There is always a solution...

[The Captain]

Name the problem and I'll tell you the solution.

Problem 1: Thieves are messing with the bottom line of my retail
store.
Solution 1: Used sensormatic tags.

Problem 2: I'm being harassed by a moron.
Solution 2: Punitive beating.

Problem 3: Hollywood is making terrible movies.
Solution 3: Video Games.

Problem 4: Jimmy Goots wont return my phone calls.
Solution 4: Call Fumes.