Fear the Poetry Collection
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Abrigon
Jan 26, 2026, 2:54:39 PM (12 days ago) Jan 26
to Del-Poetry List Egroups
B-Fear Poetry 2024
05/25/2024
INDEX:
What Is A Man
Valley of Death - Humor
Val Lapp ?
Trust Me
The Four
The Dichotomy and Oxymoronic Nature of Fear
Success
Steps 12
Self
Outcast
Cell
Morrigen - Erica Diehl
Morrigen
Lost Self
Letting Go
Lantern
Kami
Hope
Hippy Chika
Heavy
Hate and Fear
Happiness
Geeks Revenge
Fear of Failure
Fear Driven
Fear
Fait and Fear
Drunk
Cell
Button
A Hero Dies Today
=======
P-What is a Man 2016?
What is a man a being of flesh
and blood heart and sinew
but also of feelings some hard
and painful some soft and
passionate some teasing like twilight
some so real it is fearsome
What can be said of a man
but of life and death happiness,
and pain joys many, pains untold
but in the middle is the answer
to all for to much of one or the other
leads to depression or insanity.
Mike
200?
---------
P-Valley of Death - Humor
Hail Mary full of cum,
the sperm is in you.. darn..
blessed art thou,
your not a virgin,
blessed is the fruit
of my penis.. Jesus!
thou I walk thru the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
cause I am horny
and all know what
that means..
Here kitty kitty, yo evil,
where art though?
time to fuck..
time to stroke the pussy..
Mike
2004
-----------
P-Val Lapp 2014
To see, to know, to talk, and share,
to want, to have, to imagine more,
and more, to explore and know the heart
behind the eyes.. the being and know her soul..
To share..and know, want and desire
to cuddle warm and soft, arms locked,
bodies together, hearts in time,
breathing shared, warm and consciousness as one..
It need not be hands, exploring, sheding cloths,
kissing long and passionate..
bodies moving in time to music internal and external,
just that its shared as one beeing, in time together..
Just moments together, feeling each other,
knowing each other, slow and passionate,
all in due time all will be known, in time,
an eternity, all so fast but slow, timeless..
until in common, they fall into a dreaming sleep,
or just a reality warm and loviing.
covers shared until the morning and its all a reality..
will it last or will it fade with the mornings first light.
Mike
200?
(edited 2014)
--------------------
Val Lapp: as i waited an felt the emptieness i felt the feeling of empty i embraced it after all empty is wha i am an empty soul awaiting a door of oppertunity that has no key
Morgoth: a key that shall present itself, if we are just willing to know its form, and see past the illusions of its false form..
Val Lapp is typing...
Val Lapp: a faulse form the illusion shall remain till th eillusion is reflected
Morgoth: a vessle to be filled, a door that is open but forced closed or never let be opened, but all is needed is to let it be opened and all shall flow in and fil..
Morgoth: reflected, known, shown, and explored.. is it empty to be filled, or space that needs out to be shared and shown?
appreciated, known and wanted. what is what we all want?
Morgoth: how to walk to path to the door, or the door to the valley? dark with out ligth, or just light damned to darkness out of pride..
how to hold you close, guide you out of the dark. arm in arm, with lantern raised high to find the path and out of the darkness.. to door locked inside or out or just a door..
Val Lapp: light damned to darkness no direction
Morgoth: so how to find the compass, to find the direction and find our place and purpsoe..
Val Lapp: though lanterns to the light have been presented ive refused many many times the guidence offered
Morgoth: but why refuse, fear or lack of trust? Or the lantern holder was demonic or angelitic and too beautiful to be real?
Val Lapp: i am lacking of trust due to wrong doers an lantern holders no matter how angelic i refuse to follow for i have been lost to false light
Val Lapp: lol im not depressed
Val Lapp: i grow weary of people so quick
Morgoth: understnad the fears and trust not given, for past deeds by men of cloth and faith to boys young and ignorant and abuse given and passing by means self inflcted.
Val Lapp is typing...
Val Lapp: im always looking for more
---------
P-Trust Me
Your gone
you came
and went
and wonder
why I sit here
in a stupor
wanting to
die, and knowing
nothing but fear
Scared to ask
for help for
who to trust.
When you can not
trust yourself.
Mike
201?
(The fun of trust issues, not only in relationships but many more, still exploring. The fun of also being very hyper and attention/concentration and like issues)
-----------
P-The Four
These riders, riding hard
across this plane of skulls
their horses frothing
looking dead they ride
from near to far these
riders ride until the end
for in the end they ride
and all fall before them
for they are four riders all,
all of deadly form
one is pestulince
and it is so named and looks,
two is famine and it is
guantly named and visage,
three is war and from it
all brave men fall,
and the last is the worst
of the four though to look
at it you could not tell
for it is short, and boney
like no mortal man
more like a child so small
so weak of look, but
it is the greatest fear of
all who walk the earth for all
must truely fall from death,
for what do the others serve
but to bring one closer to
the fourth.
From far to near they do ride,
the four of the fall,
they ride day and night
across the sky far onto the
end they do ride and all shall
fall before them for in the
end what is our fates?
From far to near they do ride
across lands and sea,
day to day, night to night
they do ride on words onto
the horizen they do ride
these four horsemen of the
end of all.
But there is some glimmer
and saving from these dour
feinds four for us who fear
these four, we have
many names for it,
hope is the best for it,
for the rest are just
words to bring the hope
forwards and into our hearts
and to give us reason to rise
each day and face it anew,
for with out hope what can
we do but to let the four
ride over us and grind us
into the dirt from which
we came and may return
one day.
Mike Adams
1998
----------
P-The Dichotomy and Oxymoronic Nature of Fear
To fear or be afraid
Afraid of what, and why?
Of just the situation fearful
Or to be seen afraid
or as less than human?
Mike
2016
-----------
P-Success 2021
To stand up and take initiative
to not only say no, but yes
Yes, my yes, not others
to not live in fear of pain
afraid to do things
and live in fear of being
punished for not dropping
all, for others YES.
To know what I want
and to stand up and
make it happen, and
demand it happen
to not be distracted
by others, and by things
To leave needy behind
and live for my own needs
and not linked to others needs.
To die if I need to for my own sins
and not die for others sins.
To focus on my success
and not be distracted by others
and their needs, demands and
a need to be wanted/loved
and accepted, but my own needs
and wants and success singular.
To make things happen for my
success and not be pushed
and beaten for others successes.
I know what I want and need
so now how to make it happen
and completed, mission success.
Mike
2021
more to come!
-----------
P-Steps 12
Out of control
why am I here,
jail? hospital
or drinking what ever
next to me, what did I do,
why the hand cuffs,
have I hit bottom, or just
sliding fast and no control.
God or who or what
I need help, or I know
where I am going
for I have seen it
in friends, family
or just lost souls
dead to the world
zombies shuffling
around with only
thought, next drink,
or hit or what ever.
I once was clean, sober,
had promise but ...
No one wants me, they
kick me out, call the cops
will not let me in a bar
I used to spend bank
in, all cause now I am a bum,
drunk, addict.
Why does my love hate me
my kids fear me
my work has fired me
or friends all deserted me
or worse just as bad as I
and we all don't care.
please I need help,
can you help me man? Women
or what are you, all is I know
you or what are here and showing
me a way, to a better way.
I need you buddy, or friend
or just one who had done
as I have done, and is now
happier and knows a way
to peace, happiness and
no more selfish ways and
self destruction.
For I know if it does
not change, I will be one
of the bodies that lay around
me, cloud my thoughts and
give night mares of uncertain
causes but all is dark
or better yet numb..
