News of the Weird, March 16, 2008
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* India's middle class is humming with "brand freaks" obsessed
with luxury labels like Prada and Louis Vuitton, according to a
February Washington Post dispatch, even though more than half
the country lives in "abject poverty" (and even though Gandhi got
along fine with just a loincloth!). Said one super-consumer, "I'll
spend my whole salary for a really swank brand and eat [steamed
rice cakes] for the rest of the month." According to the newly-
launched India edition of Vogue, the country's "Me Culture" has
taken over, where, on an Ahmadabad road underneath towering
billboards for Tag Heuer and Mont Blanc pens, barefoot kids with
begging bowls tap on car windows. Though animal rights activists
estimate that the country has more uncared-for dogs on the streets
than any other in the world, Gucci dog bowl are for sale in New
Delhi. [Washington Post, 2-11-08]
News That Sounds Like a Joke
* Toronto police announced in February that they had arrested the
man who had stolen the backhoe with the intention of driving it to
a car wash in order to break down a wall and get at the facility's
coin machine. The call to police came from a snow plow that was
hot on the backhoe's heels, with the driver having diverted from
his route to chase the thief. [Toronto Star, 2-13-08]
* Working its way through multimillion-dollar proposals for
naming rights on campus buildings in exchange for donations, the
University of Colorado decided in January to accept the offer of
venture capitalist Brad Feld, who made a $25,000 donation to the
school in exchange for having a second-floor men's room named
for him in a campus technology building. [Boulder Daily Camera,
1-25-08]
Government in Action
* Generous Public Servants: (1) Two Atlanta-area schools began a
pilot program in January paying students $8 an hour, plus a
possible performance bonus, to study math and science harder in
special study halls (as an alternative for students whose financial
need forces them into after-school jobs). (2) The Times of London
reported in January that the British government, in considering
programs to reduce the number of overweight children, is studying
one option of handing out shopping vouchers to kids who lose
weight and keep it off. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 1-22-08]
[The Times (London), 1-24-08]
* Two ex-employees of Sioux Manufacturing Corp. revealed in a
2006 whistle-blower lawsuit that the company had been shorting
the quality of the Kevlar in more than two million combat helmets
sold to the Pentagon during 1994-2006, and in February 2008,
Sioux agreed to pay $2 million to settle the dispute. The company
did not contest that the Kevlar threading was lighter than the
contract required, but the Pentagon said it knew of no troop
injuries linked to the substandard threading. In August 2007,
however, while the Pentagon was still investigating, the U.S. Air
Force nonetheless contracted with Sioux to produce new Kevlar
combat helmets. [Air Force Times, 2-18-08]
Great Art!
* In December, Edmonton, Alberta, tattoo artist Lane Jensen
augmented the inked caricature of a buxom cowgirl on his own left
calf with silicone "implants" in the skin under where the woman's
breasts are. However, within two weeks, the fluid went astray and
had to be drained. Jensen said some bodies just reject breast
implants. "I guess my girl wasn't meant to have 3-D breasts."
[Edmonton Sun, 2-18-08]
* In a February 8th program, the Hamas-controlled Gaza television
channel Al-Aksa introduced a third cartoon animal mascot for its
campaign of resistance against Israelis, according to a February
dispatch in London's Daily Mail. Following "Farfur" (a Mickey
Mouse-lookalike who, according to storyline, was eventually
assassinated by an Israeli soldier) and "Nahul" (a bee who was
killed when he could not get medical treatment after an Israeli
attack), the new character is "Assud," a Bugs Bunny-lookalike who
does not say, "What's up, Doc?" but rather, "I will eat Jews."
[Haaretz, 2-13-08; Independent Media Review Analysis (Kfar
Sava, Israel), 2-11-08]
Police Blotter
* Arrest Sheet: (1) A 17-year-old man was arrested in January and
charged with burglary in Tempe, Ariz., based on a victim's
description, which included the observation that the man was
wearing "monkey-printed pajamas" during the crime. (2) William
Torres, 21, was arrested in Allentown, Pa., and charged in
connection with two homicides; he was taken into custody after a
Friday afternoon traffic stop in January, wearing a hooded
sweatshirt, pajama bottoms, and fuzzy slippers with a lion's face.
[Arizona State Web Devil, 1-23-08] [Morning Call (Allentown), 1-
26-08]
* Petty Criminals: A 43-year-old alleged shoplifter was arrested in
Newburgh, N.Y., in January with 42 items under his clothes as he
left a store, but the items' total value was only $132.07. And in
December, Wesley Gregory, 52, who works on parking meters for
the city of Greensboro, N.C., was arrested and charged with
embezzling nickels, dimes, and quarters for five years, with his
"haul" averaging about $10 a week. [Poughkeepsie (N.Y.) Journal,
1-5-08] [Greensboro News-Record, 12-19-07]
People Different From Us
* James Bowring, 45, told a court in Tauranga, New Zealand, in
February that he wants to reconcile with his son, Jacob, 18, despite
James's recent conviction for trying to run Jacob over in his car at
50 mph (after making a U-turn and jumping a curb to get at him).
James admitted he was upset at Jacob for calling him a
"pedophile," following James's having wooed and won over
Jacob's 18-year-old girlfriend and gotten her pregnant. (James
admitted that just before making that U-turn, he had dropped off a
14-year-old girl he was giving a ride to.) Subsequently, a judge
sentenced James to five months' home detention in the bus he lives
in with the pregnant girlfriend. [Dominion Post (Wellington), 2-27-
08, 2-10-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* Should've Left Well-Enough Alone: (1) Eric Livers, 20, a
wanted man in Cheyenne, Wyo., fled apparently scot-free to
Portsmouth, N.H., but could not resist calling his former Wyoming
employer to ask that his final paycheck be mailed to his New
Hampshire address. The employer called authorities, and
Portsmouth police picked up Livers in February. (2) Jeremy Hart,
24, was arrested in Topsham, Mass., in December after allegedly
burglarizing a home while the residents were asleep. As Hart was
leaving, according to police, he hit a snowbank in the driveway,
causing the car to stall and Hart to become so cold that he
sheepishly walked back, rang the victims' doorbell, and asked if he
could come in and get warm. (The residents, aware that Hart had
just been in their house, had already called police.) [Portsmouth
Herald-AP, 2-20-08] [Times Record (Brunswick, Maine), 12-27-
07]
Recurring Themes
* Many inmates file lawsuits over the allegedly poor quality of
prison food, but noteworthy was the one recently filed by Missouri
inmate Norman Lee Toler (serving 10 years for statutory rape),
demanding kosher food as required by his devout Judaism, even
though, in a previous prison stint, he was a notorious Adolf Hitler
sympathizer with Nazi tattoos and who amassed white supremacist
photos and literature. Said a spokesman for the state attorney
general, "We have serious factual doubts about . . . his sincerity."
[Chicago Sun-Times, 1-5-08] [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 1-5-08]
Armed and Clumsy (all-new)
* More people who accidentally shot themselves recently:
A man, 20, showing off to friends after miscounting bullets, fatally
shot himself in the head (Dallas, Tex., January). A man who said
he didn't feel safe walking his dog unless he had his gun with him,
wounded himself on a walk (Palm Bay, Fla., February). A
convenience-store robber, 25, shot himself in the genitals when
stuffing the gun into his waistband (Kokomo, Ind., January). A
man, 26, checking on a disturbance near his apartment, shot
himself in the buttocks (Scottsdale, Ariz., December). An
insurance company employee, 47, who brings a gun every day to
hang in his cubicle, shot himself in both legs while handling it
(Lake Worth, Tex., October). A man, 26, shot himself in the head
while loading his gun at a firing range (Riverside, Calif.,
November). [Dallas Morning News, 1-26-08] [WKMG-TV
(Orlando), 2-6-08] [WRTV (Indianapolis), 1-15-08] [KVOA-TV
(Tucson)-AP, 12-13-07] [Star-Telegram (Fort Worth)], 10-30-07]
[Press-Enterprise (Riverside)], 11-24-07] .M038
Thanks This Week to Karen Kuras, Tom Barker, Sam
Gaines, Michael Lewyn, Gary Goldberg, Chip Gorman, Scott
Schrier, Roger Gulbransen, Kelvin Norton, Charles Thompson, and
Britt Browning, and to many finders of the Kokomo shooting, and
to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).