Re: Movie Making! Pro review of script.
Knapp
to make a Traveller movie also but using film and real people. He read
the script (the one with all my comments, I don't think he knew that
bit) and this is what he said. I think he had some great insights and
he has made some movies before.
Hope everyone is doing well. Long time no hear.
Douglas
On Thu, Aug 28, 2008 at 5:20 PM, Todd Bradley <to...@toddbradley.com> wrote:
> OK, here are my basic thoughts on the script:
>
> 1) Are we able to see people's faces through the helmet visors? If
> not, it makes it really difficult to figure out who's who since we
> have no visual clue about who's talking. The audience needs to see
> faces in order to make a bond with characters.
>
> 2) "little babe" is a pretty strange thing to call Fiona. Why does
> Sherul use such weird language?
>
> 3) Are we supposed to hate the captain? From the script I read, he
> seems like a despicable character, and it's hard to understand why
> anyone would stay on his crew, much less show any signs of loyalty to
> him. Speaking of which, who is the hero of this story? At first I
> thought it was supposed to be the captain, but he doesn't act like a
> hero. Then I thought maybe it's going to be Fiona, but she's
> portrayed (in this scene) as pretty helpless. So I'm not sure who the
> hero is. Which character are we in the audience supposed to most
> associate with?
>
> 4) Regarding the comment of "Why are fighters so scary?"...Who cares?
> It sounds scary, and the character is obviously scared. That's all we
> need to know.
>
> 5) For these exterior shots outside the ship, how are we supposed to
> know who's who? For instance, the script says stuff like "MATTY (in
> skin suit), fixed by safety line..." How do we know it's Matty? Is
> the name written on the suit?
>
> 6) After Morris, Matty, and Fiona come aboard, does the bay door
> close? Does the jump happen with the bay door open?
>
> 7) What in the world is "with all the hormones and stuff" supposed to
> mean? How old is Fiona? I thought she was a girl. And how old is
> Matty? Is the scene between them in Crew Quarters supposed to show
> sexual tension? If so, you need to explain that they're of roughly
> the same age. I got the impression Fiona was like 10, and Matty (the
> engineer, right?) was like 30-ish. But then Fiona has the line
> "Surprisingly good" which makes her sound to me like an adult (not a
> child). So you definitely need to describe the approximate ages of
> these characters.
>
> 8) Overall, the script suffers from having too many questions and
> comments. From all the back-and-forth comments, I get the impression
> this was written by committee. So get rid of all the extraneous
> commentary and pare it down to the story, so it's easier to read.
> Speaking of which, converting it into standard screenplay format would
> help, too, and will definitely make it easier on you when it comes
> time to add scene numbers.
>
>
> So those are my thoughts from the first couple of reads. Hope they
> are helpful to you. Let me know if any of my feedback didn't make
> sense. And best wishes in bringing the project to fruition.
>
>
> Thanks,
> Todd.
--
Douglas E Knapp