So how can I look
in peoples eyes and
have some pride or just
know they don't hate me
or do not respect me
or respect me for the
violence I have shown
or know I can do but
wish not to..
No more pain, anger,
but I wish peace, joy
to walk with happy people
and see my kid, or family
and know they can trust me,
I will not use or abuse them
for money, or things
I can sell for the drug
or I can look myself in
the mirror, and see past
the face now destroyed
by years of abuse and
see intelligence once again
where once was numb or beastial
eyes. Cooking is not chemistry.
So off to work, making some
money, but save it,
eat something
have some health back.
Make peace with self,
others and the world, and learn
how to deal with things, to
not crash, fall down, numb self
up on booze, drugs or think life
is a constant party or no one
knows, people know and see you
in the gutter and fear you, or
not want you around for the smell
or worse that you present.
Invading their perfect world
and not seeing who you once was
but now are just a drunk, an addict
lost and homeless or serving life.
Creed, color, faith all the same
just an addict, with no god but a
bottle or pipe, pills or needle.
All the same. Next hit, or lover,
or what am I doing this for?
sores, puss, bruises, teeth gone,
smell all can smell from feet away
as you do acts you once thought
disgusting cause it was means, nasty,
sinful. or just will get you pregnant
or be called whore and not just female
but males.
Why is mommy or daddy passed out
in the hall way, Whose that man with daddy,
what daddy or mommy doing for money,
and on that corner with marks up his
or her arm, for what, where are they at,
why am I with you, whats a social worker?
Whose in Jail, why they not visiting me.
Are you my daddy? Mommy? Why did my
parents sell me to you?
Make peace with all, be happy,
know how to be happy, clean,
sober and then if you can
to help others at their measure
and pace and means to if they
wish to be happier, to be so.
Slow down, its not a race to die
or see who can die first, or
how long until you liver gives out
your body slowly shrivels up and
die by suicide, even if slowly
for what is substance abuse
but slow death, self inflicted?
Here, can I help you out,
please forgive me, if possible
trust me once again, as I learn
to trust myself, maybe even love
me, as I learn to love myself
again. Can I have my kids back!
PLEASE!
Mike
2011
-----------
P-Self:
Drugs, Alcohol
Or just drama
Unleashed. Pain,
Anger, fear, or
just lonely.
With nothing to
fill the void of
soul. But drink,
drugs, and self
destruction.
Hatred of self
or just fear of
showing more of
self, due to past
jeering, disrespect
or being to open
and used by it.
By the group, or
those in power,
along against the
the crowd and
riots of pain
brought on by
groups social,
not welcome, and
not wanted, all
cause your mutant,
geek, freak, or
just not pretty.
What did you do wrong
is asked, but only
answer is being born
out of time with what
is popular, or hot.
Condemned from birth
to second class status
all cause of gender,
mixed race, or parents
unknown or just not
caring, or from the
wrong side of the
tracks or just body
build, or mind paths.
How brutal but how it
comes to be for how
many? All out of shape.
Not fitting that mold
of what? Some hidden,
or open standard.
Enforced and deadly
in disrespect. All
programmed in by who?
For what reasons to
be special or snotty
for some blessed and
others called cursed
by fate, or just no
one stands up to say
Bullshit, and enough!
To stand before the
houses of peer and
media. To pressure
immense and many fall
into chasms, deadly
and purge themselves
to fit in, or to not
die alone! Destroyed
and ravaged. Left
alone to deal with
issues of self hate
fear and loathing
institutionalized!
Mike
2008
(still working on it?)
-------
P-Outcast
Out cast or
walked out?
Forced out
or just never
part?
Human or
more or less
how to ask or
know what.
Walking alone
down the hiway
of life, single
never part
or never welcome
Who can say.
For he is long
gone and silent
but none notice
for they never
know who he was
or even that he
existed or just
another wall flower.
Left to rott in the
summer sun, or
never thrive, for
held in darkness
Fuck them for
their selfish ways.
Christ pity them
for what they are
is what they fear
worse of all.
Human!
Mike
2006
----------
P-Cell:
Cell dark but warm
door locked and tight
locked in my room
not by bars iron
but mental pain
and fear insecure
my room refuge
or prison, self made
or forced by fear
and anger of others
I am not sure.
but here I sit
before the light
and portal to
the world
locked in its grasp
tight and unable
to move or leave
so I am locked
in my cell.
No way out
or just no steps
to get there.
Mike
2006
-------
P-Morrigen-Erica Diehl
Morrigen, avenge me!
She screams,
Last breath leaves,
Save me from this demon made flesh.
A mortal man,
Whose hatred for me is most foul.
What did I do to deserve this?
I ask of him without reply,
He has none…
Save me and mine,
From the onslaught of torment…
The lost child,
The lost love,
The dead, who scream in agony.
The living,
Lost in death,
Not knowing,
They’re already dead,
Suffering in silence,
Morrigen,
A goddess,
Tall and dark,
Hair and visage,
Like a raven…
Intent on her prey,
She stalks,
The wicked,
The licentious,
Flushing out every last vestige,
Morrigen,
A goddess,
Of dark hair and visage.
Like a raven,
Tall and strong,
With eyes,
That pierce the soul…
Seeing all the lies they hold,
Morrigen!
Exposing all evil,
To the light of truth,
Using mind and spirit.
Knowledge and cunning,
Wisdom and persistence,
Giving victims peace,
As they are laid to rest,
Their families hope,
And bring all afflicted,
A sense of understanding,
And peace in their troubled times,
Morrigen, we cry!
Drive the demons away,
Oh avenger of the slain,
And victimized…
Don’t let in your prey,
Evil that slithers in the dark,
Be warned away!
Morrigen shall come,
Swiftly upon wings,
Of justice and vengeance,
You have no chance,
So be gone!
Go from this place,
To never return,
She knows what you feel,
She can see straight through,
The thin veil,
Of your sugar-coated charm,
And if you do not go,
She will make you.
Morrigen!
Burn their souls,
With holy light,
Bring them to their knees,
Drive them from here,
Let them feel,
The breath of Hell’s fire,
Searing their souls,
From the inside out,
Drive them away,
As we dry our tears,
For the slain,
And victimized,
Give us peace,
That we may sleep,
Unknowing of danger,
Or fear,
Protect us always,
Morrigen,
Our avenging angel,
Bring in the light,
And peace,
To hold us in their embrace.
-----------
P-Morrigen 2016:
Morrigen, avenge me, she scream, with last breath, save me from
this demon made flesh. a mortal man, whose hate for me is most
foul?
What did I do to deserve this I ask of him with no reply, for he
has none.. Save me and mine from the torment he brings to us,
the lost child, the lost love, the dead who scream in agony.
The living lost in death, for not knowing, are they dead, in
torment, or what?
Morrigen a women tall and dark, hair and visage, like a raven
intent on pray, she stalks her prey, those far from innocent
stalks, not a innocent one, but pray most foul.
Morrigen like a goddess, a women dark of hair and visage. like a
raven tall and strong, with eyes that pierce the darkness..
To bring the unknown guilty to the light of truth, with mind and spirit.
Knowledge and cunning, wisdom and persistance, to give
the victims peace, their families hope, and those affected a
sense of closure.
Morrigen we cry to drive the demons away, not ones of spirit
and nature biblical, but ones most foul and mortal.. Mortal ones,
who prey and hide, who slither in the darkness, who rise up
and slaughter, hurt and maim, driving those who protect to
madness.. Madness of frustration of egos crossed and battered
minds, so to Morgan we fly to find the guy, or who she is, what
they know and feel, to profile them and draw the shades from the
abyss of ignorance, and bring them to the light, of truth, and
justice, most swift.
