THIS is TRUE #814: 17 January
This is True
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THIS is TRUE: 17 January 2010 Copyright http://www.thisistrue.com
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MISTAKES ARE EXTRA BIG IN TEXAS: A jewelry store burglary in Conroe,
Texas, didn't quite go as planned. First, the lookout failed to get the
burglar alarm deactivated, and as police converged on the place after
being summoned by the alarm, the two men inside came out to find
officers waiting instead of their getaway driver -- who had fallen
asleep nearby. In addition to burglary, the four were charged with
"engaging in organized criminal activity." (Houston Chronicle) ...The
latter rap should be pretty darned easy to beat.
SEAL THEIR FATE: Iowa state representative Darrell Hanson didn't get his
full agenda accomplished during his time in office. Hanson had taken up
the cause of former state Sen. Willard Hansen to amend the state
Constitution's language describing the state seal. Section 1A.1
describes the seal as including a depiction of a "citizen soldier, with
a plow in his rear, supporting the American flag and liberty cap with
his right hand, and his gun with his left," among other requirements.
"Willard always felt sorry for the poor guy described as 'the citizen
soldier, with a plow in his rear'," Hanson said. "But his attempts to
change that language to 'with a plow behind him' never went anywhere."
Hanson's efforts also failed. (Des Moines Register) ...There was public
support to change the wording to a "politician with his head up his
rear," but no representatives got behind that, either.
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BUILT-IN FLASH: Two 17-year-old girls taking pictures of a quarry in
Perth, Scotland, for a photography class were approached by a man who
"demanded" that they take his photo. The suspicious girls walked away
from the man, who then called out "How about this, then?" -- and they
looked back to see that he had dropped his pants. One of the quick-
thinking girls snapped photos for evidence with her cell phone. The man
realized what a bad idea that was and chased after them, and grabbed
the mobile to try to erase the shots. The girls managed to escape with
the phone, and police identified him from the photos. Ewan Brand, 49,
was sentenced to three years of probation, ordered to register as a sex
offender, and ordered to pay each girl 250 pounds (US$410) for their
distress. "It's usually a bit of fun," Brand complained in court,
adding "I didn't have my trousers down when I was running after them."
(Wee County News) ...It's official: he really is stupid.
FOR 30 PIECES OF SILVER: "I don't think I went too far," said Diane
Lyons, 31. When she discovered Shiane, her 6-year-old daughter, had
stolen a $3.11 pack of stickers from the Discount Drug Mart in
Carrollton, Ohio, Lyons called police on the girl. An officer gave the
girl a ride to the police station, then released her to her mother.
"You've got to catch them when they first start if they do something
wrong," Lyons said. She then put in for a $30 reward offered by the
store for turning in shoplifters -- but then decided against taking the
money since "People think that I set her up or something to get the
reward." (AP) ...Only the people who think about it for 5 seconds or
longer.
YES, WELL, CARRY ON: "Floor Collapses at Weight Watchers Meeting" --
London Times headline
DID YOU FIND an error? See http://www.thisistrue.com/errata.html
SEVERAL OF THE Premium subscribers, upon reading the "flasher" story,
were astounded that I didn't say anything about the newspaper I used as
a source. "Wee County News"?! But yes indeed: that's really the name of
the paper. The historic county Clackmannan, Scotland, is the smallest
in Scotland -- and known therefore as the "Wee County". I didn't
mention it because I like it when readers find ...um... little details
like that for themselves. I *did* mention it HERE so that perhaps I
won't get hundreds of e-mails asking me why I didn't mention it....
THE OTHER HALF of this week's issue included an update on a story from
two years ago that's MORE weird than the original! The woman who likes
to call 911 when she gets drunk (and what the latest call was about).
The man who called 911 -- because he was hoping officers would give him
a ride to a bar. A case of assault ...with a deadly banjo?! And the odd
noises the church congregation heard, what they were, and who was
making them. The Premium edition is actually the SAME SIZE as the free
edition -- more stories and no upgrade pitches. Quit missing half the
best stuff: upgrade today at http://www.thisistrue.com/upgrade.html
o o o
ON STAGE WITH PENN & TELLER: Or, the sordid tale of my having been
exposed to Teller's bodily fluids.
If you prefer to read this from the web (where you can see the photos),
go to http://www.thisistrue.com/blog-on_stage_with_penn_teller.html
Teller, of course, is the "small, quiet" half of the Penn & Teller
illusionists ("magicians" if you must), and I went to see their show in
Las Vegas on Monday. Kit had never been to a show in Vegas, so we made
sure we had room in our schedule to go see one.
In 2005, thirty years after they first teamed up, Penn Jillette and
Teller got their own theater at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Vegas --
where we attended a conference this week. I've enjoyed Penn & Tellers'
TV appearances over the years, including their Showtime series --
entertainment designed to provoke thought after you're done being
outraged? How could I not like it!
