[Women Rights] Initiating "A new Era of Matrimony"
2 views
Skip to first unread message
aakanksha singh
May 24, 2010, 10:46:27 AM5/24/10
to AID NCR Women Rights
It's raining marriages recently, 16th may delhi records ~20K
marriages, mumbai was far ahead with ~50K wow! I wonder, if all these
marriages are trademark heaven, how busy god might have been with the
task of paring the perfect ones, because looking at the preparations
here surely earthians drill every nook and corner of the marriage
commodities market.
Away from the flashy lights, a peek into the groom-bride hunt is a
tiring journey in the service class community. The search is dominated
caste (to be understood), family status followed by right age,
educational qualifications, job status and security, physical
compatibilities of skin color to boy-girl height ratios etc etc -
initial screen test passed. The next scene unfolds "meeting of the
prospective couple", an affirmative nod implies background search of
the boy (inquiring at work place to get a general ans). Merrily the
families come together and propose the marriage budget. Common middle
class rates are 20-25 lakhs (the girl's family sheds it, strictly for
marriage preparations), backed by phrases of "parivar ki izzat ka
sawal hai" "rishtedor ka aise mauke par khayal na rakhe ge to kab"
"apki beti jab hamari hui to hamari ijjat bhi to apke haath mein hui,
bas aur kya chaiye". The bundles of loans, Debt from friends,
relatives follows. Becuase to be true, the girls parents earnings were
spent on her education and managing the house, and whatever the parent
could save has lost the value in today’s modernized society. And aprt
from money, you can only be hopeful that your to be spouse meets the
bare minimum criteria to understand you as an individual.
This materialization and commercialism of relation of the present days
has left more than a few in a flux, they cannot bring themselves to be
a part of the arranged (its fixed rather) setup, and hardly have any
alternatives to look for , where parents concerns as well as their
like-mindedness form the base of a relation giving money a backstage.
A few years back i wanted to help my friend, advice her as to what
alternative could be, and i had no clue, and the situation occurred
couple of days back with another of my friend.
Having seen 25-30 years of life, it warms the heart to be able to hold
hands with a companion for life, today we base our thinking on
realistic dreams, the Cinderella story tales are over. sensible, self
made, self morals and principles, an outlook to life and the mindset
to deal with it are a part of what we are today. Now if in these times
i am only looking for a likeminded guy or girl to spent the rest of my
life and if Post marriage love didn’t flourish in my life, do i have
to bring myself to adhere to a system with is difficult to get under
my throat.
Some of us are faced with this question, but hardly with any moderate
alternates as in if not the same caste than maybe an acceptable one to
the family but a person on my thinking lines. Seems to much to ask
for, the confluence to 2 different personalities calls for
adjustments, up-downs/disagreements difference of opinions are a part
and parcel but with equitable mutual respect and a sense of
understanding is appreciable too. And if that’s there, i guess why to
lash out so much money, we can convince family after a rigmarole
though or at least device a way by taking responsibility on our (the
engaged couple) shoulder's rather than burdening parents.
Hence, the idea of why not to bring up a platform for mutual
arrangements for people who are more of true socialists, and those who
want to be initiators of social change but rather do not find an
accessible medium for actually bring it into their lives. Thinking on
these lines, why not we take up the task of associating with
matrimonial sites, magazines, newspapers for bringing up sections
where the profiles are browseable based on of f beat track, and on
similar lines we form up our own group, promote in families friends,
work place etc etc and create it ourselves.
Express your free ideas friends!
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
Groups "AID NCR Women Rights" group.
To post to this group, send email to
aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
aid-ncr-women-ri...@googlegroups.com
For more options, visit this group at
http://groups.google.com/group/aid-ncr-women-rights?hl=en?hl=en
marriages, mumbai was far ahead with ~50K wow! I wonder, if all these
marriages are trademark heaven, how busy god might have been with the
task of paring the perfect ones, because looking at the preparations
here surely earthians drill every nook and corner of the marriage
commodities market.
