hey I have some stuff that needs critiquing

[smwentum]

Hey guys, I need some pages critiqued. This is two different chapters
about one of my characters. Grammar and other things ignored I have
one question, what do you think the internal and external motivation
of this character, Matthew greenly is? I should know, but I don't.
Any any help would be appreciated.

thanks
-smwentum

[smwentum]

I was going to just add a file, but google groups wont let me, let me
thing of something.

[smwentum]

This is the link to the file from my google docs page

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N-YNbKZsLk9u92INVvQ6faUh8pblFaFTa0gmNtOrSeg/edit?hl=en&authkey=CNb2-aED

its about 7 pages single spaced but in the big font i like, 10.

[haricot vert]

in the chapters, there is a lot of what matthew does. and he does it
because he wants to, is driven to, by something other than the
conscious desire. sounds like he has obsessive, and control,
issues.

external motivation looks to be stress from work. internal motivation
looks like he's trying to fill an emotional void with food, sex,
domination-of-others.

how does that strike you?
-vert

On Feb 16, 6:16 am, smwentum <michael.wen...@gmail.com> wrote:

[smwentum]

yeah thanks that helps! how is your novel going?

[Victoria Perry]

He has a lot going on inside his head. By the end, it sounded like he was on his way to becoming a bad guy and probably ultimately destroying himself.  He was certainly on that path already with what he was eating.  I guess one of the things that I would wonder if I were trying to figure out the character is why is he self-destructive.  It is obvious he is. The girl, the food, the giving into the bullies at work.  The question that I have as a reader is why? What caused him to turn to food?  If you can figure out that, then you can show him reacting to those "triggers."

Just my thoughts.

On Wed, Feb 16, 2011 at 12:42 PM, smwentum <michael...@gmail.com> wrote:

yeah thanks that helps! how is your novel going?

On Feb 16, 10:08 am, haricot vert <hariv...@gmail.com> wrote:
> in the chapters, there is a lot of what matthew does.  and he does it
> because he wants to, is driven to, by something other than the
> conscious desire.  sounds like he has obsessive, and control,
> issues.
>
> external motivation looks to be stress from work.  internal motivation

> looks like he's trying to fill an emotional void with food, sex,w

> domination-of-others.
>
> how does that strike you?
> -vert
>
> On Feb 16, 6:16 am, smwentum <michael.wen...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > Hey guys, I need some pages critiqued. This is two different chapters
> > about one of my characters. Grammar and other things ignored I have
> > one question, what do you think the internal and external motivation
> > of this character, Matthew greenly is? I should know, but  I don't.
> > Any any help would  be appreciated.
>
> > thanks
> > -smwentum

--
Vikki Perry
Novelist - in - training

[haricot vert]

the novel... yeah, so the one from last november is still under
wraps. i'm still not strong enough to deal with opening that draft.
lol. but the one from 2009 is on the table ready for work. i plan on
begin making notes about holes and glaring issues either this coming
week or next and get down and dirty in march. :)
-vert

[Belldandy245]

Will try to look at it this weekend!

On Feb 16, 6:16 am, smwentum <michael.wen...@gmail.com> wrote: