On Sunday, June 14, 2020 at 9:36:37 PM UTC-4,
todd...@gmail.com wrote:
> I want to end my life
I have to admit, there comes a time in life where you know "it's time". By that I mean, it's time to weigh all the pluses and minuses, then decide, is it finally my time to terminate my life. Have I seen everything I wanted to see? Yes! Do I need to see anything more? No! Have I done everything I wanted to do? For the most part, yes I have. Is there anything I really want to do? No, not really. Then the question becomes, will anyone be hurt when I hang myself? Family? No, they all disowned me when I was 19 and came out as Gay. That was 46 years ago when I last had contact with any of my family. Friends? I've had 5 friends end their lives within the last 4 years, and I know at least 3 more are giving serious consideration to doing it. This doesn't include me! Do I have everything in order? Will there be any financial problems left behind? No, everything is in order. What about possessions? All taken care of in the case of my death. Have I decided how I want to die? Yes! I will hang myself. I tried to hang myself when I only 14 years old! I spent the summer in a juvenile suicide recovery ward of a local hospital with an extremely sore and badly bruised neck. I tried again in a suicide pact when my then boyfriend and I tried to hang ourselves together. I tried a third time when I was 23, just a few days after that same boyfriend successfully committed suicide. I envied him, not just for succeeding at suicide, but for the fact that he managed to break his neck when he hanged himself. This time, while I do hope for the same result he achieved, I will be satisfied with just being strangled to death by the noose. Do I have a 'where'? Yes! Is there any way I could be found before I would be too far gone to revive me? Hopefully not! Once I'm hanged for more than 5 minutes, I will have suffered irreversible neurological damage, so my body might as well be left suspended until I'm dead. Does anyone know what I'm planning? Remember me saying I have 3 friends who are considering doing the same thing I am? We actually sit down and talk about it! Would they intervene? I know they wouldn't!
So, I have sat and weighed all the pluses and minuses. It all says, it's time for me to end my life, my way, and on my terms.