To burn them in holy light. by hells fire and drive them from
our mind and fears, to draw away the anger, and pain and agony
of their victims, give them peace of knowing they can walk the
streets and by ways, to love again, to touch again, to feel
again, and breath deeply and feel not danger at every step.
Mike
2005
For a buddy.
Find who he or she is, and bring them to justice, please..
Morrigen was three women, ravens.. Chooser of the slain, the worthy..
it is okay my dear warrior one of the three, chooser of the slain and warrior of blood. of the Morrrigan..
----------
P-Melissa (2004):
hair of gold, short or held back,
eyes brown and lovely like a does,
nose, kissable, and lovable, lips,
small and smiling, lighting up the room
for me to see the rest of her,
ah the delight of her face,
her neck, her ears, her shoulders bared to my sight,
to hold her close and let her know,
that it is all right to cry, or fear,
or feel, but good to let go..
you remind me of a cheerleader,
full of energy, of smiles and cheer..
Mike Adams
2004
-------------
P-Lost Self
Who am I
or was I
I a know
I am loved
but not sure
why for I
have forgotten
who this person
is beside me,
they love me
I know but
why, I have
forgotten for
it is just
filtered and
grey and memories
that seem distant
and many lost
in the abyss that
is now my past
she sits
next to me
and shows me love
but I feel something
but forget why
who and what it was
for all is slowly
sliding away and
I feel hurt
sad and to
please let me go
for I am gone and
it hurts to see
the pain in your eyes
and the fear I feel
in where I am
or was or going
or why you still
hold me close
but I have forgotten
who you are, or was
but only know what
you say you are, wife,
mother, brother,
husband and children
but are you sure
for I know you not,
but know I should
know you and I feel
for you and dim
memories of you or
lost and dying slowly
Thank you, I think
but for what
not sure why but
I feel the love
for your staying on
for when I remember
I know you and am lucid
but its fading more
and more and damn
I have pissed
I think it is what
it is, or druel
or just sorry
I can not speak
or even hold words
in my mind for
what.. lost it
focus gone..
Night I know
let me go, but
you refuse but
why, who was I
what was I and ...
Mike Adams
2011
For Rayenette but for all who have lost a family member/friend,
slowly thru the slide into dementia, and especially those who stay
and take care of them, even if the end will likely be a slow/fast
decent into them not knowing who and why you are taking care of them
and they the spirit that they was, dying, the body left behind
but a husk, with no life.
-------------
P-Letting Go
letting go
moving past
the anger
less fear
less defensive
and anxious
Mike
2019?
more to do and show
----------
P-LANTERN:
A Lantern burning bright
take the anger from my sight,
remove this man who beats me so
and make him pay for all to know
That I am dead and all shall know
that he took me and destroyed me
slowly with word and threats
of hands and fist and just control
with money, and emotions
foul and coniving
A lantern was held up in loving hands
of family and friends but how to go to it
or even leave the darkness behind,
to stay and be controlled and beaten
but its all I know? He loves me, just
does not know how to show it,
or some crap like that or is it just
a little girl, in the dark, alone
and no help to guide her
There must be a more safe place
to be, to find another better for you
someone to not hit you abuse you,
and use you to not be controlled
and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.
Held down and kept down
controlled by words and thoughts
and arms strong or just kept
like an animal not loved but used
abuse most foul.
A spirit dead from years of mental anguish
or just not loved or not pretty enough
or of drugs, and alcohol
some inside and some outside
Lack of respect for self,
lack of joy in ones blessing
to leave the darkness
and take a small step
but that step is agony
for will he find me,
hurt me, beat me,
abuse me tease me,
let me go and find
me and bring me back
like some animal or worse,
to find he has found another?
I go back to him
for he is all I know,
all I have known,
and I fear all I will know.
But there is more,
or is this just a dream,
a dream that is fading
by the hours and days..
I am trapped but held here
not by force, but by my own fear?
Or just insecure of my blessing
and beauty and knowing
I am worth more than this crap.
I am not a trouphy, my children
are not to be harmed but they are
hurt by mommys beatings.
Why do I go back but how to leave,
no money no place to go,
he will hunt me down
and bring me back with friends
that will help him and I have none?
Where shall I go, who will I be with
where will my children go and be safe
God he has a knife and
I have to run but to where?
To the lantern held high and bright
by loving and knowing hands
who take you in and hold
the darkness at bay,
and help you heal wounds
deep and numbing
but always there.
Mike
2006
Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.
------------
P-Kami
Kami dear, to know
you fears and hold
you close to know
the feel of your warm
body next to mine,
to feel your tears slide
down my face to taste
them salty and take them
into me not just not of
being but also soul,
to take away your hates,
fears and love your soul,
body and more.
To yes, run my hands
down your back and cup
your firm ass and play
with it and pull you
up to meet me fully.
To kiss your lips and
know your tongue, but
mostly to see your eyes
and more than just
your thighs, to see the
depth of your soul
and join not just
of penis and pussy
but soul to soul,
mind to mind and know
an eternity of you
and I as one.
Even if but an
instant in our time
but timeless.
Hair dark, skin white
eyes lovely and hidden
but in the finding and
seeing is the love and
desire, to know your soul
feel it and you feel mine
to feel our bodies
quiver at the touch
to know so much
to hold and be held
for ever and a day
to know not just the flesh
but the body, soul
and spirit and join
as one until an age
passes us by and the
stars burn out and
all is left but our
love to rekindle the
universe, and bring love
to it all eternal.
Mike
2007
For Kami D
-----------
P-Hope 2017 (Maybe older?)
Time is Fleeting,
ever passing
into the day ago,
why do we hope for
more than this,
I will never know,
other than I hope
for more than this.
For all I have hope
for and a dream
for more than this
monthly frame can have,
but in hope I find
a purpose and my
dreams a reason
to go on, day and day,
hour and hour
for ever more.
On until one day
My feet can not rise
and fall, one by one
But I lay down and rest
my head on the gentle
hills of home
and dream of you
my lady, love and more,
but until that time is here
I can not think, nor hear
or know your love,
your caress or even
know your face.
For to see youis to fear
and feel the pain
I feel once again
so I turn my self from you
sun until the dark and
deny you totally.
To never be a pain to
you again and in this
no pain to my self.
For in denial
is the answer for now,
but we shall see one day
when I casn not deny my feelings.
So I dream no more of you until then.
There is much to be said of it
it stinks, it hurts,
but it is denying
the truth but..
Deny My Self
DEny my Dreams
DEny my Hopes
Deny my Love
DEny my Future
DEny Who I am
what have I left
nothing but denial
to fill me up and
keep me warm.
Mike Adams
2010?
------------
P-Hippy Chika
Just seeing you
smile is poetry.
a silly smirk
on the lips says much
and brings much to me..
laugh lady laugh,
for life ends to damn
quick to dwell
in dark places between
heaven and hell..
so laugh, smile be happy,
inspire men to die for you,
or just love you more.
Fear not the darkness
for it will end as it began..
with the devil in the dark
dying hard and fast..
and your free once more
of the pains, agonies
and fear from the dark.
But the dark is not the cause,
it suffers with you.
Mike Adams
2009
----------
P-HEAVY 2018:
(At the Cabin)
Heavy is the thought
and memories
of your passing
and the baggage
left behind
(that is)
heavy and cumbersome,
dark and painful
or just numb,
held back
until the end is here,
grief lets go
and moving on
and adjusting
and letting go.
Names remembered,
friends made and fears
let go and lightended
(and) life moves on.
Bye Mom
Mike
2018
-----------
P-Hate and Fear:
How much I hate you,
your snotty attitude,
you condisending views and ways,
the look you give me in the mirror
the depression I feel when you hate me so
what did I do to deserve this pain and
agony who are you to put me down,
to destroy wall that I am,
no hope for the future
for the past is agony intense.
And the current lost and dark
caught in amber strong and hardened
by years of neglect of self.
No future, but more death
and depression, lost in my self
and the loss of who I am was
possible to be.
What humor, given many gifts
and visions, but none of the tools
to make them happen or even
possible. Locked in this humorous
web of denial, self doubt and
denial of self, or just fear,
fear of failure, of being
put down by you one more time.
So fuck you who I see in the mirror
but how to remove you, shotgun blast
or knive strong and sharp? Pills a
plenty I have tried already
but to no avail. I am locked
here with you, and you with me.
Forgive myself for my death, for
it is long in comming, do I hate
all so much to end it now, or
go on? Help is near, but is it
soon enough.
Mike
2004
----------
P-Happiness
Happiness
what is it?
How can I know
am I happy
or sad, I just
don't know.
Success,
failure
smile or
frown
fear or
no fear
or just numb
Alone or
group
Singular,
many or what?
Am I happy,
or sad or
just numb.
I just want to
feel, and know
happiness
to smile
to have things
people and
memories to
be happy about.
and just feel
anything is
just a start.
But now
what, and
how to go
and be happy
I like to know
Please tell me
show me
help me
and not
let me go
into that dark
place alone
and lost,
that hell
never again.
Mike Adams
2011
(still editing)
----------
P-Geeks Revenge
Beaten Battered
Walked on, spat on
boot prints covered
Ignored or chased
put down, let down
forgotten in the hall.
But now Bitch
I have the power
yes oh mighty jock
as you scream there
with piss running
down your legs,
and bawling like
a cow at slaughter
I have the gun
I have the bomb
teacher dead
on the floor like
so much shit it was
I asked a question
and was made fun of
not cause I was stupid
but cause I was not
its favorite.
So who you call mother
why me, cause I have
the power, but why?
Cause I have more
force than you?
I can reach out
touch you hard
harder than you ever
did me, you and the team
as you chased me down
like a deer in flight, and
teachers standing by
like cheering sections
and snotty bitches all
lined up, cheering you on
as you made my life hell
But do not worry,
its all a joke, the gun
you moron is a water one
the bombs, grin, you
ignorant whore is just
tubs of plastic made
of props from the
theatre department
but the images are
priceless of you begging
for your life, offering
me your body and all
the delights you have
shared with the teachers
teams and others..
And I am getting an A in
the Drama class, cause
well teachers in on it.
I do not want them,
why cause I saw
the report oh, whose
the father? And how
much penicillin
you going to need?
Oh, yes, the school
heard everything.
Same for you
Super Jock,
so now you can dread
Like I, and run
from class to class,
always in fear,
dreading life and wanting
to die and end it all
but never done
Or hunted like an animal
by those who you once
called friends, but
stabbed their backs
when gone.
Mike
200?
This is for all the geeks, nerds, special kids, and others who just for what ever never quite fit in, was left alone, ignored by the teachers, parents, faculty, and abused by the jocks and social junkies of the world, who in the name of their drama, made others lives a living hell..
For the victims of Columbine.. I wish it had never happened, but understand some on why it happened.
Hum, ok, here is a poems of sorts that is close to home or in ways glad it did not become.
The fun of being a geek and finding ways to deal with people and how they can be. or not be.
-----------
P-Fear of Failure 2016
Fear grips
my hands
Left alone
in the dark
Held fast
by the
darkness
and fear
and fear
not of the
darkness
but the
light.
Fear paralyed
to do anything
for all fails
pr pushed aside
For why do
when all else
comes first
Why try
all fails
falls and
lost focus
sp why try
one again
tenth or
hundreth.
Lazy or Obstacles
Unmotivated
or just whatever
why do it
again with
same result
Failure
Mike
2016
black mead notebook
------------
P-Fear Driven
Fear to hold me
To keep me back
to drive me or not
held in its grasp
or running fast
and hard but to where
Mike Adams
2012
More coming
------------
P-Fear 2012
Fear holds me close
ties me down
holds me back
limits me
but also guides
me, reasonable
holds me back from
insanity but
insane fear holds
me back for more
pain and anger.
Mike Adams
2012
------------
P-Faith and Fear:
Little rabbit run run run,
but to where for I am lost
kissed for memory short,
or no faith in self,
or just no one knows me
wants to know me,
or cares not to care,
and have faith in me.
Selfish, yes, but needing
help and guidance, a
direction and acceptance
to know where I am going
or can do, need do or just
that I did it and now
am loved and appreciated.
So family, and friends
peer and coworker.
Am I doing well, good,
with in limits and standard
or just lost again
with no direction
front or side or back,
lost in memory shorted out.
Why take chances, when
you know it will end the same
in a dead end, or not completed
or worse, no one respects
my needs and they demand
me to do their bidding
while my needs fall away.
Or just what was I doing,
I know I was doing something
but now, a month gone by
and I remember, but now to
late, and I fall into despair
or just hand cuffs, addiction
and homeless, and lost.
Nothing done, or completed
so why try, and no one knows
or cares, to help when
I need it, badly, so why try
and face depression and
deaths calling for self
destruction, so why even try.
When it will end up all the
same, dead and dismembered.
Or just not completed.
Mike Adams
2010
------------
P-Drunk
I fear
I drink
I hurt
I drink
I beat
I drink
I fall
I drunk
I puke
I drunk
I fight
I drunk
I hurt
I drunk
now my kids
drinking
I wonder why?
I hit
I drunk
I kill
I drunk
In Jail
I sober
Who died
I sober
When died
I sober
God what did I do?
I drunk
but sober now.
Mike
2006
(working on it)
-------------
P-Cell:
Cell dark but warm
door locked and tight
locked in my room
not by bars iron
but mental pain
and fear insecure
my room refuge
or prison, self made
or forced by fear
and anger of others
I am not sure.
but here I sit
before the light
and portal to the world
locked in its grasp
tight and unable
to move or leave
so I am locked
in my cell.
No way out
or just no steps
to get there.
Mike Adams
2006
---------
P-Button:
A button before me,
red and deadly,
to push it I know
will end all, kill all,
and I don't care,
push it now,
end all now,
kill all, die all,
all must die, to end
my torment and life,
I can not of theirs,
for they have made
mine a hell, of words,
deeds, hits, hurts,
pain, laying on ground,
battered and beaten,
or just ignored,
chased down
like an animal,
and no one cares,
parents, teacher,
all else, just stand
there and chear
at my falling down.
Or worse, they jear
and chear, yes,
the jock can beat
all he wants,
to take all he wants,
the girls, the locker,
the grades they
did not earn,
walk down the
middle of the hall,
and hit any
they care to,
for the teachers
are in awe..
So when all asked,
why he pushed
the button red
and deadly and
if you do not know,
then you deserve
to die. Like the rest,
the animals all.
God cares not,
Jesus is dead
before me, and
beyond hope or
help, so why
should I have faith,
all is forsaken,
Satans is my buddy,
but I deny him
and go with words,
or fear, I know not why.
People are strange
when your a stranger,
has means to me,
for I am strange.
Normal, why be normal,
be abnormal, for
it is atleast a place,
but not of peace.
Mike
2005
-(Old memories from School)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
--------------
P-A Hero Dies Today
Hero or vilain
or just poor fool
suffering or aspiring
acceptance finding fear
misunderstood or driven
away or mad.
Not wanted
or appreciated,
doing all for them,
but they drive you away
or locked away and
forgotten, so why does
the hero do it?
Salvation, penance
acceptance, or its all
it knows or hope for
so in the end, a hero
dies today.
Mike
2009
Metaphorical hero.
-----------------
Copyright 2008
05/25/2024
INDEX:
What Is A Man
Valley of Death - Humor
Val Lapp ?
Trust Me
The Four
The Dichotomy and Oxymoronic Nature of Fear
Success
Steps 12
Self
Outcast
Cell
Morrigen - Erica Diehl
Morrigen
Lost Self
Letting Go
Lantern
Kami
Hope
Hippy Chika
Heavy
Hate and Fear
Happiness
Geeks Revenge
Fear of Failure
Fear Driven
Fear
Fait and Fear
Drunk
Cell
Button
A Hero Dies Today
=======
P-What is a Man 2016?
What is a man a being of flesh
and blood heart and sinew
but also of feelings some hard
and painful some soft and
passionate some teasing like twilight
some so real it is fearsome
What can be said of a man
but of life and death happiness,
and pain joys many, pains untold
but in the middle is the answer
to all for to much of one or the other
leads to depression or insanity.
Mike
200?
---------
P-Valley of Death - Humor
Hail Mary full of cum,
the sperm is in you.. darn..
blessed art thou,
your not a virgin,
blessed is the fruit
of my penis.. Jesus!
thou I walk thru the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
cause I am horny
and all know what
that means..
Here kitty kitty, yo evil,
where art though?
time to fuck..
time to stroke the pussy..
Mike
2004
-----------
P-Val Lapp 2014
To see, to know, to talk, and share,
to want, to have, to imagine more,
and more, to explore and know the heart
behind the eyes.. the being and know her soul..
To share..and know, want and desire
to cuddle warm and soft, arms locked,
bodies together, hearts in time,
breathing shared, warm and consciousness as one..
It need not be hands, exploring, sheding cloths,
kissing long and passionate..
bodies moving in time to music internal and external,
just that its shared as one beeing, in time together..
Just moments together, feeling each other,
knowing each other, slow and passionate,
all in due time all will be known, in time,
an eternity, all so fast but slow, timeless..
until in common, they fall into a dreaming sleep,
or just a reality warm and loviing.
covers shared until the morning and its all a reality..
will it last or will it fade with the mornings first light.
Mike
200?
(edited 2014)
--------------------
Val Lapp: as i waited an felt the emptieness i felt the feeling of empty i embraced it after all empty is wha i am an empty soul awaiting a door of oppertunity that has no key
Morgoth: a key that shall present itself, if we are just willing to know its form, and see past the illusions of its false form..
Val Lapp is typing...
Val Lapp: a faulse form the illusion shall remain till th eillusion is reflected
Morgoth: a vessle to be filled, a door that is open but forced closed or never let be opened, but all is needed is to let it be opened and all shall flow in and fil..
Morgoth: reflected, known, shown, and explored.. is it empty to be filled, or space that needs out to be shared and shown?
appreciated, known and wanted. what is what we all want?
Morgoth: how to walk to path to the door, or the door to the valley? dark with out ligth, or just light damned to darkness out of pride..
how to hold you close, guide you out of the dark. arm in arm, with lantern raised high to find the path and out of the darkness.. to door locked inside or out or just a door..
Val Lapp: light damned to darkness no direction
Morgoth: so how to find the compass, to find the direction and find our place and purpsoe..
Val Lapp: though lanterns to the light have been presented ive refused many many times the guidence offered
Morgoth: but why refuse, fear or lack of trust? Or the lantern holder was demonic or angelitic and too beautiful to be real?
Val Lapp: i am lacking of trust due to wrong doers an lantern holders no matter how angelic i refuse to follow for i have been lost to false light
Val Lapp: lol im not depressed
Val Lapp: i grow weary of people so quick
Morgoth: understnad the fears and trust not given, for past deeds by men of cloth and faith to boys young and ignorant and abuse given and passing by means self inflcted.
Val Lapp is typing...
Val Lapp: im always looking for more
---------
P-Trust Me
Your gone
you came
and went
and wonder
why I sit here
in a stupor
wanting to
die, and knowing
nothing but fear
Scared to ask
for help for
who to trust.
When you can not
trust yourself.
Mike
201?
(The fun of trust issues, not only in relationships but many more, still exploring. The fun of also being very hyper and attention/concentration and like issues)
-----------
P-The Four
These riders, riding hard
across this plane of skulls
their horses frothing
looking dead they ride
from near to far these
riders ride until the end
for in the end they ride
and all fall before them
for they are four riders all,
all of deadly form
one is pestulince
and it is so named and looks,
two is famine and it is
guantly named and visage,
three is war and from it
all brave men fall,
and the last is the worst
of the four though to look
at it you could not tell
for it is short, and boney
like no mortal man
more like a child so small
so weak of look, but
it is the greatest fear of
all who walk the earth for all
must truely fall from death,
for what do the others serve
but to bring one closer to
the fourth.
From far to near they do ride,
the four of the fall,
they ride day and night
across the sky far onto the
end they do ride and all shall
fall before them for in the
end what is our fates?
From far to near they do ride
across lands and sea,
day to day, night to night
they do ride on words onto
the horizen they do ride
these four horsemen of the
end of all.
But there is some glimmer
and saving from these dour
feinds four for us who fear
these four, we have
many names for it,
hope is the best for it,
for the rest are just
words to bring the hope
forwards and into our hearts
and to give us reason to rise
each day and face it anew,
for with out hope what can
we do but to let the four
ride over us and grind us
into the dirt from which
we came and may return
one day.
Mike Adams
1998
----------
P-The Dichotomy and Oxymoronic Nature of Fear
To fear or be afraid
Afraid of what, and why?
Of just the situation fearful
Or to be seen afraid
or as less than human?
Mike
2016
-----------
P-Success 2021
To stand up and take initiative
to not only say no, but yes
Yes, my yes, not others
to not live in fear of pain
afraid to do things
and live in fear of being
punished for not dropping
all, for others YES.
To know what I want
and to stand up and
make it happen, and
demand it happen
to not be distracted
by others, and by things
To leave needy behind
and live for my own needs
and not linked to others needs.
To die if I need to for my own sins
and not die for others sins.
To focus on my success
and not be distracted by others
and their needs, demands and
a need to be wanted/loved
and accepted, but my own needs
and wants and success singular.
To make things happen for my
success and not be pushed
and beaten for others successes.
I know what I want and need
so now how to make it happen
and completed, mission success.
Mike
2021
more to come!
-----------
P-Steps 12
Out of control
why am I here,
jail? hospital
or drinking what ever
next to me, what did I do,
why the hand cuffs,
have I hit bottom, or just
sliding fast and no control.
God or who or what
I need help, or I know
where I am going
for I have seen it
in friends, family
or just lost souls
dead to the world
zombies shuffling
around with only
thought, next drink,
or hit or what ever.
I once was clean, sober,
had promise but ...
No one wants me, they
kick me out, call the cops
will not let me in a bar
I used to spend bank
in, all cause now I am a bum,
drunk, addict.
Why does my love hate me
my kids fear me
my work has fired me
or friends all deserted me
or worse just as bad as I
and we all don't care.
please I need help,
can you help me man? Women
or what are you, all is I know
you or what are here and showing
me a way, to a better way.
I need you buddy, or friend
or just one who had done
as I have done, and is now
happier and knows a way
to peace, happiness and
no more selfish ways and
self destruction.
For I know if it does
not change, I will be one
of the bodies that lay around
me, cloud my thoughts and
give night mares of uncertain
causes but all is dark
or better yet numb..
So how can I look
in peoples eyes and
have some pride or just
know they don't hate me
or do not respect me
or respect me for the
violence I have shown
or know I can do but
wish not to..
No more pain, anger,
but I wish peace, joy
to walk with happy people
and see my kid, or family
and know they can trust me,
I will not use or abuse them
for money, or things
I can sell for the drug
or I can look myself in
the mirror, and see past
the face now destroyed
by years of abuse and
see intelligence once again
where once was numb or beastial
eyes. Cooking is not chemistry.
So off to work, making some
money, but save it,
eat something
have some health back.
Make peace with self,
others and the world, and learn
how to deal with things, to
not crash, fall down, numb self
up on booze, drugs or think life
is a constant party or no one
knows, people know and see you
in the gutter and fear you, or
not want you around for the smell
or worse that you present.
Invading their perfect world
and not seeing who you once was
but now are just a drunk, an addict
lost and homeless or serving life.
Creed, color, faith all the same
just an addict, with no god but a
bottle or pipe, pills or needle.
All the same. Next hit, or lover,
or what am I doing this for?
sores, puss, bruises, teeth gone,
smell all can smell from feet away
as you do acts you once thought
disgusting cause it was means, nasty,
sinful. or just will get you pregnant
or be called whore and not just female
but males.
Why is mommy or daddy passed out
in the hall way, Whose that man with daddy,
what daddy or mommy doing for money,
and on that corner with marks up his
or her arm, for what, where are they at,
why am I with you, whats a social worker?
Whose in Jail, why they not visiting me.
Are you my daddy? Mommy? Why did my
parents sell me to you?
Make peace with all, be happy,
know how to be happy, clean,
sober and then if you can
to help others at their measure
and pace and means to if they
wish to be happier, to be so.
Slow down, its not a race to die
or see who can die first, or
how long until you liver gives out
your body slowly shrivels up and
die by suicide, even if slowly
for what is substance abuse
but slow death, self inflicted?
Here, can I help you out,
please forgive me, if possible
trust me once again, as I learn
to trust myself, maybe even love
me, as I learn to love myself
again. Can I have my kids back!
PLEASE!
Mike
2011
-----------
P-Self:
Drugs, Alcohol
Or just drama
Unleashed. Pain,
Anger, fear, or
just lonely.
With nothing to
fill the void of
soul. But drink,
drugs, and self
destruction.
Hatred of self
or just fear of
showing more of
self, due to past
jeering, disrespect
or being to open
and used by it.
By the group, or
those in power,
along against the
the crowd and
riots of pain
brought on by
groups social,
not welcome, and
not wanted, all
cause your mutant,
geek, freak, or
just not pretty.
What did you do wrong
is asked, but only
answer is being born
out of time with what
is popular, or hot.
Condemned from birth
to second class status
all cause of gender,
mixed race, or parents
unknown or just not
caring, or from the
wrong side of the
tracks or just body
build, or mind paths.
How brutal but how it
comes to be for how
many? All out of shape.
Not fitting that mold
of what? Some hidden,
or open standard.
Enforced and deadly
in disrespect. All
programmed in by who?
For what reasons to
be special or snotty
for some blessed and
others called cursed
by fate, or just no
one stands up to say
Bullshit, and enough!
To stand before the
houses of peer and
media. To pressure
immense and many fall
into chasms, deadly
and purge themselves
to fit in, or to not
die alone! Destroyed
and ravaged. Left
alone to deal with
issues of self hate
fear and loathing
institutionalized!
Mike
2008
(still working on it?)
-------
P-Outcast
Out cast or
walked out?
Forced out
or just never
part?
Human or
more or less
how to ask or
know what.
Walking alone
down the hiway
of life, single
never part
or never welcome
Who can say.
For he is long
gone and silent
but none notice
for they never
know who he was
or even that he
existed or just
another wall flower.
Left to rott in the
summer sun, or
never thrive, for
held in darkness
Fuck them for
their selfish ways.
Christ pity them
for what they are
is what they fear
worse of all.
Human!
Mike
2006
----------
P-Cell:
Cell dark but warm
door locked and tight
locked in my room
not by bars iron
but mental pain
and fear insecure
my room refuge
or prison, self made
or forced by fear
and anger of others
I am not sure.
but here I sit
before the light
and portal to
the world
locked in its grasp
tight and unable
to move or leave
so I am locked
in my cell.
No way out
or just no steps
to get there.
Mike
2006
-------
P-Morrigen-Erica Diehl
Morrigen, avenge me!
She screams,
Last breath leaves,
Save me from this demon made flesh.
A mortal man,
Whose hatred for me is most foul.
What did I do to deserve this?
I ask of him without reply,
He has none…
Save me and mine,
From the onslaught of torment…
The lost child,
The lost love,
The dead, who scream in agony.
The living,
Lost in death,
Not knowing,
They’re already dead,
Suffering in silence,
Morrigen,
A goddess,
Tall and dark,
Hair and visage,
Like a raven…
Intent on her prey,
She stalks,
The wicked,
The licentious,
Flushing out every last vestige,
Morrigen,
A goddess,
Of dark hair and visage.
Like a raven,
Tall and strong,
With eyes,
That pierce the soul…
Seeing all the lies they hold,
Morrigen!
Exposing all evil,
To the light of truth,
Using mind and spirit.
Knowledge and cunning,
Wisdom and persistence,
Giving victims peace,
As they are laid to rest,
Their families hope,
And bring all afflicted,
A sense of understanding,
And peace in their troubled times,
Morrigen, we cry!
Drive the demons away,
Oh avenger of the slain,
And victimized…
Don’t let in your prey,
Evil that slithers in the dark,
Be warned away!
Morrigen shall come,
Swiftly upon wings,
Of justice and vengeance,
You have no chance,
So be gone!
Go from this place,
To never return,
She knows what you feel,
She can see straight through,
The thin veil,
Of your sugar-coated charm,
And if you do not go,
She will make you.
Morrigen!
Burn their souls,
With holy light,
Bring them to their knees,
Drive them from here,
Let them feel,
The breath of Hell’s fire,
Searing their souls,
From the inside out,
Drive them away,
As we dry our tears,
For the slain,
And victimized,
Give us peace,
That we may sleep,
Unknowing of danger,
Or fear,
Protect us always,
Morrigen,
Our avenging angel,
Bring in the light,
And peace,
To hold us in their embrace.
-----------
P-Morrigen 2016:
Morrigen, avenge me, she scream, with last breath, save me from
this demon made flesh. a mortal man, whose hate for me is most
foul?
What did I do to deserve this I ask of him with no reply, for he
has none.. Save me and mine from the torment he brings to us,
the lost child, the lost love, the dead who scream in agony.
The living lost in death, for not knowing, are they dead, in
torment, or what?
Morrigen a women tall and dark, hair and visage, like a raven
intent on pray, she stalks her prey, those far from innocent
stalks, not a innocent one, but pray most foul.
Morrigen like a goddess, a women dark of hair and visage. like a
raven tall and strong, with eyes that pierce the darkness..
To bring the unknown guilty to the light of truth, with mind and spirit.
Knowledge and cunning, wisdom and persistance, to give
the victims peace, their families hope, and those affected a
sense of closure.
Morrigen we cry to drive the demons away, not ones of spirit
and nature biblical, but ones most foul and mortal.. Mortal ones,
who prey and hide, who slither in the darkness, who rise up
and slaughter, hurt and maim, driving those who protect to
madness.. Madness of frustration of egos crossed and battered
minds, so to Morgan we fly to find the guy, or who she is, what
they know and feel, to profile them and draw the shades from the
abyss of ignorance, and bring them to the light, of truth, and
justice, most swift.
To burn them in holy light. by hells fire and drive them from
our mind and fears, to draw away the anger, and pain and agony
of their victims, give them peace of knowing they can walk the
streets and by ways, to love again, to touch again, to feel
again, and breath deeply and feel not danger at every step.
