Edit and redo or keep it as the later versions show?

[Abrigon]

POETRY FROM THE DARKSIDE INTO THE LIGHT 2021: (one version)

Poetry

from the Dark side

Into the Light

By

Michael Adams

04/05/2010

01/2011, 11/2011

-------

Many not meant for anyone under 18 - Adult, Violent Subject Matter. This is not the book I thought. 

Sorry if got some mixed up, trying to edit and finish it and show all, but not make it 300 pages.  

I have others, and adding or removing as time goes by. 

Some I got to keep for the next book if any? 

Got a possible publisher, its self publish, so will see. 

I trying to do all the above, but can not maintain concentration for too long, as well as can’t print it all out and edit, I do not seem to work that way/well that way. Some of the poems are not about me and my feelings, but some are what I have seen, sometimes other peoples pains and issue and my trying to make sense of much of it. What we do for inspiration, or to explore our minds and feelings and try to bring out what we hide, or feel strongly about. Some I wrote just cause, world issues, imagination run wild, not sure. The fun is I am no danger to anyone but myself.

INDEX:

DARK:

Depression        1

Pull the Trigger    1

Slashes:

Blood

Doorman To Hell

Dead Dreams

A Hero Dies Today

Christ (Dearest Christ?)

Death and Dying

Scar on Scar

Analyzed Insane

Sink Hole

GRIEF:

Forgive Me

Shut Down

Pain Maximum

Ghosts of the Past

Survivors Guilt

ADDICTION:

Self

Lost Self

Bi-Polar

Demon of the Dark

Attention

Geeks Revenge

Negative

Peace of Piece

Lycaine

Abandoned

What is a Man

Pity Me

The Course

Button

Help Me

Others

Shame

Ithaca

Death and Dying (Again or ..)

Outcast

School Glory

Drunk

She is Gone

Numb

All Numb

ABUSE/PAIN/PENANCE/PRAYERS:

Morrigen

Reflected Anger

They are Gone

PAIN

Step by Step

Anger Numb

Forgotten

Dead Eyes

Dearest Christ

Scar on Scar

Morgoti

Faith and Fear

Mask

Martha

Daddy Why?

Lost Sunshine

Beat Me More

Beat Me

Lantern

Five Percent

PAIN

Daggers and Rendering

God is Dead

We Are Borg (I am  BORG)

BAGGAGE:

Banshee Run

LIGHT:

Challenge Me

Of Youth

The Grail

Elderado

Ride the Wind

The Grail

Lady of Light

Sleep

Butterfies are Free

Enjoy

The Poets' Degree

LOVE:

My Muse

Friendship

Haunted Eyes

Friendship Dark

CHILDREN:

My Little Man

My Little One

Custody

UNCLASSIFIED

Father

I Choose Life

 

DARK:

DEPRESSION:

Depression what is it, why does it hold me back like a vice or chains strong. 

What can I do to remove it from my life and go on to bigger and better 

to follow my dreams most high on into the sky, but I sit here chained to earth, 

like some stone held fast by miles of earth never to see the sky and sun, 

but from glimpses short, only enough to know I am down deep in my depression, and not happy with where I am, but with no way known to relieve me of this burden. What cruel fate to be given a vision, but as well let it be held in such a grip as mine. Oh to the sun I wish to climb, up into the sky like a bird on wing but this feeling of earth keeps me fast I struggle and strain but I still remain tied to earths cold grasp, depression is its name, but more than that is all I know is its effects on me and my path, crooked and often dead of end is this path, for when my energy is only enough to fight the depression there is little left for others things than it.  But there is some light at the end of this tunnel deep and dark, what it is I shall see for this thing is killing me slowly, inch by inch, miles by mile this depression is slowly killing what of me there is that wishes to go on to better things. Pray tell the light finds me before the darkness totally engulfs me in its cold dark grasp, rends my soul from my body and casts me to the pile of its latest victim with out a care of who I was and what I could have become, just that I am dinner for it and my life was a good fight but in the end I was his and now my broken soul lies here on this pile of broken dreams of mine and others.   I crave the light and the promises made of my abilities, but still held fast in chains most strong and deadly to this path I do plod along, looking for that exit that will either save me or end my life and cast myself on to that pile so high of broken dreams and lost souls.

Mike Adams

200?

PULL THE TRIGGER:

Pull the trigger,

pull it now pull it hard

pull it fast pull it NOW.

I must die,  I have to die

the pain must end it why do

I go on  what keeps me here

but the pain the unknown

lingering numbness the cry

for help but have none

who cares for  my pain

So I sit, here with this gun

in my hand, someone pull

this damn trigger. pull it

fast, pull it hard you piece

of shit you worthless pile

of crap who looks like you

or just me?

Mike

2005

==============

SLASHES:

One slash, two slash, three slash, more, four slash, five slash, six slash, done. One Slash, Two Slash, Three Slash, More Marks on wrists deep and bloody. One, two, three, why can't I die, What keeps me here, Up down, side to side, razor, knife, can or other object sharp will do I am numb, please make it stop, the pain. What pain not the slashed deep or superficial but the pain behind that I wish to show to bring out dig out and let out, NOW.

 

Mike Adams

200?

For a chat friend.

P-BLOOD:

Roses are red, so is blood, spewing from the hole,

the hole in your heart, or where it once was,

gone from bullet splatter, splatter of pain,

pain from bullet? Lost again!

Mike Adams

200?

No real reason, variation on Roses are Red.

--------

DOORMEN TO HELL:

Who gives a shit a man once said

to the doorman at the of hell,

and doorman said, go ask Alice

she gives a shit, for she is not here..

Hell holds me down like mud and quicksand.

Ties me down my Juliet in ribbon strong

and tight, and in the delight, you bring

by feathers strong and whips a plenty..

whips not of leather, but of light,

burning flesh, singing away inch by inch,

mile by mile, until my soul is revealed..

And laid bare to the light and seen

to be clean of hell, but not of heaven

but of limbo grey and white.

Mike Adams

2004

------

DEAD DREAMS:

Step by step

another death

not of life, but

dreams, gone

but not forgotten

Mike Adams

200?

P-A Hero Dies Today

Hero or villain

or just  poor fool

suffering or aspiring

acceptance finding fear

misunderstood or driven

away or mad. Not wanted

or appreciated, doing

all for them but

they drive you away

or locked away and

forgotten, so why does

the hero do it?

Salvation, penance

acceptance, or its all

it knows or hope for

so in the end, a hero

dies today.

Mike

2009

-----

CHRIST (Dearest?):

 

Why I scream,

Who am I?

Christ? but not!

But knows his pain,

beaten by many,

just cause or anger

expressed,

I know not.

Mike Adams

200?

 

DEATH AND DYING:

Dying yes, dead not yet

for with out life,

then you have death

or without hope

there is death

giving up before the

mark of death arrives

to soon to give up

to be given to the pile

or corpses piled high

before hells door

given up to the disease

called dying, or cancer

or some other malody

that saps our strengths

and pulls us down

down to the ground and in

or to pyres high.

glory, is just an excuse

for dying better than

others dead.

Mike Adams

200?

======

SCAR ON SCAR:

Scars on scars

until all is

scar tissue

raised up and

cancerous

full of pus

and bleeding

blood and pus.

Mike Adams

2008?

ANALYZED INSANE:

Beat me, whip me, tell me wrong, am I nuts? Insane crazy or just weird am I mutant or rebel hero or cripple, told I am nuts a mutant crazy and insane and this corner I am in,  analyzed into it by thoughts are they right or wrong, or just ... here.  

