I have a little something to be reviewed
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sarah_macklin
May 2, 2011, 3:28:55 PM5/2/11
to SC NanoWrimo R+R
I think I'm finally ready for my novel's prologue to be read. I
uploaded it so anyone with the link can access it. It's not the best
but I'm not sure what else to do with it so time to let my baby be
seen.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mPcgSt3BWIOCig3I6DLexhB5nrUHiMEhPGb8AIKzF18/edit?hl=en&authkey=CM7s-IUJ
Just let me know if you're up for the challenge ^_^ and how long it
will take you. Thanks!!
Sarah
uploaded it so anyone with the link can access it. It's not the best
but I'm not sure what else to do with it so time to let my baby be
seen.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mPcgSt3BWIOCig3I6DLexhB5nrUHiMEhPGb8AIKzF18/edit?hl=en&authkey=CM7s-IUJ
Just let me know if you're up for the challenge ^_^ and how long it
will take you. Thanks!!
Sarah
Victoria Perry
May 2, 2011, 3:32:17 PM5/2/11
to sc_nano...@googlegroups.com
Anything specific questions that you want us to answer after reading it? Or do you want just general critique? I may have time to read it this week. (I'm in hurry up and wait mode at work.)--
Vikki Perry
Novelist - in - training
Vikki Perry
Novelist - in - training
sarah_macklin
May 3, 2011, 7:50:37 AM5/3/11
to SC NanoWrimo R+R
Just a general critique if you please.
Sarah
On May 2, 3:32 pm, Victoria Perry <purplepros...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Anything specific questions that you want us to answer after reading it? Or
> do you want just general critique? I may have time to read it this week.
> (I'm in hurry up and wait mode at work.)
>
Sarah
On May 2, 3:32 pm, Victoria Perry <purplepros...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Anything specific questions that you want us to answer after reading it? Or
> do you want just general critique? I may have time to read it this week.
> (I'm in hurry up and wait mode at work.)
>
> On Mon, May 2, 2011 at 3:28 PM, sarah_macklin <sarah_a_bow...@yahoo.com>wrote:
>
> > I think I'm finally ready for my novel's prologue to be read. I
> > uploaded it so anyone with the link can access it. It's not the best
> > but I'm not sure what else to do with it so time to let my baby be
> > seen.
>
> >https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mPcgSt3BWIOCig3I6DLexhB5nrUHiMEhP...
>
> > I think I'm finally ready for my novel's prologue to be read. I
> > uploaded it so anyone with the link can access it. It's not the best
> > but I'm not sure what else to do with it so time to let my baby be
> > seen.
>
smwentum
May 4, 2011, 1:04:02 AM5/4/11
to SC NanoWrimo R+R
wholly crap. that was great! it seems like the start to a great
adventure,
On May 2, 3:28 pm, sarah_macklin <sarah_a_bow...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> I think I'm finally ready for my novel's prologue to be read. I
> uploaded it so anyone with the link can access it. It's not the best
> but I'm not sure what else to do with it so time to let my baby be
> seen.
>
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mPcgSt3BWIOCig3I6DLexhB5nrUHiMEhP...
adventure,
On May 2, 3:28 pm, sarah_macklin <sarah_a_bow...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> I think I'm finally ready for my novel's prologue to be read. I
> uploaded it so anyone with the link can access it. It's not the best
> but I'm not sure what else to do with it so time to let my baby be
> seen.
>
Victoria Perry
May 4, 2011, 7:54:33 AM5/4/11
to sc_nano...@googlegroups.com
I just gave this a quick read and here is what I noticed.
Things that are awesome
You've built an intriguing world and great characters. I'm interested in what happens to all the characters especially Vessius and Sefra. The description of the setting is awesome. I can see the parade of riches and I want to know about the fish scale that I'm assuming Vessius thought was a dragon scale.
Things that I think could be improved.
Be careful of POV slips. When the scene started, I thought that it was going to be told from the servant's POV or an omniscient one and at the end, we go a bit into Sefra's POV.
I admit that I'm an -ly adverb annihilator when revising my own writing so please take this with a grain of salt or ten grains of salt because it is entirely possible that I go overboard over -ly adverbs. You have a lot of -ly adverbs in your story. Highlight them and assess them to see if they can be eliminated.
Also, I'm a bit confused about Vessius's age. I'm assuming that he's 9 or 10, but the bit with the uncle made me wonder if he were older.
Anyway, I thought it was an awesome beginning to the story and I can't wait to see more.
Things that are awesome
You've built an intriguing world and great characters. I'm interested in what happens to all the characters especially Vessius and Sefra. The description of the setting is awesome. I can see the parade of riches and I want to know about the fish scale that I'm assuming Vessius thought was a dragon scale.
Things that I think could be improved.
Be careful of POV slips. When the scene started, I thought that it was going to be told from the servant's POV or an omniscient one and at the end, we go a bit into Sefra's POV.
I admit that I'm an -ly adverb annihilator when revising my own writing so please take this with a grain of salt or ten grains of salt because it is entirely possible that I go overboard over -ly adverbs. You have a lot of -ly adverbs in your story. Highlight them and assess them to see if they can be eliminated.
Also, I'm a bit confused about Vessius's age. I'm assuming that he's 9 or 10, but the bit with the uncle made me wonder if he were older.
Anyway, I thought it was an awesome beginning to the story and I can't wait to see more.
sarah_macklin
May 4, 2011, 9:26:46 AM5/4/11
to SC NanoWrimo R+R
@smwenton: Thanks a lot!
@Victoria: Thanks for reading as well. I didn't even notice the POV
slips! I'm usually so careful about who's "talking." I'm glad you
noticed.
I'll also watch those -ly verbs. I can get a little poetic sometimes
(bad habit).
*sigh* You're the second person to be confused about how old Vessius
is. I guess I'll just have to come out and say it in the text. He's
really immature (which is shown throughout the novel) and I was trying
to highlight that. Sometimes, I guess you just have to make things
plain. If someone wants to know, I'll tell. ;)
@Victoria: Thanks for reading as well. I didn't even notice the POV
slips! I'm usually so careful about who's "talking." I'm glad you
noticed.
I'll also watch those -ly verbs. I can get a little poetic sometimes
(bad habit).
*sigh* You're the second person to be confused about how old Vessius
is. I guess I'll just have to come out and say it in the text. He's
really immature (which is shown throughout the novel) and I was trying
to highlight that. Sometimes, I guess you just have to make things
plain. If someone wants to know, I'll tell. ;)
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