Converting Bears
James Renner
adj...@gmail.com
Converting Bears
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to
the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to
talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people
isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a
bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and
attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss
the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has
various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I
found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear
wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly
grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he
became as gentle as a lamb.
The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and
confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and
both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone
oratory he claimed,
"WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I
FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY
WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of
him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and
DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and
BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as
a lamb. We spent the rest of the time praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He
was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and
out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says,
"Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to
start things out with my bear".
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Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate
James