Here in this corner, back along walls together, locked here, with no way out, to go, backed into a corner, with no door, door to show me out, where am I, how did I get here to this corner, to the left is wall, the right is wall, to the top ceiling low and sloping this, this point, and floor is dark, cold, like dead space, cold and soaking up the warmth of me into it..

Mike

2000?

---------

SINK HOLE:

 

Sink hole in the ground

why you have come around

go away and fill up

with water or soil

or just take the pain away

of my lost life and home

or just give me time

to fill out my claim

report or know the fun

of FEMA saying YES

and the money to flow

and to know the joy

of a new house and

place to live, above

the sink hole long gone

and away from my soul.

 

Mike

2009

 

GRIEF:

Forgive Me (still working on)

I scream to quiet stones

But no reply for they are gone

and long dead. Beyond my pain

anger and longing for their

forgiveness. But still I scream

for the pain holds me fast.

No room for anything else.

No room for love, or joy.

Only the consuming cancer

that dwells in me, given

for failures in ancient

time, and now long gone

but still it lingers and

holds me back, with ropes

strong and tight, strangling

all that I was, locked in

pain unending, and no one to

beg forgiveness for

errors and ignorance

far from bliss.

Mike

2009

 ========

P-Pain Maximum

Beat me

Nothing

Whip Me

Still Nothing

I know you are

doing it, but

I feel it naught

for all I am in pain

I nothing else

Pain maxed out.

Mike

2006

P-Shutdown

Shut down

Overdrawn

To Much

Forgiven

Unforgiven

Nothing left

all is dead

emotions

mind

heart

soul

all is numb

shut down

Mike

2006

P-Ghosts of the Past:

 

Past, present, future

Ghosts all, hiding the light

holding me fast to the dead

Ghosts holding me back

Ghosts hiding the light

Ghosts blocking the future

A Fog of the Dead

Ghosts everywhere

My brain screams

Why? Who? Where?

Save me from this, but

nothing comes back

for the fog blocks all.

 

Ghosts of the Past

Present and Future

of friends lost and

gone. Dead or cold to

my heart. Holding me

hear, in the darkness

cold and hopeless.

Holding me here

to this mortal pain

of memories.

Of ghosts holding me

back from peace of

mind, forgiveness

and understanding why?

And of soul, lost and

obsessed with the ghosts.

 

Please it was fun, but

you left by hands own

or accident, or just

plain stupidity.

 

I tried to help

But ignorance is no

bliss. Actions to take

But regret own guilt

extreme. Questioning

why did you hate us so

much, to leave with

hardly a word?

Or warning, why?

Did you hate us so?

 

Your life, family,

friends and loves?

To leave us this

void and memories

dark. Ghosts holding

on long after the

living is long gone.

But chin tight

still here. Locked

in this grey life

nearly ghosts

our selves.

 

Mike

2008?

(still editing)

 

For several, some I have forgotten their names, or wanting to.. Not complete, lost the note book it was in.

P-Survivors Guilt (2008)

 

The dead are gone, but what of those left behind? To bury the dead, to record their passing, but to keep going, worse to wonder what if?

 

I had smiled, to show I loved them? To force them to find help, or even know they needed it, and how much. Just to let them know you worry, and wish them to be happy, and find a way out of the darkness, the corner them selves in, or forced to be in.

 

And get help, peace and life in the light not death in the dark. Not only of light and dark but of mind, spirit and love. Means peaceful, but not death, for in their passing is left questions of why, what if, trust, pain, guilt and hatred, not just anger at them, and self.

Ignorance is bliss, is far from true, when dealing

with friends self destruction, for in not knowing

brings little bliss.

 

He or she a friend, not only of genes but of blood and things shared, a piece of each other, and of all, who knew them. What hell was they in, to wish for early release from life?

To not demand help? We who loved them, did they not trust us, or think us less human/friends or just lost in their depression and path dark and lonely.. Or worse, they did trust us and we

failed them. But all they had to do was, but we was not.Knowing what they was saying and is this we are at loss.

 

No one I was enough to leave what they left behind, I know its selfish to die by gun, pills, poison or life destructive.

 

 

 

Please come back, I miss you so much. Life is never full without you. But I muddle along, plodding to find some purpose to your leaving. And how to help others not to go how you went. To save others from guilt, for it should been me who died and now you. You had more to live for than I, but now I am truly old and you are long gone but young always in my minds eye.

 

Mike

2008?

 

 

 

 

 

ADDICTION

P-Self:

Drugs, Alcohol

Or just drama

Unleashed. Pain,

Anger, fear, or

just lonely.

With nothing to

fill the void of

soul. But drink,

drugs, and self

destruction.

 

Hatred of self

or just fear of

showing more of

self, due to past

jeering, disrespect

or being to open

and used by it.

By the group, or

those in power,

along against the

the crowd and

riots of pain

brought on by

groups social,

not welcome, and

not wanted, all

cause your mutant,

geek, freak, or

just not pretty.

 

What did you do wrong

is asked, but only

answer is being born

out of time with what

is popular, or hot.

Condemned from birth

to second class status

all cause of gender,

mixed race, or parents

unknown or just not

caring, or from the

wrong side of the

tracks or just body

build, or mind paths.

 

 

How brutal but how it

comes to be for how

many? All out of shape.

Not fitting that mold

of what? Some hidden,

or open standard.

Enforced and deadly

in disrespect. All

programmed in by who?

For what reasons to

be special or snotty

for some blessed and

others called cursed

by fate, or just no

one stands up to say

Bullshit, and enough!

 

To stand before the

houses of peer and

media. To pressure

immense and many fall

into chasms, deadly

and purge themselves

to fit in, or to not

die alone! Destroyed

and ravaged. Left

alone to deal with

issues of self hate

fear and loathing

institutionalized!

 

Mike

2008

 

(still working on it?)

For self in part, but also for a few friends or people I once knew.

P-Lost Self

Who am I

or was I

I a know

I am loved

but not sure

why for I

have forgotten

who this person

is beside me,

they love me

I know but

why, I have

forgotten for

it is just

filtered and

grey and memories

that seem distant

and many lost

in the abyss that

is now my past

she sits

next to me

and shows me love

but I feel something

but forget why

who and what it was

for all is slowly

sliding away and

I feel hurt

sad and to

please let me go

for I am gone and

it hurts to see

the pain in your eyes

and the fear I feel

in where I am

or was or going

or why you still

hold me close

but I have forgotten

who you are, or was

but only know what

you say you are, wife,

mother, brother,

husband and children

but are you sure

for I know you not,

but know I should

know you and I feel

for you and dim

memories of you or

lost and dying slowly

Thank you, I think

but for what

not sure why but

I feel the love

for your staying on

for when I remember

I know you and am lucid

but its fading more

and more and damn

I have pissed

I think it is what

it is, or druel

or just sorry

I can not speak

or even hold words

in my mind for

what.. lost it

focus gone..

Night I know

let me go, but

you refuse but

why, who was I

what was I and ...

Mike Adams

2011

For Rayenette but for all who have lost a family member/friend,

slowly thru the slide into dementia, and especially those who stay

and take care of them, even if the end will likely be a slow/fast

decent into them not knowing who and why you are taking care of them

and they the spirit that they was, dying, the body left behind

but a husk, with no life.