Away from the flashy lights, a peek into the groom-bride hunt is a
tiring journey in the service class community. The search is dominated
caste (to be understood), family status followed by right age,
educational qualifications, job status and security, physical
compatibilities of skin color to boy-girl height ratios etc etc -
initial screen test passed. The next scene unfolds "meeting of the
prospective couple", an affirmative nod implies background search of
the boy (inquiring at work place to get a general ans). Merrily the
families come together and propose the marriage budget. Common middle
class rates are 20-25 lakhs (the girl's family sheds it, strictly for
marriage preparations), backed by phrases of "parivar ki izzat ka
sawal hai" "rishtedor ka aise mauke par khayal na rakhe ge to kab"
"apki beti jab hamari hui to hamari ijjat bhi to apke haath mein hui,
bas aur kya chaiye". The bundles of loans, Debt from friends,
relatives follows. Becuase to be true, the girls parents earnings were
spent on her education and managing the house, and whatever the parent
could save has lost the value in today’s modernized society. And aprt
from money, you can only be hopeful that your to be spouse meets the
bare minimum criteria to understand you as an individual.
This materialization and commercialism of relation of the present days
has left more than a few in a flux, they cannot bring themselves to be
a part of the arranged (its fixed rather) setup, and hardly have any
alternatives to look for , where parents concerns as well as their
like-mindedness form the base of a relation giving money a backstage.
A few years back i wanted to help my friend, advice her as to what
alternative could be, and i had no clue, and the situation occurred
couple of days back with another of my friend.
Having seen 25-30 years of life, it warms the heart to be able to hold
hands with a companion for life, today we base our thinking on
realistic dreams, the Cinderella story tales are over. sensible, self
made, self morals and principles, an outlook to life and the mindset
to deal with it are a part of what we are today. Now if in these times
i am only looking for a likeminded guy or girl to spent the rest of my
life and if Post marriage love didn’t flourish in my life, do i have
to bring myself to adhere to a system with is difficult to get under
my throat.
Some of us are faced with this question, but hardly with any moderate
alternates as in if not the same caste than maybe an acceptable one to
the family but a person on my thinking lines. Seems to much to ask
for, the confluence to 2 different personalities calls for
adjustments, up-downs/disagreements difference of opinions are a part
and parcel but with equitable mutual respect and a sense of
understanding is appreciable too. And if that’s there, i guess why to
lash out so much money, we can convince family after a rigmarole
though or at least device a way by taking responsibility on our (the
engaged couple) shoulder's rather than burdening parents.
Hence, the idea of why not to bring up a platform for mutual
arrangements for people who are more of true socialists, and those who
want to be initiators of social change but rather do not find an
accessible medium for actually bring it into their lives. Thinking on
these lines, why not we take up the task of associating with
matrimonial sites, magazines, newspapers for bringing up sections
where the profiles are browseable based on of f beat track, and on
similar lines we form up our own group, promote in families friends,
work place etc etc and create it ourselves.
Express your free ideas friends!
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
Groups "AID NCR Women Rights" group.
To post to this group, send email to
aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
aid-ncr-women-ri...@googlegroups.com
For more options, visit this group at
http://groups.google.com/group/aid-ncr-women-rights?hl=en?hl=en
Priyanka Tomar
May 28, 2010, 1:01:35 PM5/28/10
to aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
Really very good article Aakanksha!!
I think is that.. Will power has to be from both sides only then we can get the solution of such type of problems. Like Nishank started " No Dowry Campaign" but here the point is how many people really follow this. Many times i feel that marriage is not the union of two people, its union of two family's wealth. People are more materialistic... they want branded furniture, plasma, luxury cars but they dont want good companion....
To start with atleast AIDERS should come forward and set an example.. so guys come and give a kick start to the campaign with "JOSH"......
Cheers!!