We ended up in the 7th row: far enough back to get good perspective on
the entire stage, and still close enough to be able to see well.
It was a good show. Our seats were a bit pricey -- a little under $100
-- and the show left us with the showbiz ideal: "wanting more". But all
in all, it was a great show. Several tricks I figured out, others left
me perplexed. Their last trick of the evening -- catching a bullet --
was somewhere in-between.
As is often the case with P&T, they do their own twist on catching a
bullet. During the show they had called up various audience members to
assist, witness, or be duped. When it came to the final trick, Penn
asked if any members of the audience had firearms experience. I figured
there wouldn't be any duping going on with that, so I raised my hand --
I'm a former sheriff's deputy. Penn pointed at me to ask how much
experience I had. I said I still shoot, and was familiar with both
revolvers and pistols (I didn't bother mentioning rifles and shotguns;
this was obviously a handgun trick). He called me up for his side of
the stage, and a female cop for Teller's side. I presume the lady cop
did the same things I describe below.
Their big twist for this trick isn't that one shoots the bullet into
the other's mouth. That would just be so humdrum! No, they
simultaneously shoot bullets into each others' mouths! But first the
preliminaries. They laid an 18" strip of paper up the center of the
stage, front to back. Each of us was told to never step over the paper.
They didn't say why, but it was obvious enough to me: they don't want
any chance of us looking like confederates who might take something
across the stage. Each of us had a microphone so the audience could
hear us. I noticed that if I said something that wasn't exactly on
queue (the "queue" being Penn's specific questions), my voice didn't
come through. I guess they don't want us blurting out jokes or
something: it was very clear who the entertainers on that stage were to
be!
Each of us started with inspecting the weapons: Penn's was a real
stainless steel Colt Python .357 magnum with a 6" barrel. Teller's is
similar, but with a 4" barrel. (Hey, give him a break! He's a smaller
guy!) The only real modification was that both guns were equipped with
laser sights so the audience could see where they were aiming. I've
never had a Colt myself, but I know them and have fired them before. My
first duty weapon was a Smith & Wesson Model 19 -- a similar, competing
.357 magnum.
Next, Penn opened a "wallet" of .357 cartridges. A "cartridge" is what
you load a gun with, not a "bullet". A cartridge starts with a hollow
shell that's "plugged" at the bottom with a primer, which sparks when
the firing pin hits it and ignites the gunpowder inside the shell. The
open end is capped with the actual bullet, or the part that comes out
of the gun when it's fired. The wallet had about 24 of them in it, and
Penn had me pull one of them at random. He asked me to inspect it. It
had a round-nosed copper-clad bullet, an intact primer, and when I
shook it to my ear I could hear the powder shaking inside (all are
"correct" for a live round). Penn asked me to choose one of the three
colors of Sharpie pens he was holding, and asked me to put my initials
on the bullet.
He then asked if I wanted a different color Sharpie to write something
on the shell. I took another one and wrote "Penn" and "Teller" on the
shell, and then he had me watch as he slowly placed it into the gun's
cylinder, rotated it in (so that the cartridge would be the next to
fire -- the rest of the cylinder remained empty), locked the cylinder
into place (and had me observe the cartridge was still there -- you
can, in fact, normally see the rim). Each then loudly dropped their gun
into metal brackets screwed to the top of stools sitting on the stage,
in plain view of the audience. (It strikes me as funny that this might
be one of the tasks of misdirection ...or might be fake misdirection --
a mismisdirection!)
On the stage were two metal stands holding a sheet of glass, about
8x10". Real glass? Yep: I tapped my ring on it. They put the glass
stands into place -- he explained they would each shoot through a sheet
of glass, which would presumably prove the guns weren't loaded with
blanks.
Penn then asked us both to exit the stage ("insurance company rules,"
he explained; an usher put me into a seat in the front row). Those same
eagle-eyed ushers, by the way, kept my friends in the audience from
taking any photos of me onstage, in case you wondered. Oh well!
Penn and Teller each donned a pair of goggles, a helmet, and a bullet-
proof vest, and got into position.
Teller took aim first, running the laser across the stage, up Penn's
leg, pausing briefly on one spot for the audience to laugh, and then
homed in on Penn's mouth. (Penn doesn't really need a gun pointed at
his mouth: he shoots his mouth off all the time without any help
whatsoever.) Then Penn similarly took aim. The audience's queue was
"EARS!" -- plug them. Penn yelled "EARS!" and within a second both
fired simultaneously. Slurring his words from the bullet between his
teeth, Penn immediately (well, as soon as the applause died down)
called me and the cop back onstage.
He asked the lady officer to step over (but don't cross the yellow
paper!), and spit the bullet into her hand. Are those your initials?
Yep. He ejected the spent shell from his Colt; is that the picture you
drew there? Yes. Then I was asked to cross over to Teller, and
similarly the bullet I had put my initials on landed in my hand. Are
those your initials? Yep. He ejected the shell; is that what I wrote on
it? Penn asked. Indeed so.
