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Abrigon
Jan 10, 2025, 7:01:30 PMJan 10
to Poetry List
Poetry Democracy 2022
04/2022
PRINTED:________________
May 2022
INDEX:
Rights
Corruption
Priviledge
=========
P-Rights
We the people, of life,
liberty and pursuit of happiness.
I worship how I want,
speak as I will and
with who and how
I share it.
I arm as I wish.
No soldiers at my place
At least with out renting.
I am not a crook,
I drove it, and no doubles
Help, speed, quality.
My peers know me best.
I am not a rich man,
or love pain. This is not all,
more to be revealed.
All else is mine or my state.
Mike Adams
2009
-------------
P-Corruption
Corruption
Smell, no
Look. Maybe
Feel, possible
Hard to tell
Things are corrupt
Family
Friends
Buddies
Or just
Money
Who gets things
Favors given
Bribes paid
Or extorted
Self interest
Or pictures
Taken deadly
Or painted
Lazy workers
Things done
Over and over
Never finished
And shoddy
No movement
Special favors
Or interest
Work done
Over and over
But not completed
Contracts given
Over and over
Always low bid
Like they knew.
Mike Adams
2011
----------
P-Priviledge
Born to
or Inherited
Expected or assumed
Given, demanded
or taken.
Mike
2017
=========
Mike Adams 2000
You sent
working on changing my diet, so that I have less gas.
You sent
I drink diet pepsi and like and its for my hyper nature but I suspect it gives me gas, but I also need to work on being able to fart, diet and more..
Today at 8:45 AM
8:45 AM
You sent
Hope not to dark.
You sent
Poetry Linda 2022
INDEX:
They are Gone
Trust Me
Survivors Guilt
Self Abuse Love
Old Age
Knightly
Hugs
Forgiveness
Forgive Me
Raven
===========
P-They Are Gone:
They are gone
those faces in the dark
and I am happy
but sad in this
for I knew them
for a short time,
they have
effected and affected me more than their
lived, loves and deeds, other than our
time together as friends and some as
lovers, but love not of lust but
friendship. But now they fade and
I am at peace, but sad in their final
passing for what of them and thier
deaths? I move on and live but how
much pain has come from their deaths
some self inflected, others by mistep.
Some by some one elses hand and deeds.
But they held me for years for their
effect and lifes, lasting longer
than their lives was, but I measure
much by their passing and the result
of their passing and my knowing them.
Now to walk in the daylight, to love
myself once again, forgiven not by them
for they are beyond any thing mortal
and forgiveness is not theirs to give
but for me to forgive myself for
misdeed or just ignorance and knot
knowing how to do more or to know
the danger of their words and acts.
But I know the effect, the pain unending
what if I have screams and dwelled on
for many hours long and hard but
nothing comes back but more darkness
and it MUST end for in the dwelling
I have lost myself, dwelling in darkness
hating one self until all I have is
my self loathing and pain. Crying
alwasy never feeling more than the
obsession of the pain of their passing
and what I could have done better.
To honor them by living and not dying
to move on and help others know
the happiness of living and not
dying in darkness and wander down
paths foul and insane. Lost in the morase
of depression and dead to all but
the strongest emotions and feelings
forces to hurt one self to just feel
anything, to know anything and to hate
onself continually for what?
Something that some else did and now
long gone but me a victim still
of their passing or almost hateful
leaving of this life. Not trusting
or just not helping me to help them.
So now, we shall see, live, be happy
do not solve small problems with
permenant solutions. Think of the
others you leave behind and do you
hate them as much as what you left
them with? So please live, and
its not all bad, okay! We just over
simplify in the black and white,
dark and light, happy and lack of.
So if not for self, them for me
friends, loved ones or even those
you hate, for if anything you by
living will show your love for those
who love you, and annoy the hell
out of those who hate you and give
them purpose by hating you!
But in this I LIVE!
Mike
Alaska
2009
---------
P-Trust Me
Your gone
you came
and went
and wonder
why I sit here
in a stupor
wanting to
die, and knowing
nothing but fear
Scared to ask
for help for
who to trust.
When you can not
trust yourself.
Mike
201?
(The fun of trust issues, not only in relationships but many more, still exploring. The fun of also being very hyper and attention/concentration and like issues)
----------
P-Survivors Guilt (2008)
The dead are gone, but what of those left behind?
To bury the dead, to record their passing, but
to keep going, worse to wonder what if and why?
I had smiled, to show I loved them? To force them
to find help, or even know they needed it, and
how much. Just to let them know you worry, and
wish them to be happy, and find a way out of the
darkness, the corner them selves in, or forced
to be in. And get help, peace and life in the
light not death in the dark. Not only of light
and dark but of mind, spirit and love. Means
peaceful, but not death, for in their passing
is lett questions of why, what if, trust, pain,
guilt and hatred, not just anger at them, and self.
Ignorance is bliss, is far from true, when dealing
with friends self destruction, for in not knowing
brings little bliss.
He or she a friend, not only of genes but of blood and things
shared, a piece of each other, and of all, who knew them.
What hell was they in, to wish for early release from life?
To not demand help? We who l;loved them, did they not trust us,
or think us less human/friends or just lost in their depression
and path dark and lonely.. Or worse, they did trust us and we
failed them. But all they had to do was, but we was not.
Knowing what they was saying and is this we are at loss.
No one I was enough to leave what they left behind,
I know its selfish to die by gun, pills, poison or life destructive.
Please come back, I miss you so much. Life is never full without
you. But I muddle along, plodding to find some purpose to your
leaving. And how to help others not to go how you went. To save
others from guilt, for it should been me who died and not you.
You had more to live for than I, but now I am truly old and you
are long gone but young always in my minds eye.
Mike
2008?
Not complete? I was numb for a while and from 1995/6 to c.2006 was...
2016 edited some.
---------
P-Self Abuse Love
Love or longing
True or false
Depression or insanity
desire or fantasy
what can be said
it hurts in the end
for the love of another
is hardly known
let alone returned
so hopeless it is
but its real but
singular and alone
so in pain one goes away.
Abused by self once again
wanting, longing to be
loved, wanted, desired
but its all a dream
or just unrealisitic
Days, hours and more
spent in searching
but never finding true
lasting love, sex yes
and lust for an hour
or week but never
lasting.
For its all just a
fantasy of the mind
not shared or worse
they think you wierd
odd, crazy or threat
or for fun, someone
they can use and abuse
with no love returned
just abused.
Mike
2013
(still working on, and why I in part keep some at arm and beyond, or do not trust or
even just ignore all before or after meeting, for why abuse one self or be abused.
--------------
P-Old Age
Old Man sitting on a stool
he is far from old in age but
old in view of those around
him, others see him as old
but fail to see the wisdom
or the times they shall be old
for the young never think
I will be old one day.
And I shall be the one
sitting on that bench,
old and grey, alone,
his friends dead, long
gone, no one to talk to
no one to share times with
or explore new things
so he ages more from
attitude of others
than of age of time
and we wonder why
the old man on the hill
is brutal and unchanging
terrifing and abusive
of the young, is it he
who left them, or they
who left him out, alone
and not wanted.
Or his friends have their
lives, and wives, and children
and jobs, and problems
but care not for his
for he is not married
no kids in common
no thoughts in common
no wife and hopes long gone
who care for the old man
they call he wierd
perverse and loser
they say they want a lover
a friend, a being of trust
of love, and honor
but they go for losers
assholes and abusers.
But come to him for talk
and then back to their lives.
Lives of abuse, of being used
of drama and plays untold
but a friend stands beside
them thru it all, but will
they see him as more than
a friend, no, for the age is
for the young, and the young
care not for the old
the old who remind them
to much of death, of disease
of loss, of pain and parents,
some gone, some hated, some
never know. Of failures
of their own making,
of lovers and husbands
who lie to them, cheat on
them, abuse them mind and
fist, and children who
treat them like the age is
treated, respect no way,
love no way, caring no way
how soon for the home
to lock you away like some
old rag or memory long
wanted gone. Memories
of mistakes the old
show you, I told ya so,
and of themselves and
of the child now adults
misery and things told
to them but never listened
to until to late. Parents
long dead, forgotten
like yestersdays crap
that flushes down a
toilet, gone to some
place far away, to mold
and mildew and rot
like deaths true end.