Priyanka
Nishank
Jun 3, 2010, 4:44:05 PM6/3/10
to aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
Hi Aakanksha,
Thanks for putting your thoughts/observations forward.
It is true that the way Indian social system is structured, marriages are more of a status symbol backed up by the materialistic aspirations and often shackled in the chains of caste (even sub-caste), class, "picture-perfect", "what is socially acceptable", etc., than the union of two souls.
As you rightly pointed out, there should be better availability of platforms for people, who want to work towards social change, to find the right match for themselves.
While there are plethora of matrimony sites coming up these days, they are not among the best avenues to look out for partners who are passionate about social change. Meanwhile, describing oneself as a radical non-conformist and eventually resorting to the typical arranged set up may lead to more of "cognitive dissonance".
So the question is what can be done about it ??
I would suggest that instead of directly approaching the matrimony sites, newspapers, magazines, etc., we should come up with a new model to carve a niche of our own and then collaborating with existing avenues.
One of the exemplary models has been of the site www.idontwantdowry.com , which is a matchmaking avenue for people who are serious about not giving or receiving dowry and thus contributing to social change in its own way.
On the similar lines, there can be a matchmaking portal for people who are serious about social change and are looking for life partners on the similar lines. This portal can be projected as a matchmaking avenue for "Social Change Makers" at pan-India level, and will be a unique value addition which at present does not exist.
This kind of portal can serve manifold purposes:
1) Asking the seekers to take a pledge for NO DOWRY.
2) Trying to encourage simpler weddings, thus discouraging the materialistic dimension of marriages.
3) Will contribute to more number of inter-caste marriages in Indian society.
4) Will help in connecting people who are passionate about social change and are looking for like-minded partners.
5) Can start as an AID initiative providing a platform to AID volunteers and slowly expanding its reach to volunteers from other NGOs and people working full time on social causes.
As we all know, and the married folks can corroborate, that it takes a much higher level of commitment to sustain as a volunteer post-marriage, and having a like-minded partner can make a lot of difference, especially when the priorities tend to change after marriage and one has to do the constant juggling between work, family life and social causes.
Having like-minded partners will help in sustaining volunteer and full-timer efforts post-marriage too, and thus overall contributing further to social change :)
Please feel free to pour your suggestions/feedback regarding this idea.
Regards,
Nishank
9910137929
"Each work has to pass through these stages - ridicule, opposition, and then acceptance. Those who think ahead of their time are sure to be misunderstood." ~~ Swami Vivekanand"
Thanks for putting your thoughts/observations forward.
It is true that the way Indian social system is structured, marriages are more of a status symbol backed up by the materialistic aspirations and often shackled in the chains of caste (even sub-caste), class, "picture-perfect", "what is socially acceptable", etc., than the union of two souls.
As you rightly pointed out, there should be better availability of platforms for people, who want to work towards social change, to find the right match for themselves.
While there are plethora of matrimony sites coming up these days, they are not among the best avenues to look out for partners who are passionate about social change. Meanwhile, describing oneself as a radical non-conformist and eventually resorting to the typical arranged set up may lead to more of "cognitive dissonance".
So the question is what can be done about it ??
I would suggest that instead of directly approaching the matrimony sites, newspapers, magazines, etc., we should come up with a new model to carve a niche of our own and then collaborating with existing avenues.
One of the exemplary models has been of the site www.idontwantdowry.com , which is a matchmaking avenue for people who are serious about not giving or receiving dowry and thus contributing to social change in its own way.
On the similar lines, there can be a matchmaking portal for people who are serious about social change and are looking for life partners on the similar lines. This portal can be projected as a matchmaking avenue for "Social Change Makers" at pan-India level, and will be a unique value addition which at present does not exist.
This kind of portal can serve manifold purposes:
1) Asking the seekers to take a pledge for NO DOWRY.
2) Trying to encourage simpler weddings, thus discouraging the materialistic dimension of marriages.
