[Dear Teacher Amy Husband
Amancio Mccrae
Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: dear...@creators.com
Like many teachers, I feel like a failure on a regular basis. However, recently I have felt even more like I am failing all the people in my life. If you know me really well, you know I have a son with severe autism and severe cognitive delays. He is a 2-3 year old toddler trapped in a pubescent 13 year old boy. He brings me more joy and more frustration than I ever thought possible, and recently I have felt like the biggest failure when it comes to him.
You see, Brody was struggling to behave and control himself at school. We consulted his doctor and he was prescribed a low dosage of a new medicine that they assured us would help him. However, it had the opposite effect. It caused him to not be able to control himself.
Now, you may be thinking that I was being entirely too hard on myself and you are right. But the reality is that we usually are our own worst critics. Reflecting on these last few days made me realize that some of my readers may be feeling like failures in some aspects of their lives.
But, I also want to help you overcome this. So, we will interrupt my usual pedagogy and content-focused posts to bring you something a little different. I want to share with you my simple go-to strategies for when I am feeling like a failure in the different aspects of my life. Try them as-is or adapt them for your own unique needs and situations.
3.) If you have older teenage children, take them to the movies or their favorite restaurant for dinner. If they are more interested in their friends, take their best friend with you. I know that is not ideal but sometimes we have to take what we can get with older children. But, try for the alone time first. I bet even moody teenagers would jump at the chance if they got to pick the movie and the restaurant.
2.) Take a task off their plate for a day or a week. My husband takes the boys to school each morning since they attend a different school than I teach at. This allows me to sleep in an extra thirty minutes. However, when I feel like I am failing my spouse by not doing enough for him or with him, I find an opportunity to take the boys to school for him. He appreciates it and gets to sleep in and I get to spend extra time with the kids. Total win-win.
2.) If you feel like you are failing your students in a particular subject, make it a point to get to work 10 minutes earlier or stay 10 minutes later and focus on just that subject. Use that time to do whatever you feel is lacking in that subject area. That could be finding more engaging activities, taking the time to leave meaningful feedback on student work, or even just spending that extra time planning more thoughtfully.
3.) If you feel like you are failing a specific subset of students (shy students, students inclined to misbehave, struggling students, etc.), make a point to spend some time with those students in the next upcoming week. This could be pulling them during instruction to a small group for extra instruction or even just chatting with them at recess or transition times about their day.
Here is an example: At the beginning of the school year, I work very hard to nurture my reluctant readers and get them motivated and interested in reading. But as the year goes on and the stress of the standards hit me, I notice that I spend less and less time encouraging them and getting them excited about new books. When I start to realize that I am failing them, I scrap my guided reading lesson plans for the day and spend that time sharing books, discussing books, and just getting them excited about reading again.
3.) Take a nap. This is often impossible for me to find time to do, but I try to find time every now and then to slow down and take an hour nap when I feel stressed. I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle my to-do list.
4.) Exercise or go for a walk. Sometimes, this is the most difficult for me to do. I think of all the million things I need to be doing instead of exercising. But, in most cases, this is just what I need. I usually compromise and take my sons with me and I get to spend time with them while doing something for myself.
What do you do when you feel like a failure with your job or your personal life? Do you do any of these strategies I shared above? Do you have others? I would love to hear what you do to help overcome feelings of failure.
I am such a fan of your blog. I often share your blog posts with colleagues. You see pedagogy in a very similar way to me and I resonate with your style of teaching. I often wonder how someone is able to balance all the demands of teaching, family, self-care, AND blogging. You are very talented and an inspiration to many.
Thank you so much, Colleen! My blog has become my pride and joy over the last few years and your kind words mean a lot to me! I am fortunate to be in a part-time position this year (and last), and that really helps me balance everything! ?
Thank you for your comment, Beverly! It makes it all worth it when I hear that my ideas and strategies are helping fellow teachers and their students. Together we are definitely better! Wishing you a great rest of the school year!
You are amazing! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and tips. It is very easy to feel discouraged and feel like I am failing in everything. This post helped me refocus and feel determined again.
After the birth of my second child, I was in need of physical movement to get my body back in shape post-pregnancy and I was in a time of spiritual questioning. A friend recommended a local yoga studio, and when I walked through the doors of that studio on the river, I soon discovered a second home.
My teacher, mentor and now, dear friend, Brahmani Liebman, introduced my husband and me to the amazing practice of Kripalu yoga. On the mat I came home to myself time again and again, learning to appreciate and strengthen my physical body and calm my often-anxious mind. I found a deeper connection to the Divine in a year or two on that mat than I did from 30+ years in the church pew. I also discovered a community of like-minded souls, who offered love and support and a sense of belonging.
It started with a certain tea we liked and cushions, books and malas from the gift shop. It culminated in our buying a home in the woods of Westchester County, NY and installing a hot tub. Along the way, I took a nine-month yoga teacher training with Brahmani , diving deeply into the practice and witnessing how yoga served all 16 of us in the program through births, deaths, pregnancy, new love and lost jobs. I also discovered how seamlessly I could shift from teaching artist to yoga teacher. So many of my skills transferred easily and I was delighted to share this practice that had taught me so much!
It was ten years later, as my dear teacher moved West, that I assumed the role of Co-Owner and Director of the Rivertown Center for Yoga and Health. It was a remarkable adventure to steward the community that had launched my yoga journey and to welcome new folks into the fold of classes, workshops, yoga dance, and Reiki the way I had once been welcomed.
Eventually, I found ways to teach closer to home and brought more mindfulness and movement to the children Scott and I sang to in the school assemblies and workshops. , I started offering staff development and self care workshops to teachers and other communities.
With the pandemic of COVID-19, I moved my teaching online and once again have circled our sangha together virtually, so that we can continue to dive deeply into our own practice and hold space for and connection with one another. I invite you to join me to start or continue your yoga journey.
DEAR ABBY: When my husband, "Wayne," and I were dating 15 years ago, he would occasionally get angry and stalk off or bust a bag of chips, but after I gave him time alone, he'd be back like nothing happened. He always said that episodes such as this were something he was "working on."
After we had children, the incidents continued occasionally. I thought it was because he worked hard, so as a stay-at-home-mom, I just gulped, gave him his space, and he would eventually get back to normal.
I continued walking on eggshells and tried diligently to not make him angry again. Embarrassingly, my son's preschool teacher asked one time if everything was OK because my son mentioned that his daddy yelled at his mommy a lot.
Wayne lost his job six months ago and has chosen not to work since then. He doesn't want to work for "the man" anymore, and his angry outbursts have increased. He has destroyed multiple items in our home (the trash can, our cooktop and a colander) in his anger.
Our kids are older now and witness these events, and I can no longer continue to live in this environment. He's setting a terrible example and I hate hiding out in the bedroom. I recently got a job to help with family finances, but I'm not sure I can focus with all this going on at home. I've suggested marriage counseling multiple times, but he ignores me. What do you suggest I do? -- CAN'T TAKE IT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CAN'T TAKE IT: I am so glad you have a job. Now it's time to start saving as much money from your wages as you can so you and your children can escape. (Keep it in a safe place.) Normally, I might chalk up your husband's inability to control his outbursts to job stress. However, your husband's behavior seems to be escalating.
The toll-free phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. It is available 24/7. I urge you to call and let someone there help you form a safe escape plan because you may need one.
DEAR ABBY: I have been close to my sister for most of my adult life. When my daughter Patricia was born, my sister created the nickname "Patzilla" -- a combination of Patricia and Godzilla. I told her I didn't like the name, and she stopped saying it -- for a while. Now she's using it again, and I'm deeply hurt by this. It's not an association I want my child to have for herself, and it comes across as mean. Since my first expression of not liking this is being ignored, I'm not sure how to proceed. -- HATES NAME-CALLING
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