Can People Change or Is It More That We Simply Become What We Always Were?

[Mike Hawkins]

In my book signing tour this last week, I woman stopped by my book
signing table and picked up a copy to read the inside cover. When she
finished, she put it down in disgust, looked up at me, and said, "This
doesn't really work, you know. It might be good for selling books, but
its not true." A bit on my heals in defense, I managed to ask her for
clarification before jumping in. Bottom line, she said that people
can't change.

I told her the short version of my own changes, yet she adamantly
refuted my claim to change by saying I was always what I am, it was
just not yet revealed. Her perspective is that at some point in our
early development, we become who we are and there is nothing we can do
to change it.

I suppose we could think that way, but doesn't it deny us the
opportunity and ownership that we need in order to grow and develop?
Doesn't it remove the reality that we live in a dynamic world that
requires adaptation and continuous improvement?

Clearly people can change or we would all start out being presidents,
engineers, writers, or convicts from the time we take charge of our
lives, right?

Doesn't the fact that I changed from being an assembly line technician
to an engineer to a salesman to an executive to a consultant to an
author prove that I have grown and changed? And what about my values,
discipline, maturity, and knowledge? You wouldn't recognize me today
if you knew me in my late teenage years!

People can change and they do. Otherwise, why would anyone bother to
go to school? Why would you attend a seminar? Who would bother to
listen to the wisdom of others or to read a non-fiction book?

[Samuel Toth]

Yes, people can change, I agree.  I will say however that many people do not change, even when the status quo existence they are living with is outright killing them and/or destroying the relationships that are most near to them.  It may be that this woman has had such experience personally or with someone she loves, that change has not come, hope has been deferred, expectations lowered, and vision for change obscured by the dark cloud of her reality and disappointment.  I suggest that many people like her need a raft of fresh stories, testimonials, of real change, like Mike's own story.  Also, there is an interesting statement in the bible issued by Saint Paul, "if anyone is in Jesus Christ, they are a NEW CREATION, the old things have passed away, and all things have become new."  Paul and the early Christ followers experienced radical change from who they were to who they had and were becoming. 

--
S. Chip Toth
LeadersInspire
4280 Lake Hill Drive
Canandaigua, NY 14424
www.leadersinspire.net

[Melinda Moore]

Once again, hit the nail on the head.  I remember the teenage pictures and I don't recognize you! Do you ever get stumped in these situations when they just don't believe and need convincing?  Does it happen very often?   Just wondering.   Love, ~Min/Sis   --- On Thu, 11/12/09, Mike Hawkins <mi...@alpinelink.com> wrote:

[Mike Hawkins]

I'm actually plenty capable of stumping myself !

Seriously, I think you have to consider the source when you get these
kinds of comments. This person never even tried to understand my
point of view. She made a hasty judgment and had no interest in a
dialog. She just wanted me to know her opinion. So I was happy to
see her walk off. If it had been someone I respected however, I would
have tried to have a meaningful dialog on the topic. In terms of what
I would say, it would simply be what I know - nothing less and nothing
more.

[James Hamilton]

Mike;
Interesting communication being prompted by your book; could not ask for
more, right?

The idea of change is certainly an interesting one. Even if we don't like
who we are, we become comfortable with our person and are reluctant to "go
somewhere" we have not been before. Plus, the energy it would take to engage
in that process is all being used up managing the person we don't like!

I like to think of personal change as becoming the person I was designed to
be, rather than becoming someone different than I am. We fall into behaviors
as a result of many experiences and circumstances, which may well not be who
we are at all. In fact, we are trying to be who we think we should be, even
if it is not at all in keeping with our strengths, desires, or "designs".
So I always encourage those I talk to about this to think of change in the
context of our design, rather than one of re-making ourselves.

We are leaving for awhile over Thanksgiving, and will be back the end of the
month. I look forward to getting together again after that.


Jim Hamilton

Principal
Hamilton Advisory Inc.
970-513-0088

[Stuart M. Rothenberger]

What a great perspective.


Stuart M. Rothenberger, AIA*, LEED AP
Sr. Vice President - Director of Architecture
National Leader, Higher Education
*Registered Architect in Maryland, Texas
STV Architects
205 West Welsh Drive
Douglassville, Pa 19518
phone: (610) 385-8248 fax: (610) 385-7832

-----Original Message-----
From: James Hamilton [mailto:healthcar...@comcast.net]
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 3:58 PM
To: activatingy...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: Can People Change or Is It More That We Simply Become What
We Always Were?

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