[PhilThreeten] A Sigh of Relief – A Tinge of Disappointment

[PhilThreeten]

Every so often I get an opportunity to speak to groups of people. Sometimes, it’s within a church or church-like environment (i.e. amongst mostly believers). During those times, I get some stomach jitters. Usually these are not too bad because I know how to ‘fall back’ on shared terminology and past lessons if something goes wrong. I can pretty much dig myself out of most holes that I might get myself into in these environments.

At other times, though, I get a chance to speak to non-believers. These times bring on the jitters BIG time. I want to communicate the hope that I have in Jesus, the reality of our relationship together, and do it in a way that neither skimps on the truth nor loses the aspect of ‘good news.’ Not always an easy task to do, in my opinion. Some might say ‘Just proclaim it!’ but that doesn’t seem to comport with the finesse that Jesus, Peter, Paul and many others in scripture used when communicating to widely divergent groups of people. I think a proclamation of the gospel requires as personalized a presentation as possible and thus can’t ‘just be proclaimed.’

I practice every word for these events. Every nuance of what I will say, how I will say it – I get more meticulous for these events than almost anything else I do.

Thus, when I was asked recently to give a ‘faith message’ after a local sporting event, you can imagine the ramp up to this. Nine innings of good baseball completely wasted on me because my mind was on the post-ninth inning happenings. A great night out with my children and a good friend – not so much lost as much a glossed over. I didn’t enjoy the night at all because my mind was in constant preparation mode.

The announcement is made that if anyone wants to stay to hear testimonies and a faith message, to go behind the first base dugout. I head onto the field still preparing for what might happen not realizing I was completely unprepared for what would happen. Nothing happened. Not a single soul shows up behind the first base dugout. We wait. A second announcement is made. There does not seem to be any reconsideration from the crowd of people still in other parts of the stadium. No one shows.

And I let out a sigh of relief. The nervousness, the tension – it all instantly releases. Not in the same way as if I had delivered the message. The release is different. All of it – the preparation, the apprehension, the anxiety – it now all seems so…pointless. But I’m still relieved. Not so overwhelmed by relief that I don’t remember to look somewhat sullen to the person coordinating the event as she tells me that we should probably cancel. I think she sees through it.

And what is God thinking and feeling in all this? If my relationship with my children in any way reflects my relationship with Him, I would guess that there is a tinge of disappointment. I’ve been in those situations – I’m looking forward to some exciting event that my child will participate in. They are anxious about the whole event and when it is cancelled, they can hardly hide their relief. But I feel disappointed – not in them per se, as much as in the fact that somehow I’ve missed seeing a part of who they are come to life.

I realize it’s different with God – He knows all. There’s really not any part of me that He misses or doesn’t see. He knew this event wouldn’t happen so there probably shouldn’t be a sense that He ‘missed’ anything. But I still wondered as I walked back up into the stands - still relieved - what He must be feeling… does He take enjoyment from seeing parts of me come to life the same way I do with my kids?

Categories: Living

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Posted by PhilThreeten to PhilThreeten at 8/29/2006 11:06:00 AM