend,

and tell her "Suki".by Japanese womanrate this post as useful

to uco, or anyone else who knows2008/1/24 16:30 Can you elaborate on this this "kokuhaku"? Who, what, when and why? Sorry if this has come up somewhere else before.by ..rate this post as useful

who, what, when and why2008/1/24 22:11 Here's the deal.

Suppose I have feelings for a guy, and suppose he asks me out or I ask him out and we start going to places, just the two of us.

There has to be a point where one of us confess our love to the other party. So for example, unless I say "suki desu" to him or unless he says "suki desu" to me, we're not supposed to be certain about each other's feelings.

And unless one of us says "tsukiatte kudasai (let's go steady)" and the other says "yes", you can't say we're going steady, even if we go to the movies or the beach or a bar a hundred times.

Don't ask me why, because personally I never followed this rule. For me, dating always gradually began, and before we knew it we were going steady. We just knew it in our hearts that we're going steady and no one said anything like "Let's go steady". But a lot of people seem to believe AND practice the rule I mentioned at the beginning.

It's sometimes funny though. You read an internet post from a nervous girl who is waiting and waiting and waiting for the guy to say "tsukiatte kudasai", but sometimes you can sense from her explanation that the guy already thinks he's going steady with the girl and just never bothered to say it out loud.by Ucorate this post as useful

like vs love2008/1/24 22:30 My wife is Japanese and said basically they don't really use the words "i love you" because it's not the culture. They say I like you as you know. Only recently most Japanese have been saying I love you because they are becoming more cultured and learning more english. Therefor the phrase I love you is becoming more acceptable.by MarineUSMCrate this post as useful

a little more2008/1/25 12:02 "I love you." In Japanese, "love" is "ai ij," and the verb form "to love" is "aisuru ij." "I love you" can be literally translated as "aishite imasu iĂj". "Aishiteru iĂj," "aishiteru yo iĂj" or "aishiteru wa (Ă, female speech)" is normally used in conversation. However, the Japanese don't say "I love you" as often as Western people do, because of cultural differences. I am not surprised if some Japanese say that they have never used these expressions in their life.

read this article written about the language

MarineUSMCrate this post as useful

like2008/1/26 01:30 I was mostly confused on the English translation of D. Because in most contexts, it's used as "i like" not "i love".

Then when you confess your love, it turns into "i love you"?? It's just that in English, when we confess our love, "like" and "love" are far apart on the scale. You say "I love you" when you mean it and "I like you" only means "i've been crushing on you"

So do the Japanese not have this context?

Also, is there a different feeling between Ȃ̂ƂDł@and ȂDł?by Miyukirate this post as useful

"like" and "love"2008/1/26 02:17 Japanese doesn't have that kind of context.

We use the word ghfor the both "like" and "love" in English.

The reason is expressing directly the feeling is not much our culture. But even we use the same word "" for the both of those English words, depending on the context of the conversation or to whom refering the word, its meaning does change a lot, also can be "love".

In fact, many Japanese people say the word "Ăhis kind of too much sometimes.

And I would say there is not much difference between"Ȃ̂Ƃ" and "Ȃ". If you think about the grammar, you might see the first one a just bit more indirect though.

But anyway if you want to express more "love" in the Japanese style, ""or someting like that with an adverb before "" will serve.

by Miyukirate this post as useful

i'm new too2008/1/26 03:54 but this is my real name

maybe I should use my kanji name from now on to not confuse anyone...

unless you have the same kanji too???

[

I am Japanese American, which explains my lack of understanding of my heritage. Sorry for the trouble.by Miyukirate this post as useful

Dear MarineUSMC2008/1/27 03:08 Only recently most Japanese have been saying I love you because they are becoming more cultured and learning more english. Therefor the phrase I love you is becoming more acceptable.

I totally agree with what you say, but saying 'I love you' does not necessarily mean that you are 'cultured'. Sorry for picking up a rather insignificant part of your claim - I am aware that you know this.by Japanese man in Englandrate this post as useful

Japanese Date Ettiquette2007/6/26 16:50 The other day a jguy asked me out and I thought it would be best to make sure I know all of the differences between American and Japanese dates.

Please no comments of "Love is universal, this question is pointless" because it really isn't.

From what I know already the Japanese do not display affection to one-another in public and generally avoid eye-contact when speaking.

If I were to be in the middle of the date and notice my jguy staring at me, would that mean he is looking for a connection and I should stare back or would looking back at him in a daze frighten him? I'd definately hate to make a mistake like that and make him feel uncomfortable.

Also, if I were to hug him at the end of the date, regardless of the outcome(meaning theres no chemistry or if there was) would that make him squirm? I know Japanese people aren't too into touching, and the last time I hugged my Japanese friend he became a bit jumpy and promptly exclaimed that Japanese friends don't "do that" and that it was embarassing.

Don't restrict yourself to the questions I posted, please list any ideals and traditions related to dating.by niko-chan (nicole)

hm2007/6/27 09:50 Yeah, showing affection on the first date is pretty rare- don't expect him to spontaneously hold your hand. For eye contact, I haven't noticed too much difference- you look at each other as you talk. Staring is creepy in any culture though, lol.

A lot of couples in Japan go dutch, I've seen, and it's probably polite to at least offer. I've also known couples where the girl pays for everything- Japanese guys can be spoiled!

Don't be insulted if he doesn't do things you would consider "gentlemanly" from

a western guy (hold doors, carry bags, etc.), some Japanese guys just weren't raised to think of it. However, I've found jguys to be gentleman in a different kind of way, mostly by being protective (like gently moving me out of the way when bikes are coming, staring down the creepy old men looking at me, etc.) Also, don't be insulted if there are lots of pauses in conversation, especially if you are speaking English and it's not his native language. Sometimes people need to pause and collect their thoughts- I know when I'm on a date in Japanese I sometimes need a little time to organize what I want to say in my head!

It also really depends on what the guy is like, though. Some player-types have no problem with being all over you on the first date, some jguys are chatterboxes, and some are totally shy with girls and dead on a date. XD

But most of all just have fun- it's really going to depend on what this guy is like. ^_^by Krate this post as useful

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