Oh, Waiter!
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Not a Sensitive Response Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly, jovial man, but there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him: his height, or rather, his lack of it. He was very short and apparently sensitive about the subject.
One day he stormed through the kitchen doors and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!"
Everyone was speechless, except for one waitress who couldn't help herself as she blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
A Kind Word A man walked into a restaurant in a strange town. The waiter came over and asked him for his order.
I'm feeling lonely, he replied, "so what I'd really like is some meat loaf and a kind word."
The waiter returned with the meat loaf, set it down on the table and began to walk away.
The man asked, "Where's the kind word?"
The waiter stopped, sighed, bent down, and whispered, "Don't eat the meat loaf."
Speak To Me Six months after a French waiter died, his widow went to see a medium, who promised she would contact the man in the great beyond.
During the séance, the widow was sure she saw her husband standing in the corner, dressed in his waiter's outfit.
"Arnold!" she cried. "Come closer and speak to me!"
A ghostly voice drifted from the corner... "I can't. It's not my table."
"The Amazing Disappearing Man" John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.
Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door."
Truck Stop A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
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