So be warned, you will be
old one day.
Mike
2003
----------
P-Knightly
To love someone not for lust
But to wrap strong arms
Armored shield to protect
Them from the demons and
Dangers of an unhappy
World and see the smile
On their face come back
The deep wounds healed
And the trust return
And know love of another
Friendship and peace
And know they are loved
Protected and safe, all
Good and warm, in arms
Strong but gently soft
Firm but open anytime
As needed and wanted.
Mike
2012
For Andrea and many others.
------------
P-Hugs
What is a hug
A meeting of body
To body
Or soul to soul
Trust and open
Open to in close
And not far.
When the need
Is there and
Nothing else
Compares to
A hug, up front
And trusting
Loving and given
Freely.
Mike
2013?
Working on it...
---------
P-Forgiveness 2016
Oh to have it
To forget
and move past
Be forgiven
for sins
Of the past
And find peace
Acceptance
Absolution,
penance done
And finished
Mike Adams
2012
(03/05/2012 for now, more laters)
(combine with parts from note book and outlook notes.)
Which note book will just have to look and see? One I had recently, I think the small flat blue one, do I have it with me tonight?
Nope, damn..
---------------------
P-Forgive Me
I scream to quiet stones
But no reply for they are gone
and long dead. Beyond my pain
anger and longing for their
forgivness. But still I scream
for the pain holds me fast.
No room for anything else.
No room for love, or joy.
Only the consuming cancer
that dwells in me, given
for failures in ancient
time, and now long gone
but still it lingers and
holds me back, with ropes
strong and tight, strangling
all that I was, locked in
pain unending, and no one to
beg forgiveness for
errors and ignorance
far from bliss.
Mike
2009
------------------
P-Raven
I met a Raven
On the way to
Town. To see a
Sick friend.
He said to me
To move faster
than He, for he
was en route as
Well to take
My friends
soul Away, so best
Be fast, say your
Good byes now
Or never say it
Until I come for
You and its
Your last!
I met a raven
On the road
To visit friends
He said best
Be fast
For I am here
To take his soul
Away to a better
Place.
So move swift
fast, say good bye
Now and forever
For this will be
His last/it will be the last.
Mike
2012
For George and King Salmon
Still writing.
---------
Mike Adams 2021
You sent
Poetry Susan 2022
Add more and name change?
PRINTED:___________
INDEX:
Please
Trust Me
Of Drama
The Word
Baby
Let it Go
Lantern
==========
P-Please: (work in progress) (not sure if a poem or just inspirational words?)
Help Me:
To let me
give myself kudos
thank you
for doing things.
Completing something, time for a kudo.
To forgive myself for the past mistakes
And to forgive those who was assholes
And to know the difference.
Not my fault they was assholes,
no matter how much they blamed me.
The past is the past,
it should not be a drowing pool.
Let the past go, or it will drown you.
To give thanks for my blessings.
Help Me to:
To know I am blessed.
To know I am a nice,
valuable and intelligent person
To work for myself
as much as I work for others
To know that many people
are ignorant or worse
uncaring bastards
That I am the only one
who I have to please,
fuck the rest.
Get organized, it helps..
Anger is not healthy
Pain is not good
Negative with out
a positive is just insane.
Let the negative go,
and let the positive shine..
Seek Balance, things was not all bad,
just got into the bad feelings to much
If things are not helping, change them,
if they refuse to be changed,
or you can not change them,
then let them go.
Love Life not Death.
Death comes to us all,
but it need not be a long one,
but also not be a short one,
but best to be a long happy one,
than a long depressing one.
Suicide is about control.
No control over life,
so back up against a wall..
Need to have more control over ones life..
Suicide can be slow,
by pills, guns, driving fast,
or it can be slow,
with drugs, alcohol, addiction,
abuse, depression and self destruction.
Let the positive person shine.
Knowing you need help,
is the first step.
Finding help and allowing
yourself to be helped in next..
Acting on the help is next,
and making it stick is next..
But what is next after that?
Mike Adams
2021
------------
P-Trust Me
Your gone
you came
and went
and wonder
why I sit here
in a stupor
wanting to
die, and knowing
nothing but fear
Scared to ask
for help for
who to trust.
When you can not
trust yourself.
Mike
201?
(The fun of trust issues, not only in relationships but many more, still exploring. The fun of also being very hyper and attention/concentration and like issues)
--------------
P-Of Drama
Oh of drama much is said.
Of life, and death, abuse and pain,
theatre and attention
she stands there
head in hand.
I need attentions
she screams, so drama comes
like a beaten dog.
from far to near.
Attend me now my lover,
I am in need.
SEE ME TOUCH ME
she screams,
beat me, hate me,
but know thatI am here,
for drama is my lover
and ally and all
shall fall before us...
And it will make her day, even if all
falls apart around her, for it adds to
the power of the drama. She will have DRAMA.
And this you will know to your regret
oh man or women of soul and flesh.
So man of flesh, you alone against this beast,
and drama is its name. So now run fast and
hard and never look back, for drama is on
your heels, snip snip snip it nips are your
soul, slow and insidious or fast like flames
atomic, but the end is the same a burned out
corpse, with life sucked out and she moves on
and cares not, for she feed her drama.
He was an ass, she will say, but she knows in
her heart of hearts she is death, she is pain,
and she is DRAMA most of all.
Drama, rotund and greasy, well fed by years
of agony and pain, lost loves designed to fail,
lost souls and hearts a broken many.
She the "Victim" and she plays it well, but how
much is she the predator and a beast of anger
and hate, of theatre and attention most dark.
Is she sick or a sickness? Few can say for she
moves on before found out, and fast she moves
to the next victim of her lust, and like a vampire
cold and dark, she slides in like a light, and
seduces with words of whoa, I was beaten, and
abused she says, but in truth, she abused and
beat him down, trapped him a web of law, morals,
words whispered into ears late at nite, or
baby born for reasons of control, and lies woven
slow and strong. Like a spiders web, to be milk
the still living corpse until all life is gone,
and she moves on like a rampent horde, to destroy
another. So what if he is married, happy. She will
slide in, and take it all from him, and destroy all
she can, for it feeds the drama.
Mike Adams
07/12/2004
Thank you Michelle and others.
"If I wanted your drama, I would ..... "
Wow, I needed the above I think.
----------
P-The Word:
What can be said of the word
when use well, it says all
but when not, is says nothing
or worse spreads chaos, death
and misunderstand, or control.
Truth or illusion, depends
on how used, for truth or
clarity, or for degredation
or just to control and mislead?
Power in the knowing, but
loss in the ignorance.
For loss of words leads
to confusion and lowering
but for words and how
used and knowing how to
use them well, leads to
power, but at what cost?
Words big and high
shows knowledge or need
to be seen as bigger than
one is, but wrong words
can lead to brutal loss
of self or just seen as
less than ones brain and
spirit is.
But how to darken the soul
and spirit or and rise up
the lost and forgotten
the word is power.
For loss of it, seems
simple, and dumb, but
to know, shows class
or just something more?
But is it real, or just
an illusion? Only time
will tell. To clarify
or to confuse, what can
the word be said about
to rise up the fallen
or destroy the corrupt
or hide the deadly and
demonic, all can be words
or lack of it. To not
say, or report, to let
happen, with out using
a word, words known to
all or just to some,
Some to keep hidden,
understood by some.
Words can be used to
lift up, to communicate
injustice, or to confuse
what is really going
on, but many know, but
say little. For the words
are not there, or not
dared to be said, for
in the saying, can bring
death, and pain.
Words whispered can doom
all, or some, or many
or corrupt the guardians
and warriors, or just
those who are masters
of words, but kept quiet.
To say what is right
or wrong, and what to
do when found, or tried.
Mike
2008
(first of the new year, so far, got others, and need to work more on the above for flow and how I originally heard it in my head, the words came to me, but got lost in the music and time).
-----------
P-Baby 2016
Baby Born
Baby Die
Aborted
Thrown Away
Not wanted
or wanted
just not to be.
Baby born
but not needed
for he is gone
mother crazy
so baby dies.
Mike
2009
(Abortion is not a form of birth control, wild how people will fight for an convicted, admited killer, but will think little of putting a baby to death, all cause its not convient?). About babies born or not born, killed or ..
Or the loss of innocence and kids having kids.
-----------
P-Let it GO
Let it go is all I can say
as I think of the past
and what was there
to let it go and live
in the now and not
let the past hold me back
and control me
and leave me there.
So let it go and
be a person of the now
and even the future
and not be held back
by chains of pain,
anger, frustration
and family and deeds
undone or never helped.
So if you hear
me say LET IT GO
now you know,
I am letting it go
and not holding me
fast to the past.
To find my happy place
and think happy thoughts
and positive things
and not other things
and I can let the past go.
Mike
2016
----------
P-LANTERN:
A Lantern burning bright
take the anger from my sight,
remove this man who beats me so
and make him pay for all to know
That I am dead and all shall know
that he took me and destroyed me
slowly with word and threats
of hands and fist and just control
with money, and emotions
foul and coniving
A lantern was held up in loving hands
of family and friends but how to go to it
or even leave the darkness behind,
to stay and be controlled and beaten
but its all I know? He loves me, just
does not know how to show it,
or some crap like that or is it just
a little girl, in the dark, alone
and no help to guide her
There must be a more safe place
to be, to find another better for you
someone to not hit you abuse you,
and use you to not be controlled
and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.
Held down and kept down
controlled by words and thoughts
and arms strong or just kept
like an animal not loved but used
abuse most foul.
A spirit dead from years of mental anguish
or just not loved or not pretty enough
or of drugs, and alcohol
some inside and some outside
Lack of respect for self,
lack of joy in ones blessing
to leave the darkness
and take a small step
but that step is agony
for will he find me,
hurt me, beat me,
abuse me tease me,
let me go and find
me and bring me back
like some animal or worse,
to find he has found another?
I go back to him
for he is all I know,
all I have known,
and I fear all I will know.
But there is more,
or is this just a dream,
a dream that is fading
by the hours and days..
I am trapped but held here
not by force, but by my own fear?
Or just insecure of my blessing
and beauty and knowing
I am worth more than this crap.
I am not a trouphy, my children
are not to be harmed but they are
hurt by mommys beatings.
Why do I go back but how to leave,
no money no place to go,
he will hunt me down
and bring me back with friends
that will help him and I have none?
Where shall I go, who will I be with
where will my children go and be safe
God he has a knife and
I have to run but to where?
To the lantern held high and bright
by loving and knowing hands
who take you in and hold
the darkness at bay,
and help you heal wounds
deep and numbing
but always there.
Mike
2006
Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.
-----------
Mike Adams 2022
Today at 12:48 PM
12:48 PM
Anni
Anni Selby
Sorry phone was on charge!
Today at 1:25 PM
1:25 PM
You sent
all good.. got happier.
You sent
B-Poetry Healing 2024
INDEX:
Banshee Run
Happy Place
Knightly
Lantern
Mary
Native Woman
One Night of Love
Please
Reflected Anger
Steps 12
Young Son
=======
P-Banshee Run
A banshee screams into the night,
Up from my bed I do jump
where, when, who, how
as cloths jump on to my frame
as I say good bye and run into
the night duty call or just
a night. Running, across
ground icy, slippy and
dangerous but I run
like a mad man, for
someone dies tonight
or not, I hope for my
time is spent to get
their quick, safe, with
those who can do their best
to keep all alive.
Good the rig is warm
starts, all ready
connection, where
where and where, to
pick up quick on
on the way. Door open
and I am on my way.
Left, right, forward
on to the breach or just
make it so for others
There he or she is,
clothed like me
barely on running.
Jump inside, what we have
and on, lights flash or not
quiet night, so fast.
But keep it safe
There they are.
And in we go, with
cops help and firemen
too, we enter, what
to find. Scene Secure.
Fire or dangers human
helped to be gone.
Chief complaint,
cause and symptom
observed items
and allergies
drugs and issues
Blood pressure
observed issues
smell and touch
or just a twitch
Collar on, or splints
or bandages, IV in.
On board, but careful
one two three we go.
gurney on and comfy
for the cold can kill
into the ride we do go
run run run other times
splint, tape, four by four
or just morale support
On into the night to
place of healing I do hope
Doctors waiting, nurses to
cops taking statements
one two three to another
bed, and monitors
doctors working
nurses helping
bags pumping,
air in, nose or mouth
blood and fluids
warming up, and alive
not dead, and cold.
Heart pumping
lungs filling
bowels released
catheter in or not
drip drip drip
goes the meds,
saline and plasma.
Stitches if needed.
Alcohol suspected
Family there or not
or none, or next.
Bruises seen, sores
many, smells awful.
Cloths in a corner
Reports to do and
remember, for later
times and legal or
just what we miss
if anything?
Transport, ready
bag sled, and shred
papers, ready and comfy
escort here,
family said good
bye. Off to the port
we go, holding hand
all is well to the plane.
Thank you.
An on to the lands
below, for better care
for stable is okay
but more must happen
or does or just in case.
Sadly some do not
get so far, or hurts
abide and come.
Not all saved, it hurts
but grieve abides
guilt or just how?
Done better or at all?
Why, no trust of us
their friends or just
things happen?
Driving bad or drunk?
Issues of age or time
conditions come
not all live, some short
some long, but
Hearts give out, lungs
deflate, time is here
or just sugar low or high.
abuse, and pain, no will
to live or just ..
Good Bye
Mike Adams
2009
For all who go into the night with the hope that they can save someone.
--------
P-Happy Place
In Darkness
A Window open
Cross paned
To a place warm
Lighted by
A gentle sun
Light defused
Trees old and strong
A path to fields
Full of animals
Healthy and well fed.
Secret place
Or refuge,
Dumping ground.
But from trash
Comes life, hope
And healing or
Just paths.
Its no box exploded
But place of growth
unchecked or managed?
But that's another story.
Mike Adams
2012/2017
More?
--------
P-Knightly
To love someone not for lust
But to wrap strong arms
Armored shield to protect
Them from the demons and
Dangers of an unhappy
World and see the smile
On their face come back
The deep wounds healed
And the trust return
And know love of another
Friendship and peace
And know they are loved
Protected and safe, all
Good and warm, in arms
Strong but gently soft
Firm but open anytime
As needed and wanted.
Mike
2012
For Andrea and many others.
--------
P-LANTERN:
A Lantern burning bright
take the anger from my sight,
remove this man who beats me so
and make him pay for all to know
That I am dead and all shall know
that he took me and destroyed me
slowly with word and threats
of hands and fist and just control
with money, and emotions
foul and coniving
A lantern was held up in loving hands
of family and friends but how to go to it
or even leave the darkness behind,
to stay and be controlled and beaten
but its all I know? He loves me, just
does not know how to show it,
or some crap like that or is it just
a little girl, in the dark, alone
and no help to guide her
There must be a more safe place
to be, to find another better for you
someone to not hit you abuse you,
and use you to not be controlled
and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.
Held down and kept down
controlled by words and thoughts
and arms strong or just kept
like an animal not loved but used
abuse most foul.
A spirit dead from years of mental anguish
or just not loved or not pretty enough
or of drugs, and alcohol
some inside and some outside
Lack of respect for self,
lack of joy in ones blessing
to leave the darkness
and take a small step
but that step is agony
for will he find me,
hurt me, beat me,
abuse me tease me,
let me go and find
me and bring me back
like some animal or worse,
to find he has found another?
I go back to him
for he is all I know,
all I have known,
and I fear all I will know.
But there is more,
or is this just a dream,
a dream that is fading
by the hours and days..
I am trapped but held here
not by force, but by my own fear?
Or just insecure of my blessing
and beauty and knowing
I am worth more than this crap.
I am not a trouphy, my children
are not to be harmed but they are
hurt by mommys beatings.
Why do I go back but how to leave,
no money no place to go,
he will hunt me down
and bring me back with friends
that will help him and I have none?
Where shall I go, who will I be with
where will my children go and be safe
God he has a knife and
I have to run but to where?
To the lantern held high and bright
by loving and knowing hands
who take you in and hold
the darkness at bay,
and help you heal wounds
deep and numbing
but always there.
Mike
2006
Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.
--------
P-Mary
Mary Mary how
contrary or just
hurt a lot.
How to love you
Respect you
And know you
But a wall is there
Hard and steady
Smile fades fast
Locked in work
But not my concern
Or care but peace
And healing.
Mike
2015
---------
P-Native Women 2021
One Flaw In Native Women
Native Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Native Women come in all shapes, and sizes.
They'll walk, run or ride on horse back far just
to be with you, that is how much they care about you.
The heart of a Native woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Native Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN NATIVE WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Mike Adams
2005
(supposedly wrote the above, but . barely remember)
-----------
P-One Night of Love:
Dear, one night was all we had.
A night of bliss, of touch
cuddles, fondles, and souls
coming together as one.
But the in our passion
was tragedy for fate tore
us apart, leaving
wounds un-healing.
Love, lust, desire and
bonding is still here,
nagging at me pushing me
to share once more in ways
no persons can stand.
But we must stay apart.
But in this is the tragedy
you are there and I am here
we know why we can not share
more and it hurts, scars my
soul, and dooms me to knowing
you are there, I am here
always as one, joined as one
Never able to be one again.
My bed it full but it is
not you, I wish it was
but you know why.
Does not mean I can not
fantasize, wish, want,
and desire, but in this
is the tragedy for it
dims all around me
makes all dull and grey.
Going through the motions
of living and caring.
A walking dead person
bleeding slowly through
small wounds but deadly.
Sapping the life from me
My soul dead and dark
knowing it can be full
and alive once again
but no hope is the
answer and remedy.
Night my love of a
night and forever.
Mike
2008
Written for someone who wanted a poem:
-----------
P-Please: (work in progress) (not sure if a poem or just inspirational words?)
Help Me:
To let me
give myself kudos
thank you
for doing things.
Completing something, time for a kudo.
To forgive myself for the past mistakes
And to forgive those who was assholes
And to know the difference.
Not my fault they was assholes,
no matter how much they blamed me.
The past is the past,
it should not be a drowing pool.
Let the past go, or it will drown you.
To give thanks for my blessings.
Help Me to:
To know I am blessed.
To know I am a nice,
valuable and intelligent person
To work for myself
as much as I work for others
To know that many people
are ignorant or worse
uncaring bastards
That I am the only one
who I have to please,
fuck the rest.
Get organized, it helps..
Anger is not healthy
Pain is not good
Negative with out
a positive is just insane.
Let the negative go,
and let the positive shine..
Seek Balance, things was not all bad,
just got into the bad feelings to much
If things are not helping, change them,
if they refuse to be changed,
or you can not change them,
then let them go.
Love Life not Death.
Death comes to us all,
but it need not be a long one,
but also not be a short one,
but best to be a long happy one,
than a long depressing one.
Suicide is about control.
No control over life,
so back up against a wall..
Need to have more control over ones life..
Suicide can be slow,
by pills, guns, driving fast,
or it can be slow,
with drugs, alcohol, addiction,
abuse, depression and self destruction.
Let the positive person shine.
Knowing you need help,
is the first step.
Finding help and allowing
yourself to be helped in next..
Acting on the help is next,
and making it stick is next..
But what is next after that?
Mike Adams
2021
---------------
P-Reflected Anger 2009 (For Chee Chee)
I hit, I beat
I strike out
and hurt her
but not for what
she did, but what
others did
but she took it
all, why I scream
was it love? Love
A love, did
not deserve,
or patience
But she took
it and I gave it
and it was wrong
in so many ways
for it was not
her anger to bear
or take, but mine.
For not doing
to those who hurt
me to stand up
and be a man and
deal with them
up front, or just
move on, but
instead I beat her
hard, and in shame.
Shame once know,
it ended but
damage done
and never to heal
the pains given
in my anger
and shame.
She is gone, but
remembered of my
humanity and weakness
and pledge to
hurt no one
like I did her
and in this I hold
her memories
dear and close.
Please I beg
forgive me and
be at peace my
friend Chee Chee
a dog in form
but a saint in
spirit. A ghost
I bear and hold
and know like nails
holding me to a cross
of my own making.
Mike
2009
-----------
P-Steps 12
Out of control
why am I here,
jail? hospital
or drinking what ever
next to me, what did I do,
why the hand cuffs,
have I hit bottom, or just
sliding fast and no control.
God or who or what
I need help, or I know
where I am going
for I have seen it
in friends, family
or just lost souls
dead to the world
zombies shuffling
around with only
thought, next drink,
or hit or what ever.
I once was clean, sober,
had promise but ...
No one wants me, they
kick me out, call the cops
will not let me in a bar
I used to spend bank
in, all cause now I am a bum,
drunk, addict.
Why does my love hate me
my kids fear me
my work has fired me
or friends all deserted me
or worse just as bad as I
and we all don't care.
please I need help,
can you help me man? Women
or what are you, all is I know
you or what are here and showing
me a way, to a better way.
I need you buddy, or friend
or just one who had done
as I have done, and is now
happier and knows a way
to peace, happiness and
no more selfish ways and
self destruction.
For I know if it does
not change, I will be one
of the bodies that lay around
me, cloud my thoughts and
give night mares of uncertain
causes but all is dark
or better yet numb..
So how can I look
in peoples eyes and
have some pride or just
know they don't hate me
or do not respect me
or respect me for the
violence I have shown
or know I can do but
wish not to..
No more pain, anger,
but I wish peace, joy
to walk with happy people
and see my kid, or family
and know they can trust me,
I will not use or abuse them
for money, or things
I can sell for the drug
or I can look myself in
the mirror, and see past
the face now destroyed
by years of abuse and
see intelligence once again
where once was numb or beastial
eyes. Cooking is not chemistry.
So off to work, making some
money, but save it,
eat something
have some health back.
Make peace with self,
others and the world, and learn
how to deal with things, to
not crash, fall down, numb self
up on booze, drugs or think life
is a constant party or no one
knows, people know and see you
in the gutter and fear you, or
not want you around for the smell
or worse that you present.
Invading their perfect world
and not seeing who you once was
but now are just a drunk, an addict
lost and homeless or serving life.
Creed, color, faith all the same
just an addict, with no god but a
bottle or pipe, pills or needle.
All the same. Next hit, or lover,
or what am I doing this for?
sores, puss, bruises, teeth gone,
smell all can smell from feet away
as you do acts you once thought
disgusting cause it was means, nasty,
sinful. or just will get you pregnant
or be called whore and not just female
but males.
Why is mommy or daddy passed out
in the hall way, Whose that man with daddy,
what daddy or mommy doing for money,
and on that corner with marks up his
or her arm, for what, where are they at,
why am I with you, whats a social worker?
Whose in Jail, why they not visiting me.
Are you my daddy? Mommy? Why did my
parents sell me to you?
Make peace with all, be happy,
know how to be happy, clean,
sober and then if you can
to help others at their measure
and pace and means to if they
wish to be happier, to be so.
Slow down, its not a race to die
or see who can die first, or
how long until you liver gives out
your body slowly shrivels up and
die by suicide, even if slowly
for what is substance abuse
but slow death, self inflicted?
Here, can I help you out,
please forgive me, if possible
trust me once again, as I learn
to trust myself, maybe even love
me, as I learn to love myself
again. Can I have my kids back!
PLEASE!
Mike
2011
-----------
P-Young Son
A man, young
full of life
and promise
and gifts aplenty
he came looking
to find what?
Future,
a leader
or father
or friends
not sure
what.
But in the
end, it ended
to soon
the sun set
and now what?
Why, and who
caused his pain?
Vengeance or
pain unending
is what is left
or what...
Mike
2015
The fate of never knowing, was he really my biological son, and what I could have done to keep him alive, not enough, or even not done that did not make him to want to stay around, and now it is, to wonder and worry if there is more out there that might be mine biologically hope they did not go thru anything I did while growing up and that they are health,happy and well taken care of. From all reports, he was bullied and took the hard way out and ended things...
------------
Copyright 2000 Mike Adams
==================
04/2022
PRINTED:________________
May 2022
INDEX:
Rights
Corruption
Priviledge
=========
P-Rights
We the people, of life,
liberty and pursuit of happiness.
I worship how I want,
speak as I will and
with who and how
I share it.
I arm as I wish.
No soldiers at my place
At least with out renting.
I am not a crook,
I drove it, and no doubles
Help, speed, quality.
My peers know me best.
I am not a rich man,
or love pain. This is not all,
more to be revealed.
All else is mine or my state.
Mike Adams
2009
-------------
P-Corruption
Corruption
Smell, no
Look. Maybe
Feel, possible
Hard to tell
Things are corrupt
Family
Friends
Buddies
Or just
Money
Who gets things
Favors given
Bribes paid
Or extorted
Self interest
Or pictures
Taken deadly
Or painted
Lazy workers
Things done
Over and over
Never finished
And shoddy
No movement
Special favors
Or interest
Work done
Over and over
But not completed
Contracts given
Over and over
Always low bid
Like they knew.
Mike Adams
2011
----------
P-Priviledge
Born to
or Inherited
Expected or assumed
Given, demanded
or taken.
Mike
2017
=========
Mike Adams 2000
You sent
working on changing my diet, so that I have less gas.
You sent
I drink diet pepsi and like and its for my hyper nature but I suspect it gives me gas, but I also need to work on being able to fart, diet and more..
Today at 8:45 AM
8:45 AM
You sent
Hope not to dark.
You sent
Poetry Linda 2022
INDEX:
They are Gone
Trust Me
Survivors Guilt
Self Abuse Love
Old Age
Knightly
Hugs
Forgiveness
Forgive Me
Raven
===========
P-They Are Gone:
They are gone
those faces in the dark
and I am happy
but sad in this
for I knew them
for a short time,
they have
effected and affected me more than their
lived, loves and deeds, other than our
time together as friends and some as
lovers, but love not of lust but
friendship. But now they fade and
I am at peace, but sad in their final
passing for what of them and thier
deaths? I move on and live but how
much pain has come from their deaths
some self inflected, others by mistep.
Some by some one elses hand and deeds.
But they held me for years for their
effect and lifes, lasting longer
than their lives was, but I measure
much by their passing and the result
of their passing and my knowing them.
Now to walk in the daylight, to love
myself once again, forgiven not by them
for they are beyond any thing mortal
and forgiveness is not theirs to give
but for me to forgive myself for
misdeed or just ignorance and knot
knowing how to do more or to know
the danger of their words and acts.
But I know the effect, the pain unending
what if I have screams and dwelled on
for many hours long and hard but
nothing comes back but more darkness
and it MUST end for in the dwelling
I have lost myself, dwelling in darkness
hating one self until all I have is
my self loathing and pain. Crying
alwasy never feeling more than the
obsession of the pain of their passing
and what I could have done better.
To honor them by living and not dying
to move on and help others know
the happiness of living and not
dying in darkness and wander down
paths foul and insane. Lost in the morase
of depression and dead to all but
the strongest emotions and feelings
forces to hurt one self to just feel
anything, to know anything and to hate
onself continually for what?
Something that some else did and now
long gone but me a victim still
of their passing or almost hateful
leaving of this life. Not trusting
or just not helping me to help them.
So now, we shall see, live, be happy
do not solve small problems with
permenant solutions. Think of the
others you leave behind and do you
hate them as much as what you left
them with? So please live, and
its not all bad, okay! We just over
simplify in the black and white,
dark and light, happy and lack of.
So if not for self, them for me
friends, loved ones or even those
you hate, for if anything you by
living will show your love for those
who love you, and annoy the hell
out of those who hate you and give
them purpose by hating you!
But in this I LIVE!
Mike
Alaska
2009
---------
P-Trust Me
Your gone
you came
and went
and wonder
why I sit here
in a stupor
wanting to
die, and knowing
nothing but fear
Scared to ask
for help for
who to trust.
When you can not
trust yourself.
Mike
201?
(The fun of trust issues, not only in relationships but many more, still exploring. The fun of also being very hyper and attention/concentration and like issues)
----------
P-Survivors Guilt (2008)
The dead are gone, but what of those left behind?
To bury the dead, to record their passing, but
to keep going, worse to wonder what if and why?
I had smiled, to show I loved them? To force them
to find help, or even know they needed it, and
how much. Just to let them know you worry, and
wish them to be happy, and find a way out of the
darkness, the corner them selves in, or forced
to be in. And get help, peace and life in the
light not death in the dark. Not only of light
and dark but of mind, spirit and love. Means
peaceful, but not death, for in their passing
is lett questions of why, what if, trust, pain,
guilt and hatred, not just anger at them, and self.
Ignorance is bliss, is far from true, when dealing
with friends self destruction, for in not knowing
brings little bliss.
He or she a friend, not only of genes but of blood and things
shared, a piece of each other, and of all, who knew them.
What hell was they in, to wish for early release from life?
To not demand help? We who l;loved them, did they not trust us,
or think us less human/friends or just lost in their depression
and path dark and lonely.. Or worse, they did trust us and we
failed them. But all they had to do was, but we was not.
Knowing what they was saying and is this we are at loss.
No one I was enough to leave what they left behind,
I know its selfish to die by gun, pills, poison or life destructive.
Please come back, I miss you so much. Life is never full without
you. But I muddle along, plodding to find some purpose to your
leaving. And how to help others not to go how you went. To save
others from guilt, for it should been me who died and not you.
You had more to live for than I, but now I am truly old and you
are long gone but young always in my minds eye.
Mike
2008?
Not complete? I was numb for a while and from 1995/6 to c.2006 was...
2016 edited some.
---------
P-Self Abuse Love
Love or longing
True or false
Depression or insanity
desire or fantasy
what can be said
it hurts in the end
for the love of another
is hardly known
let alone returned
so hopeless it is
but its real but
singular and alone
so in pain one goes away.
Abused by self once again
wanting, longing to be
loved, wanted, desired
but its all a dream
or just unrealisitic
Days, hours and more
spent in searching
but never finding true
lasting love, sex yes
and lust for an hour
or week but never
lasting.
For its all just a
fantasy of the mind
not shared or worse
they think you wierd
odd, crazy or threat
or for fun, someone
they can use and abuse
with no love returned
just abused.
Mike
2013
(still working on, and why I in part keep some at arm and beyond, or do not trust or
even just ignore all before or after meeting, for why abuse one self or be abused.
--------------
P-Old Age
Old Man sitting on a stool
he is far from old in age but
old in view of those around
him, others see him as old
but fail to see the wisdom
or the times they shall be old
for the young never think
I will be old one day.
And I shall be the one
sitting on that bench,
old and grey, alone,
his friends dead, long
gone, no one to talk to
no one to share times with
or explore new things
so he ages more from
attitude of others
than of age of time
and we wonder why
the old man on the hill
is brutal and unchanging
terrifing and abusive
of the young, is it he
who left them, or they
who left him out, alone
and not wanted.
Or his friends have their
lives, and wives, and children
and jobs, and problems
but care not for his
for he is not married
no kids in common
no thoughts in common
no wife and hopes long gone
who care for the old man
they call he wierd
perverse and loser
they say they want a lover
a friend, a being of trust
of love, and honor
but they go for losers
assholes and abusers.
But come to him for talk
and then back to their lives.
Lives of abuse, of being used
of drama and plays untold
but a friend stands beside
them thru it all, but will
they see him as more than
a friend, no, for the age is
for the young, and the young
care not for the old
the old who remind them
to much of death, of disease
of loss, of pain and parents,
some gone, some hated, some
never know. Of failures
of their own making,
of lovers and husbands
who lie to them, cheat on
them, abuse them mind and
fist, and children who
treat them like the age is
treated, respect no way,
love no way, caring no way
how soon for the home
to lock you away like some
old rag or memory long
wanted gone. Memories
of mistakes the old
show you, I told ya so,
and of themselves and
of the child now adults
misery and things told
to them but never listened
to until to late. Parents
long dead, forgotten
like yestersdays crap
that flushes down a
toilet, gone to some
place far away, to mold
and mildew and rot
like deaths true end.
So be warned, you will be
old one day.
Mike
2003
----------
P-Knightly
To love someone not for lust
But to wrap strong arms
Armored shield to protect
Them from the demons and
Dangers of an unhappy
World and see the smile
On their face come back
The deep wounds healed
And the trust return
And know love of another
Friendship and peace
And know they are loved
Protected and safe, all
Good and warm, in arms
Strong but gently soft
Firm but open anytime
As needed and wanted.
Mike
2012
For Andrea and many others.
------------
P-Hugs
What is a hug
A meeting of body
To body
Or soul to soul
Trust and open
Open to in close
And not far.
When the need
Is there and
Nothing else
Compares to
A hug, up front
And trusting
Loving and given
Freely.
Mike
2013?
Working on it...
---------
P-Forgiveness 2016
Oh to have it
To forget
and move past
Be forgiven
for sins
Of the past
And find peace
Acceptance
Absolution,
penance done
And finished
Mike Adams
2012
(03/05/2012 for now, more laters)
(combine with parts from note book and outlook notes.)
Which note book will just have to look and see? One I had recently, I think the small flat blue one, do I have it with me tonight?
Nope, damn..
---------------------
P-Forgive Me
I scream to quiet stones
But no reply for they are gone
and long dead. Beyond my pain
anger and longing for their
forgivness. But still I scream
for the pain holds me fast.
No room for anything else.
No room for love, or joy.
Only the consuming cancer
that dwells in me, given
for failures in ancient
time, and now long gone
but still it lingers and
holds me back, with ropes
strong and tight, strangling
all that I was, locked in
pain unending, and no one to
beg forgiveness for
errors and ignorance
far from bliss.
Mike
2009
------------------
P-Raven
I met a Raven
On the way to
Town. To see a
Sick friend.
He said to me
To move faster
than He, for he
was en route as
Well to take
My friends
soul Away, so best
Be fast, say your
Good byes now
Or never say it
Until I come for
You and its
Your last!
I met a raven
On the road
To visit friends
He said best
Be fast
For I am here
To take his soul
Away to a better
Place.
So move swift
fast, say good bye
Now and forever
For this will be
His last/it will be the last.
Mike
2012
For George and King Salmon
Still writing.
---------
Mike Adams 2021
You sent
Poetry Susan 2022
Add more and name change?
PRINTED:___________
INDEX:
Please
Trust Me
Of Drama
The Word
Baby
Let it Go
Lantern
==========
P-Please: (work in progress) (not sure if a poem or just inspirational words?)
Help Me:
To let me
give myself kudos
thank you
for doing things.
Completing something, time for a kudo.
To forgive myself for the past mistakes
And to forgive those who was assholes
And to know the difference.
Not my fault they was assholes,
no matter how much they blamed me.
The past is the past,
it should not be a drowing pool.
Let the past go, or it will drown you.
To give thanks for my blessings.
Help Me to:
To know I am blessed.
To know I am a nice,
valuable and intelligent person
To work for myself
as much as I work for others
To know that many people
are ignorant or worse
uncaring bastards
That I am the only one
who I have to please,
fuck the rest.
Get organized, it helps..
Anger is not healthy
Pain is not good
Negative with out
a positive is just insane.
Let the negative go,
and let the positive shine..
Seek Balance, things was not all bad,
just got into the bad feelings to much
If things are not helping, change them,
if they refuse to be changed,
or you can not change them,
then let them go.
Love Life not Death.
Death comes to us all,
but it need not be a long one,
but also not be a short one,
but best to be a long happy one,
than a long depressing one.
Suicide is about control.
No control over life,
so back up against a wall..
Need to have more control over ones life..
Suicide can be slow,
by pills, guns, driving fast,
or it can be slow,
with drugs, alcohol, addiction,
abuse, depression and self destruction.
Let the positive person shine.
Knowing you need help,
is the first step.
Finding help and allowing
yourself to be helped in next..
Acting on the help is next,
and making it stick is next..
But what is next after that?
Mike Adams
2021
------------
P-Trust Me
Your gone
you came
and went
and wonder
why I sit here
in a stupor
wanting to
die, and knowing
nothing but fear
Scared to ask
for help for
who to trust.
When you can not
trust yourself.
Mike
201?
(The fun of trust issues, not only in relationships but many more, still exploring. The fun of also being very hyper and attention/concentration and like issues)
--------------
P-Of Drama
Oh of drama much is said.
Of life, and death, abuse and pain,
theatre and attention
she stands there
head in hand.
I need attentions
she screams, so drama comes
like a beaten dog.
from far to near.
Attend me now my lover,
I am in need.
SEE ME TOUCH ME
she screams,
beat me, hate me,
but know thatI am here,
for drama is my lover
and ally and all
shall fall before us...
And it will make her day, even if all
falls apart around her, for it adds to
the power of the drama. She will have DRAMA.
And this you will know to your regret
oh man or women of soul and flesh.
So man of flesh, you alone against this beast,
and drama is its name. So now run fast and
hard and never look back, for drama is on
your heels, snip snip snip it nips are your
soul, slow and insidious or fast like flames
atomic, but the end is the same a burned out
corpse, with life sucked out and she moves on
and cares not, for she feed her drama.
He was an ass, she will say, but she knows in
her heart of hearts she is death, she is pain,
and she is DRAMA most of all.
Drama, rotund and greasy, well fed by years
of agony and pain, lost loves designed to fail,
lost souls and hearts a broken many.
She the "Victim" and she plays it well, but how
much is she the predator and a beast of anger
and hate, of theatre and attention most dark.
Is she sick or a sickness? Few can say for she
moves on before found out, and fast she moves
to the next victim of her lust, and like a vampire
cold and dark, she slides in like a light, and
seduces with words of whoa, I was beaten, and
abused she says, but in truth, she abused and
beat him down, trapped him a web of law, morals,
words whispered into ears late at nite, or
baby born for reasons of control, and lies woven
slow and strong. Like a spiders web, to be milk
the still living corpse until all life is gone,
and she moves on like a rampent horde, to destroy
another. So what if he is married, happy. She will
slide in, and take it all from him, and destroy all
she can, for it feeds the drama.
Mike Adams
07/12/2004
Thank you Michelle and others.
"If I wanted your drama, I would ..... "
Wow, I needed the above I think.
----------
P-The Word:
What can be said of the word
when use well, it says all
but when not, is says nothing
or worse spreads chaos, death
and misunderstand, or control.
Truth or illusion, depends
on how used, for truth or
clarity, or for degredation
or just to control and mislead?
Power in the knowing, but
loss in the ignorance.
For loss of words leads
to confusion and lowering
but for words and how
used and knowing how to
use them well, leads to
power, but at what cost?
Words big and high
shows knowledge or need
to be seen as bigger than
one is, but wrong words
can lead to brutal loss
of self or just seen as
less than ones brain and
spirit is.
But how to darken the soul
and spirit or and rise up
the lost and forgotten
the word is power.
For loss of it, seems
simple, and dumb, but
to know, shows class
or just something more?
But is it real, or just
an illusion? Only time
will tell. To clarify
or to confuse, what can
the word be said about
to rise up the fallen
or destroy the corrupt
or hide the deadly and
demonic, all can be words
or lack of it. To not
say, or report, to let
happen, with out using
a word, words known to
all or just to some,
Some to keep hidden,
understood by some.
Words can be used to
lift up, to communicate
injustice, or to confuse
what is really going
on, but many know, but
say little. For the words
are not there, or not
dared to be said, for
in the saying, can bring
death, and pain.
Words whispered can doom
all, or some, or many
or corrupt the guardians
and warriors, or just
those who are masters
of words, but kept quiet.
To say what is right
or wrong, and what to
do when found, or tried.
Mike
2008
(first of the new year, so far, got others, and need to work more on the above for flow and how I originally heard it in my head, the words came to me, but got lost in the music and time).
-----------
P-Baby 2016
Baby Born
Baby Die
Aborted
Thrown Away
Not wanted
or wanted
just not to be.
Baby born
but not needed
for he is gone
mother crazy
so baby dies.
Mike
2009
(Abortion is not a form of birth control, wild how people will fight for an convicted, admited killer, but will think little of putting a baby to death, all cause its not convient?). About babies born or not born, killed or ..
Or the loss of innocence and kids having kids.
-----------
P-Let it GO
Let it go is all I can say
as I think of the past
and what was there
to let it go and live
in the now and not
let the past hold me back
and control me
and leave me there.
So let it go and
be a person of the now
and even the future
and not be held back
by chains of pain,
anger, frustration
and family and deeds
undone or never helped.
So if you hear
me say LET IT GO
now you know,
I am letting it go
and not holding me
fast to the past.
To find my happy place
and think happy thoughts
and positive things
and not other things
and I can let the past go.
Mike
2016
----------
P-LANTERN:
A Lantern burning bright
take the anger from my sight,
remove this man who beats me so
and make him pay for all to know
That I am dead and all shall know
that he took me and destroyed me
slowly with word and threats
of hands and fist and just control
with money, and emotions
foul and coniving
A lantern was held up in loving hands
of family and friends but how to go to it
or even leave the darkness behind,
to stay and be controlled and beaten
but its all I know? He loves me, just
does not know how to show it,
or some crap like that or is it just
a little girl, in the dark, alone
and no help to guide her
There must be a more safe place
to be, to find another better for you
someone to not hit you abuse you,
and use you to not be controlled
and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.
Held down and kept down
controlled by words and thoughts
and arms strong or just kept
like an animal not loved but used
abuse most foul.
A spirit dead from years of mental anguish
or just not loved or not pretty enough
or of drugs, and alcohol
some inside and some outside
Lack of respect for self,
lack of joy in ones blessing
to leave the darkness
and take a small step
but that step is agony
for will he find me,
hurt me, beat me,
abuse me tease me,
let me go and find
me and bring me back
like some animal or worse,
to find he has found another?
I go back to him
for he is all I know,
all I have known,
and I fear all I will know.
But there is more,
or is this just a dream,
a dream that is fading
by the hours and days..
I am trapped but held here
not by force, but by my own fear?
Or just insecure of my blessing
and beauty and knowing
I am worth more than this crap.
I am not a trouphy, my children
are not to be harmed but they are
hurt by mommys beatings.
Why do I go back but how to leave,
no money no place to go,
he will hunt me down
and bring me back with friends
that will help him and I have none?
Where shall I go, who will I be with
where will my children go and be safe
God he has a knife and
I have to run but to where?
To the lantern held high and bright
by loving and knowing hands
who take you in and hold
the darkness at bay,
and help you heal wounds
deep and numbing
but always there.
Mike
2006
Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.
-----------
Mike Adams 2022
Today at 12:48 PM
12:48 PM
Anni
Anni Selby
Sorry phone was on charge!
Today at 1:25 PM
1:25 PM
You sent
all good.. got happier.
You sent
B-Poetry Healing 2024
INDEX:
Banshee Run
Happy Place
Knightly
Lantern
Mary
Native Woman
One Night of Love
Please
Reflected Anger
Steps 12
Young Son
=======
P-Banshee Run
A banshee screams into the night,
Up from my bed I do jump
where, when, who, how
as cloths jump on to my frame
as I say good bye and run into
the night duty call or just
a night. Running, across
ground icy, slippy and
dangerous but I run
like a mad man, for
someone dies tonight
or not, I hope for my
time is spent to get
their quick, safe, with
those who can do their best
to keep all alive.
Good the rig is warm
starts, all ready
connection, where
where and where, to
pick up quick on
on the way. Door open
and I am on my way.
Left, right, forward
on to the breach or just
make it so for others
There he or she is,
clothed like me
barely on running.
Jump inside, what we have
and on, lights flash or not
quiet night, so fast.
But keep it safe
There they are.
And in we go, with
cops help and firemen
too, we enter, what
to find. Scene Secure.
Fire or dangers human
helped to be gone.
Chief complaint,
cause and symptom
observed items
and allergies
drugs and issues
Blood pressure
observed issues
smell and touch
or just a twitch
Collar on, or splints
or bandages, IV in.
On board, but careful
one two three we go.
gurney on and comfy
for the cold can kill
into the ride we do go
run run run other times
splint, tape, four by four
or just morale support
On into the night to
place of healing I do hope
Doctors waiting, nurses to
cops taking statements
one two three to another
bed, and monitors
doctors working
nurses helping
bags pumping,
air in, nose or mouth
blood and fluids
warming up, and alive
not dead, and cold.
Heart pumping
lungs filling
bowels released
catheter in or not
drip drip drip
goes the meds,
saline and plasma.
Stitches if needed.
Alcohol suspected
Family there or not
or none, or next.
Bruises seen, sores
many, smells awful.
Cloths in a corner
Reports to do and
remember, for later
times and legal or
just what we miss
if anything?
Transport, ready
bag sled, and shred
papers, ready and comfy
escort here,
family said good
bye. Off to the port
we go, holding hand
all is well to the plane.
Thank you.
An on to the lands
below, for better care
for stable is okay
but more must happen
or does or just in case.
Sadly some do not
get so far, or hurts
abide and come.
Not all saved, it hurts
but grieve abides
guilt or just how?
Done better or at all?
Why, no trust of us
their friends or just
things happen?
Driving bad or drunk?
Issues of age or time
conditions come
not all live, some short
some long, but
Hearts give out, lungs
deflate, time is here
or just sugar low or high.
abuse, and pain, no will
to live or just ..
Good Bye
Mike Adams
2009
For all who go into the night with the hope that they can save someone.
--------
P-Happy Place
In Darkness
A Window open
Cross paned
To a place warm
Lighted by
A gentle sun
Light defused
Trees old and strong
A path to fields
Full of animals
Healthy and well fed.
Secret place
Or refuge,
Dumping ground.
But from trash
Comes life, hope
And healing or
Just paths.
Its no box exploded
But place of growth
unchecked or managed?
But that's another story.
Mike Adams
2012/2017
More?
--------
P-Knightly
To love someone not for lust
But to wrap strong arms
Armored shield to protect
Them from the demons and
Dangers of an unhappy
World and see the smile
On their face come back
The deep wounds healed
And the trust return
And know love of another
Friendship and peace
And know they are loved
Protected and safe, all
Good and warm, in arms
Strong but gently soft
Firm but open anytime
As needed and wanted.
Mike
2012
For Andrea and many others.
--------
P-LANTERN:
A Lantern burning bright
take the anger from my sight,
remove this man who beats me so
and make him pay for all to know
That I am dead and all shall know
that he took me and destroyed me
slowly with word and threats
of hands and fist and just control
with money, and emotions
foul and coniving
A lantern was held up in loving hands
of family and friends but how to go to it
or even leave the darkness behind,
to stay and be controlled and beaten
but its all I know? He loves me, just
does not know how to show it,
or some crap like that or is it just
a little girl, in the dark, alone
and no help to guide her
There must be a more safe place
to be, to find another better for you
someone to not hit you abuse you,
and use you to not be controlled
and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.
Held down and kept down
controlled by words and thoughts
and arms strong or just kept
like an animal not loved but used
abuse most foul.
A spirit dead from years of mental anguish
or just not loved or not pretty enough
or of drugs, and alcohol
some inside and some outside
Lack of respect for self,
lack of joy in ones blessing
to leave the darkness
and take a small step
but that step is agony
for will he find me,
hurt me, beat me,
abuse me tease me,
let me go and find
me and bring me back
like some animal or worse,
to find he has found another?
I go back to him
for he is all I know,
all I have known,
and I fear all I will know.
But there is more,
or is this just a dream,
a dream that is fading
by the hours and days..
I am trapped but held here
not by force, but by my own fear?
Or just insecure of my blessing
and beauty and knowing
I am worth more than this crap.
I am not a trouphy, my children
are not to be harmed but they are
hurt by mommys beatings.
Why do I go back but how to leave,
no money no place to go,
he will hunt me down
and bring me back with friends
that will help him and I have none?
Where shall I go, who will I be with
where will my children go and be safe
God he has a knife and
I have to run but to where?