3) Will contribute to more number of inter-caste marriages in Indian society.
4) Will help in connecting people who are passionate about social change and are looking for like-minded partners.
5) Can start as an AID initiative providing a platform to AID volunteers and slowly expanding its reach to volunteers from other NGOs and people working full time on social causes.
As we all know, and the married folks can corroborate, that it takes a much higher level of commitment to sustain as a volunteer post-marriage, and having a like-minded partner can make a lot of difference, especially when the priorities tend to change after marriage and one has to do the constant juggling between work, family life and social causes.
Having like-minded partners will help in sustaining volunteer and full-timer efforts post-marriage too, and thus overall contributing further to social change :)
Please feel free to pour your suggestions/feedback regarding this idea.
Regards,
Nishank
9910137929
"Each work has to pass through these stages - ridicule, opposition, and then acceptance. Those who think ahead of their time are sure to be misunderstood." ~~ Swami Vivekanand"
Pulkit Parikh
Jun 5, 2010, 4:40:51 AM6/5/10
to aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
Hey Nishank and others,
As a concept, what you people have proposed - an online match-making portal for ethically oriented people - holds definite merit, but there are some concerns:
- Are there volunteers who are keen to build, and more crucially, maintain a web portal like this?
- Have we done any exercise to gauge the willingness of unmarried AID guys and gals to enroll themselves in such a portal? Privacy is clearly a concern (some may feel shy about it, apprehending that such a thing made public may be perceived as a measure of desperation), but can be allayed through appropriate settings in the portal design. Even then, I'd recommend conducting a rapid online survey (again with privacy ensured) to estimate the number of AIDers game to participate in such a venture (if at all we wish to proceed with this).
PS: An unsolicited advice :) : Independently of whether or not this materializes, I can say from personal experience (gained a couple of years back) that your biodata/profile for traditional matrimonial sites/agencies makes a substantial difference, and must clearly (but moderately) convey your bent of mind w.r.t. ethics and social change.
Pulkit /* Many people have lived without love, but none without water. Economize every drop! */
As a concept, what you people have proposed - an online match-making portal for ethically oriented people - holds definite merit, but there are some concerns:
- Are there volunteers who are keen to build, and more crucially, maintain a web portal like this?
- Have we done any exercise to gauge the willingness of unmarried AID guys and gals to enroll themselves in such a portal? Privacy is clearly a concern (some may feel shy about it, apprehending that such a thing made public may be perceived as a measure of desperation), but can be allayed through appropriate settings in the portal design. Even then, I'd recommend conducting a rapid online survey (again with privacy ensured) to estimate the number of AIDers game to participate in such a venture (if at all we wish to proceed with this).
PS: An unsolicited advice :) : Independently of whether or not this materializes, I can say from personal experience (gained a couple of years back) that your biodata/profile for traditional matrimonial sites/agencies makes a substantial difference, and must clearly (but moderately) convey your bent of mind w.r.t. ethics and social change.
Pulkit /* Many people have lived without love, but none without water. Economize every drop! */
Megha Gupta
Jun 5, 2010, 2:28:53 PM6/5/10
to aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
Hi All,
The concept is a pioneering one, no doubt and i'll come to the
implementation part of it a little later in this mail...first, i
thought i'd share my perspectives on the larger issue-at-hand....I'm
talking about that "oh-so-well-known-yet-continued (d)evil called
"dowry"...
I'll talk briefly about my own experience - I'm currently in the midst
of a divorce - i found to my utter disbelief that education or
urbanisation have nothing to do with the practice of "dowry"...my so-
called "well-educated" husband of 9 months not only kept mum on the
acceptances from my parents but also believed in and supported the same
wholeheartedly!!! at the same time, i was in the dark by all concerned
of what was really happening and never could imagine in my wildest
dreams that this guy could possess such a regressive mindset! and u'll
would have guessed what happened post-i found out...not an iota of
shame / regret in him or his family..i shared this because this episode
in my life makes my belief stronger that segregation on the basis of
education vs illiteracy or urban vs rural is not the right approach
towards elimination of this social stigma...it has to do with only one
thing - MINDSET..equally important for both girls and guys -- with it
comes the courage, conviction, to stand upto anyone (family / relatives
etc.)...