 ADDICTION:

BI-POLAR:

Dark to light

But where is Grey?

Up to down

Bipolar and

Of a low but where

is the sides and middle

or lost in clouds of speed

from high to low

top to bottom

light to dark

depression deep

and deadly

lost in a sea of

conflict

hate and love

positive to negative

but nothing in between

Between cliff and rocks

below and death hard

for none can hang on

to this cliff hanger

always on the edge

between heaven and hell

pleasure and pain

until all is lost and

gone, never happy

and be neutral.

Mike Adams

2007

(wrote in part for a friends brother and his issues with being Bipolar, but in some ways, my own high/crash life style, people either cause of my hyper nature and to much caffeine, am on something, or when I crash/tired am stoned or like.. Neither, other than to much caffeine, lack of good sleep, bad diet, sleep apnea issues, as well as obsessive about something and will

keep going until the body demands SLEEP. Getting better but with my working

12 hour shifts at night, will see.).

 

DEMON OF THE DARK:

A sea, a sea, oh blasted is the sea,

Dangers evil and untold, awaits you

in the rock of the moon and stars

in the sea of blasted sun.

Lost women of the nite,

strikes her there, beneath the stary sky,

of dark and nite, it rises into the sky

Evil, is its name, and curse.

Oh maiden, you are lost to us

for lusts drive us all, and your

drove you more, more

on into the darkness I see

She lies there across the sea,

to see the eye, you must seek the eye

for all is there, death and darkness

stone and unholy beasts.

Who come from inside

and out, from beyond and here.

But riches vast and painful won.

Sparkle is the stars, and all is nite.

Beware the demon of the Dark!

(For some ones D20 Game)

Mike Adams

200?

====

ATTENTION:

Sex, love, affection,

need of  attention,

what is the truth

for some it is power,

others it is touch,

others it is knowing

they are alive and

still got it, or just

to be seen.

Mike

200?

(Affection alternate title). The drama and what we do to get attention.

GEEKS REVENGE:

Beaten Battered

Walked on, spat on

boot prints covered

Ignored or chased

put down, let down

forgotten in the hall.

 

But now Bitch

I have the power

yes oh mighty jock

as you scream there

with piss running

down your legs,

and bawling like

a cow at slaughter

 

I have the gun

I have the bomb

teacher dead

 

on the floor like

so much shit it was

I asked a question

and was made fun of

not cause I was stupid

but cause I was not

its favorite.

 

So who you call mother

why me, cause I have

the power, but why?

 

Cause I have more

force than you?

I can reach out

touch you hard

harder than you ever

did me, you and the team

as you chased me down

like a deer in flight, and

teachers standing by

like cheering sections

and snotty bitches all

lined up, cheering you on

as you made my life hell

 

But do not worry,

its all a joke, the gun

you moron is a water one

the bombs, grin, you

ignorant whore is just

tubs of plastic made

of props from the

theatre department

but the images are

pricess of you begging

for your life, offering

me your body and all

the delights you have

shared with the teachers

teams and others..

 

And I am getting an A in

the Drama class, cause

well teachers in on it.

I do not want them,

why cause I saw

the report oh, whose

the father? And how

much pennecillian

you going to need?

 

Oh, yes, the school

heard everything.

Same for you

Super Jock,

so now you can dread

Like I, and run

from class to class,

always in fear,

dreading life and wanting

to die and end it all

but never done

Or hunted like an animal

by those who you once

called friends, but

stabbed their backs

when gone.

 

Mike

2006?

 

This is for all the geeks, nerds, special kids, and others who just for what ever never quite fit in, was left alone, ignored by the teachers, parents, facilty, and abused by the jocks and social junkies of the world, who in the name of their drama, made others life a living hell.. For the victims of Columbine.. I wish it had never happened, but understand some on why it happened.

 

PEACE OR PIECE:

peace or piece

of love or death

love or sex

peace of joy

or of death

piece of hell

or piece of ass

for ass you wage

war or just get some?

Mike Adams

200?

NEGATIVE:

A dark pool

a hole dark

as midnight

a lake of cold

and darkness

or just pity

Why wallow in the

pool of darkness

called pity

my life has been

negative, always

seeing things from

the dark side

of things, and

expecting things

dark, and most

of all, remembering

only the negative

things..

 

Mike

2006

LYCAINE:

I live alone, hunt alone,

be alone like a wolf am I,

but human too. Such is the

quandry of my kin and kindred,

we live alone, but need each

other to survive, to go on

and live and not die by

the hands of our enemies.

Of which there is many,

but all alone..

 

Mike

2005/2008

 

ABANDONED:

Feeling abandoned, neglected, not wanted,

no one have patience to be with you,

to teach you and help you along,

and you help them as well. Alone,

left behind, not wanted or needed.

How to feel anything more. When you

trust no one not even your self.

 

Mike

2006

 

WHAT IS A MAN:

What is a man a being of flesh and blood heart and sinew but also of feelings some hard and painful, some soft and passionate some teasing like twilight, some so real it is fearsome, What can be said of a man, but of life and death, happiness, and pain joys many, pains untold, but in the middle is the answer to all, for to much of one, or the other, leads to depression or insanity.

Mike

200?

Anyone have a life they can donate to me? I need one.

PITY ME:

 

Pity me

Pity me

I scream

but why

Do I deserve

your pity

 

What have I

done to merit

it, or earn it

 

What have

I done

to make

my life

better?

 

But wallow

in my self

pity and

degradation

but never

stood up

and done

anything.

 

So stop

and pity

me not.

 

Hand up

or just

remind me

 

Stop.

No pity

today

THE COURSE:

Man Walks,

Man Sees,

Man Falls,

Man in Love

Man be Drunk

She is Gone

Man is Lost

Where is he now?

Alone and gone.

Mike

200?

What have I done

to make my life better,

but be afraid, 

or fail one more time,

or just wallow in

self pity and put

myself down,

or hold my self back,

or worse blame others

for my condition,

when it was I who

decided to stay put

and not do anything?

Take a chance,

make a change,

be positive,

dwell not in

the darkness.

Pity me not,

for I have done

naughty to

change my self,

but fall into mud

of my own chosing.

 

Mike

2009

(still working on, so may rewrite it but will see).

P-Button:

 A button before me, red and deadly,

to push it I know will end all, kill all,

and I don't care, push it now, end all now,

kill all, die all, all must die, to end

my torment and life, I can not of theirs,

for they have made mine a hell, of words,

deeds, hits, hurts, pain, laying on ground,

battered and beaten, or just ignored,

chased down like an animal, and no one cares,

parents, teacher, all else, just stand there

and cheer at my falling down. Or worse,

they jeer and cheer, yes, the jock can beat

all he wants, to take all he wants, the girls,

the locker, the grades they did not earn,

walk down the middle of the hall, and hit

any they care to, for the teachers are in awe.

So when all asked, why he pushed the button red

and deadly and if you do not know, then you

deserve to die. Like the rest, the animals all.

God cares not, Jesus is dead before me, and

beyond hope or help, so why should I have faith,

all is forsaken, Satans is my buddy, but I deny

him and go with words, or fear, I know not why.

People are strange when you’re a stranger,

has means to me, for I am strange. Normal,

why be normal, be abnormal, for it is atleast

a place, but not of peace.

Mike

2005

(Old memories from High School)

For the Victims of Columbine and more.-

-------------

HELP ME:

Help me I screamed, but no one replied.

I ran to mommy, and busy was she.