Mike
2005
For a buddy.
Find who he or she is, and bring them to justice, please..
Morrigen was three women, ravens.. Chooser of the slain, the worthy..
it is okay my dear warrior one of the three, chooser of the slain and warrior of blood. of the Morrrigan..
----------
P-Melissa (2004):
hair of gold, short or held back,
eyes brown and lovely like a does,
nose, kissable, and lovable, lips,
small and smiling, lighting up the room
for me to see the rest of her,
ah the delight of her face,
her neck, her ears, her shoulders bared to my sight,
to hold her close and let her know,
that it is all right to cry, or fear,
or feel, but good to let go..
you remind me of a cheerleader,
full of energy, of smiles and cheer..
Mike Adams
2004
-------------
P-Lost Self
Who am I
or was I
I a know
I am loved
but not sure
why for I
have forgotten
who this person
is beside me,
they love me
I know but
why, I have
forgotten for
it is just
filtered and
grey and memories
that seem distant
and many lost
in the abyss that
is now my past
she sits
next to me
and shows me love
but I feel something
but forget why
who and what it was
for all is slowly
sliding away and
I feel hurt
sad and to
please let me go
for I am gone and
it hurts to see
the pain in your eyes
and the fear I feel
in where I am
or was or going
or why you still
hold me close
but I have forgotten
who you are, or was
but only know what
you say you are, wife,
mother, brother,
husband and children
but are you sure
for I know you not,
but know I should
know you and I feel
for you and dim
memories of you or
lost and dying slowly
Thank you, I think
but for what
not sure why but
I feel the love
for your staying on
for when I remember
I know you and am lucid
but its fading more
and more and damn
I have pissed
I think it is what
it is, or druel
or just sorry
I can not speak
or even hold words
in my mind for
what.. lost it
focus gone..
Night I know
let me go, but
you refuse but
why, who was I
what was I and ...
Mike Adams
2011
For Rayenette but for all who have lost a family member/friend,
slowly thru the slide into dementia, and especially those who stay
and take care of them, even if the end will likely be a slow/fast
decent into them not knowing who and why you are taking care of them
and they the spirit that they was, dying, the body left behind
but a husk, with no life.
-------------
P-Letting Go
letting go
moving past
the anger
less fear
less defensive
and anxious
Mike
2019?
more to do and show
----------
P-LANTERN:
A Lantern burning bright
take the anger from my sight,
remove this man who beats me so
and make him pay for all to know
That I am dead and all shall know
that he took me and destroyed me
slowly with word and threats
of hands and fist and just control
with money, and emotions
foul and coniving
A lantern was held up in loving hands
of family and friends but how to go to it
or even leave the darkness behind,
to stay and be controlled and beaten
but its all I know? He loves me, just
does not know how to show it,
or some crap like that or is it just
a little girl, in the dark, alone
and no help to guide her
There must be a more safe place
to be, to find another better for you
someone to not hit you abuse you,
and use you to not be controlled
and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.
Held down and kept down
controlled by words and thoughts
and arms strong or just kept
like an animal not loved but used
abuse most foul.
A spirit dead from years of mental anguish
or just not loved or not pretty enough
or of drugs, and alcohol
some inside and some outside
Lack of respect for self,
lack of joy in ones blessing
to leave the darkness
and take a small step
but that step is agony
for will he find me,
hurt me, beat me,
abuse me tease me,
let me go and find
me and bring me back
like some animal or worse,
to find he has found another?
I go back to him
for he is all I know,
all I have known,
and I fear all I will know.
But there is more,
or is this just a dream,
a dream that is fading
by the hours and days..
I am trapped but held here
not by force, but by my own fear?
Or just insecure of my blessing
and beauty and knowing
I am worth more than this crap.
I am not a trouphy, my children
are not to be harmed but they are
hurt by mommys beatings.
Why do I go back but how to leave,
no money no place to go,
he will hunt me down
and bring me back with friends
that will help him and I have none?
Where shall I go, who will I be with
where will my children go and be safe
God he has a knife and
I have to run but to where?
To the lantern held high and bright
by loving and knowing hands
who take you in and hold
the darkness at bay,
and help you heal wounds
deep and numbing
but always there.
Mike
2006
Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.
------------
P-Kami
Kami dear, to know
you fears and hold
you close to know
the feel of your warm
body next to mine,
to feel your tears slide
down my face to taste
them salty and take them
into me not just not of
being but also soul,
to take away your hates,
fears and love your soul,
body and more.
To yes, run my hands
down your back and cup
your firm ass and play
with it and pull you
up to meet me fully.
To kiss your lips and
know your tongue, but
mostly to see your eyes
and more than just
your thighs, to see the
depth of your soul
and join not just
of penis and pussy
but soul to soul,
mind to mind and know
an eternity of you
and I as one.
Even if but an
instant in our time
but timeless.
Hair dark, skin white
eyes lovely and hidden
but in the finding and
seeing is the love and
desire, to know your soul
feel it and you feel mine
to feel our bodies
quiver at the touch
to know so much
to hold and be held
for ever and a day
to know not just the flesh
but the body, soul
and spirit and join
as one until an age
passes us by and the
stars burn out and
all is left but our
love to rekindle the
universe, and bring love
to it all eternal.
Mike
2007
For Kami D
-----------
P-Hope 2017 (Maybe older?)
Time is Fleeting,
ever passing
into the day ago,
why do we hope for
more than this,
I will never know,
other than I hope
for more than this.
For all I have hope
for and a dream
for more than this
monthly frame can have,
but in hope I find
a purpose and my
dreams a reason
to go on, day and day,
hour and hour
for ever more.
On until one day
My feet can not rise
and fall, one by one
But I lay down and rest
my head on the gentle
hills of home
and dream of you
my lady, love and more,
but until that time is here
I can not think, nor hear
or know your love,
your caress or even
know your face.
For to see youis to fear
and feel the pain
I feel once again
so I turn my self from you
sun until the dark and
deny you totally.
To never be a pain to
you again and in this
no pain to my self.
For in denial
is the answer for now,
but we shall see one day
when I casn not deny my feelings.
So I dream no more of you until then.
There is much to be said of it
it stinks, it hurts,
but it is denying
the truth but..
Deny My Self
DEny my Dreams
DEny my Hopes
Deny my Love
DEny my Future
DEny Who I am
what have I left
nothing but denial
to fill me up and
keep me warm.
Mike Adams
2010?
------------
P-Hippy Chika
Just seeing you
smile is poetry.
a silly smirk
on the lips says much
and brings much to me..
laugh lady laugh,
for life ends to damn
quick to dwell
in dark places between
heaven and hell..
so laugh, smile be happy,
inspire men to die for you,
or just love you more.
Fear not the darkness
for it will end as it began..
with the devil in the dark
dying hard and fast..
and your free once more
of the pains, agonies
and fear from the dark.
But the dark is not the cause,
it suffers with you.
Mike Adams
2009
----------
P-HEAVY 2018:
(At the Cabin)
Heavy is the thought
and memories
of your passing
and the baggage
left behind
(that is)
heavy and cumbersome,
dark and painful
or just numb,
held back
until the end is here,
grief lets go
and moving on
and adjusting
and letting go.
Names remembered,
friends made and fears
let go and lightended
(and) life moves on.
Bye Mom
Mike
2018
-----------
P-Hate and Fear:
How much I hate you,
your snotty attitude,
you condisending views and ways,
the look you give me in the mirror
the depression I feel when you hate me so
what did I do to deserve this pain and
agony who are you to put me down,
to destroy wall that I am,
no hope for the future
for the past is agony intense.
