在愛情裡面的自我殘缺(self handicapping)
Anna
我常常看到身邊的友人
當面對自己有好感的人時
常常會突然變的很不自然
展現出與平常的自己孑然不同的模樣
曾見過有一個女性好朋友
常常與他有好感的異性喝酒打鬧
儘管知道這個男孩子喜歡的女孩類型是文靜款的
她還是執著的當他的好哥兒們
直到那個男孩子有了女朋友
我的女性好友才黯然的離開那個男孩子
在某天夜裡 她難過的說
"如果我不是他的好哥兒們 事情是不是會不一樣?"
我問他 為什麼他明明知道那男孩子比較喜歡文靜的女生
還在他面前表現這樣的自己
(而且其實他平常並非那種過於活潑外向的人)
她給我的回答竟然是:
"我沒自信在他面前表現真正的我...我怕這樣的我不是他要的"
我想從這邊知道的...
是在愛情裡面的自我殘缺(self handicapping)
由於缺乏自信
反而讓自己在有意識或無意識中作出不適宜的表現
破壞其可能的機會
當愛情流逝之後
再用此作為保護自尊的緣由來安慰自我
而在華人文化中
謙沖自牧的觀念下 常常會對於自信二字有較為負面的解讀
而造就了 無論什麼事情 都會要求自己內省 更上層樓
如此的結局
是不是反而造就了對於自己所做的每件事都感到不夠完美
而對於自我總是不能認同
因而在自尊程度上是較屬於低自尊的
除此之外
我們華人文化中
常常會要求在情感的表達上是以較為内隱的方式來傳達
或許這也是造成情感表達上較為拐彎抹角無法直來直往的的原因
整個大報告的主題抓的其實不是很明確
但主要就是想要了解在華人文化的影響下
在面對愛情時是不是特別容易有自我殘缺的情形發生
我無法像學長姐們一樣
可以馬上引用文獻和中國文學
來提出對世界較有貢獻的想法
只能就身邊的小小事件挖掘一些小樂趣...
希望學長姐能多多給我指導~謝謝~^^
佳玉
華人文化內隱的情感表達方式
可能會造成我們在親密關係裡低自尊的表現
昰這樣嗎?
白欣宜
還有，感覺我們要克制的是"自負"而不是"自信"，
在愛情觀裡，華人也不會覺得"自信"是不好的，
不是反而常聽人講說要有自信一點嗎? XD
(啊!我上述的講法並沒有影響你"認為自己不完美"或"低自尊"的假設喔! ) : )
我覺得題目很有趣喔! : )
Anna
(還有...我以為是今天討論完才給回饋...所以...造就了...我人生第一次遲交的作業們...我等等會補齊...)
先來說說我今天講的 " optimal self " 到底是什麼好了
我原先其實是想講說 :
"能夠不要因為低自尊而造成社會比較上老是失敗的人"
我對於 " 人的不快樂是來自於不能接受個別差異 " 這句話 真的很有感觸
但是 社會比較這是每天一定會發生的
我們不能保證自己在每次的比較中都能勝出
也無法很不負責任的說 "不要想太多啦~只要學會接受自己就好了..."
在我的想法中
在"正常的"、"不偏頗的" ( 不能對自己抱持著低自尊 ) 社會比較中
在這個狀態下去了解自己與他人的個別差異
這樣的比較才是公平的
也可以減少許多因比較失敗的例子而越發不快樂的來源
而這個想降低低自尊以建立快樂自我的想法 感覺有一點太大
因此 我才將它放進我日常生活中有趣的小例子來看
想說這樣談的東西就會變的比較窄一點
所以之前題目中的整體意思應該是 :
在愛情中的低自尊 ---> 自我殘缺的表現 ---> 壞結果(失戀) ---> 與情敵們的社會比較失敗 ---> 不快樂的人生
希望上面的流程圖可以稍稍講清楚我之前的意思和今天想講卻講不出口的想法
我覺得 倘若能避免因低自尊而造成的社會比較失敗
這樣才會有較為快樂的人生 也是我心中的理想自我
Anna
我找到了幾篇跟我想要探討的較有關聯且我還蠻有興趣的文獻
將其與我想談的作一點小連結
關於華人自尊問題 我找到的比較有興趣的文獻們有:
Culture and Implicit Self-esteem :Chinese Are Good and Bad at the Same
Time( Helen C. Boucher et al. 2009 )
Cultural Similarities in Self-Esteem Functioning :East Is East and
West Is West, But Sometimes the Twain Do Meet ( Jonathon D. Brown, et
al.2009 )
Moderating Effects of Three Coping Strategies and Self-Esteem on
Perceived Discrimination and Depressive Symptoms: A Minority Stress
Model for Asian International Students (Meifen Wei , et al. 2008)
(這幾篇主要都是在說有關華人高低自尊之間的矛盾)
(我再將每一篇摘要都放在下一個回覆中~~~)
然後關於自我殘缺的表現 找到較有關聯的文獻們有:
Psychosomatic Symptoms in Medical Outpatients:An Investigation of Self-
Handicapping Theory (Pamela Balls Organista et al. 1991)
The Double-Edged Sword of Self-Handicapping: Discounting,
Augmentation,and the Protection and Enhancement of Self-Esteem (David
L. Feick
et al.1997)
When the Stakes are Higher: Self-esteem Instability and Self-
handicapping (Leonard S. Newman et al. 1997)
(這幾篇著重在自我殘缺的發生可能來源與影響)
這幾天假期我的功課就是把文獻們走過一次
將華人的高低自尊之間的矛盾與自我殘缺做連結
再與一些提高自尊以及自我殘缺由何而來以及影響們作一些探討
希望能更加靠近主題~~~^^
第一次做這麼充滿未知的挑戰性的報告...真的很不知所措...
