AIWS can be fun

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Martijn Van Loocke

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Oct 20, 2019, 10:57:40 AM10/20/19
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Hi. I thought I'd share some insights into AIWS that are positive and who knows, it might give people who fear it some hope :)

I'm 31 and have had AIWS my whole life. As a child it scared the hell out of me and it's not like anyone could explain it to me because no one could relate to what I described in any way. I seriously suffer from migraines so it might be related but I cannot get micropsia or macropsia when I have a headache so it's not directly linked.
Near the end of my teenage years it would stop happening outside of my control unless I was either really relaxed or in a confrontation with someone else where I would want to desperately escape and "zooming out" seemed to be a natural reflex.

Then I discovered I could trigger micropsia once per evening (macropsia during the day but that's not very pleasant to feel the world closing in like that). I can get it by mentally pushing my hand or a can of coke away and a minute later I have an episode that lasts about 10 - 20 minutes. That's when the fun starts.

To the people fighting the symptoms, try to look at it like this: People mess with drugs to get what we get naturally and we have the advantage that our senses and mental capacity are not dulled so you are perfectly capable of experiencing the weird stuff you see and knowing it's not real.
Some fun things I like to do:
  • Reading a book. The book is 3cm tall yet somehow you are able to read it perfectly without a magnifying glass. Feels like you have eagle eyes.Great way of relaxing before I go to sleep.
  • Watching TV, preferably on a big screen. The image is 2D so the people on it are not disfigured but the screen itself IS affected so the immersion is way more intense than any cinema could ever provide. Do this with headphones to intensify the effect.
  • Marvel at how different you can make your own body look. With a bit of practice you can make your arms and legs look like they are 2m long with hands the size of a golf ball.
  • Make the proportions of a room change. A tiny room can look gigantic. Something within arms reach can look like you are seeing it from an airplane.
  • See just how extreme you can make another person look disproportionate. A head the size of an apple on a burly body that you would only see in cartoons. (This one is only for when you are truly comfortable with AIWS)
I suppose some people will read this and get angry, thinking I'm mocking them but my intention is the opposite. If you embrace the insanity of it, you can enjoy it instead of have it be a burden. I used to have full hallucinations when I had just woken up and was still in a half-dream state. With eyes wide open I would see gigantic spiders on the ceiling, wake up in a forest and even had a woman standing next to my bed for a full minute. It scared me for a long time until I embraced it to see how far I could push it. The more I did that, the shorter it would last and now it doesn't happen anymore.

I'd love to hear if anyone else is taking the approach that I take towards AIWS.

Kind regards,
Martijn

Call Me Bronco

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Oct 20, 2019, 3:29:22 PM10/20/19
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in response to Martij;
I think you hit an important point; and as far as I'm aware this goes for many types of hypnotic hallucinations of this type;
If you stop fearing it and instead embrace it; it goes away (or stops being a problem).

When I first started meditating and my AIWS came back; I also started having simple hallucinations before bed. It really disturbed me at first. But once I stopped worrying about it and paid it no attention it was no longer a problem. I still have these hallucinations from time to time; but they don't cause any harm. Actually they're just the mind turning out its usual shenanigans except in a different form most people aren't used to; that's what causes the anxiety about it. Once you realize it doesn't control you and it cannot really harm you all the anxiety I had about it melted away.

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D

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Oct 20, 2019, 3:55:39 PM10/20/19
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The thing is, it's not fun though is it. I don't fear it. My problem is, that I lose my balance a lot and have multiple dizzy episodes caused by visual distortions, so for me it is very disabling on a daily basis.

samveg sharma

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Oct 20, 2019, 4:37:07 PM10/20/19
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Try to train your brain with meditation... it will help you stay in balance....

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D

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Oct 20, 2019, 5:29:04 PM10/20/19
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While I agree meditation is a good exercise, it doesn't stop stationary objects moving about or help with the problem with the distorted visual field that causes disorientation.
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Re Wolfram

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Oct 20, 2019, 6:54:18 PM10/20/19
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Original poster, I know what you mean. :) Sometimes I do this as well, I can also trigger it. It's somewhat amusing to me, but other times it' still scary even though I know it isn't real and I'm an adult. I'm not sure why for me it's sometimes scary, but other times amusing. Do you never feel afraid when you induce this feeling in you perception?

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Martijn Van Loocke

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Oct 21, 2019, 2:48:46 AM10/21/19
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@Wolfram, to me it's never scary anymore. I really don't like horror so it's not like I'm immune to that stuff but this is different to me. I've made an analysis of things like pain in the past, which is actually very similar. If you fear something, it becomes more intense. Stop fearing it, and it will reduce significantly or even disappear entirely. If you look at it rationally for what it is and can determine that it actually has no negative effect, the fear cannot control you anymore. Someone like D (above) who has physical consequences has a reason to be cautious but someone like me who only has perception changes yet still has full control of body and mind has no rational reason to fear it and at that point it's making the decision to conquer the illogical fear. Easier said than done but definitely possible.

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