Daddy, gone as gone in things of speed and flesh.

Family ran away from me in my pain and agony

chased by demons of flesh and spirit, beaten

and battered and given up for dead teachers,

cared not, not my problem was the reply

Friends ran and knew me not, not that had

any God said, come here little boy, we will

make a man of you and molest you like

buddies I once knew.

Mike

200?

Never got the whole feel of it, so explored and did not find enough to finish?

OTHERS (The Song):

Glad I learned how to think things out, and not do some things.

The song we all hear

before we die,

to face our fate,

and our deeds

done or not done,

promises given,

some we rose to,

and some we denied,

some we destroyed,

and some that were

destroyed..

Mike Adams

2005?

P-Shame:

A poem

A deed

Permission

A knife

A sword

A friends

Swift cut

Head rolls

And shame

Ends, honor

Restored and

Witnessed

Seppeku

Mike

2011

---

P-Ithaca

In Ithaca, where the heroes lie,

to go there and worship long

and thoughtful, of battles long

and gone, but still fresh

in my mind for I am Ulysses

and I have returned once again,

still cursed to wander the world

and beyond with my crew for things

we once did, and now forgotten,

for the soul can bear only so much

and it is gone, but someone

still knows, for we still wander,

from place to place, time to time,

world to world, never for long,

and death and destruction follow us,

beasts and demons attack us,

and test us, we die and by morrow

reborn, feeling pain but no peace..

Mike

2005

 

P-Death and Dying

Dying yes, dead not yet

for with out life,

then you have death

or without hope

there is death

giving up before the

mark of death arrives

to soon to give up

to be given to the pile

or corpses piling high

before hells door

given up to the disease

called dying, or cancer

or some other malady

that saps our strengths

and pulls us down

down to the ground and in

or to pyres high.

glory, is just an excuse

for dying better than

others dead.

Mike Adams

2005

P-Outcast

Out cast or

walked out?

Forced out

or just never

part?

Human or

more or less

how to ask or

know what.

Walking alone

down the hiway

of life, single

never part

or never welcome

Who can say.

For he is long

gone and silent

but none notice

for they never

know who he was

or even that he

existed or just

another wall flower.

Left to rot in the

summer sun, or

never thrive, for

held in darkness

Fuck them for

their selfish ways.

Christ pity them

for what they are

is what they fear

worse of all.

Human

Mike

2006

P-School Glory:

Mine eyes of have the glory

of the burning of the school

we have tortured every teacher

we have broken every rule

we have shot the secretary,

we have hung the principal

our troops are marching on.

1966 or so..

Mike Adams

Helped write it I think.

Portland Oregon

Written down 2006

P-Drunk

I fear

I drink

I hurt

I drink

I beat

I drink

I fall

I drunk

I puke

I drunk

I fight

I drunk

I hurt

I drunk

now my kids

drinking

I wonder why?

I hit

I drunk

I kill

I drunk

In Jail

I sober

Who died

I sober

When died

I sober

God what did I do?

I drunk

but sober now.

Mike

2006

(working on it)

P-She is Gone

Man, lays down

head in hand

life is gone

she is dead

Mike

2005

For June Spenser, Cancer.

 -------

P-Numb:

Feel what

nothing

for all is

dead, all

is gone

no feelings

nothing there

just numb.

Mike Adams

2006

Dedicated to a Coast Guard Diver.

Or a strange meeting at a Air Force Mental Ward

P-All Numb

No eyes to see

No ears to hear

No skin to feel

All senses numb

All senses dead

No distractions

No pain felt

All tastes dead

All is dead and dull

Left alone

No distractions

Just the empty space

Alone and happy

Mike Adams

2011

 

 ABUSE AND PAIN, PENANCE AND PRAYERS FOR HELP!

P-Morrigen

 

Morrigen, avenge me, she screams,

with last breath, save me from this

demon made flesh. a mortal man,

whose hate for me is most foul?

What did I do to deserve this I ask

of him with no reply, for he has none..

Save me and mine from the torment

he brings to us, the lost child, the lost love,

the dead who scream in agony.

The living lost in death, for not knowing,

are they dead, in torment, or what?

 

Morrigen a women tall and dark, hair and visage, like a raven intent on pray, she stalks her prey, those far from innocent stalks, not a innocent one, but pray most foul.

 

Morrigen like a goddess, a women dark of hair

and visage. like a raven tall and strong, with eyes that pierce the darkness.. To bring the unknown guilty to the light of truth, with mind and spirit.

 

Knowledge and cunning, wisdom and persistence, to give the victims peace, their families hope, and those affected a sense of closure.

 

Morrigen we cry to drive the demons away,

not ones of spirit and nature biblical, but ones

most foul and mortal.. Mortal ones, who prey and hide, who slither in the darkness, who rise up and slaughter, hurt and maim, driving those who protect to madness.. Madness of frustration of egos crossed and battered minds, so to

 

 

 

Morrigan we fly to find the guy, or who she is, what they know and feel, to profile them and draw the shades from the abyss of ignorance, and bring them to the light, of truth, and justice, most swift.

 

To burn them in holy light. by hells fire and drive them from our mind and fears, to draw away the anger, and pain and agony of their victims, give them peace of knowing they can walk the streets and by ways, to love again, to touch again, to feel again, and breath deeply and feel not danger at every step.

 

And just feel safe

 

Mike Adams

2005

(2006)

 

For a buddy. Find who he or she is, and bring them to justice, please.. Morrigen was three women, ravens.. Chooser of the slain, the worthy.. it is okay my dear warrior one of the three, chooser of the slain and warrior of blood. of the Morrrigan..

 

 

 

 

P-Reflected Anger 2009 (For Chee Chee)

 

I hit, I beat

I strike out

and hurt her

but not for what

she did, but what

others did

 

but she took it

all, why I scream

was it love? Love

 

A love, did

not deserve,

or patience

But she took

it and I gave it

and it was wrong

in so many ways

for it was not

 

her anger to bear

or take, but mine.

 

For not doing

to those who hurt

me to stand up

and be a man and

deal with them

up front, or just

move on, but

instead I beat her

hard, and in shame.

 

Shame once know,

it ended but

damage done

and never to heal

the pains given

in my anger

and shame.

 

She is gone, but

remembered of my

humanity and weakness

and pledge to

hurt no one

like I did her

and in this I hold

her memories

dear and close.

 

Please I beg

forgive me and

be at peace my

friend Chee Chee

a dog in form

but a saint in

spirit. A ghost

I bear and hold

and know like nails

holding me to a cross

of my own making.

 

Mike

2009

 

Sometimes we hurt those we love, cause we do not know how to hurt those who give us pain/anger.

P-They Are Gone:

 

They are gone those faces in the dark

and I am happy but sad in this for I

knew they for a short time, they have

effected and affected me more than their

lived, loves and deeds, other than our

time together as friends and some as

lovers, but love not of lust but

friendship. But now they fade and

I am at peace, but sad in their final

passing for what of them and their

deaths? I move on and live but how

much pain has come from their deaths

some self inflicted others by misstep.

Some by someone else’s hand and deeds.

But they held me for years for their

effect and lives, lasting longer

than their lives was, but I measure

much by their passing and the result

of their passing and my knowing them.

 

Now to walk in the daylight, to love

myself once again, forgiven not by them

for they are beyond any thing mortal

and forgiveness is not theirs to give

but for me to forgive myself for

misdeed or just ignorance and knot

knowing how to do more or to know

the danger of their words and acts.