希望學長姐們能多多幫忙我~~~拜託~~~T^T
謝謝大家~~~
Anna
> Time( Helen C. Boucher et al. 2009 )
have dialectical, or inconsistent, self-esteem in that they endorse
both the positively and the negatively keyed items of the Rosenberg
Self-Esteem Scale, relative to Euro-Americans. The following research
extended this effect to implicit self-esteem. In two studies, Chinese,
Euro-Americans (Studies 1 and 2), and Chinese Americans (Study 2)
completed explicit and implicit measures of selfesteem. On both types
of measures, Chinese scored most highly on various indices of
dialectical self-esteem. In Study 2, the explicit self-esteem of
Chinese Americans was similar to that of Chinese, but their implicit
self-esteem was identical to that of Euro-Americans. In the
discussion, we focus on how East Asians come to possess inconsistent
self-esteem and pose questions for future research.
> Cultural Similarities in Self-Esteem Functioning :East Is East and
> West Is West, But Sometimes the Twain Do Meet ( Jonathon D. Brown, et
> al.2009 )
and Western Europeans. These differences could mean that self-esteem
is a culturally bounded construct, experienced differently in
different cultures, or they could mean that self-esteem is a
universally relevant construct whose average level is raised or
lowered in different cultures. To examine these possibilities, the
authors assessed self-esteem functioning in China and America. Study 1
found that, across cultures, self-serving attributions are stronger
when self-esteem is high than when it is low. Study 2 replicated this
finding and also found that, across cultures, failure produces less
emotional distress when self-esteem is high than when it is low.
Because self-esteem functioned similarly in China as in America, the
authors conclude it is of general psychological importance
> Moderating Effects of Three Coping Strategies and Self-Esteem on
> Perceived Discrimination and Depressive Symptoms: A Minority Stress
> Model for Asian International Students (Meifen Wei , et al. 2008)
reactive), along with self-esteem, as moderators of the relation
between perceived discrimination and depressive symptoms.
International students (N 354) from China, India, Korea, Taiwan, and
Hong Kong provided data via an online survey. The role of perceived
general stress was statistically controlled. Hierarchical regression
analyses indicated a significant direct effect of perceived
discrimination, a significant 2-way interaction of perceived
discrimination and suppressive coping, and a significant 3-way
interaction of perceived discrimination, reactive coping, and self-
esteem in predicting depressive symptoms. An increased tendency to use
suppressive coping appeared to strengthen the association between
perceived discrimination and depressive symptoms. In contrast, the
association between perceived discrimination and depressive symptoms
was not significant when reactive coping was infrequently used, but
only for students with relatively high self-esteem.
> Psychosomatic Symptoms in Medical Outpatients:An Investigation of Self-
> Handicapping Theory (Pamela Balls Organista et al. 1991)
medical patients. We predicted that medical outpatients (N = 113)
would report psychosomatic symptoms in response to events that
threaten their self-esteem. As predicted, results of hierarchical
multiple regression indicated that high-perfectionism patients
reported somatic symptoms positively related to the number of events
that jeopardize their sense of accomplishment, whereas low-
perfectionism patients' somatic symptoms were not related to these
events (p = .005). Contrary to prediction, high-dependency patients
did not differ significantly from low-dependency patients in the
relationship of somatic symptoms and events that threatened their
interpersonal relationships (p = .115). Implications of these findings
and the utility of self-handicapping theory for predicting
somatization in medical patients are discussed.
> The Double-Edged Sword of Self-Handicapping: Discounting,
> Augmentation,and the Protection and Enhancement of Self-Esteem (David
> L. Feick
> et al.1997)
augmented ability self-attributions mediate the interactive effects of
claimed self-handicaps and academic success and failure on self-
esteem. College students were assessed for individual differences in
self-handicapping and self-esteem at the beginning of the term and
then completed a checklist of clamed self-handicaps immediately
preceding their first in-class exam. At the following class, graded
exams were returned to the students, who then completed measures of
mood, self-esteem, and performance attributions. High self-
handicappers claimed more excuses prior to the test. Among failing
students, claimed handicaps were associated with greater discounting
of ability attributions and higher self-esteem. Among successful
students, claimed handicaps were associated with augmented ability
attributions and enhanced self-esteem. However, we failed to find
support for sex differences in claimed self-handicapping. The
implications of the present research with regard to the functional
utility of self-handicapping behavior are discussed.
> When the Stakes are Higher: Self-esteem Instability and Self-
> handicapping (Leonard S. Newman et al. 1997)
was examined. Previous research by Tice (1991) suggested that people
with high and low self-esteem self-handicap for different reasons:
High self-esteem people do so to enhance success, while people with
low selfesteem do so to protect themselves against the threatening
implications of failure. It was hypothesized that these tendencies
would be exaggerated in people with unstable self-esteem, because when
self-esteem is unstable, people are more sensitive to evaluative
feedbaclc and more concerned about their self-views (Kernis, 1993).
Results of an experiment involving 106 college students confirmed the
predictions and further implicate self-esteem instability as a
motivator ofbehaviors that serve to enhance and protect self-
esteem.People would rather feel good than bad