I sniffed the shell: it did smell like burnt gunpowder. He asked if we
could see marks on the bullets -- rifling from the barrel. I don't
recall what I said; the lady cop said yes. Even if I did say yes, my
answer now is no: what I could see were crimp marks from seating the
bullet into the shell (see photo on the blog copy of this).
Is the glass really broken? Yes: the one on my side had a hole through
it; rather than stick my finger in it, I slid the empty shell through
the hole. The other sheet of glass was pretty much shot in half.
Penn shook my hand, then asked me to step over and shake Teller's, and
he thanked me when I did so. Yes, that's right: Teller's performing
persona does not speak to the audience, but he definitely does speak in
public, quietly gives stage directions to people from the audience,
thanks them, etc. And by the way: it's just Teller. He was born Raymond
Joseph Teller, but he legally changed his name. It's just Teller.
We were both allowed to keep our souvenirs and we returned to our
seats.
They took their bows, and raced out of the theater. I had heard that
they will stay out front for as long as necessary for everyone who
wants autographs to get them, and everyone who wants a photo taken with
either or both of them can get them. I hung back (I already had my 15
milliseconds of fame), and when the crowd emptied out only then did we
step up to get photos, which are posted on my blog.
Here's where people get dubious. OK, I confirmed those were my
initials, and then they cut off my microphone. The obvious question:
was it my writing on the bullet? Yes, it was. Definitely -- on both the
bullet and on the shell. There's no one backstage hearing that I chose
a blue Sharpie and wrote "RCC" on a different bullet. There was some
space after that, and I put a dash in too. That was there. And frankly,
no one can realistically imitate my scribbly writing, especially with
only a moment's notice.
Several of the audience members came up to me after the show to ask if
I was planted in the audience (nope! -- but if I was, would I admit
it?), or if they could see the bullet (yep!), and after getting photos
with both Penn and Teller I handed each a pair of Get Out of Hell Free
cards, which both accepted and pocketed.
Kit and I had several friends with us, and they all wanted to know
(since I actually do have firearms experience): did they really shoot
the bullets into each others mouths? If so, how? My opinion is... only
on my blog! I don't want to "ruin" it for anyone, so see the blog copy
of this entry for the conclusion, as well as the several photos:
http://www.thisistrue.com/blog-on_stage_with_penn_teller.html
IN ANOTHER BLOG POST from while we were gone, we had to figure out
remotely why our emergency power failed (while the mains were still
on). The inescapable conclusion: the cats did it! (Yeah, really!)
http://www.thisistrue.com/blog-mystery_power_outage.html
We were in Vegas to attend the "Affiliate Summit". The twice-yearly
event is probably the biggest gatherings of online businesspeople held.
They have one in New York or vicinity each August, and one in Vegas
each January, and it's an amazing gathering: there were 4,125 attendees
at this week's! I come to network and get new ideas from the many
presentations. If you're doing business online (not just as an
"affiliate"), you should definitely check out the upcoming events:
http://www.AffiliateSummit.com
AMONG THE LATEST postings to Jumbo Joke: Tax Cuts: Democrat Style.
WARNING: This joke is GUARANTEED to offend some people; it's what an
imaginary Republican would say to explain Democratic tax cuts. On
Monday, the companion piece that's ALSO guaranteed to offend some: the
other side. If you want to be NOTIFIED when jokes are posted, there's a
sign-up form at the bottom of each joke. http://www.JumboJoke.com
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TEN YEARS AGO IN TRUE: Just how drunk did the Welsh accountant get? Very;
so much so he apologized in the newspaper. http://thisistrue.com/6992
And don't forget http://i.thisistrue.com for a new story every day on
your iPhone, BlackBerry, Android, or other web-enabled phone!
BONZER WEB SITE OF THE WEEK: http://www.WiredForBooks.org -- For more
than 10 years, many of the best writers of the English language found
their way to Don Swaim's CBS Radio studio in New York. The one-on-one
interviews typically lasted 30 to 45 minutes, and then had to be edited
down to a two-minute radio show. Wired for Books makes the full length
interviews publicly available for the first time. A project of the WOUB
Center for Public Media at Ohio University. Listen (in RealAudio
format) to the voices of many of the greatest writers of the twentieth
century.
-- Bonzer Sites archive: http://www.BonzerSites.com
NO HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE this week due to my travel. But there are a lot
you missed in the HU Archive: http://www.HonoraryUnsubscribe.com
YOU CAN REALLY HELP TRUE: Send this issue (in its entirety, please) to a
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newsletter, right? Pass the favor on! Thanks.
TIRED OF BEING TOLD WHERE TO GO? "Get Out of Hell Free" with our popular
and (in?)famous cards, created in response to a reader telling Randy he
was doomed. http://www.GOOHF.com
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