In my opinion, if "peer pressure" is to be given a positive
connotation, it should be for this issue... i guess there'd be a fewer
proportion of elders who'll look to actively deviate from this "norm"
... i repeat - though many would see reason in this break from
tradition, they may not have the ability or willingness to actually
"walk the change".... the onus is on US. Spread the word, talk around
on this more. Use any media form - use blogs, the net, FB, movies,
plays,.. tell the world that u dare - to break free from the shackles
of "blind tradition"...genuinely believe in it...be proud of it...and
then begin conversions... brainwash your cousins / frens if they arent
courageous enuf to take the deviant step... do watever it takes!!
Coz i really feel its importantly to make both guys and girls aware of
their ability to influence and eventually get rid of this menace
altogether...all it takes is having the right "MINDSET"....
Coming to the proposed forming of a group / e-group / website for like-
minded values-oriented individuals, who are or want to be social-
change-agents...i think the idea's great...and noble. there are many
practical aspects which will need to be considered, as Pulkit rightly
pointed out...but what makes me an optimist on the working of this idea
is that:
1. There may be many such isolated cases of "wanting-to-deviate-from-
tradition-but-cant-do-it" ppl who'll get a greater platform to discuss,
support, and possibly even find their soulmates in this forum...
2. I believe the impact of media - eg social networking sites on quick
spreading of the word on an issue is huge...and should be
tapped...especially as younger folks are joining them right when they
are in skool!
3.Creation of a database of interested ppl will take time as awareness
of this idea takes root...but we will still be able to see significant
numbers - to start an active forum - even earlier on..!
On a parting note, a lot of people have hammered the new ToI initiative
on "Equal Marriages" as yet another marketing gimmick from the media
house... i agree it'll give a kicker to ToI's ad
revenues...undoubtedly! but the point we're missing is that its
creating the right noises, making the right moves, creating awareness
of this concept, talking about something which has always been hushed
up by everyone...the concept is definitely a good initiative...watever
be the final intentions behind it...
All in all, I think its an absolutely great time to be launching
something on the lines of what Aakanksha & Nishank have proposed...I'm
in, for sure! :)
Regards,
Megha
On Sat, 05 Jun 2010 14:04:24 +0530 wrote
The concept is a pioneering one, no doubt and i'll come to the
implementation part of it a little later in this mail...first, i
thought i'd share my perspectives on the larger issue-at-hand....I'm
talking about that "oh-so-well-known-yet-continued (d)evil called
"dowry"...
I'll talk briefly about my own experience - I'm currently in the midst
of a divorce - i found to my utter disbelief that education or
urbanisation have nothing to do with the practice of "dowry"...my so-
called "well-educated" husband of 9 months not only kept mum on the
acceptances from my parents but also believed in and supported the same
wholeheartedly!!! at the same time, i was in the dark by all concerned
of what was really happening and never could imagine in my wildest
dreams that this guy could possess such a regressive mindset! and u'll
would have guessed what happened post-i found out...not an iota of
shame / regret in him or his family..i shared this because this episode
in my life makes my belief stronger that segregation on the basis of
education vs illiteracy or urban vs rural is not the right approach
towards elimination of this social stigma...it has to do with only one
thing - MINDSET..equally important for both girls and guys -- with it
comes the courage, conviction, to stand upto anyone (family / relatives
etc.)...
