News of the Weird M524, April 23, 2017

[Chuck Shepherd]

WEIRDNUZ.M524 (News of the Weird, April 23, 2017)
by Chuck Shepherd

Copyright 2017 by Chuck Shepherd.  All rights reserved.

Lead Story

* A June 2016 police raid on David Jessen's Fresno County (Calif.)
farmhouse caused a $150,000 mess when sheriff's deputies and
Clovis Police Department officers "rescued" it from a trespassing
homeless man--with the massive destruction leading to Jessen's
lawsuit announced in March.  The misdemeanant had helped
himself to an ice cream bar and half a tomato, but was otherwise
"unarmed"; however, by the time the police standoff ended, the
"crime scene" included more than 50 cop cars, a SWAT team (and
backups), two helicopters, standby ambulances, a police robot, and
a crisis negotiation team.  Windows, walls, and wrought-iron doors
were destroyed; tear gas and a "flash bomb" were employed.
(Jessen suspects that the farmhouse's isolation enticed police to
decide that it presented an excellent training opportunity.)
[TechDirt, 3-13-2017]

Compelling Explanations

* "Pro-choice" activist Jessica Farrar (a Texas state legislator)
introduced a bill in March to create consistency between the state's
rigorous regulation of women's reproductive functions and those of
men (regulation which, by the way, in either case she calls
"invasive" and "unnecessary").  Because Texas's anti-abortion laws
highlight "procreation" as a crucial government interest, she
believes male use of erectile-dysfunction drugs should be regulated
as abortion is.   Under her bill, individual use of "Viagra" or
similar drugs must be preceded by "counseling" similar to that
required by abortion laws, and since male masturbation involves
the "wasting" of precious sperm cells, it, too, would require
"beforehand" counseling.  [Texas Tribune, 3-12-2017]

* Jason Sexton told KFSM-TV in Fort Smith, Ark., in April that he
alone had been digging the massive hole neighbors noticed, now
34 feet deep and with separate tunnels extending off of the main
hole.  Police had come to check it out, since it was on another
person's private property (and not the city's, which Sexton had
assumed).  He said he had been digging off and on for three years
to get an answer to whether "the Spanish" had been in Fort Smith
centuries ago, mining iron, and, if so, the site should therefore be a
lucrative tourist destination.  Sexton said he felt he had to give his
explanation: "Nobody in their right mind," he said, "would dig a
hole [this big] for no reason."  [KFSM-TV, 4-13-2017]

Crime Report

* At a time of growing awareness that some people seem almost
addicted to their cell phones and instant 24/7 communication,
police in Brookfield, Wis., released surveillance photos of a
woman in the act of robbing banks on March 25th and 27th--while
standing at teller counters and talking on the phone during the
entire episodes.  Acting on a tip from the photos, police arrested
Sarah Kraus, 33, on March 28th.  [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 3-
29-2017]

* College activist Pablo Gomez Jr., 22, was arrested in Berkeley,
Calif., in March and charged with the brutal stabbing death of an
elementary school teacher.  Gomez, a senior at University of
California, Berkeley, is well-known on campus for insisting on a
gender identify for which (as an example) the pronoun "he" is an
inappropriate reference.  (Hence, "they" was charged with what is
so far the only homicide in Berkeley this year.) [San Jose Mercury
News, 3-27-2017]

* Paul Perry, Jr., 39, sound asleep behind the wheel of his car, with
motor running, at 6 a.m. on April 2nd, was in no position to talk
his way out of a DUI ticket but did offer a gentle challenge to the
Youngstown, Ohio, police officer.  Several times, according to the
police report, Perry offered to "thumb wrestle" the officer to get out
of the ticket.  From the report: "Perry was advised officers would
not thumb-wrestle him."  [Youngstown Vindicator, 4-4-2017]

* Wait, What?  A father, 43, and his son, 22, argued on April 9th
about who would walk the dog at their home on Chicago's South
Side.  They apparently thought to settle the issue with a gunfight,
and police, who recovered the two weapons, said both men
received multiple wounds.  The son was killed, and the father was
in critical condition.  [WLS-TV (Chicago), 4-10-2017]

Leading Economic Indicators

* The eight elite Ivy League universities are better thought of as
"hedge fund[s] with classes," according to a March report by the
activist Open The Books, and thus there is little reason for
taxpayers to have given them the more than $41 billion in grants
and entitlements they received over a recent six-year period.  The
schools are already legendary for their $119 billion "endowments"
(based on donations from alumni and aggressive investment).
Those endowments are enough, according to Open The Books, that
(assuming donations continue to arrive at the same pace) schools
could provide free tuition to every student in the eight schools--in
perpetuity.  (Even if no new donations are made, the eight schools
could provide such free tuition for 51 years.)  [Fox News, 3-29-
2017]

Ironies

* Federico Musto was suspected recently by Wired.com of
audaciously inventing academic credentials to help land his job as
CEO of the company Arduino (a circuit-board manufacturer
popular in the computer industry among coders creating, among
other things, robots and motion detectors).  Arduino's work is
"open source"--creating hardware that others, by design, exploit
and modify for their own loftier projects.  It might thus be said that
Musto's claimed academic "accomplishments" (his so-called MBA
from New York University and claimed Ph.D from MIT) are
themselves the product of his having "open-sourced" his own,
previously modest curriculum vitae. [Wired.com, 4-16-2017]

Bright Ideas

* In February, local government and sexual-assault critics unveiled
a consciousness-raising exhibit on Mexico City's trains:  a plastic
seat onto which is subtly molded contours of a male body, except
with genitals sharply exposed.  (Men supposedly have been spotted
absent-mindedly lowering themselves onto the seat only to leap up
in shock.)  A note on the floor by the body read (in Spanish):  "It's
uncomfortable to sit here, but that's nothing compared to the sexual
violence suffered by women on their commute." [New York
Times, 3-31-2017]

The Foreign Press

* (1) Village police in Bangladesh arrested Yasin Byapari, 45, in
January on the complaint of his wife--after she had learned that she
was not, as he had told her, his second spouse but rather the 25th of
his 28.  (Police found him at the home of Number 27.)  The
accuser said she had, through sleuthing, tracked down 17 of her
"competitors."  (2) A male schoolteacher reported in February that
he had been kidnaped by four women near Lupane, Zimbabwe,
drugged with a beverage, and sexually assaulted.  Police set up
roadblocks and arrested three women with 31 condoms full of
semen in what appears to be a return of the "sperm bandits" said to
operate in the area.  [BDNews24 (Dhaka), 1-24-2017] [Daily Mail
(London) via MyNewsGH (Ghana), 3-1-2017]

The Passing Parade

* (1) In same-day competition in March, perennial Guinness Book
records jockeys Zoe L'Amore and Ashrita Furman squared off over
the record for stopping blades on an electric table fan the most
times in one minute using only their tongues.  On Italian TV,
L'Amore stopped blades 32 times, but Furman, at a different venue,
later stopped 35.  (2) Norway unseated Denmark as the world's
"happiest" country, according to the UN's Sustainable
Development Solutions Network.  (There was no word on whether
Denmark was unhappy about losing the top spot.)  [UPI News, 3-
31-2017] [Reuters, 3-20-2017]

A News of the Weird Classic (August 2013)
                                  
* The upscale restaurant at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art
announced in August [2013] that it would soon add a 20-item
selection of waters from around the world, priced at from $8 to $16
a bottle (and a $12 "tasting menu").  The restaurant's manager,
Martin Riese, who is a renowned water gourmet, will sell his own
California-made 9OH2O (from "limited editions of 10,000
individually numbered glass bottles" at $14 each).  Riese has been
certified as a "Water Sommelier" by the German Mineral Water
Association.  [Ray's & Stark restaurant press release via
Eater.com, 8-6-2013]

     Thanks This Week to Jim Weber, Stan Kaplan, and "John
Smith," and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

                     ****
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