And the current lost and dark
caught in amber strong and hardened
by years of neglect of self.
No future, but more death
and depression, lost in my self
and the loss of who I am was
possible to be.
What humor, given many gifts
and visions, but none of the tools
to make them happen or even
possible. Locked in this humorous
web of denial, self doubt and
denial of self, or just fear,
fear of failure, of being
put down by you one more time.
So fuck you who I see in the mirror
but how to remove you, shotgun blast
or knive strong and sharp? Pills a
plenty I have tried already
but to no avail. I am locked
here with you, and you with me.
Forgive myself for my death, for
it is long in comming, do I hate
all so much to end it now, or
go on? Help is near, but is it
soon enough.
Mike
2004
----------
P-Happiness
Happiness
what is it?
How can I know
am I happy
or sad, I just
don't know.
Success,
failure
smile or
frown
fear or
no fear
or just numb
Alone or
group
Singular,
many or what?
Am I happy,
or sad or
just numb.
I just want to
feel, and know
happiness
to smile
to have things
people and
memories to
be happy about.
and just feel
anything is
just a start.
But now
what, and
how to go
and be happy
I like to know
Please tell me
show me
help me
and not
let me go
into that dark
place alone
and lost,
that hell
never again.
Mike Adams
2011
(still editing)
----------
P-Geeks Revenge
Beaten Battered
Walked on, spat on
boot prints covered
Ignored or chased
put down, let down
forgotten in the hall.
But now Bitch
I have the power
yes oh mighty jock
as you scream there
with piss running
down your legs,
and bawling like
a cow at slaughter
I have the gun
I have the bomb
teacher dead
on the floor like
so much shit it was
I asked a question
and was made fun of
not cause I was stupid
but cause I was not
its favorite.
So who you call mother
why me, cause I have
the power, but why?
Cause I have more
force than you?
I can reach out
touch you hard
harder than you ever
did me, you and the team
as you chased me down
like a deer in flight, and
teachers standing by
like cheering sections
and snotty bitches all
lined up, cheering you on
as you made my life hell
But do not worry,
its all a joke, the gun
you moron is a water one
the bombs, grin, you
ignorant whore is just
tubs of plastic made
of props from the
theatre department
but the images are
priceless of you begging
for your life, offering
me your body and all
the delights you have
shared with the teachers
teams and others..
And I am getting an A in
the Drama class, cause
well teachers in on it.
I do not want them,
why cause I saw
the report oh, whose
the father? And how
much penicillin
you going to need?
Oh, yes, the school
heard everything.
Same for you
Super Jock,
so now you can dread
Like I, and run
from class to class,
always in fear,
dreading life and wanting
to die and end it all
but never done
Or hunted like an animal
by those who you once
called friends, but
stabbed their backs
when gone.
Mike
200?
This is for all the geeks, nerds, special kids, and others who just for what ever never quite fit in, was left alone, ignored by the teachers, parents, faculty, and abused by the jocks and social junkies of the world, who in the name of their drama, made others lives a living hell..
For the victims of Columbine.. I wish it had never happened, but understand some on why it happened.
Hum, ok, here is a poems of sorts that is close to home or in ways glad it did not become.
The fun of being a geek and finding ways to deal with people and how they can be. or not be.
-----------
P-Fear of Failure 2016
Fear grips
my hands
Left alone
in the dark
Held fast
by the
darkness
and fear
and fear
not of the
darkness
but the
light.
Fear paralyed
to do anything
for all fails
pr pushed aside
For why do
when all else
comes first
Why try
all fails
falls and
lost focus
sp why try
one again
tenth or
hundreth.
Lazy or Obstacles
Unmotivated
or just whatever
why do it
again with
same result
Failure
Mike
2016
black mead notebook
------------
P-Fear Driven
Fear to hold me
To keep me back
to drive me or not
held in its grasp
or running fast
and hard but to where
Mike Adams
2012
More coming
------------
P-Fear 2012
Fear holds me close
ties me down
holds me back
limits me
but also guides
me, reasonable
holds me back from
insanity but
insane fear holds
me back for more
pain and anger.
Mike Adams
2012
------------
P-Faith and Fear:
Little rabbit run run run,
but to where for I am lost
kissed for memory short,
or no faith in self,
or just no one knows me
wants to know me,
or cares not to care,
and have faith in me.
Selfish, yes, but needing
help and guidance, a
direction and acceptance
to know where I am going
or can do, need do or just
that I did it and now
am loved and appreciated.
So family, and friends
peer and coworker.
Am I doing well, good,
with in limits and standard
or just lost again
with no direction
front or side or back,
lost in memory shorted out.
Why take chances, when
you know it will end the same
in a dead end, or not completed
or worse, no one respects
my needs and they demand
me to do their bidding
while my needs fall away.
Or just what was I doing,
I know I was doing something
but now, a month gone by
and I remember, but now to
late, and I fall into despair
or just hand cuffs, addiction
and homeless, and lost.
Nothing done, or completed
so why try, and no one knows
or cares, to help when
I need it, badly, so why try
and face depression and
deaths calling for self
destruction, so why even try.
When it will end up all the
same, dead and dismembered.
Or just not completed.
Mike Adams
2010
------------
P-Drunk
I fear
I drink
I hurt
I drink
I beat
I drink
I fall
I drunk
I puke
I drunk
I fight
I drunk
I hurt
I drunk
now my kids
drinking
I wonder why?
I hit
I drunk
I kill
I drunk
In Jail
I sober
Who died
I sober
When died
I sober
God what did I do?
I drunk
but sober now.
Mike
2006
(working on it)
-------------
P-Cell:
Cell dark but warm
door locked and tight
locked in my room
not by bars iron
but mental pain
and fear insecure
my room refuge
or prison, self made
or forced by fear
and anger of others
I am not sure.
but here I sit
before the light
and portal to the world
locked in its grasp
tight and unable
to move or leave
so I am locked
in my cell.
No way out
or just no steps
to get there.
Mike Adams
2006
---------
P-Button:
A button before me,
red and deadly,
to push it I know
will end all, kill all,
and I don't care,
push it now,
end all now,
kill all, die all,
all must die, to end
my torment and life,
I can not of theirs,
for they have made
mine a hell, of words,
deeds, hits, hurts,
pain, laying on ground,
battered and beaten,
or just ignored,
chased down
like an animal,
and no one cares,
parents, teacher,
all else, just stand
there and chear
at my falling down.
Or worse, they jear
and chear, yes,
the jock can beat
all he wants,
to take all he wants,
the girls, the locker,
the grades they
did not earn,
walk down the
middle of the hall,
and hit any
they care to,
for the teachers
are in awe..
So when all asked,
why he pushed
the button red
and deadly and
if you do not know,
then you deserve
to die. Like the rest,
the animals all.
God cares not,
Jesus is dead
before me, and
beyond hope or
help, so why
should I have faith,
all is forsaken,
Satans is my buddy,
but I deny him
and go with words,
or fear, I know not why.
People are strange
when your a stranger,
has means to me,
for I am strange.
Normal, why be normal,
be abnormal, for
it is atleast a place,
but not of peace.
Mike
2005
-(Old memories from School)
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
--------------
P-A Hero Dies Today
Hero or vilain
or just poor fool
suffering or aspiring
acceptance finding fear
misunderstood or driven
away or mad.
Not wanted
or appreciated,
doing all for them,
but they drive you away
or locked away and
forgotten, so why does
the hero do it?
Salvation, penance
acceptance, or its all
it knows or hope for
so in the end, a hero
dies today.
Mike
2009
Metaphorical hero.
-----------------
Copyright 2008
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