In my opinion, if "peer pressure" is to be given a positive
connotation, it should be for this issue... i guess there'd be a fewer
proportion of elders who'll look to actively deviate from this "norm"
... i repeat - though many would see reason in this break from
tradition, they may not have the ability or willingness to actually
"walk the change".... the onus is on US. Spread the word, talk around
on this more. Use any media form - use blogs, the net, FB, movies,
plays,.. tell the world that u dare - to break free from the shackles
of "blind tradition"...genuinely believe in it...be proud of it...and
then begin conversions... brainwash your cousins / frens if they arent
courageous enuf to take the deviant step... do watever it takes!!
Coz i really feel its importantly to make both guys and girls aware of
their ability to influence and eventually get rid of this menace
altogether...all it takes is having the right "MINDSET"....
Coming to the proposed forming of a group / e-group / website for like-
minded values-oriented individuals, who are or want to be social-
change-agents...i think the idea's great...and noble. there are many
practical aspects which will need to be considered, as Pulkit rightly
pointed out...but what makes me an optimist on the working of this idea
is that:
1. There may be many such isolated cases of "wanting-to-deviate-from-
tradition-but-cant-do-it" ppl who'll get a greater platform to discuss,
support, and possibly even find their soulmates in this forum...
2. I believe the impact of media - eg social networking sites on quick
spreading of the word on an issue is huge...and should be
tapped...especially as younger folks are joining them right when they
are in skool!
3.Creation of a database of interested ppl will take time as awareness
of this idea takes root...but we will still be able to see significant
numbers - to start an active forum - even earlier on..!
On a parting note, a lot of people have hammered the new ToI initiative
on "Equal Marriages" as yet another marketing gimmick from the media
house... i agree it'll give a kicker to ToI's ad
revenues...undoubtedly! but the point we're missing is that its
creating the right noises, making the right moves, creating awareness
of this concept, talking about something which has always been hushed
up by everyone...the concept is definitely a good initiative...watever
be the final intentions behind it...
All in all, I think its an absolutely great time to be launching
something on the lines of what Aakanksha & Nishank have proposed...I'm
in, for sure! :)
Regards,
Megha
On Sat, 05 Jun 2010 14:04:24 +0530 wrote
--
>
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
>
Groups "AID NCR Women Rights" group.
>
To post to this group, send email to
>
aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
>
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
>
aid-ncr-women-ri...@googlegroups.com
>
For more options, visit this group at
>
http://groups.google.com/group/aid-ncr-women-rights?hl=en?hl=en
>
A Dead Thing can go with the Stream......But Only a Living Thing can go Against It!!!>
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
>
Groups "AID NCR Women Rights" group.
>
To post to this group, send email to
>
aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
>
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
>
aid-ncr-women-ri...@googlegroups.com
>
For more options, visit this group at
>
http://groups.google.com/group/aid-ncr-women-rights?hl=en?hl=en
>
 |
Megha Gupta
Jun 5, 2010, 2:32:08 PM6/5/10
to aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
Aakanksha Singh
Jun 9, 2010, 7:30:05 AM6/9/10
to aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
Joining after a moderately long break, and really appreciate your thoughts on the idea.Frankly, I began with sharing a thought, and had no central idea on what better ways to adopt to take it ahead.
Ideally, the best seems to have a own portal or something of that own.
That's a time taking and requires consistency to maintain it in the long run.
And, all your thoughts over it have provoked to think as wat shall be the next step ?
Taking up anonymous survey on it, to have a web portal with AID. etc etc
We need to come up the how to do it part.
But, these kind of things flow slowly, changing thinking patterns and taking even a very small step outside the defined paradigms is an uphill task. So initially drawing a large group would be too optimistic to predict, gradual increase is all that we can perceive to happen, but efforts in form of discussions atleast in & out of AID are necessary.
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google
Groups "AID NCR Women Rights" group.
To post to this group, send email to
aid-ncr-wo...@googlegroups.com
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
aid-ncr-women-ri...@googlegroups.com
For more options, visit this group at
http://groups.google.com/group/aid-ncr-women-rights?hl=en?hl=en
--
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes -M.K Ghandhi
Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages