What Is Verbal Abuse?

[Gentle Deer Lion Tamer]

What is verbal abuse? It may include such acts as threats of
abandonment, cursing, demeaning comments and other deprivations. It
can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing
confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt and fear.

Verbal abuse is very harmful to children on the above mentioned
levels. I have had to deal with the residue of such abuse as a
child. From this abuse, though, I have learned how to help other
victims as a healer now. One needs to always remember that a child
who is continually criticized can begin to believe the negative
messages. Children who suffer repeated emotional or verbal abuse may
experience depression, develop feelings of low self-worth, and have
difficulty in their interpersonal relationships. All of these effects
may be extend into adulthood.

Be aware of any negative, hurtful verbal responses and reactions,
including negative words, tone of voice, and overall approach to
communicating with others - especially children. I have seen the
below eight "rules" work when put into practice by myself and others -

Instead of Yelling:

1. Pause and reconsider what you're going to say. Think of a better
response - or no response at all for the time being.

2. Remember the last time you felt like yelling, and concentrate on
what you did that helped you then.

3. When tempted to yell or use demeaning or threatening words, count
to 20 or more before you yell.

4. Put your child, and even yourself, in a time-out chair. Just sit
there and cool off for a few minutes.

5. Sing or hum a favorite tune or song.

6. Call a friend to talk or even temporarily relieve you of childcare
if necessary.

7. Go outside for a breath of fresh air. Look at the sky to get the
bigger picture.

8. Write a brief list of your immediate feelings of frustration. Then
write the feelings you think you may still have in 10 minutes or so.

The prescription is simple, and wonderfully effective. It is love.
It is plain, simple, everyday love and respect that is the most
effective tool in curing abuse and other family problems. It is a
tender plant that needs nurturing. But it is worth all the effort we
put into it.

My plea - and I wish I were more eloquent in voicing it - is a plea to
save the children (our future). Too many of them walk with pain and
fear, in loneliness and despair. Children need sunlight. They need
happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and
affection. They do not need nor do they deserve the abuses they
suffer at so many levels - in the family and as victims of abuse...and
war.