 

But I know the effect, the pain unending

what if I have screams and dwelled on

for many hours long and hard but

nothing comes back but more darkness

and it MUST end for in the dwelling

I have lost myself, dwelling in darkness

hating one self until all I have is

my self loathing and pain. Crying

alwasy never feeling more than the

obsession of the pain of their passing

and what I could have done better.

 

To honor them by living and not dying

to move on and help others know

the happiness of living and not

dying in darkness and wander down

paths foul and insane. Lost in the morose

of depression and dead to all but

the strongest emotions and feelings

forces to hurt one self to just feel

anything, to know anything and to hate

oneself continually for what?

Something that some else did and now

long gone but me a victim still

of their passing or almost hateful

leaving of this life. Not trusting

or just not helping me to help them.

 

So now, we shall see, live, be happy

do not solve small problems with

permanent solutions. Think of the

others you leave behind and do you

hate them as much as what you left

them with? So please live, and

its not all bad, okay! We just over

simplify in the black and white,

dark and light, happy and lack of.

 

So if not for self, them for me

friends, loved ones or even those

you hate, for if anything you by

living will show your love for those

who love you, and annoy the hell

out of those who hate you and give

them purpose by hating you!

 

But in this I LIVE!

 

Mike

Alaska

2009

 PAIN:

P-Step by Step:

 

Step, step, step, but I look back

and can not see the steps, and know

where I came from or where I am going,

but yes, the steps are to big, to grand,

and grandiose no vision that goes back

into that fog behind, that far to see

how far they are apart, so I step

smaller steps still as I step, and

look I can not see them all, no joy in

the seeing of them for they are still not

there in my minds eye.

 

So smaller steps and on and on,

and finally I find that just a small

step, more a shuffle is what I need

so I can see of how I bleed or how

I go from place to place, lost, but

now I am found for in the steps small,

I see where I am going, where I have

been and can find joy in knowing that

I have stepped at all. And know, I am

completing things doing things, making

steps to improve my lot in life that I

am not walking in a fog or a bog of sand

holding me fast but in a lane of my own

creation into the future, and the promise

of completion, of happiness in the doing,

and knowing, of organized thoughts and dreams

not lost in the morose of my own mind and

home, but links I can see now, visions

of things I have done and measure in my

minds eye and memory now fast.

 

Mike Adams

2004

 

 

P-Anger Numb:

I feel numb with no anger to sustain me

to fill me and hold me tight to keep me

going to provide comfort and warmth when

alone, no pain to remind me mortal I am

to remind me that I live.. Now just numb

for the pain has past, or  just hidden

but the anger is gone and I am numb

and lost, music once held me, not it

is dreary and boring, no effect just

numb, feeling nothing, but the empty

void that was my hate, anger and pain.

So I am just numb.

Mike

2005

FORGOTTEN:

Step by step,

another death,

not of life,

but dreams,

gone but not

forgotten.

Mike Adams

200?

P-Dead Eyes

 

Eyes stare back

they are dead

and black, no life

there, but memories

 

Memories of

the time I saw

them last.

 

And what we

were to do

and said

and dreamed.

 

They did it to

themselves, but

what of us

the survivors?

 

Those who live

past the moment

of their death

 

Be it accident

or stupidity

or suicide

 

Those eyes stare

back and I

forget all

and nothing.

 

So I cry

and other

as well for

memories gone

but remembered

 

 

but not up front

but behind

the mask

we put up

 

hope it will

stay there

but our

makeup runs

and the pain

comes through.

 

Dinner anyone?

 

Mike

2006

 

Weird how the death of someone, will haunt you for years. For Eugene Dalilak, Everett Dick, Bon Tate, Karen, Karl and others I still find hard to remember, or name, or even remember their names, but one day the pain will back to the game, and we can deal with things.

 -----------

P-Scar on Scar

 

Scars on scars

until all is

scar tissue

raised up and

cancerous

full of pus

and bleeding

blood and pus.

 

Mike

2008?

DEAREST CHRIST:

 

Please forgive them

for who they are

For they are what

they hate the most.

they asked for love,

and accept hate instead.

These beings call human

but far from humane.

 

They blame God

for being cruel

and angry but they

often do it to

themselves.

 

Hurt, pain, manipulate,

and drama. Please

forgive them for just

being what they hate most

 

Human.

 

Mike

2006

 

P-Morgoti:

 

A horse alive but dead a rider riding slumped

over, over a plain of skulls and dead strewn

around, or semblance of life is all you see..

 

Rider comes closer and you see the horse is

not living but not dead, but someplace in

between or parody of life it stands there

with rider, sitting rider with eyes dead

and lost, lost to the now, and the past,

or even future for each is just living.

 

Living a life that is not living, he knows

the pain of loss, not only life but of faith,

alone he stands, but not alone, for he is

crawling with life but not life, small and

nimble they are, they keep him alive even

when he no longer wishes to live.

 

Dead many times, some he remembers some he

forgets for the remembering is pain, to forget,

the only cure, or solution, as much as he feels

anything any more for his humanity was gone

long ago, how long no one knows for he has

lost the wish to keep time, just that this is

the now and he wishes to be dead to it, but can

not die, for they keep him alive if you can

call being more machine than man, living. Not

obvious, but they are there.

 

You look in his eyes, and all is dead, but

replaced by nothing for what is a man with out

hope, dreams and desires, emotions and the will

to live?

 

You look around and all that seems normal is not,

you realize with a start the trees, bushes and

animals all are dead, or some pale semblance of

life, for all are imperfect copies made for the

rider but he no longer cares, it is just there,

they just exist and he cares not.

 

No one else is here for all died ages ago, in

some thing the man knows of but not telling but knowing is madness as it is for he was the one who brought it about, in his pride, ignorance or just plain stupidity he let it go and all died from it, for all was consumed by it what it is is, all you need to see around to know but you can not see for you are not really here? or he is killing you eating your soul draining your life but he knows not is not conscious of it, for he no longer wants to know, blocked from his mind and memories is your passing, only that he keeps going not that he wants to keep going but he plods one foot in front of the other, or on the horse being he rides to the next victim, for he has died many times to be taken back to

living for they will not let his body die even if

his soul died an age ago.

 

Mike

2005

 

 

P-Faith and Fear:

Little rabbit run, run, run,

but to where for I am lost

kissed for memory short,

or no faith in self,

or just no one knows me

wants to know me,

or cares not to care,

and have faith in me.

Selfish, yes, but needing

help and guidance, a

direction and acceptance

to know where I am going

or can do, need do or just

that I did it and now

am loved and appreciated.

So family, and friends

peer and coworker.

Am I doing well, good,

with in limits and standard

or just lost again

with no direction

front or side or back,

lost in memory shorted out.

 

Why take chances, when

you know it will end the same

in a dead end, or not completed

or worse, no one respects

my needs and they demand

me to do their bidding

while my needs fall away.

Or just what was I doing,

I know I was doing something

but now, a month gone by

and I remember, but now to

late, and I fall into despair

or just hand cuffs, addiction

and homeless, and lost.

Nothing done, or completed

so why try, and no one knows

or cares, to help when

I need it, badly, so why try

and face depression and

deaths calling for self

destruction, so why even try.

When it will end up all the

same, dead and dismembered.

Or just not completed.

