My son wants to go back to school

[seasha]

Well we tryed on Monday to go, but when we got to the school he got
really scared and started crying. I think it was because he wasn't
sure what the other kids would think of him, and also because he
didn't think he could do the work... Have I ruined him, Oh gees, I'm
so worried

[Robin Bentley]

Maybe, if he really wants to go to school, you should wait for a time
when *all* kids are going back, not the middle of the term when he'll
be going into already established classes/groups.

I'm wondering why he's so concerned about his future? Has something
happened recently in his life, so that this is coming up?

I also wonder how wide his world has been since Grade 5? Expanding his
life at home might help with his worry.

Robin B.

[seasha]

He is getting pressure from his friends to get his future started, but
I told him that most kids don't even go there until a few years after
graduation, at least in my time thats what they did....
Thanks for all the feed back...

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-He is getting pressure from his friends to get his future started,

but
I told him that most kids don't even go there until a few years after

graduation, at least in my time thats what they did....-=-

Ah.
You're helping his friends to cause him to believe that one has to
"start" the future.

Help him live a rich life in the present. A full life of learning and
joy. That's what unschooling is about, not about hanging out until a
few years after a time when the future is scheduled to start.

People don't "start their future." They live in the present, making
little choices that lead to a better right now.

http://sandradodd.com/howto
http://sandradodd.com/being/

Sandra

[carlo...@aol.com]

Sandra,
That was lovely!

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[Melissa Lake]

Sandra,

We were JUST talking about this today at our park day.  Someone made reference to "starting their life" and I said, "What does that mean?  Life starts NOW!" 

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Melissa Lake


If children have interest, then education happens.

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-

We were JUST talking about this today at our park day. Someone made
reference to "starting their life" and I said, "What does that mean?

Life starts NOW!" -=-

Life started long before I was born. I joined the world already in
progress.

My children came to life at some point, biologically, and were living
their lives from the get go. Whether they are mostly through or in
the early stages, I can't know. But life is being lived now, and will
be in a minute, and tomorrow...

A child who has been unschooled for ten years might have a head start,
in a way, over one who starts unschooling at that point, as to "living
life," IF the parents have been saying "When you grow up..." and
"you're just a kid" very much.

Sandra

[Melissa Lake]

 But life is being lived now, and will be in a minute, and tomorrow...
>
>
>

> Sandra
>
> --

Beautiful.

[Laurel Summerfield]

My son left school in November of the 5th grade, along with his 4 younger siblings.  He had very mixed feelings and had a rough time adjusting to unschooling.  His three siblings adjusted with no trouble at all.  Every time he got angry at me, he demanded that i return him to school.  I panicked every time he said this and stalled/refused to put him back in school.  He was regularly harassed by his school "friends", who told him that he would be stupid and would never get a good job and be able to go to college.  That was really hard on him.  Finally, the summer before 9th grade for him, he asked again to go back.  By that time, I had a tiny bit more perspective on what unschooling was really about and said yes.  But I still hated, hated, hated the idea.  When I told him we needed to go to the school then and register him so he wouldn't miss out on all the good  elective classes, there was a long silence, and then he said, "I don't think I'll go back this year.  I don't know enough math.  I'll work on that and go back next year".  That was the last time he ever mentioned going back to school.  What he did do in the next 4 years though, was to get a job running lights at a nightclub, and ran lights for many big national bands.  He got paid to run the follow-spot for a dinner theatre.  He got certified as a lifeguard and a water safety instructor, and taught kids to swim and was promoted to head guard status.  He did all that before his friends had graduated from high school, and when they finished school, he had years of job experience and many thousands of dollars in his bank account.  He went to college.  He's a music major and a technical theatre major at a small and fabulous arts college in Santa Fe, NM. (the other side of the country from us).

I ran across a college paper of his recently at home.  It talked about how his friends had told him he would never amount to anything because of his unschooled background, and how many doors the unschooling opened for him, and how well he's doing now, and how grateful he was that his parents made the decision to unschool.  It brings tears to my eyes still to think about that paper.

I did nothing right at the time.  I took him out of school in a year that he had a FABULOUS teacher, because it was the right time for the other 3 kids to leave school.  I should have left him for the rest of the year and withdrawn him before the next school year.  I should have willingly let him go back to school when he wanted to and had faith that we were doing much more interesting things at home and that he would return.  But even with my bumbling new-unschooler mistakes, he turned out fabulously and he's happy with the outcome.

If you can put aside your own worry and apprehension in this situation, your son will probably calm down and figure out what he wants more easily.  It's so easy to say "don't worry", and so hard to actually do it, but you don't have to do everything correctly for your kids to turn out great.  They learn from our mistakes, just like we do.

Laurel

[Maria Zamparelli]

I have been following the discussion and felt Laurel's words "I did nothing right at the time", hit home. I have been homeschooling my son for the last three years. He is almost nine years old. After my experience in kindergarden I realized institutionalized learning was not the answer for him or me. We had a rough start since I knew nothing at the time about homeschooling. I read everything I could to find our path. It has been difficult but extremely rewarding. Still many times I question myself. I think that maybey he would prefer to be at school with other children,he is very sociable and I must add an only child.

I decided to take the unshcooling path convinced that we learn, remember and use only that which interests us. Also if I would offer my son classes such as sports or summer camp his answer hinged on wether he found the activity interesting or not. That has been my clue to follow. It doesn't always work since I have this remnant of an authoritarian devil inside me that argues against letting children follow their interests if it doesn't amount to "real" "useful" learning.

Today is a rainy day. He is in the yard making holes which become small ponds. How is this learning?,I have no idea. I just know he is enjoyin himself. Later on we will bake cookies and this evening we will go to an art exhibit. I think about of what might be going on in school and this small, positive elf inside me says "This is what life is".

María Z

[seasha]

I have so much to learn about unschooling,, I know it the way to go,
but I still have to learn myself...
The concept is great, I just have troubles getting my head around it
sometimes..

[Sandra Dodd]

-=-I have so much to learn about unschooling,, I know it the way to go,

but I still have to learn myself...
The concept is great, I just have troubles getting my head around it

sometimes.-=-

This will help, I think.
Don't think of it as a separate lump of information you need to "get
you head around."

If you have that image and analogy in your head, you will be thinking
there are other lumps of information your child needs to get his head
around. That's not the way learning works.

The way learning works is that you take in and understand one small
part. Then it's part of you. It's part of "your head." When you
learn another little part, it will connect to the first one. When you
understand how those two work, you can connect other parts to them.
The more you know, the easier it will be for new information to "stick."

You don't wrap your mind around it. You understand a little thing,
and connect it to other things you already knew, and then connect new
ideas to those.

Deschooling is partly disconnecting or downgrading the old things you
"knew were true" and filing them as "used to think" so they don't
continue to pop up and scare you.

http://sandradodd.com/seeingit
http://sandradodd.com/checklists

Sandra

[Jenny]

> Help him live a rich life in the present.  A full life of learning and  
> joy.  That's what unschooling is about, not about hanging out until a  
> few years after a time when the future is scheduled to start.

That's a concept that Chamille has picked up on BIG time! Any time a
friend says they want to do this or that when they are older or when
they "grow up" or any future related statement, she tells them, "why
wait?", you can be an artist now, or a musician, or writer, or
scientist, or explorer, etc.

School can really frustrate those anxious teens wanting to get out and
LIVE right NOW! I remember feeling that way! I'm so glad my kids
don't need to ever feel that, they can be what they want to be and do
what they want to do now!