What's The Difference Between New & Brand New?

[The Jokester]

	From the Jokester	Have a Look at This Joke & Matching Picture at www.thejokester.net
		Help the Jokester’s eMail List Grow, forward the Jokester’s Jokeletter to your friends and ask them to sign up to be a Jokester!
How to Write Good • Avoid alliteration. Always. • Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. •  Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) •  Employ the vernacular. •  Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. •  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. •  It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. •  Contractions aren't necessary. •  Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. •  One should never generalize. •  Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." •  Comparisons are as bad as cliches. •  Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. •  Profanity sucks. •  Be more or less specific. •  Understatement is always best. •  Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. •  One-word sentences? Eliminate. • Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. • The passive voice is to be avoided. • Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. • Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. • Who needs rhetorical questions?   Our Weird Language * Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? * Why do some people use the expression 'Good Grief'?      What is a Bad Grief? * Why is the plural of goose-geese and not the plural of moose-meese? * If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice why aren't two houses hice? * If the plural of mouse is mice, what is the plural of spouse? * Why do we say something is awfully good? What exactly do we mean by this? * Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? * Can you have only one plural? * Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there? * Can you be frequent infrequently? * Why do people say 'This and That' as opposed to 'That and This'? * If the plural of octopus is octopi and platypus is platypi what is the plural of schoolbus? * Why is sphinges the plural of sphinx if there's only one? * What's the difference between new and brand new? * Why do North Americans fill a form out but the English fill it in?
Feel Free To Submit Some Of Your Favorite Jokes
See This Joke & Matching Picture at: www.TheJokester.net
Help My Joke List Grow:  Invite friends and family at  Google Groups (suggested, relatively advertisement free), Yahoo Groups or www.thejokester.net If you got this email from a friend, why not sign-up and get the jokes straight from the Jokester’s keyboard?

All the Best: Your Often Misguided Humorist and Joke Moderator,  The Jokester {aka Dan the Man}.

Subscription Information:

ü  Jokes are customarily sent 3 - 5 times per week covering a range of hopefully (?) humorous subjects!

ü  Just remember, don't blame the messenger: I only send the jokes, I don't write them.

ü  To unsubscribe see the instructions below or send me an email (be sure to tell me which group you joined).

ü  But Wait! Before you unsubscribe, stop and think about it. Have you given the jokes enough time? The occasional bad joke is to be expected. Hang in there, maybe the next joke will make your day!?!?

 

 

From Your Often Misguided Humorist and Joke Moderator, The Jokester {aka Dan the Man}: Joke...@TheJokester.net