Mike Adams

2010

P-MASK:

 

A man

or women

A look

eyes dark

dead creepy

 

but hiding

but what

pain anger

love lost

trust abused

 

a little child

lost and abandoned

forced to be dark

to hate all

to force all away

by eyes dark

and dead.

 

2006

still working on but got to find more fun things to write about.

P-Martha

Dear Martha, Humpy Mumpy

Why you have to die

Irony is all I can say.

Tragedy and anger

brother dead

guilt or just

grief over whelming

anger and pain

To lovely to be normal.

Used by others to be

accepted or mule.

Drugs, alcohol

travel and abortions

but in the end the

irony is, to die.

But by boy friend

after giving birth

Finally of a child

after giving up

so many they say.

So is the Irony

and tragedy of

your life. Anger

shown when drunk

but now sober,

but to little

to late or just

expressed by

Not much to say

mental or just

hurting unending

but brought out

when drunk

What can be said

Just good bye

little one

My Humpy Mumpy

Loved you

not for your

looks but for

your friendship

I am sorry I was

not a better friend

for in the end

we failed you

us all, by not

being better.

Sorry.

Mike

2009

P-DADDY WHY

Daddy, why you abuse me

Why you share me with your friends

doing things I know mommy would

not do for you.

Doing things sexual that is wrong

but you force me to do it all.

But when all is done, you beat me

abuse me, and share me in ways sick

and twisted and with one swing you end

it all, with your bat, to keep me quiet.

I scream NO, but to no avail now

I am back to find revenge and bring

you sick fuck down and make you pay

for what you did to me to brother

and others in your need for control

or just to feel good for being in power,

but in the end you was weak and sick.

So here you go, take it up the ass

in some prison and know how it

feels to be used, abused and taken

away, and have no control and

trust abused.

You took my trust, my life, my

future all for your twisted needs.

So enjoy, as I get the last laugh

as I grin and watch. Love turned

to hate and hate turned to you.

Mike

2006

For friends of mine abused by their parents/siblings and not believed.

P-Lost Sunshine

Here I sit, my head in my hands,

wondering how the day has gone away,

how I lost her, and never noticed til

now that she was gone, my sunshine,

my life my dreams is gone, and I know

not when she was gone, just that she is gone..

Oh to scream, would it do well to scream,

or just stand here bleeding of wounds

inflicted, self or others, need it not

matter? For I die slow and lonely, with

blood seeping out from wounds a plenty,

so should I scream, or just die..

Mike Adams

2005

P-Beat Me More:

beat me,

whip me,

love me,

leave me

for dead,

never

forget me.

beat me,

whip me,

suck me

fuck me,

but love it

all the same..

hold me,

use me,

tease and

please me,

but never

say good bye

Mike

200?

Beat Me More (added version):

Beat me, whip me, love me, leave me for dead, but never forget me. Beat me, whip me, suck me fuck me, but love it all the same. hold me, use me, tease and please me, but never say good bye for now, is our time, our place, our moment in the sun or just to show each other the pleasures of the spirit and flesh are as one, combined and totally in line, and harmonized extreme..

Mike

2005

P-Beat Me

beat me, whip me,

tie me to the bed,

love me, leave me,

hit me, scare me,

leave me for dead..

Mike

2005

(work long in progress, many versus)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P-LANTERN:

A Lantern burning bright take the anger from my sight

remove this man who beats me so and make him pay for all to know That I am dead and all shall know that he took me and destroyed me slowly with word and threats of hands and fist and just control with money, and emotions foul and conniving

A lantern was held up in loving hands of family and friends

but how to go to it or even leave the darkness behind, to stay and be controlled and beaten but its all I know? He loves me, just does not know how to show it, or some crap like that or is it just a little girl, in the dark, alone and no help to guide her There must be more a safe place to be to find another better for you someone to not hit you abuse you, and use you to not be controlled and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.

Held down and kept down controlled by words and thoughts and arms strong or just kept like an animal not loved but used abused most foul. A spirit dead from years of mental anguish or just not loved or not pretty enough or of drugs, and alcohol. some inside and some outside.

 

 

Lack of respect for self

lack of joy in ones blessing to leave the darkness

and take a small step but that step is agony for will he find me

hurt me, beat me, abuse me tease me, let me go and find

me and bring me back like some animal or worse, I go back to him

for he is all I know, all I have known, and I fear all I will know.

But there is more, or is this just a dream, a dream that is fading

by the hours and days.. I am trapped but held here not

by force, but by my own fear?.

Or just insecure of my blessing

and beauty and knowing I am worth more than this crap.

I am not a trophy my children are not to be harmed but they are

hurt by mommy’s beatings.

Why do I go back but how to leave, no money, no place to go, he will hunt me down and bring me back with friends, that will help him and I have none? Where shall I go, who will I be with, where will my children go and be safe God he has a knife and I have to run but where?

To the lantern held high and bright by loving and knowing hands, who take you in and hold the darkness at bay, and help you heal wounds deep and numbing but always there.

Mike Adams

2006

Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.

 

 

 

P-Five Percent:

A room, cave, dark and dreary.

a chair rises up but not to the sky,

but to cloths, or to a human,

figure in dirty clothes, alive

or dead? hard to tell, all you

can see  is the cloths, figure there

now  and later, lost in dreams or

darkness  boozed up and lost

in a world long dead and lost.

Abandoned by all but others

of like nature and a bartender

thirsting for their money but

not for their lives.

A heap of what is flesh and bone.

Of rags and cloths unwashed.

A smell of urine and booze,

and body unwashed for weeks.

A being crumpled on stool,

often for hours unending

until closing and thrown out

to fend for self in a cold

dark world, hoping to find

warmth and comfort, but

not likely, for all are done

with them, for they are

chronic in their nature,

unwilling or unable to change

hopeless drunks or players

of games of chance.

Pull tabs fall below them on

the floor in a heap, as

the money they get, or

have falls into a bars till.

A drink done many times

in front, and will there

be money for another

and another, to might as

well have a straw into a

bottle with no bottom.

For all hope is gone,

brain is dead, liver wants

relief and smells of it.

Stench smelled from feet away

Face cragged and suffering from

decades of neglect.

Eyes dead to the world, mouth

drooling booze, and puke

Chronic or just plain terminal

Once alive, but now just waiting to die.

Slow and painful, all cast away

for family is done with them

for they are selfish,

or just lost. Lost to a world

uncaring or caring but unable to

help, for its hard to lead them

away from the water of death

they crave, and death style.

In places named for holy,

speed and northern, they rot

slowly and end up homeless

and forgotten and dead.

Dead slow, or suicidal,

all is the same, for its

self destruction all the same.

Nights of sleeping with

persons just for booze.

A place to stay, a life of

degradation and prostitution

and abuse, molested and used.

So in this, I say, who cares

for the five percent?

Detox, and shelter?

Police and ambulance?

Family who throws them out?

Mike Adams

2010

Sorry been working on a poem, about a person or what is left of a person, after years of living in a local bar.. homeless, lost, and forgotten, nearly dead, well, sadly many go there and stay there..

the hidden 5% or maybe the 5% many see but not see past to the 95% who are sober and clean and happy?

PAIN:

Daggers and Renderings:

The agony, my heart, be still my beating bleeding heart, for the dagger she rams home is one of pain, and agony most dear, with death the result.. the pain, oh the pain.. Drive it home, oh sweat dagger of agony

sharp and pain divine..

Render my heart, with your pens aflame, show its true measure and fame, love it or leave it, but never forget it, for in the picture, much is said of my heart..

In the rendering is the finding, to vision of my soul, laid bare for you to see, or other in eternity.

Mike Adams

2004

====

P-God is Dead

 

Hero, or villain

Saint or demon

God or Devil

Mike

2009

not finished

 

(got some ideas but ... Just seen Watchman so ..

P-We Are Borg  (I am BORG)

 

Alive but dead

Mind gone

resistance lost

burned out

lost and given

up to the masses

of the past

and social

pressures

or just forced

out forgotten

for sanity

or just numb.

 

Now just

we are borg

and you will

be soon joined

in our union

of mindless

thoughtless

soul less beings

collective

and all dreams

dead, with our

joined dream

over all

all well be

like us, no

freedom, or

separate thought

for choice

burned out

from the body

total, all joined

as cells of the

body collected.

 

Who you were is now US!

 

Mike

2009

 

BAGGAGE:

P-Banshee Run

A banshee screams into the night,

Up from my bed I do jump

where, when, who, how

as cloths jump on to my frame

as I say good bye and run into

the night duty call or just

a night. Running, across

ground icy, slippy and

dangerous but I run

like a mad man, for

someone dies tonight

or not, I hope for my

time is spent to get

their quick, safe, with

those who can do their best

to keep all alive.

Good the rig if warm

starts, all ready

connection, where

where and where, to

pick up quick on

on the way. Door open

and I am on my way.

Left, right, forward

on to the breach or just

make it so for others

There he or she is,

clothed like me

barely on running.

Jump inside, what we have

and on, lights flash or not

quiet night, so fast.

But keep it safe

There they are.

And in we go, with

cops help and firemen

too, we enter, what

to find. Scene Secure.

Fire or dangers human

helped to be gone.

Chief complaint,

cause and symptom

observed items

and allergies

drugs and issues

Blood pressure

observed issues

smell and touch

or just a twitch

Collar on, or splints

or bandages, IV in.

On board, but careful

one two three we go.

gurney on and comfy

for the cold can kill

into the ride we do go

run run run other times

splint, tape, four by four

or just morale support

On into the night to

place of healing I do hope

Doctors waiting, nurses to

cops taking statements

one two three to another

bed, and monitors

doctors working

nurses helping

bags pumping,

air in, nose or mouth

blood and fluids

warming up, and alive

not dead, and cold.

Heart pumping

lungs filling

bowels released

catheter in or not

drip drip drip

goes the meds,

saline and plasma.

Stitches if needed.

Alcohol suspected

Family there or not

or none, or next.

Bruises seen, sores

many, smells awful.

Cloths in a corner

Reports to do and

remember, for later

times and legal or

just what we miss

if anything?

Transport, ready

bag sled, and shred

papers, ready and comfy

escort here,

family said good

bye. Off to the port

we go, holding hand

all is well to the plane.

Thank you.

An on to the lands

below, for better care

for stable is okay

but more must happen

or does or just in case.

Sadly some do not

get so far, or hurts

abide and come.

Not all saved, it hurts

but grieve abides

guilt or just how?

Done better or at all?

Why, no trust of us

their friends or just

things happen?

Driving bad or drunk?

Issues of age or time

conditions come

not all live, some short

some long, but

Hearts give out, lungs

deflate, time is here

or just sugar low or high.

abuse, and pain, no will

to live or just ..

Mike

2009

 

The fun of driving ambulance.. Just remember when you hear a siren or see lights to pull over and let them pass, never know who they may be going to try to save.. Blue lights included, they are volunteers!

 

LIGHT:

P-Challenge me

Sit me down

know I exist

Give me more

than just platitudes

and sit in the corner

until I am done.

I Live

I love

I know

and see

See me

touch me

hear me

know me

Challenge me

never let me go

Mike

2006

-----

P-I Will

Beat me, I will

Whip me, I will

Hurt me, I will

Tease me, I will

I will over come

Mike

2007

---------

P-Of Youth (July 1998)

 Of youth, it is such a time

a time of love, of life

of exploring and such passions

strong and new, each to be explored

and often shared.

First love, first kiss, first time

alone with one you love and

desire strongly..

To fly like eagles high, and

never come down is the feel

of youth, it comes but once

and is often search for once

lost, for time creeps up and

takes it away so quickly

for time is a killer of us

all, so enjoy the youth and

explore the passions while

the time is now and love is

in the air. To carress you

and love you deeply, to share

secret thoughts and hidden

passions quite rare, to know

you deeply, to touch you in

ways only a lover can is

paradise in all its forms.

Mike Adams

1998?

Dedicated to Amy

 

-------------

The Grail:

I seem to ramble

from place to place,

never staying one

in any one place,

ever searching,

like a knight on quest,

for that grail oh so dear,

so close but oh so far,

almost in sight,

but never visible,

I go on and on,

until the end is here,

and it draws near,

and I can hear the calls

of angels sweet,

and I shall finally drink

of that cup,

so rich and rare a draught

it shall be,

for in the end,

the cup will hold life,

and life is so sweet,

and to know this,

I quest.

May 1998

Mike Adams

P-Ride the Wind

To ride the storm,

it flies in, filtering

my mind, rising me up and

into the sky to leave

all mortal things behind

and ride the wind, to feel

it lift me up, and thru me

changing me into a being of

air and light, and ride the

winds and feel all float away

and no long earth but now

air and fire.

Mike Adams

2011

ELDORADO (2003):

In the distance and far away i see a land of blue and gray On to the star light ride, onto Elderado by the morning we ride, horses grey, black and blue onto the dew of day we ride and find death on the door step and inside, so  we ride some more to catch the beast and drive it back and retake Eldorado..

Mike

2003

The Grail (1998):

I seem to ramble from place to place, never staying one in any one place, ever searching, like a knight on quest, for that grail oh so dear, so close but oh so far, almost in sight, but never visible, I go on and on, until the end is here, and it draws near, and I can hear the calls of angels sweet, and I shall finally drink of that cup, so rich and rare a draught it shall be, for in the end, the cup will hold life, and life is so sweet, and to know this, I quest.

 

Mike

1998

P-LADY OF LIGHT:

 

Her eyes do warm the soul,

to bring light to this darkness,

to break the shackles of depression

and anger, her eyes to pierce the gloom,

and break the chains that binds his soul

to the darkness.. She walks in grace,

down the stairs of his prison, to find him,

to cast away the darkness and the shadows,

all fall before her love and beauty,

not dying but reborn in joy and happiness..

She sees him, alone in his cell, dirty

and disgusting in his filth and degradation,

but she has but to touch him and it all

falls away like a dream once had, but

forgotten in the days before birth..

 

He stands up, his shackles fall away

as he reaches to her and holds her close. 

Two souls joined as one, together forever,

and no gloom can harm them in their love

and desires, for it is born of love shared

together, neither one above the other,

shared loves, passions, desires, hopes

and dreams.. together for an eternity

and a day, never apart even when not

together.. Bliss found and never lost..

For even past deaths door they go together,

forever and more.. 

 

Mike Adams

2005

 

P-BUDDIES:

Dear you are a poem, no words to be said to say it more, my dream, my love and lusts and desires, future and fate all in one.. what else can I say to show you my love?

It is deepening and expanding. I see you there and I feel good, more than from lust and desire but buddies..

Mike

200?

 

SLEEP: (2002):

Sleep is calling me like a lover caress, crying for me to come and lay  down  my head and pause but a while and for hours there after until morning comes and I awake to dawns light, and work..

