Wwe 2k15 Can I Run It

[Pierpont Oldham]

GlitterMadness 2k15 is a 1.9 Normal 3* collaboration level created by Glittershroom and Viprin. It is the first level in the Cookie Pack. As its name suggests, it is a remix of Stereo Madness that was created in 2015.

Howard Eskin is Sixers' GM Sam Hinkie's biggest hater. He has called the Sixers' front office 'corporate idiots,' and says that Sam 'Waldo' Hinkie lacks basketball IQ. Mr. Eskin obviously knows how to run a basketball franchise better than Sam Hinkie, and definitely better than any of us.

To try and prove this notion, I have decided to take it to the video game realm to gain evidence. Jon Bois has long been writing the Breaking Madden series here on SB Nation, and I could only hope to replicate some of the success he has had.

Before we could have any fun with Howard Eskin as a player-GM, we must first create the leader of Sixers nation in player-form. Now keep in mind NBA 2k15 has come a long way for player design, so I did my best as quickly as possible while trying to create a being that looks like Howard. This was the outcome:

The goal here is not to make fun of his appearance. This is America. We only make fun of people's opinions, anything else is in bad taste. Mmmmmm yes. Now for creating his stats. Howard is an older man, so I tried my best to make his stats what a 60-year-old man's stats may actually look like if he were to join the Sixers.

Moving and Standing Shot Three: 25 is the lowest this setting could go for a point guard. I, as a 20-year-old, could barely toss up a three pointer comfortably on an NBA court, so why could he? Maybe he is actually a power-lifter, but probably not.

Free Throw: 99 for him. This seems weird but its really not. Old guys at rec gyms always can make a free throw. One time at the YMCA, this old guy challenged me to a game of horse. This individual has no athletic ability at ALL. So I figured I would show him a thing or two, maybe break his hip or something. Anyway, this dude was such a dick. All he did was shoot free throw after free throw because thats what old guys do, they shoot free throws all day. So I am assuming he is good at them.

Stamina: Stamina is an interesting quality to have. It can relate to many things such as sports, in bed, or just playing with your kids. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he likes to run. Stamina is maxed out to 99. Paired with his 0 quickness, this should make him extra awful.

I set all of his shooting fundamentals to Kobe Bryant. This is based on the FACT that everyone who shoots a paper into a garbage can yells 'KOBE!' when they shoot it. Also, Howard would probably want the Sixers to trade for Kobe.

Howard is here for only one reason: Get this team to compete for a a chip through mediocre means. Howard, with a rating of 40, will not set foot on the court until his team needs him, and they will need him, just you wait.

This was a bit annoying. I had to do a lot of trading as you may know, but Howard would not rest until Evan Turner returned to the floor for the Sixers. Here is the roster I was able to start the season with.

As you could see, some of the players on the team are in fact Hinkie moves. I kind of figured that obtaining some of these players would be okay with Howard, so I kept a few of them, but gave them relatively few minutes.

Jrue Holiday makes his triumphant return to the Sixers alongside Evan Turner (I threw up a little bit), and Spencer Hawes. I am not going to lie, I loved Spawes. He was always hilarious especially last season during the Bucks game which was dubbed the "Hawes Game" where he hit a game-tying three point shot off of one foot in the corner to force OT.

This took me a long time to get the Sixers into contention Howard's way. As you will see, signing veteran free agents to long lucrative contracts may not really pan out. It took me years to get to the point where Howard was able to step foot on the floor.

Year 1 was filled with injuries. Joel Embiid and Nerlens Noel were not on the team anymore because I had to trade Nerlens to get Jrue and Embiid would never have been on our team if we had not sucked last season.

The computer did not understand that I DO NOT care how injured he was, just get him in the damn game. Evan Turner's face lit up as Jrue went down, This meant he was finally able to shine, and take over the team. Except not really. Evan Turner sucked, badly. This was the result of the first season:

That is so Sixers. Our pick would have been glorious. A player to finally build around, but the damn Pacers ended up with it somehow. 'Believe in the process' Howard keeps reiterating to us fans. Okay, at least we have free agency.

Al Jefferson to me was always meant to be on the Sixers at one point, and thank God he has not. He is the most mediocre-kind of good player I could ever think of. Howard is licking his chops. He inks him to a four year deal.

The Sixers then f***ed up. They lost a season-high 11 games in a row, and injuries began to take a toll on the team. Amare somehow scratched his cornea while wearing goggles in every game. I don't know how that happened. I'm assuming it went something like this:

The process of simulating season after season is not as easy as it looks. This took hours. Every two or three games a new player would be injured and you would have to re-allocate minutes. Another annoyance was getting offered trade after trade for pointless players. At least this season looked like the season Howard would get some reps.

Howard's team sucked. We sucked. I hated this virtual team more than any team I have ever rooted for. Injury after injury after injury. He was happy, we were not. But Howard has a vision, do not forget. So after this:

His Sixers began the season trading wins for losses for months until a late run of losses kept them a game away from the playoffs. It all came down to the last game of the season against the Bucks. If the Sixers win, they are in.

He is like a little boy whose parent lets him think he did something great. Dwight is his father who swats the sh*t out of the Greek Freak's shot as he shoots. Eskin lacks eyesight and thinks he made the play. He turns and asks Poppa Dwight "Did you see that!?" Dwight rubs his hand on Eskin's head to acknowledge the good behavior.

I swear that all this Bucks player did was switch hands at half court. Eskin could not handle it. His Chuck's blew out underneath him as he tried to cut on a dime. His hand reaches out for an imaginary teammate to help him up. He looks like a deer after you hit it with your car. Please, put it out of its misery.

The Sixers did have one last chance at a victory. Down by two with 1.5 seconds left, they had the ball. Howard finally had his chance to send his team to the playoffs. The inbound was flawless. Howard caught the ball.

There are some events that you know exactly where you are when things happen. When 9/11 happened, maybe when the new Pope was elected if you are into that sort of thing. This had the potential to be one of those moments. Notice how only like five people were standing up for this potential moment.

"He's the hero Philly deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight." - Lt. James Gordon

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