The Remote Patrol: 4/21: Burn Baby Burn
Thomas Heald, Esquire
by Thomas Allen Heald, Esquire
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings
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TOM'S TOTALLY TWISTED TV TRIVIA THINGY
Back in 1993, who did Jay Leno originally want to have "Late Night with
____" timeslot instead of Lorne Michael's pick Conan O'Brien?
A) Jamie Foxx
B) Jim Gaffigan
C) Paula Poundstone
D) Paul Provenza
E) Jon Stewart
The answer will be kept in a mayonnaise jar outside Funk & Wagnalls'
porch until the next Remote.
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8 p.m.
Sylvia Brown predicts that "AMERICAN IDOL" (Fox) will be won with
someone with either an "A" or an "R" in their name. Regardless, it's
Disco Night, two contestants will be dismissed this week, and we know
that Adam Lambert will not be performing "I'm Coming Out" by Diana Ross.
PASS THE ZOLOFT (I)
"ACCORDING TO JIM" (ABC) is ... still on.
Sam helps a buddy move to the Vatican on "REAPER" (CW).
"THE BIGGEST LOSER" (NBC) goes grocery shopping for generic and/or store
brand products with the labels strategically covered to avoid
distracting the audience.
9 p.m.
PASS THE ZOLOFT (II)
Good news, the Clean Water Act hasn't worked, leaving us with a bridge
over "POISONED WATERS" (PBS).
PASS THE ZOLOFT (III)
HBO commemorates Holocaust Remembrance Day by showing the ultimate date
movie, "SCHINDLER’S LIST" (HBO).
PASS THE ZOLOFT (IV)
9:0-whenever they finish up "American Idol"
Olivia begins dreaming of death on "FRINGE" (Fox).
10 p.m.
PASS THE ZOLOFT (V)
If "Schindler's List" is too upbeat for you, imagine that something has
killed everyone on earth. The worms begin feeding on "LIFE AFTER PEOPLE"
(History).
"RESCUE ME" (FX) from the birds and bees lecture.
PASS THE ZOLOFT (VI)
A victim of spousal abuse steals poison from a store set up to sell
murder weapons and provides advice on how to get rid of the bodies on
"THE UNUSUALS" (ABC).
TELE-GEBRA
"The Game" + "The Bourne Identity" x "The Amazing Race" + "Punk'd" =
Justin Timberlake's "THE PHONE" (MTV).
TALK TALK
* "The Daily Show" will be great with Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.
* Stephen okays coach Mike Kryzewski
* Dave glares at Nathan Lane through Tinted Windows.
* Jay discusses the Wolverine pizza with Hugh Jackman, Abigail Breslin,
and Ida Maria.
* Jimmy Kimmel states blankly at Billy Bob Thornton and whomever loses
on "Dancing with the Stars" castoff.
* Craig congas with Rob Morrow and Jean-Michel Cousteau.
* Jimmy Fallon slides into place with Jerry O'Connell, Thomas Lennon,
Chester French.
* Carson does thing things with Idris Elba and the Ting Tings.
QUESTIONABLE ANSWERS
Which animals are not currently part of Craig Ferguson's "Late Late
Show" puppet menagerie mostly used in his opening pre-credits segments?
A cow, a dinosaur, a monkey, a parrot, a shark or a toucan? No cows at
the moment, though as of last night they have added a Kangaroo and
either a mouse or a hamster like creature.
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"The Remote Patrol" is copyright© 2009 Thomas Allen Heald and
Gigantic Rear Projection, Ltd., a division of Haslenald, Inc. All rights
reserved.