Mike

2002

 

 

 

Butter Flies are Free: (1998):

Oh sweet butterfly, so like the wind you ride, to catch you is to know you but in this all I do is still you and hold you captive, butterflies are free, to know the currents of wind, to fly afar, never to be held by mortal hands. For in the holding is the tragedy, for what are dreams held but never let free.  (Written for Meg Obed a friend.)

 

P-Enjoy

 

Life ends quick.

Enjoy while you have it.

Friends come and go, all die.

So in the end, enjoy.

No get out of life free

No life after death

for this is all we have

to know and known

So enjoy while you can

for in the end what is life

but friends known

and sadly lost.

 

Mike

2008

 

P-Poets' Need

We know the feeling,

are we sexually enervated poets,

or are we just longing people,

do we need sex, or just love,

to be hugged, to be noticed,

appreciated, a smile or just

just a back rub.. A cuddle

a tease, or yes, wild mad

passionate  sex with some

one hot, or two.

Mike

2005

LOVE

My Muse: (04/1998)

What is my muse, you drive me from the deeps, and rise me to the heavens and beyond,

and then with no notice, you drive me back into the oceans deep and dark, to wonder why,

what did I do to deserve this torment, I who loves you more than anything, who is your lover

and fan beyond all others. Why do you torment me so, what did I do to deserve this, to taste

the life beyond the dark and forbidden oceans depth, to see the light and more, and then not to rest in its light, but crash down like a whale sounding back into the depths, cold and alone

once again..  Why are you so cruel my muse, what must I do to join you once again, and know your sweet caress? What? I have asked many a time, to have no answer, until you strike me like lighting and up I rise once again, to know the thrill and joy of rising, rising, higher and higher, with no care of what will happen once I have risen high, into the sky, I think of it not, for to know your scent, your touch, your inspiration is all I live for, for I have the hope that you will need me once again, and call on me, even if in a cruel state, I know you are mine, and I am yours forever more, until death takes me in the end, and I pray to be your lover more.. On to the end of time, and beyond.. For what am I, but yours, and you are mine, my muse, fast and cruel, but joyous beyond any drug of man. I scream for you, I live for you, I need you, thou you seem need me not, but what hope have I? What hope? I scream to the light high above unseen but remembered, what hope, a dim one yes, but still one.. So I sit hear in the dark, waiting, waiting, with memories of the light and you my muse.. Waiting for your call, your touch so sweet like the first loves caress, for who are you, but my first and now only love, for no women of women can call me like you do, can touch me like you do, can reach inside me and draw me out and up like you do..

 

What kiss born of mortal women can spur me on, up and up, into the heavens high, and make we wish for you my love. No mortal women is of such a beauty as you, what powers they have pale compared to you my lady love, my muse so like gossamer, fleeting like mist in mornings first caress. But leaving a taste for more, please my lady dearest call me, I plead, for without you my dear, I am nothing, but a mortal man, locked in mortal darkness, only with your touch can I extend beyond the mortal, and onto the immortal, only for your love do I live, I strive, I drive on into the dark once more, with sweet thoughts of you and the hope of you. So please come back my muse, I need you or I do die, a death untold, and slow, knowing the joy I once had with just the sight, to taste, the touch, the smell of you, but now I have nothing but bitter memories, of heavens bliss, and shame at the loss of you.

 

I can write more, but I have to sleep, for my muse has worn me out...

 

Boy I can be a real moronic sap. Mike Adams 2001

Last lines added 2001 or so, not sure, copied from 2nd edition

 

FRIENDS:

FRIENDSHIP (2005):

Friends, the dark days, the light day, the hard days, the nite times shared not out of lust, or desire, or even vice and degradation but out of love, of companions and times shared, love between two people, not of lust or some base desire, but out of the need to be social, to share moments, words, comments and vents or just hugs, and being there, to know others pains and help there, to see the pain in the others eyes and wish it gone, gone by sharing between two, not one alone.

 

Mike

2005

======

HAUNTED EYES::

Haunted eyes, like windows of the women, to see them pierce the gloom and into my soul, dumb I am struck by their beauty and depth of seeing.. To know how plain my world is with out those eye, piercing me hard and fast, loving but dangerously inviting. Seducing my soul to linger and captured eternally, never wanting to leave, for the joy of seeing, those eyes, those delicious haunted eyes, was all he needed and cared for, until death over took him, for the soul may need the eyes, but the body needs more than just eyes, but he died happy.

Mike

200?

 

(For Paige)

 

Friendship Dark:

Your a friend,

So hit me hard,

Beat me and,

treat me bad,

hate me and,

love me not.

I want love,

you give me hate,

I want affection,

you stab me hard,

hurt me in ways,

most sick,

So I sit here alone

and dead, and wonder,

why this gun,

is in my hand,

and I just have,

to think of you,

and know why.

Mike

200?

 

 CHILDREN:

My Little Man:

Oh my little man, across the world you are,

thou always close to me my little man,

no matter where you go No matter how old

you are, or how far you go you are always 

my lovely little man. To remember you,

and the memories we have shared the times

we have had, to see you fresh from me

in that hospital bed, oh what a site you

were so small, hardly big you were,

but you were mine. The first we took you

home to meet one and all, oh how they

cooed and cawed over you, but you were

still mine and I yours, your mother,

nothing can change that neither time or

distance can erase it you my son, 

my baby, my love, my hopes, my dreams and joys.

To hear you talk for the first time,

to see you crawl for the first time,

to see you walk for the first time.

To change your diapers for the first time,

god it stank, but I loved you then and now

and I changed them for you. The first time

you went potty by yourself how I glowed and 

learned at how proud you were that day.

To ride that new trike or bike and more, opps,

how you fell but up you came, oh how my heart

soared at how you grew, and now you are far away,

but always close, in my heart and memories,

in some scrap books and like as well,

fading slowly, but memories fresh to me.

Love you son, come back to me one day. Love Mom

Written for a friend and her nine year old so far away.

Mike Adams

8 September 1998.

For Audie Omiak, miss ya gift from God. Thinking about you almost every day.

 

My Little One:

My little one, don't cry

for I am there with you

if not in body, then in spirit.

For you are never far from

my thoughts and my being,

for when I brought you

into the world I knew it was

for the long haul, and

I have never had reasons

to regret that.

So please don't cry,

but think of me here

so far away but never

far from you.

Mike Adams

1998

------

Custody:

On to a plane of skulls

she does rides a horse

of color red, to smith

the bastard that she once bed,

but now divourced,

to claim her children two,

she ride thru hell on a pale horse,

to find the bastard

who stole them away,

and make his day, or,

twain his penis small..

Mike Adams

2002?

(twain = cut, cross or lengthwise)

For friends separated from their children.

UNCLASSIFIED SO FAR:

FATHER:

Father why you here, why you doing that,  what you here for,  why you touching me there,  who are your friends, what is oil to do  with what you are doing to me,  please don't touch, this is wrong,  what does this have to deal with faith.

Mike

200?

For victims.

-----------

P-I CHOOSE LIFE,

as I sit here in this chair,

I choose to live, and face

all before me alive, and

walk in the light of happiness,

joy and living people..

To walk the sunshine path

and let the past go away and

fall away.. and choose life!!

Mike Adams

2011

Thank you Flossie and your welcome Mom.

Still writing the above poem,  until I can write no more.

Copyright 1998 by Michael C. Adams

- Do not blame me for your problems - Joshua