To the lantern held high and bright
by loving and knowing hands
who take you in and hold
the darkness at bay,
and help you heal wounds
deep and numbing
but always there.
Mike
2006
Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.
--------
P-Mary
Mary Mary how
contrary or just
hurt a lot.
How to love you
Respect you
And know you
But a wall is there
Hard and steady
Smile fades fast
Locked in work
But not my concern
Or care but peace
And healing.
Mike
2015
---------
P-Native Women 2021
One Flaw In Native Women
Native Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Native Women come in all shapes, and sizes.
They'll walk, run or ride on horse back far just
to be with you, that is how much they care about you.
The heart of a Native woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Native Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN NATIVE WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Mike Adams
2005
(supposedly wrote the above, but . barely remember)
-----------
P-One Night of Love:
Dear, one night was all we had.
A night of bliss, of touch
cuddles, fondles, and souls
coming together as one.
But the in our passion
was tragedy for fate tore
us apart, leaving
wounds un-healing.
Love, lust, desire and
bonding is still here,
nagging at me pushing me
to share once more in ways
no persons can stand.
But we must stay apart.
But in this is the tragedy
you are there and I am here
we know why we can not share
more and it hurts, scars my
soul, and dooms me to knowing
you are there, I am here
always as one, joined as one
Never able to be one again.
My bed it full but it is
not you, I wish it was
but you know why.
Does not mean I can not
fantasize, wish, want,
and desire, but in this
is the tragedy for it
dims all around me
makes all dull and grey.
Going through the motions
of living and caring.
A walking dead person
bleeding slowly through
small wounds but deadly.
Sapping the life from me
My soul dead and dark
knowing it can be full
and alive once again
but no hope is the
answer and remedy.
Night my love of a
night and forever.
Mike
2008
Written for someone who wanted a poem:
-----------
P-Please: (work in progress) (not sure if a poem or just inspirational words?)
Help Me:
To let me
give myself kudos
thank you
for doing things.
Completing something, time for a kudo.
To forgive myself for the past mistakes
And to forgive those who was assholes
And to know the difference.
Not my fault they was assholes,
no matter how much they blamed me.
The past is the past,
it should not be a drowing pool.
Let the past go, or it will drown you.
To give thanks for my blessings.
Help Me to:
To know I am blessed.
To know I am a nice,
valuable and intelligent person
To work for myself
as much as I work for others
To know that many people
are ignorant or worse
uncaring bastards
That I am the only one
who I have to please,
fuck the rest.
Get organized, it helps..
Anger is not healthy
Pain is not good
Negative with out
a positive is just insane.
Let the negative go,
and let the positive shine..
Seek Balance, things was not all bad,
just got into the bad feelings to much
If things are not helping, change them,
if they refuse to be changed,
or you can not change them,
then let them go.
Love Life not Death.
Death comes to us all,
but it need not be a long one,
but also not be a short one,
but best to be a long happy one,
than a long depressing one.
Suicide is about control.
No control over life,
so back up against a wall..
Need to have more control over ones life..
Suicide can be slow,
by pills, guns, driving fast,
or it can be slow,
with drugs, alcohol, addiction,
abuse, depression and self destruction.
Let the positive person shine.
Knowing you need help,
is the first step.
Finding help and allowing
yourself to be helped in next..
Acting on the help is next,
and making it stick is next..
But what is next after that?
Mike Adams
2021
---------------
P-Reflected Anger 2009 (For Chee Chee)
I hit, I beat
I strike out
and hurt her
but not for what
she did, but what
others did
but she took it
all, why I scream
was it love? Love
A love, did
not deserve,
or patience
But she took
it and I gave it
and it was wrong
in so many ways
for it was not
her anger to bear
or take, but mine.
For not doing
to those who hurt
me to stand up
and be a man and
deal with them
up front, or just
move on, but
instead I beat her
hard, and in shame.
Shame once know,
it ended but
damage done
and never to heal
the pains given
in my anger
and shame.
She is gone, but
remembered of my
humanity and weakness
and pledge to
hurt no one
like I did her
and in this I hold
her memories
dear and close.
Please I beg
forgive me and
be at peace my
friend Chee Chee
a dog in form
but a saint in
spirit. A ghost
I bear and hold
and know like nails
holding me to a cross
of my own making.
Mike
2009
-----------
P-Steps 12
Out of control
why am I here,
jail? hospital
or drinking what ever
next to me, what did I do,
why the hand cuffs,
have I hit bottom, or just
sliding fast and no control.
God or who or what
I need help, or I know
where I am going
for I have seen it
in friends, family
or just lost souls
dead to the world
zombies shuffling
around with only
thought, next drink,
or hit or what ever.
I once was clean, sober,
had promise but ...
No one wants me, they
kick me out, call the cops
will not let me in a bar
I used to spend bank
in, all cause now I am a bum,
drunk, addict.
Why does my love hate me
my kids fear me
my work has fired me
or friends all deserted me
or worse just as bad as I
and we all don't care.
please I need help,
can you help me man? Women
or what are you, all is I know
you or what are here and showing
me a way, to a better way.
I need you buddy, or friend
or just one who had done
as I have done, and is now
happier and knows a way
to peace, happiness and
no more selfish ways and
self destruction.
For I know if it does
not change, I will be one
of the bodies that lay around
me, cloud my thoughts and
give night mares of uncertain
causes but all is dark
or better yet numb..
So how can I look
in peoples eyes and
have some pride or just
know they don't hate me
or do not respect me
or respect me for the
violence I have shown
or know I can do but
wish not to..
No more pain, anger,
but I wish peace, joy
to walk with happy people
and see my kid, or family
and know they can trust me,
I will not use or abuse them
for money, or things
I can sell for the drug
or I can look myself in
the mirror, and see past
the face now destroyed
by years of abuse and
see intelligence once again
where once was numb or beastial
eyes. Cooking is not chemistry.
So off to work, making some
money, but save it,
eat something
have some health back.
Make peace with self,
others and the world, and learn
how to deal with things, to
not crash, fall down, numb self
up on booze, drugs or think life
is a constant party or no one
knows, people know and see you
in the gutter and fear you, or
not want you around for the smell
or worse that you present.
Invading their perfect world
and not seeing who you once was
but now are just a drunk, an addict
lost and homeless or serving life.
Creed, color, faith all the same
just an addict, with no god but a
bottle or pipe, pills or needle.
All the same. Next hit, or lover,
or what am I doing this for?
sores, puss, bruises, teeth gone,
smell all can smell from feet away
as you do acts you once thought
disgusting cause it was means, nasty,
sinful. or just will get you pregnant
or be called whore and not just female
but males.
Why is mommy or daddy passed out
in the hall way, Whose that man with daddy,
what daddy or mommy doing for money,
and on that corner with marks up his
or her arm, for what, where are they at,
why am I with you, whats a social worker?
Whose in Jail, why they not visiting me.
Are you my daddy? Mommy? Why did my
parents sell me to you?
Make peace with all, be happy,
know how to be happy, clean,
sober and then if you can
to help others at their measure
and pace and means to if they
wish to be happier, to be so.
Slow down, its not a race to die
or see who can die first, or
how long until you liver gives out
your body slowly shrivels up and
die by suicide, even if slowly
for what is substance abuse
but slow death, self inflicted?
Here, can I help you out,
please forgive me, if possible
trust me once again, as I learn
to trust myself, maybe even love
me, as I learn to love myself
again. Can I have my kids back!
PLEASE!
Mike
2011
-----------
P-Young Son
A man, young
full of life
and promise
and gifts aplenty
he came looking
to find what?
Future,
a leader
or father
or friends
not sure
what.
But in the
end, it ended
to soon
the sun set
and now what?
Why, and who
caused his pain?
Vengeance or
pain unending
is what is left
or what...
Mike
2015
The fate of never knowing, was he really my biological son, and what I could have done to keep him alive, not enough, or even not done that did not make him to want to stay around, and now it is, to wonder and worry if there is more out there that might be mine biologically hope they did not go thru anything I did while growing up and that they are health,happy and well taken care of. From all reports, he was bullied and took the hard way out and ended things...
------------
Copyright 2000 Mike Adams
==================
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