Fw: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Video Games

11 views
Skip to first unread message

Robyn L. Coburn

unread,
Nov 15, 2010, 12:52:38 AM11/15/10
to Unschoolin...@googlegroups.com
====my concern should not be minimized by saying that my concern does not exist.  ====
 
Consie, I'm not trying to minimize your concern, and I'm sorry to cause you to feel badly.
 
What I was trying to suggest was that the reasons for your concerns might be bogus (in the context of unschooling) because they include some writings by someone who is not an unschooler, and research studies that are not about unschoolers, with practices and agendas that have nothing in common with unschooling. Plus by your own report your concerns are to some degree being spurred by interaction with school officialdom, rather than unschooling principles or the experiences of unschoolers.
 
Video games and unschooling are not like either vitamins or antibiotics. Unschooling is not like prescribing something to treat a specific problem with the desired outcome being a return to normalcy. I just don't think attachment to this analogy is helping your serenity.
 
People have made other, better analogies about unschooling that have to do with behavior and processes. One awesome analogy was created years ago by Kelly Lovejoy - that unschooling is like being in a swimming pool. People who are afraid cling to the sides and can't see how you can let go and not drown. Unschoolers try to invite them to let go and see that they will be safe, but the cling ons see their outstretched hands not as invitations but as the frantic waving of the drowning. They refuse to hear the reassurances. Sometimes they even perceive the beckoning hands as calls for help and try to pull the swimmers back to the side. Then they get angry when their rescue attempts are rejected, refusing to believe no rescue is needed.
 
===I am not having a problem with reporting.===
 
You were the one who wrote this:
=== They are intertwined concerns, but they are also two separate concerns.  If we did not have such a strict reporting system in our state, I would not be so "aware" of what schooled children are doing.====
 
I thought that sounded generally like a problem with reporting. It sounded like you were worried about reporting that he spends so much time playing video games. It sounded like you were worried because you see that your son is not keeping up with "schooled children". I and several others have tried to reassure you about the timetables of reading from our collective experiences.
 
In your place I believe I would be looking more at what other home schooled children and unschooled children are doing than schooled ones.  Are you looking at the ideal as represented by state standards and curricula or are you looking at what some particular real school kids of your acquaintance are doing? I wonder if you are comparing your son to the very top of the class, rather than looking at the middling average. I suppose none of us want to think of our kids as academically average, but it might be more reassuring about test scores to look at average, the C students from an academic point of view, rather than the A's and A+'s.
 
What happens if your son doesn't ace his test, has a middling result, or even fails it? Does the law say he has to immediately go to school, or is there that common clause about "showing progress"? You don't have to answer here, but do think for a moment about the worst case scenario. If all that happens is "do better next year", is that really something to fret over today?
 
==== I really want some success stories. I don't want to be told that I am just overly fearful. ie."alcoholic.. it's a weird fear, it feels pulled out of a hat of fears" I was, by the way, just making another analogy of a different type of addition.   I don't want to be told that my fears are weird.  Again, as unschoolers, I don't think we would say that to our children.  Why would we say that to an adult?  That feels like invalidation. ===
 
You may not be new to unschooling, but it seems like you may be new to this list. This is a discussion list, not a support list. You are not our child. You are an adult in a rigorous discussion forum. Our purpose is not to validate your feelings. Our purpose is to discuss unschooling ideas to help each other and ourselves unschool. 
 
This "video gaming = addiction" conversation has been canvassed over and over again here and on Always Learning. If that is the analogy you are holding, then you are choosing a paradigm that will keep you living in fear.
 
Several of us have shared success stories. You seem to want to argue with them or invalidate the success stories. It seems like you want to get some kind of agreement that your son's gaming is probably a big, bad problem. We collectively appear to have a bunch of different experiences with heavy gaming kids. Stop looking at other people including us, and return your focus to your son. Is he happy? That is the foundation of your faith in unschooling.
 
Try this - ask him how his game is going and then listen to his joy. Bring him food at regular intervals. Hang out nearby. That is what I do with my heavy gaming 11 year old. Plus I offer her other choices, in case she wants to take a break at any time, but really all she wants is Sims 2. And I really try not to take it personally when she is frustrated, tired and grumpy after a mentally challenging day. All she needs is some food and rest and cuddles and simple physical games like tickle fests, and her equilibrium returns.
 
You may not want to be told that you are just overly fearful, but we are seeing you as overly fearful. Your words and stories are the ones giving the impression of fearfulness.
 
You are the one insisting on clinging to your fears despite our numerous and repeated ideas (including the pages on Sandra's site) about why your fears are probably, if not groundless, then at least needlessly exaggerated.
 
=== I could not stop reading for 2 years.  ====
 
You have a whole year on him. And yet you turned out alright. And apparently stopped. Maybe his passion is bigger than one year, just as yours is for unschooling. You said "all he wants is Wii". So give him Wii.
 
If you want some more reading, here's a parable I wrote a while back: http://www.sandradodd.com/park
 
Your son is almost 8. That means that actually you have been officially unschooling for about 2 years, maybe 3 in some places. I'm glad you love it.
 
I've been official for 6 (counting the kindergarten year), with about 2 1/2 years before that identifying as an unschooler to avoid dreary discussions of early academics programs so popular with many of my local home schooling community members.
 
Some of the people posting have successfully unschooled healthy, happy kids who are in their mid twenties. Years and years of letting go of fear.
 
And just to be absolutely clear - my 11 yo daughter plays Sims 2 games and You Tube videos for most of her waking hours every day. She falls asleep with her laptop in front of her. She downloads custom content for Sims. She comments on the characters and videos created by other Sims 2 aficionados. She spent pretty much all her birthday gift money on expansion packs. Every now and then, for a break she plays Free Realms, Nancy Drew or Sims Castaway (on Wii), and checks her Facebook.
 
Our ONLY worry in all of this is that her laptop isn't good enough for her needs. She needs a faster, newer computer with more memory to enable her game play to be faster and better with fewer frustrating crashes, but presently we don't have the bread for it.
 
I have absolutely no fear that anything that inspires this much passion, this much creativity and makes her laugh this much can be in any way harmful.
 
 

Robyn L. Coburn

unread,
Nov 15, 2010, 12:54:30 AM11/15/10
to Unschoolin...@googlegroups.com
But then why send it to Sandra, the moderator, when I was the one who posted that sentence about vitamins and antibiotics not being the same?
 
Leaving in a huff - sigh. 
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 8:17 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Video Games

-=-sending it privately was to prevent further public humiliation.  wow.  I would think the kind thing would have simply been to ask me if you wanted this posted publicly, and tell me personally that you did not want to answer offline. -=-

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages